Search the Perseus Catalog for:

← Previous Next →

XIX

Aeacus

Protesilaus

Menelaus

Paris

Aeacus

Now then, Protesilaus, what do you mean by assaulting and throttling Helen?

Protesilaus

Why, it was all her fault that I died, leaving my house half built, and my bride a widow.

Aeacus

You should blame Menelaus, for taking you all to Troy after such a light-o’-love.

Protesilaus

That is true; he shall answer it.

Menelaus

No, no, my dear sir; Paris surely is the man; he outraged all rights in carrying off his host’s wife with him. He deserves throttling, if you like, and not from you only, but from Greeks and barbarians as well, for all the deaths he brought upon them,

Protesilaus

Ah, now I have it. Here, you—you Paris! you shall not escape my clutches,

Paris

Oh, come, sir, you will never wrong one of the same gentle craft as yourself. Am I not a lover too, and a subject of your deity? against love you know (with the best will in the world) how vain it is to strive; ’tis a spirit that draws us whither it will.

Protesilaus

There is reason in that. Oh, would that I had Love himself here in these hands!

Aeacus

Permit me to charge myself with his defence. He does not absolutely deny his responsibility for Paris’s love; but that for your death he refers to yourself, Protesilaus. You forgot all about your bride, fell in love with fame, and, directly the fleet touched the Troad, took that rash senseless leap, which brought you first to shore and to death.

Protesilaus

Now it is my turn to correct, Aeacus. The blame does not rest with me, but with Fate; so was my thread spun from the beginning.

Aeacus

Exactly so; then why blame our good friends here?

Henry Watson Fowler

Dialogi mortuorum. Lucian. Henry Watson Fowler (Translator), Francis George Fowler (Translator). Medford, MA, USA. 2023-08-01.

Current edition Perseus

Dialogues of the Dead (English) (The Works of Lucian of Samosata, Vol. 1. Fowler, Henry Watson and Fowler, Francis George, translators. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1905.)

Editions (2)

Νεκρικοὶ Διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian. Luciani Samosatensis Opera, Vol. 1. Jacobitz, Karl, editor. Leipzig: Teubner, 1909.) — 19 focus

Αἰακὸς, Πρωτεσίλεως, Μενέλαος, καὶ Πάρις.

410

Αἰακός

τί ἄγχεις, ὦ Πρωτεσίλαε, τὴν Ἑλένην προσπεσών;

Πρωτεσίλεως

ὅτι διὰ ταύτην, ὦ Αἰακέ, ἀπέθανον ἡμιτελῆ μὲν τὸν δόμον καταλιπών, χήραν τε τὴν νεόγαμον γυναῖκα.

Αἰακός

αἰτιῶ τοίνυν τὸν Μενέλαον, ὅστις ὑμᾶς ὑπὲρ τοιαύτης γυναικὸς ἐπὶ Τροίαν ἤγαγεν.

Πρωτεσίλεως

εὖ λέγεις· ἐκεῖνόν μοι αἰτιατέον.

Μενέλαος

οὐκ ἐμέ, ὦ βέλτιστε, ἀλλὰ δικαιότερον τὸν Πάριν, ὃς ἐμοῦ τοῦ ξένου τὴν γυναῖκα παρὰ πάντα τα δίκαια ᾤχετο ἁρπάσας· οὗτος γὰρ οὐχ ὑπὸ σοῦ μόνου, ἀλλʼ ὑπὸ πάντων Ἑλλήνων τε καὶ βαρβάρων ἄξιος ἄγχεσθαι τοσούτοις θανάτου αἴτιος γεγενημένος.

Πρωτεσίλεως

ἄμεινον οὕτω· σὲ τοιγαροῦν, ὦ Δύσπαρι, 411 οὐκ ἀφήσω ποτὲ ἀπὸ τῶν χειρῶν.

