T. Maccius Plautus Curculio 1.2

PROCURESS

The savour of aged wine has reached my nostrils; the love of it has brought me in my eagerness hither in the dark; wherever it is, it’s near me. O capital, I’ve found it. (Stooping, and smelling at the bowl.) Hail to you, my soul, Joy of dear Bacchus;

how enamoured am I of your old age. For in comparison with yours, the odour of all unguents were mere bilge-water; you are my myrrh, you my cinnamon, you my rose, you my saffron unguent and my cassia, you are my vine-palm ¹ scent. But, where you have been poured, there would I most earnestly hope to be buried.

100

PALINURUS

(apart.)

This old lady’s thirsty;

110

how limited is her thirst?

PHAEDROMUS

(apart.)

She’s a moderate person; she swallows eight gallons ² only.

PALINURUS

(apart.)

I’ faith, according to your account, this year’s vintage is not enough for this old woman alone.

PROCURESS

But since as yet you, fragrance, alone have penetrated to my nostrils, so in its turn afford some delight to my throat. (Feels for the bowl on the ground, which PALINURUS draws away.) I find you not; where is your own dear self? I’m longing to touch you; do let me pour your liquids into me by sip-sipping. But in this direction it has gone, this way I’ll. follow it.

105

(Goes in the direction of PALINURUS, who has the bowl.)

PALINURUS

(apart.)

It really had been more proper for her to be a dog; she has a good nose.

PROCURESS

Prithee, whose voice is it that I hear at a distance.

PHAEDROMUS

(apart.)

I think that this old hag should be accosted. I’ll approach her. (Aloud.) Come back, Procuress, and look back towards me.

PROCURESS

Who is it that gives his commands?

115

PHAEDROMUS

The all-powerful in wine, jolly Bacchus; he who, when you’re hawking, parched, and half asleep, brings you a draught and comes to quench your thirst.

PROCURESS

How far is he away from me?

PHAEDROMUS

(holding up the torch.)

See this light.

PROCURESS

Then, prithee, do quicken your pace towards me.

120

PHAEDROMUS

Health to you.

PROCURESS

How can I have health, who am parched with thirst?

PHAEDROMUS

But you shall drink in a moment.

PROCURESS

’Tis long a-coming.

PHAEDROMUS

(extending the bowl.)

Here’s for you, jolly old dame.

PROCURESS

Health to you, gentleman dear as my very eyes.

PALINURUS

Come, toss this off quickly into your abyss; scour out your sink right speedily.

PHAEDROMUS

Hold your tongue; I won’t have her ill spoken to.

PALINURUS

(aside.)

In preference, then, I’ll do her ill.

PROCURESS

(pouring some of the residue on the altar.)

Venus, of this little, this very little will I give to thee ³ —sore against my will; for all the lovers, in their cups, to propitiate thee, expend their wine upon thee: not such windfalls often fall to me.

125

(Drinks again.)

PALINURUS

Do look at that, please, how greedily the filthy hag swills down the pure wine into herself with distended gullet.

PROCURESS

(patting her stomach and chuckling.)

Ha, ha, ha

PALINURUS

How is it? Do you like it?

PROCURESS

I do like it.

PALINURUS

And I, too, should like to goad with a spur as well.

PHAEDROMUS

(aside to PALINURUS.)

Don’t you—do hold your tongue.

PALINURUS

I’ll hold my tongue; (the old woman drinks) but see, the rainbow’s drinking ⁴ ; I’ faith, I do believe it will rain to-day.

PHAEDROMUS

Troth now, I’m quite undone; what first to say to her I know not.

PALINURUS

Why, the same thing that you said to me.

PHAEDROMUS

What’s that?

130

PALINURUS

Say that you’re quite undone.

PHAEDROMUS

May the Gods confound you.

PALINURUS

Say so to her.

PHAEDROMUS

Am I to say then to her—?

PALINURUS

Say what?

PHAEDROMUS

That I’m quite undone.

PALINURUS

Well then, say so.

PHAEDROMUS

Old lady, do listen. I wish you to know this; to my sorrow, I’m quite undone.

PROCURESS

But, i’ faith, for my part, I’m altogether brought to life. But why is it that you are pleased to say you are quite undone?

135

PHAEDROMUS

Because I’m deprived of the object which I love. (Pretends to weep)

PROCURESS

My dear Phaedromus, prithee, do not weep; do you take care that I’m not thirsty, I’ll at once bring out here for you the object which you love. (Goes into the house.)

PHAEDROMUS

Assuredly, if you keep faith with me, in place of a golden statue, I’ll erect for you one of wine ⁵ , which shall be a memorial of your gullet Palinurus, who on earth will be so blest as myself, if she comes to me?

140

PALINURUS

By my faith, he who is in love, if he is in want as well, is afflicted with a dreadful malady.

PHAEDROMUS

Such is not the case with me; for I feel sure that this very day my Parasite will come hither to me with the money.

PALINURUS

You attempt something mighty, if you expect that which nowhere exists.

PHAEDROMUS

What if I approach the door, and trill a carol ⁶ ?

145

PALINURUS

If you choose; I neither bid nor request you, since, my master, I see that you are of manners and disposition thus changed.

PHAEDROMUS

(sings.)

Bolts, O ye bolts, with pleasure do I salute you. I love you, I court you, I seek you, and you entreat; most kindly lend your aid to me in love;

become, for my sake, as though play-actors ⁷ from foreign climes; leap upwards pray, and send out of doors this fair one, who drains my blood for me distractedly in love. (Addressing PALINURUS.) Look at that, how those most accursed bolts sleep on, and none the quicker for my sake do they bestir themselves.

150

(Addressing the door.)

I see quite clearly that you don’t value my esteem at all. Hist! hush, hush!

155

PALINURUS

I’ troth, for my part I’m silent enough.

PHAEDROMUS

I hear a noise; at last, i’ faith, these bolts have become complaisant to me.