T. Maccius Plautus Rudens 3.4

DAEMONES

Come out of the Temple, you most sacrilegious of men, as many as have ever been born. Do you go (calling to the WOMEN) and sit by the altar. (Not seeing them near the door.) But where are they?

TRACHALIO

Look round here.

DAEMONES

(looking round.)

Very good; I wanted that ¹ . Now bid him come this way. (To LABRAX.) Are you attempting here among us to commit a violation of the laws against the Deities?

(To the SERVANTS, who obey with alacrity.) Punch his face with your fists.

710

LABRAX

I’m suffering these indignities at your own cost.

DAEMONES

Why, the insolent fellow’s threatening even.

LABRAX

I’ve been robbed of my rights; you are robbing me of my female slaves against my will.

TRACHALIO

Do you then find some wealthy man of the Senate of Cyrene as judge, whether these women ought to be yours, or whether they oughtn’t to be free,

or whether it isn’t right that you should be clapped into prison, and there spend your life, until you have worn the whole gaol out with your feet.

715

LABRAX

I wasn’t prepared to prophesy for this day that I should be talking with a hang-gallows ² like yourself. (Turning to DAEMONES.) You do I summon to judgment.

DAEMONES

(pointing to TRACHALIO.)

In the first place, try it with him who knows you.

LABRAX

(to DAEMONES.)

My suit is with yourself.

TRACHALIO

But it must be with myself. (Pointing to the WOMEN.) Are these your female slaves?

LABRAX

They are.

720

TRACHALIO

Just come then, touch either of them with your little finger only.

LABRAX

What if I do touch them?

TRACHALIO

That very instant, upon my faith, I’ll make a hand-ball ³ of you, and while you’re in the air I’ll belabour you with my fists, you most perjured villain.

LABRAX

Am I not to be allowed to take away my female slaves from the altar of Venus?

DAEMONES

You may not; such is the law with us.

LABRAX

I’ve no concern with your laws; for my part, I shall at once carry them both away from here ⁴ .

If you are in love with them, old gentleman (holding out his hand), you must down here with the ready cash.

DAEMONES

But these women have proved pleasing to Venus.

LABRAX

She may have them, if she pays the money. ⁵

DAEMONES

A Goddess, pay you money? Now then, that you may understand my determination, only do you commence in mere joke to offer them the very slightest violence;

I’ll send you away from here with such a dressing, that you won’t know your own self. You, therefore (turning to his SERVANTS), when I give you the signal, if you don’t beat his eyes out of his head, I’ll trim you round about with rods just like beds of myrtle ⁶ with bulrushes.

730

LABRAX

You are treating me with violence.

TRACHALIO

What, do you even upbraid us with violence, you flagrant specimen of flagitiousness?

LABRAX

You, you thrice-dotted villain ⁷ , do you dare to speak abusively to me?

TRACHALIO

I am a thrice-dotted villain; I confess it; you are a strictly honorable man; ought these women a bit the less to be free?

735

LABRAX

What—free?

TRACHALIO

Aye, and your mistresses, too, I’ faith, and from genuine Greece ⁸ ; for one of them was born at Athens of free-born parents.

DAEMONES

What is it I hear from you?

TRACHALIO

That she (pointing to PALAESTRA) was born at Athens , a free-born woman.

DAEMONES

(to TRACHALIO.)

Prithee is she a countrywoman of mine?

740

TRACHALIO

Are you not a Cyrenian?

DAEMONES

No; born at Athens in Attica , bred and educated there.

TRACHALIO

Prithee, aged sir, do protect your countrywomen.

DAEMONES

(aside.)

O daughter, when I look on her, separated from me you remind me of my miseries: (aloud) she who was lost by me when three years old; now, if she is living, she’s just about as tall, I’m sure, as she.

(Pointing to PALAESTRA.)

LABRAX

I paid the money down for these two, to their owners, of whatever country they were. What matters it to me whether they were born at Athens or at Thebes , so long as they are rightfully in servitude as my slaves?

745

TRACHALIO

Is it so, you impudent fellow? What, are you, a cat prowling after maidens, to be keeping children here kidnapped from their parents and destroying them in your disgraceful calling?

But as for this other one, I really don’t know what her country is; I only know that she’s more deserving than yourself, you most abominable rascal.

750

LABRAX

Are these women your property?

TRACHALIO

Come to the trial, then, which of the two according to his back is the more truthful; if you don’t bear more compliments ⁹ upon your back than any ship of war ¹⁰ has nails, then I’m the greatest of liars.

Afterwards, do you examine mine, when I’ve examined yours; if it shall not prove to be so untouched, that any leather flask maker ¹¹ will say that it is a hide most capital and most sound for the purposes of his business, what reason is there why I shouldn’t mangle you with stripes, even till you have your belly full? Why do you stare at them? If you touch them I’ll tear your eyes out.

755

LABRAX

Yet notwithstanding, although you forbid me to do so, I’ll at once carry them off both together with me.

760

DAEMONES

What will you do?

LABRAX

I’ll bring Vulcan; he is an enemy to Venus ¹² .

(Goes towards DAEMONES’ cottage.)

TRACHALIO

Whither is he going?

LABRAX

(calling at the door.)

Hallo! Is there anybody here? Hallo! I say.

DAEMONES

If you touch the door, that very instant, upon my faith, you shall get a harvest upon your face with fists for your pitchforks ¹³ .

SERVANT

We keep no fire, we live upon dried figs.

DAEMONES

I’ll find the fire, if only I have the opportunity of kindling it upon your head.

765

LABRAX

Faith, I’ll go somewhere to look for some fire.

DAEMONES

What, when you’ve found it?

LABRAX

I’ll be making a great fire here.

DAEMONES

What, to be burning ¹⁴ a mortuary sacrifice for yourself?

LABRAX

No, but I’ll burn both of these alive here upon the altar.

DAEMONES

I’d like that. For, by my troth, I’ll forthwith seize you by the head and throw you into the fire,

and, half-roasted, I’ll throw you out as food for the great birds. (Aside.) When I come to a consideration of it with myself, this is that ape, that wanted to take away those swallows from the nest against my will, as I was dreaming in my sleep.

770

TRACHALIO

Aged sir, do you know what I request of you? That you will protect these females and defend them from violence, until I fetch my master.

DAEMONES

Go look for your master, and fetch him here.

775

TRACHALIO

But don’t let him—

DAEMONES

At his own extreme peril, if he touches them, or if he attempts to do so.

TRACHALIO

Take care.

DAEMONES

Due care is taken; do you be off.

TRACHALIO

And watch him too, that he doesn’t go away anywhere. For we have promised either to give the executioner a great talent, or else to produce this fellow this very day.

DAEMONES

Do you only be off. I’ll not let him get away, while you are absent.

TRACHALIO

I’ll be back here soon.

(Exit TRACHALIO.)