Πάρις

ἄδικα ποιῶν, ὦ Πρωτεσίλαε, καὶ ταῦτα ὁμότεχνον ὄντα σοι· ἐρωτικὸς γὰρ καὶ αὐτός εἰμι καὶ τῷ αὐτῷ θεῷ κατέσχημαι· οἶσθα δὲ ὡς ἀκούσιόν τί ἐστι καί τις ἡμᾶς δαίμων ἄγει ἔνθα ἂν ἐθέλῃ, καὶ ἀδύνατόν ἐστιν ἀντιτάττεσθαι αὐτῷ.

Πρωτεσίλεως

εὖ λέγεις. εἴθε οὖν μοι τὸν Ἔρωτα ἐνταῦθα λαβεῖν δυνατὸν ἦν.

Αἰακός

ἐγώ σοι καὶ περὶ τοῦ Ἔρωτος ἀποκρινοῦμαι τὰ δίκαια· φήσει γὰρ αὐτὸς μὲν τοῦ ἐρᾶν τῷ Πάριδι ἴσως γεγενῆσθαι αἴτιος, τοῦ θανάτου δέ σοι οὐδένα ἄλλον, ὦ Πρωτεσίλαε, ἢ σεαυτόν, ὃς ἐκλαθόμενος τῆς νεογάμου γυναικός, ἐπει προσεφέρεσθε τῇ Τρῳάδι, οὕτως φιλοκινδύνως καὶ ἀπονενοημένως προεπήδησας τῶν ἄλλων δόξης ἐρασθείς, διʼ ἣν πρῶτος ἐν τῇ ἀποβάσει ἀπέθανες.

Πρωτεσίλεως

οὐκοῦν καὶ ὑπὲρ ἐμαυτοῦ σοι, ὦ Αἰακἑ, ἀποκρινοῦμαι δικαιότερα· οὐ γὰρ ἐγὼ τούτων αἴτιος, ἀλλʼ ἡ Μοῖρα καὶ τὸ ἐξ ἀρχῆς οὕτως ἐπικεκλῶσθαι.

Αἰακός

ὀρθῶς· τί οὖν τούτους αἰτιᾷ;

Νεκρικοὶ διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 19 focus

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΥ

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἥκεις ποτέ, ὦ Πολύστρατε, καὶ σὺ παρ' ἡμᾶς ἔτη οἶμαι οὐ πολύ ἀποδέοντα τῶν ἑκατὸν βεβιωκώς;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Ὀκτὼ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐνενήκοντα, ὦ Σιμύλε.

360

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Πῶς δαὶ τὰ μετ' ἐμὲ ταῦτα ἐβίως τριάκοντα; ἐγὼ γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὰ ἑβδομήκοντά σου ὄντος ἀπέθανον.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Ὑπερήδιστα, εἰ καί σοι παράδοξον τοῦτο δόξει.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Παράδοξον, εἰ γέρων τε καὶ ἀσθενὴς ἄτεκνός τε προσέτι ἥδεσθαι τοῖς ἐν τῷ βίῳ ἐδύνασο.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἅπαντα ἐδυνάμην· ἔτι καὶ παῖδες ὡραῖοι ἦσαν πολλοὶ καὶ γυναῖκες ἁβρόταται καὶ μύρα καὶ οἶνος ἀνθοσμίας καὶ τράπεζα ὑπὲρ τὰς ἐν Σικελίᾳ.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Καινὰ ταῦτα· ἐγὼ γάρ σε πάνυ φειδόμενον ἠπιστάμην.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Ἀλλ' ἐπέρρει μοι, ὦ γενναῖε, παρὰ ἄλλων τὰ ἀγαθά· καὶ ἕωθεν μὲν εὐθὺς ἐπὶ θύρας ἐφοίτων μάλα πολλοί, μετὰ δὲ παντοῖά μοι δῶρα προσήγετο ἁπανταχόθεν τῆς γῆς τὰ κάλλιστα.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἐτυράννησας, ὦ Πολύστρατε, μετ' ἐμέ;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Οὔκ, ἀλλ’ ἐραστὰς εἶχον μυρίους.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἐγέλασα· ἐραστὰς σὺ τηλικοῦτος ὤν, ὀδόντας τέτταρας ἔχων;

