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96
(Enter the PROCURESS, from the house of CAPPADOX.)
PROCURESS
The savour of aged wine has reached my nostrils; the love of it has brought me in my eagerness hither in the dark; wherever it is, it’s near me. O capital, I’ve found it.
(Stooping, and smelling at the bowl.) Hail to you, my soul, Joy of dear Bacchus;
how enamoured am I of your old age. For in comparison with yours, the odour of all unguents were mere bilge-water; you are my myrrh, you my cinnamon, you my rose, you my saffron unguent and my cassia, you are my vine-palm
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scent. But, where you have been poured, there would I most earnestly hope to be buried.
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The savour of aged wine has reached my nostrils; the love of it has brought me in my eagerness hither in the dark; wherever it is, it’s near me. O capital, I’ve found it.
(Stooping, and smelling at the bowl.) Hail to you, my soul, Joy of dear Bacchus;
how enamoured am I of your old age. For in comparison with yours, the odour of all unguents were mere bilge-water; you are my myrrh, you my cinnamon, you my rose, you my saffron unguent and my cassia, you are my vine-palm
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scent. But, where you have been poured, there would I most earnestly hope to be buried.
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PALINURUS
(apart.)
This old lady’s thirsty;
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how limited is her thirst?
This old lady’s thirsty;
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how limited is her thirst?
PHAEDROMUS
(apart.)
She’s a moderate person; she swallows eight gallons
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only.
She’s a moderate person; she swallows eight gallons
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only.
PALINURUS
(apart.)
I’ faith, according to your account, this year’s vintage is not enough for this old woman alone.
I’ faith, according to your account, this year’s vintage is not enough for this old woman alone.
PROCURESS
But since as yet you, fragrance, alone have penetrated to my nostrils, so in its turn afford some delight to my throat.
(Feels for the bowl on the ground, which PALINURUS draws away.) I find you not; where is your own dear self? I’m longing to touch you; do let me pour your liquids into me by sip-sipping. But in this direction it has gone, this way I’ll. follow it.
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(Goes in the direction of PALINURUS, who has the bowl.)
But since as yet you, fragrance, alone have penetrated to my nostrils, so in its turn afford some delight to my throat.
(Feels for the bowl on the ground, which PALINURUS draws away.) I find you not; where is your own dear self? I’m longing to touch you; do let me pour your liquids into me by sip-sipping. But in this direction it has gone, this way I’ll. follow it.
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PALINURUS
(apart.)
It really had been more proper for her to be a dog; she has a good nose.
It really had been more proper for her to be a dog; she has a good nose.
PROCURESS
Prithee, whose voice is it that I hear at a distance.
Prithee, whose voice is it that I hear at a distance.
PHAEDROMUS
(apart.)
I think that this old hag should be accosted. I’ll approach her.
(Aloud.) Come back, Procuress, and look back towards me.
I think that this old hag should be accosted. I’ll approach her.
(Aloud.) Come back, Procuress, and look back towards me.
PROCURESS
Who is it that gives his commands?
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Who is it that gives his commands?
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PHAEDROMUS
The all-powerful in wine, jolly Bacchus; he who, when you’re hawking, parched, and half asleep, brings you a draught and comes to quench your thirst.
The all-powerful in wine, jolly Bacchus; he who, when you’re hawking, parched, and half asleep, brings you a draught and comes to quench your thirst.
PROCURESS
How far is he away from me?
How far is he away from me?
PHAEDROMUS
(holding up the torch.)
See this light.
See this light.
PROCURESS
Then, prithee, do quicken your pace towards me.
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Then, prithee, do quicken your pace towards me.
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PHAEDROMUS
Health to you.
Health to you.
PROCURESS
How can I have health, who am parched with thirst?
How can I have health, who am parched with thirst?
PHAEDROMUS
But you shall drink in a moment.
But you shall drink in a moment.
PROCURESS
’Tis long a-coming.
’Tis long a-coming.
PHAEDROMUS
(extending the bowl.)
Here’s for you, jolly old dame.
Here’s for you, jolly old dame.
PROCURESS
Health to you, gentleman dear as my very eyes.
Health to you, gentleman dear as my very eyes.
PALINURUS
Come, toss this off quickly into your abyss; scour out your sink right speedily.
Come, toss this off quickly into your abyss; scour out your sink right speedily.
PHAEDROMUS
Hold your tongue; I won’t have her ill spoken to.
Hold your tongue; I won’t have her ill spoken to.
PALINURUS
(aside.)
In preference, then, I’ll do her ill.
In preference, then, I’ll do her ill.
PROCURESS
(pouring some of the residue on the altar.)
Venus, of this little, this very little will I give to thee
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—sore against my will; for all the lovers, in their cups, to propitiate thee, expend their wine upon thee: not such windfalls often fall to me.
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(Drinks again.)
Venus, of this little, this very little will I give to thee
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—sore against my will; for all the lovers, in their cups, to propitiate thee, expend their wine upon thee: not such windfalls often fall to me.
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PALINURUS
Do look at that, please, how greedily the filthy hag swills down the pure wine into herself with distended gullet.
