T. Maccius Plautus Curculio 5.3

CAPPADOX

(to himself.)

Those who say ¹ it’s bad for bankers to be trusted, utter nonsense;

I say it’s neither good nor bad for them to be trusted, and that, I’ve fully experienced this day. They are not ² badly trusted, who never repay, but with whom it is lost outright. As for example, before this Lyco paid me the ten minae, he had to go to every banker’s counter. After there were no proceeds, I summoned the fellow with much noise; he appealed against me to the court. I was most confoundedly afraid that this day he’d be settling accounts with me before the Praetor ³ ;

680

but my friends forced him, so he paid the money at home. Now I’m resolved to make haste to my house.

685

(Runs towards his door.)

THERAPONTIGONUS

Hallo! you Procurer; I want you.

PHAEDROMUS

And I want you.

CAPPADOX

But I don’t want either of you.

THERAPONTIGONUS

Stay this instant, will you.

PHAEDROMUS

And make you haste to disgorge the money with all despatch.

CAPPADOX

(to PHAEDROMUS.)

What have you to do with me? (To the CAPTAIN.) Or what have you?

THERAPONTIGONUS

Because this day I shall be making a javelin of you, discharged from a catapulta,

and twist you with the string ⁴ , just as the catapultas are in the habit of doing.

690

PHAEDROMUS

I’ll this day make a coxcomb of you, to be sleeping with a puppy ⁵ in your bed—an iron one, I mean.

CAPPADOX

But I’ll make you both to be rotting in a strong-barred prison.

THERAPONTIGONUS

Seize him by the throat, and away with him to extreme torture.

PHAEDROMUS

However that is, he’ll be going there of his own accord.

(The CAPTAIN seizes him.)

CAPPADOX

O Gods and men, your aid!

that I, uncondemned, and without evidence against me, should thus be dragged along! Prithee, Planesium, and you, Phaedromus, do give me assistance.

695

PLANESIUM

Brother, I do beseech you, don’t ruin him uncondemned; he treated me kindly and modestly at his house.

THERAPONTIGONUS

That was through no inclination of his own; give you thanks to this Aesculapius ⁶ (pointing to the Temple) that you’ve preserved your chastity;

for if he had been well, he’d long ago have packed you off wherever he could.

700

PHAEDROMUS

Now attend to me, both of you, if I can arrange between you. (To the CAPTAIN.) You let him go. Procurer, come you this way. I’ll pronounce my opinion, if indeed you are ready to abide by what I shall decide you should do.

THERAPONTIGONUS

We leave it to you.

(He lets go of the PROCURER.)

CAPPADOX

So long, i’ faith, as you give a decision to the effect that no one is to take the money away from me.

THERAPONTIGONUS

What, not that which you promised?

705

CAPPADOX

I, promised? How?

THERAPONTIGONUS

With your tongue.

CAPPADOX

With that same tongue I now gainsay it; that was given me by Nature for the purpose of speaking, not of losing my property.

THERAPONTIGONUS

He’s trifling; seize the fellow by the throat.

(Seizes him.)

CAPPADOX

I’ll at once then do as you bid me.

THERAPONTIGONUS

Since you are an honest man, answer me this that I ask you.

CAPPADOX

Ask me what you please.

THERAPONTIGONUS

Did you not promise, that if any one should show that she (pointing to PLANESIUM) was freeborn,

you would pay back all the money?

710

CAPPADOX

I don’t remember saying so.

THERAPONTIGONUS

What, do you deny it?

CAPPADOX

I’ faith, I really do deny it. In whose presence? In what place was it?

THERAPONTIGONUS

In my own presence, and that of Lyco the banker.

CAPPADOX

Why don’t you hold your tongue?

THERAPONTIGONUS

I shan’t hold my tongue.

CAPPADOX

I don’t care a rush for you; don’t be bullying me.

THERAPONTIGONUS

In my own presence and that of Lyco it took place.

PHAEDROMUS

(to the CAPTAIN.)

I quite believe you.

Now, therefore, Procurer, that you may know my judgment, (pointing to PLANESIUM) she is a free woman; he (pointing to the CAPTAIN) is her brother, and she is his sister; she is engaged to me; do you restore him the money; that’s my decision.

715

CAPPADOX

Upon my faith, Phaedromus, you have given this decision corruptly.

It shall both be bad for you, and you, Captain,—may the Gods and Goddesses confound you.

720

THERAPONTIGONUS

And as for you, you shall be clapt in prison at once, unless the money’s returned me.

CAPPADOX

Then follow me.

THERAPONTIGONUS

Follow you where?

CAPPADOX

To my banker—to the Praetor ⁷ ; for it’s there that I pay my money to all persons to whom I’m indebted.

THERAPONTIGONUS

I’ll be carrying you hence to prison, and not to the Praetor, if you don’t pay back the money.

CAPPADOX

I do most earnestly wish you may come to a bad end, so don’t misunderstand me ⁸ .

THERAPONTIGONUS

Do you really so?

725

CAPPADOX

I’ faith, I really do so.

THERAPONTIGONUS

I don’t misunderstand these fists of mine.

(Holding them up.)

CAPPADOX

What then?

THERAPONTIGONUS

What then, do you ask? With these same fists, if you provoke me, I’ll be making you quiet immediately.

CAPPADOX

(taking the money from his girdle.)

Well then, take this back at once.

THERAPONTIGONUS

(taking the money.)

By all means.

PHAEDROMUS

Captain, you’ll dine with me; the nuptials shall take place to-day.

THERAPONTIGONUS

May this matter turn out well for me and for yourselves.

An ACTOR.

Spectators, give us your applause. ⁹