361

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Νὴ Δία, τοὺς ἀρίστους γε τῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει· καὶ γέροντά με καὶ φαλακρόν, ὡς ὁρᾷς, ὄντα καὶ λημῶντα προσέτι καὶ κορυζῶντα ὑπερήδοντο θεραπεύοντες, καὶ μακάριος ἦν αὐτῶν ὅντινα ἂν καὶ μόνον προσέβλεψα.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Μῶν καὶ σύ τινα ὥσπερ ὁ Φάων τὴν Ἀφροδίτην ἐκ Χίου διεπόρθμευσας, εἶτά σοι εὐξαμένῳ ἔδωκεν νέον εἶναι καὶ καλὸν ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς καὶ ἀξιέραστον;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοιοῦτος ὢν περιπόθητος ἦν.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Αἰνίγματα λέγεις.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Καὶ μὴν πρόδηλός γε ὁ ἔρως οὑτοσὶ πολὺς ὢν ὁ περὶ τοὺς ἀτέκνους καὶ πλουσίους γέροντας.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Νῦν μανθάνω σου τὸ κάλλος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, ὅτι παρὰ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἦν.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Ἀτάρ, ὦ Σιμύλε, οὐκ ὀλίγα τῶν ἐραστῶν ἀπολέλαυκα μονονουχὶ προσκυνούμενος ὑπ' αὐτῶν· 362 καὶ ἐθρυπτόμην δὲ πολλάκις καὶ ἀπέκλειον αὐτῶν τινας ἐνίοτε, οἱ δὲ ἡμιλλῶντο καὶ ἀλλήλους ὑπερεβάλλοντο ἐν τῇ περὶ ἐμὲ φιλοτιμίᾳ.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Τέλος δ’ οὖν πῶς ἐβουλεύσω περὶ τῶν κτημάτων;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Εἰς τὸ φανερὸν μὲν ἕκαστον αὐτῶν κληρονόμον ἀπολιπεῖν ἔφασκον, ὁ δ’ ἐπίστευέν τε ἂν καὶ κολακευτικώτερον παρεσκεύαζεν αὑτόν, ἄλλας δὲ τὰς ἀληθεῖς διαθήκας ἐκείνας ἔχων κατέλιπον οἰμώζειν ἅπασι φράσας.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Τίνα δὲ αἱ τελευταῖαι τὸν κληρονόμον ἔσχον; ἦ πού τινα τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ γένους;

ΠΟΛΓΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλὰ νεώνητόν τινα τῶν μειρακίων τῶν ὡραίων Φρύγα.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἀμφὶ πόσα ἔτη, ὦ Πολύστρατε;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Σχεδὸν ἀμφὶ τὰ εἴκοσι.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἤδη μανθάνω ἅτινά σοι ἐκεῖνος ἐχαρίζετο.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Πλὴν ἀλλὰ πολὺ ἐκείνων ἀξιώτερος κληρονομεῖν, εἰ καὶ βάρβαρος ἦν καὶ ὄλεθρος, ὃν ἤδη καὶ αὐτῶν οἱ ἄριστοι θεραπεύουσιν. ἐκεῖνος τοίνυν ἐκληρονόμησέ μου καὶ νῦν ἐν τοῖς εὐπατρίδαις ἀριθμεῖται ὑπεξυρημένος μὲν τὸ γένειον καὶ βαρβαρίζων, Κόδρου δὲ εὐγενέστερος καὶ Νιρέως καλλίων καὶ Ὀδυσσέως συνετώτερος λεγόμενος εἶναι.

363

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Οὔ μοι μέλει· καὶ στρατηγησάτω τῆς Ἑλλάδος, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἐκεῖνοι δὲ μὴ¹ κληρονομείτωσαν μόνον.

Translations (1)

Dialogues of the Dead Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, translator. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 19 focus

Simylus And Polystratus

SIMYLUS

So, you’ve come to join us at last, Polystratus, after living to be, I think, almost a hundred?