Do look at that, please, how greedily the filthy hag swills down the pure wine into herself with distended gullet.
PROCURESS
(patting her stomach and chuckling.)
Ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha
PALINURUS
How is it? Do you like it?
How is it? Do you like it?
PROCURESS
I do like it.
I do like it.
PALINURUS
And I, too, should like to goad with a spur as well.
And I, too, should like to goad with a spur as well.
PHAEDROMUS
(aside to PALINURUS.)
Don’t you—do hold your tongue.
Don’t you—do hold your tongue.
PALINURUS
I’ll hold my tongue;
(the old woman drinks) but see, the rainbow’s drinking
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; I’ faith, I do believe it will rain to-day.
I’ll hold my tongue;
(the old woman drinks) but see, the rainbow’s drinking
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; I’ faith, I do believe it will rain to-day.
PHAEDROMUS
Troth now, I’m quite undone; what first to say to her I know not.
Troth now, I’m quite undone; what first to say to her I know not.
PALINURUS
Why, the same thing that you said to me.
Why, the same thing that you said to me.
PHAEDROMUS
What’s that?
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What’s that?
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PALINURUS
Say that you’re quite undone.
Say that you’re quite undone.
PHAEDROMUS
May the Gods confound you.
May the Gods confound you.
PALINURUS
Say so to her.
Say so to her.
PHAEDROMUS
Am I to say then to her—?
Am I to say then to her—?
PALINURUS
Say what?
Say what?
PHAEDROMUS
That I’m quite undone.
That I’m quite undone.
PALINURUS
Well then, say so.
Well then, say so.
PHAEDROMUS
Old lady, do listen. I wish you to know this; to my sorrow, I’m quite undone.
Old lady, do listen. I wish you to know this; to my sorrow, I’m quite undone.
PROCURESS
But, i’ faith, for my part, I’m altogether brought to life. But why is it that you are pleased to say you are quite undone?
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But, i’ faith, for my part, I’m altogether brought to life. But why is it that you are pleased to say you are quite undone?
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PHAEDROMUS
Because I’m deprived of the object which I love.
(Pretends to weep)
Because I’m deprived of the object which I love.
(Pretends to weep)
PROCURESS
My dear Phaedromus, prithee, do not weep; do you take care that I’m not thirsty, I’ll at once bring out here for you the object which you love.
(Goes into the house.)
My dear Phaedromus, prithee, do not weep; do you take care that I’m not thirsty, I’ll at once bring out here for you the object which you love.
(Goes into the house.)
PHAEDROMUS
Assuredly, if you keep faith with me, in place of a golden statue, I’ll erect for you one of wine
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, which shall be a memorial of your gullet Palinurus, who on earth will be so blest as myself, if she comes to me?
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Assuredly, if you keep faith with me, in place of a golden statue, I’ll erect for you one of wine
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, which shall be a memorial of your gullet Palinurus, who on earth will be so blest as myself, if she comes to me?
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PALINURUS
By my faith, he who is in love, if he is in want as well, is afflicted with a dreadful malady.
By my faith, he who is in love, if he is in want as well, is afflicted with a dreadful malady.
PHAEDROMUS
Such is not the case with me; for I feel sure that this very day my Parasite will come hither to me with the money.
Such is not the case with me; for I feel sure that this very day my Parasite will come hither to me with the money.
PALINURUS
You attempt something mighty, if you expect that which nowhere exists.
You attempt something mighty, if you expect that which nowhere exists.
PHAEDROMUS
What if I approach the door, and trill a carol
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?
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What if I approach the door, and trill a carol
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?
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PALINURUS
If you choose; I neither bid nor request you, since, my master, I see that you are of manners and disposition thus changed.
If you choose; I neither bid nor request you, since, my master, I see that you are of manners and disposition thus changed.
PHAEDROMUS
(sings.)
Bolts, O ye bolts, with pleasure do I salute you. I love you, I court you, I seek you, and you entreat; most kindly lend your aid to me in love;
become, for my sake, as though play-actors
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from foreign climes; leap upwards pray, and send out of doors this fair one, who drains my blood for me distractedly in love.
(Addressing PALINURUS.) Look at that, how those most accursed bolts sleep on, and none the quicker for my sake do they bestir themselves.
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(Addressing the door.)
I see quite clearly that you don’t value my esteem at all. Hist! hush, hush!
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Bolts, O ye bolts, with pleasure do I salute you. I love you, I court you, I seek you, and you entreat; most kindly lend your aid to me in love;
become, for my sake, as though play-actors
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from foreign climes; leap upwards pray, and send out of doors this fair one, who drains my blood for me distractedly in love.
(Addressing PALINURUS.) Look at that, how those most accursed bolts sleep on, and none the quicker for my sake do they bestir themselves.
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I see quite clearly that you don’t value my esteem at all. Hist! hush, hush!
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PALINURUS
I’ troth, for my part I’m silent enough.
I’ troth, for my part I’m silent enough.
PHAEDROMUS
I hear a noise; at last, i’ faith, these bolts have become complaisant to me.
I hear a noise; at last, i’ faith, these bolts have become complaisant to me.
Curculio. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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