POLYSTRATUS

Ninety-eight, Simylus.

SIMYLUS

Whatever sort of life did you have for these thirty years after my death? I died when you were about seventy.

POLYSTRATUS

An exceedingly pleasant life, even if you will think it strange.

SIMYLUS

Strange indeed, if you were not only old and weak but also childless, and yet could enjoy life.

POLYSTRATUS

At first, I could do anything. I still could enjoy plenty of pretty boys, and the nicest women, unguents and fragrant wine, and a table to outdo any in Sicily.

SIMYLUS

That’s something new. I knew you to be very sparing.

POLYSTRATUS

Ah, but the good things came pouring in from others, my good fellow; at crack of dawn crowds of folk would start flocking to my doors, and later in the day all kinds of choice gifts from every corner of the earth would arrive.

SIMYLUS

Did you become tyrant, Polystratus, after my time?

POLYSTRATUS

No, but I had thousands of lovers.

SIMYLUS

You make me laugh. Lovers? At your age? With only four teeth in your head?

POLYSTRATUS

Yes indeed, the noblest lovers in the city. Though I was old and bald, as you see, yes, and blear-eyed and snivelling too, they were delighted to court me, and anyone of them I favoured with a mere glance thought himself in heaven.

SIMYLUS

You weren’t another to have a divine passenger, as did Phaon, ¹ when he ferried Aphrodite over from Chios, and have your prayers answered, becoming young, handsome and attractive all over again?

POLYSTRATUS

No, I was the desire of all, though just as you see me now.

SIMYLUS

You’re talking in riddles.

POLYSTRATUS

Yet this great love for rich, childless old men is there for all to see.

SIMYLUS

Now I understand your beauty, you old wonder; it came from the golden Aphrodite.

POLYSTRATUS

And no small enjoyment, Simylus, my lovers have brought me; I was almost worshipped by them. Often I would be coy, and occasionally bar my door to some of them, but they would vie with each other in their zeal for my affection.

SIMYLUS

But what decision did you make about your property in the end?

POLYSTRATUS

I would keep saying in public that I had left each of them as my heir, and each would believe me, and show himself more assiduous than ever in his flattery; but all the time my real will was different and I left them—instructions to go to the devil one and all.

SIMYLUS

And who was the heir under your final will? One of your family, no doubt?

POLYSTRATUS

Good heavens no; it was a pretty boy from Phrygia I’d just bought.

SIMYLUS

What sort of age was he?

POLYSTRATUS

Roughly about twenty.

SIMYLUS

Now I understand how he won your favour.

POLYSTRATUS

Oh well, he deserved to be my heir much more than they did, even if he was a barbarian and a pest. He’s already being courted by the noblest of them all. So he became my heir, and is now numbered among the aristocrats, and, despite his smooth chin and foreign accent, is credited with bluer blood than Codrus, greater beauty than NIreus, and more intelligence than Odysseus.

SIMYLUS

That doesn’t worry me. Let him even be Generalissimo of Greece, if he wishes to, so long as those fellows don’t inherit.

Search the Perseus Catalog for:

Search the Perseus Catalog for:

XIX

Aeacus

Protesilaus

Menelaus

Paris

Aeacus Now then, Protesilaus, what do you mean by assaulting and throttling Helen?

Protesilaus Why, it was all her fault that I died, leaving my house half built, and my bride a widow.

Aeacus You should blame Menelaus, for taking you all to Troy after such a light-o’-love.

Protesilaus That is true; he shall answer it.

Menelaus No, no, my dear sir; Paris surely is the man; he outraged all rights in carrying off his host’s wife with him. He deserves throttling, if you like, and not from you only, but from Greeks and barbarians as well, for all the deaths he brought upon them,

Protesilaus Ah, now I have it. Here, you—you Paris! you shall not escape my clutches,

Paris Oh, come, sir, you will never wrong one of the same gentle craft as yourself. Am I not a lover too, and a subject of your deity? against love you know (with the best will in the world) how vain it is to strive; ’tis a spirit that draws us whither it will.

Protesilaus There is reason in that. Oh, would that I had Love himself here in these hands!

Protesilaus Now it is my turn to correct, Aeacus. The blame does not rest with me, but with Fate; so was my thread spun from the beginning.

Aeacus Exactly so; then why blame our good friends here?

Current edition Perseus

Αἰακὸς, Πρωτεσίλεως, Μενέλαος, καὶ Πάρις.

Αἰακός τί ἄγχεις, ὦ Πρωτεσίλαε, τὴν Ἑλένην προσπεσών;

Πρωτεσίλεως ὅτι διὰ ταύτην, ὦ Αἰακέ, ἀπέθανον ἡμιτελῆ μὲν τὸν δόμον καταλιπών, χήραν τε τὴν νεόγαμον γυναῖκα.

Αἰακός αἰτιῶ τοίνυν τὸν Μενέλαον, ὅστις ὑμᾶς ὑπὲρ τοιαύτης γυναικὸς ἐπὶ Τροίαν ἤγαγεν.

Πρωτεσίλεως εὖ λέγεις· ἐκεῖνόν μοι αἰτιατέον.

Πρωτεσίλεως ἄμεινον οὕτω· σὲ τοιγαροῦν, ὦ Δύσπαρι, 411 οὐκ ἀφήσω ποτὲ ἀπὸ τῶν χειρῶν.

Πρωτεσίλεως εὖ λέγεις. εἴθε οὖν μοι τὸν Ἔρωτα ἐνταῦθα λαβεῖν δυνατὸν ἦν.

Πρωτεσίλεως οὐκοῦν καὶ ὑπὲρ ἐμαυτοῦ σοι, ὦ Αἰακἑ, ἀποκρινοῦμαι δικαιότερα· οὐ γὰρ ἐγὼ τούτων αἴτιος, ἀλλʼ ἡ Μοῖρα καὶ τὸ ἐξ ἀρχῆς οὕτως ἐπικεκλῶσθαι.

Αἰακός ὀρθῶς· τί οὖν τούτους αἰτιᾷ;

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΥ

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Ἥκεις ποτέ, ὦ Πολύστρατε, καὶ σὺ παρ' ἡμᾶς ἔτη οἶμαι οὐ πολύ ἀποδέοντα τῶν ἑκατὸν βεβιωκώς;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Ὀκτὼ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐνενήκοντα, ὦ Σιμύλε.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Πῶς δαὶ τὰ μετ' ἐμὲ ταῦτα ἐβίως τριάκοντα; ἐγὼ γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὰ ἑβδομήκοντά σου ὄντος ἀπέθανον.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Ὑπερήδιστα, εἰ καί σοι παράδοξον τοῦτο δόξει.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Παράδοξον, εἰ γέρων τε καὶ ἀσθενὴς ἄτεκνός τε προσέτι ἥδεσθαι τοῖς ἐν τῷ βίῳ ἐδύνασο.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Καινὰ ταῦτα· ἐγὼ γάρ σε πάνυ φειδόμενον ἠπιστάμην.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Ἐτυράννησας, ὦ Πολύστρατε, μετ' ἐμέ;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Οὔκ, ἀλλ’ ἐραστὰς εἶχον μυρίους.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Ἐγέλασα· ἐραστὰς σὺ τηλικοῦτος ὤν, ὀδόντας τέτταρας ἔχων;

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Μῶν καὶ σύ τινα ὥσπερ ὁ Φάων τὴν Ἀφροδίτην ἐκ Χίου διεπόρθμευσας, εἶτά σοι εὐξαμένῳ ἔδωκεν νέον εἶναι καὶ καλὸν ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς καὶ ἀξιέραστον;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοιοῦτος ὢν περιπόθητος ἦν.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Αἰνίγματα λέγεις.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Καὶ μὴν πρόδηλός γε ὁ ἔρως οὑτοσὶ πολὺς ὢν ὁ περὶ τοὺς ἀτέκνους καὶ πλουσίους γέροντας.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Νῦν μανθάνω σου τὸ κάλλος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, ὅτι παρὰ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἦν.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Τέλος δ’ οὖν πῶς ἐβουλεύσω περὶ τῶν κτημάτων;

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Τίνα δὲ αἱ τελευταῖαι τὸν κληρονόμον ἔσχον; ἦ πού τινα τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ γένους;

ΠΟΛΓΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλὰ νεώνητόν τινα τῶν μειρακίων τῶν ὡραίων Φρύγα.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Ἀμφὶ πόσα ἔτη, ὦ Πολύστρατε;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ Σχεδὸν ἀμφὶ τὰ εἴκοσι.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Ἤδη μανθάνω ἅτινά σοι ἐκεῖνος ἐχαρίζετο.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ Οὔ μοι μέλει· καὶ στρατηγησάτω τῆς Ἑλλάδος, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἐκεῖνοι δὲ μὴ 1 κληρονομείτωσαν μόνον.

Simylus And Polystratus

SIMYLUS So, you’ve come to join us at last, Polystratus, after living to be, I think, almost a hundred?

POLYSTRATUS Ninety-eight, Simylus.

SIMYLUS Whatever sort of life did you have for these thirty years after my death? I died when you were about seventy.

POLYSTRATUS An exceedingly pleasant life, even if you will think it strange.

SIMYLUS Strange indeed, if you were not only old and weak but also childless, and yet could enjoy life.

POLYSTRATUS At first, I could do anything. I still could enjoy plenty of pretty boys, and the nicest women, unguents and fragrant wine, and a table to outdo any in Sicily.

SIMYLUS That’s something new. I knew you to be very sparing.

POLYSTRATUS Ah, but the good things came pouring in from others, my good fellow; at crack of dawn crowds of folk would start flocking to my doors, and later in the day all kinds of choice gifts from every corner of the earth would arrive.

SIMYLUS Did you become tyrant, Polystratus, after my time?

POLYSTRATUS No, but I had thousands of lovers.

SIMYLUS You make me laugh. Lovers? At your age? With only four teeth in your head?

POLYSTRATUS Yes indeed, the noblest lovers in the city. Though I was old and bald, as you see, yes, and blear-eyed and snivelling too, they were delighted to court me, and anyone of them I favoured with a mere glance thought himself in heaven.

SIMYLUS You weren’t another to have a divine passenger, as did Phaon, 1 when he ferried Aphrodite over from Chios, and have your prayers answered, becoming young, handsome and attractive all over again?

POLYSTRATUS No, I was the desire of all, though just as you see me now.

SIMYLUS You’re talking in riddles.

POLYSTRATUS Yet this great love for rich, childless old men is there for all to see.

SIMYLUS Now I understand your beauty, you old wonder; it came from the golden Aphrodite.

POLYSTRATUS And no small enjoyment, Simylus, my lovers have brought me; I was almost worshipped by them. Often I would be coy, and occasionally bar my door to some of them, but they would vie with each other in their zeal for my affection.

SIMYLUS But what decision did you make about your property in the end?

POLYSTRATUS I would keep saying in public that I had left each of them as my heir, and each would believe me, and show himself more assiduous than ever in his flattery; but all the time my real will was different and I left them—instructions to go to the devil one and all.

SIMYLUS And who was the heir under your final will? One of your family, no doubt?

POLYSTRATUS Good heavens no; it was a pretty boy from Phrygia I’d just bought.

SIMYLUS What sort of age was he?

POLYSTRATUS Roughly about twenty.

SIMYLUS Now I understand how he won your favour.

SIMYLUS That doesn’t worry me. Let him even be Generalissimo of Greece, if he wishes to, so long as those fellows don’t inherit.

Stable identifiers

Aeacus

Now then, Protesilaus, what do you mean by assaulting and throttling Helen?

Protesilaus

Why, it was all her fault that I died, leaving my house half built, and my bride a widow.

Aeacus

You should blame Menelaus, for taking you all to Troy after such a light-o’-love.

Protesilaus

That is true; he shall answer it.

Menelaus

No, no, my dear sir; Paris surely is the man; he outraged all rights in carrying off his host’s wife with him. He deserves throttling, if you like, and not from you only, but from Greeks and barbarians as well, for all the deaths he brought upon them,

Protesilaus

Ah, now I have it. Here, you—you Paris! you shall not escape my clutches,

Paris

Oh, come, sir, you will never wrong one of the same gentle craft as yourself. Am I not a lover too, and a subject of your deity? against love you know (with the best will in the world) how vain it is to strive; ’tis a spirit that draws us whither it will.

Protesilaus

There is reason in that. Oh, would that I had Love himself here in these hands!

Protesilaus

Now it is my turn to correct, Aeacus. The blame does not rest with me, but with Fate; so was my thread spun from the beginning.

Aeacus

Exactly so; then why blame our good friends here?

Αἰακός

τί ἄγχεις, ὦ Πρωτεσίλαε, τὴν Ἑλένην προσπεσών;

Πρωτεσίλεως

ὅτι διὰ ταύτην, ὦ Αἰακέ, ἀπέθανον ἡμιτελῆ μὲν τὸν δόμον καταλιπών, χήραν τε τὴν νεόγαμον γυναῖκα.

Αἰακός

αἰτιῶ τοίνυν τὸν Μενέλαον, ὅστις ὑμᾶς ὑπὲρ τοιαύτης γυναικὸς ἐπὶ Τροίαν ἤγαγεν.

Πρωτεσίλεως

εὖ λέγεις· ἐκεῖνόν μοι αἰτιατέον.

Πρωτεσίλεως

ἄμεινον οὕτω· σὲ τοιγαροῦν, ὦ Δύσπαρι, 411 οὐκ ἀφήσω ποτὲ ἀπὸ τῶν χειρῶν.

Πρωτεσίλεως

εὖ λέγεις. εἴθε οὖν μοι τὸν Ἔρωτα ἐνταῦθα λαβεῖν δυνατὸν ἦν.

Αἰακός

ὀρθῶς· τί οὖν τούτους αἰτιᾷ;

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἥκεις ποτέ, ὦ Πολύστρατε, καὶ σὺ παρ' ἡμᾶς ἔτη οἶμαι οὐ πολύ ἀποδέοντα τῶν ἑκατὸν βεβιωκώς;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Ὀκτὼ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐνενήκοντα, ὦ Σιμύλε.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Πῶς δαὶ τὰ μετ' ἐμὲ ταῦτα ἐβίως τριάκοντα; ἐγὼ γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὰ ἑβδομήκοντά σου ὄντος ἀπέθανον.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Ὑπερήδιστα, εἰ καί σοι παράδοξον τοῦτο δόξει.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Παράδοξον, εἰ γέρων τε καὶ ἀσθενὴς ἄτεκνός τε προσέτι ἥδεσθαι τοῖς ἐν τῷ βίῳ ἐδύνασο.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Καινὰ ταῦτα· ἐγὼ γάρ σε πάνυ φειδόμενον ἠπιστάμην.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἐτυράννησας, ὦ Πολύστρατε, μετ' ἐμέ;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Οὔκ, ἀλλ’ ἐραστὰς εἶχον μυρίους.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἐγέλασα· ἐραστὰς σὺ τηλικοῦτος ὤν, ὀδόντας τέτταρας ἔχων;

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Μῶν καὶ σύ τινα ὥσπερ ὁ Φάων τὴν Ἀφροδίτην ἐκ Χίου διεπόρθμευσας, εἶτά σοι εὐξαμένῳ ἔδωκεν νέον εἶναι καὶ καλὸν ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς καὶ ἀξιέραστον;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοιοῦτος ὢν περιπόθητος ἦν.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Αἰνίγματα λέγεις.

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Καὶ μὴν πρόδηλός γε ὁ ἔρως οὑτοσὶ πολὺς ὢν ὁ περὶ τοὺς ἀτέκνους καὶ πλουσίους γέροντας.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Νῦν μανθάνω σου τὸ κάλλος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, ὅτι παρὰ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἦν.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Τέλος δ’ οὖν πῶς ἐβουλεύσω περὶ τῶν κτημάτων;

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Τίνα δὲ αἱ τελευταῖαι τὸν κληρονόμον ἔσχον; ἦ πού τινα τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ γένους;

ΠΟΛΓΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλὰ νεώνητόν τινα τῶν μειρακίων τῶν ὡραίων Φρύγα.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἀμφὶ πόσα ἔτη, ὦ Πολύστρατε;

ΠΟΛΥΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ

Σχεδὸν ἀμφὶ τὰ εἴκοσι.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Ἤδη μανθάνω ἅτινά σοι ἐκεῖνος ἐχαρίζετο.

ΣΙΜΥΛΟΣ

Οὔ μοι μέλει· καὶ στρατηγησάτω τῆς Ἑλλάδος, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἐκεῖνοι δὲ μὴ¹ κληρονομείτωσαν μόνον.

SIMYLUS

So, you’ve come to join us at last, Polystratus, after living to be, I think, almost a hundred?

POLYSTRATUS

Ninety-eight, Simylus.

SIMYLUS

Whatever sort of life did you have for these thirty years after my death? I died when you were about seventy.

POLYSTRATUS

An exceedingly pleasant life, even if you will think it strange.

SIMYLUS

Strange indeed, if you were not only old and weak but also childless, and yet could enjoy life.

POLYSTRATUS

At first, I could do anything. I still could enjoy plenty of pretty boys, and the nicest women, unguents and fragrant wine, and a table to outdo any in Sicily.

SIMYLUS

That’s something new. I knew you to be very sparing.

POLYSTRATUS

Ah, but the good things came pouring in from others, my good fellow; at crack of dawn crowds of folk would start flocking to my doors, and later in the day all kinds of choice gifts from every corner of the earth would arrive.

SIMYLUS

Did you become tyrant, Polystratus, after my time?

POLYSTRATUS

No, but I had thousands of lovers.

SIMYLUS

You make me laugh. Lovers? At your age? With only four teeth in your head?

POLYSTRATUS

Yes indeed, the noblest lovers in the city. Though I was old and bald, as you see, yes, and blear-eyed and snivelling too, they were delighted to court me, and anyone of them I favoured with a mere glance thought himself in heaven.

SIMYLUS

You weren’t another to have a divine passenger, as did Phaon, ¹ when he ferried Aphrodite over from Chios, and have your prayers answered, becoming young, handsome and attractive all over again?

POLYSTRATUS

No, I was the desire of all, though just as you see me now.

SIMYLUS

You’re talking in riddles.

POLYSTRATUS

Yet this great love for rich, childless old men is there for all to see.

SIMYLUS

Now I understand your beauty, you old wonder; it came from the golden Aphrodite.

POLYSTRATUS

And no small enjoyment, Simylus, my lovers have brought me; I was almost worshipped by them. Often I would be coy, and occasionally bar my door to some of them, but they would vie with each other in their zeal for my affection.

SIMYLUS

But what decision did you make about your property in the end?

POLYSTRATUS

I would keep saying in public that I had left each of them as my heir, and each would believe me, and show himself more assiduous than ever in his flattery; but all the time my real will was different and I left them—instructions to go to the devil one and all.

SIMYLUS

And who was the heir under your final will? One of your family, no doubt?

POLYSTRATUS

Good heavens no; it was a pretty boy from Phrygia I’d just bought.

SIMYLUS

What sort of age was he?

POLYSTRATUS

Roughly about twenty.

SIMYLUS

Now I understand how he won your favour.

SIMYLUS

That doesn’t worry me. Let him even be Generalissimo of Greece, if he wishes to, so long as those fellows don’t inherit.