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Diogenes

Pollux

Diogenes

Pollux, I have a commission for you; next time you go up—and I think it is your turn for earth to-morrow—if you come across Menippus the Cynic—you will find him about the Craneum at Corinth, or in the Lyceum, laughing at the philosophers’ disputes—well, give him this message:—Menippus, Diogenes advises you, if mortal subjects for laughter begin to pall, to come down below, and find much richer material; where you are now, there is always a dash of uncertainty in it; the question will always intrude—who can be quite sure about the hereafter? Here, you can have your laugh out in security, like me; it is the best of sport to see millionaires, governors, despots, now mean and insignificant; you can only tell them by their lamentations, and the spiritless despondency which is the legacy of better days. Tell him this, and mention that he had better stuff his wallet with plenty of lupines, and any unconsidered trifles he can snap up in the way of pauper doles¹ or lustral eggs².

Pollux

I will tell him, Diogenes. But give me some idea of his appearance.

Diogenes

Old, bald, with a cloak that allows him plenty of light and ventilation, and is patched all colours of the rainbow; always laughing, and usually gibing at pretentious philosophers,

Pollux

Ah, I cannot mistake him now.

Diogenes

May I give you another message to those same philosophers?

Pollux

Oh, I don’t mind; go on.

Diogenes

Charge them generally to give up playing the fool, quarrelling over metaphysics, tricking each other with horn and crocodile puzzles,³ and teaching people to waste wit on such absurdities.

Pollux

Oh, but if I say anything against their wisdom, they will call me an ignorant blockhead.

Diogenes

Then tell them from me to go to the devil.

Pollux

Very well; rely upon me.

Diogenes

And then, my most obliging of Polluxes, there is this for the rich:—O vain fools, why hoard gold? why all these pains over interest sums and the adding of hundred to hundred, when you must shortly come to us with nothing beyond the dead-penny?

Pollux

They shall have their message too.

Diogenes

Ah, and a word to the handsome and strong; Megillus of Corinth, and Damoxenus the wrestler will do. Inform them that auburn locks, eyes bright or black, rosy cheeks, are as little in fashion here as tense muscles or mighty shoulders; man and man are as like as two peas, tell them, when it comes to bare skull and no beauty.

Pollux

That is to the handsome and strong; yes, I can manage that.

Diogenes

Yes, my Spartan, and here is for the poor. There are a great many of them, very sorry for themselves and resentful of their helplessness. Tell them to dry their tears and cease their cries; explain to them that here one man is as good as another, and they will find those who were rich on earth no better than themselves. As for your Spartans, -you will not mind scolding them, from me, upon their present degeneracy?

Pollux

No, no, Diogenes; leave Sparta alone; that is going too far; your other commissions I will execute.

Diogenes

Oh, well, let them off, if you care about it; but tell all the others what I said.

Henry Watson Fowler

Dialogi mortuorum. Lucian. Henry Watson Fowler (Translator), Francis George Fowler (Translator). Medford, MA, USA. 2023-08-01.

Current edition Perseus

Dialogues of the Dead (English) (The Works of Lucian of Samosata, Vol. 1. Fowler, Henry Watson and Fowler, Francis George, translators. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1905.)

Editions (2)

Νεκρικοὶ Διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian. Luciani Samosatensis Opera, Vol. 1. Jacobitz, Karl, editor. Leipzig: Teubner, 1909.) — 1 focus

Διογένης καὶ Πολυδεύκης

Διογένης

ὦ Πολύδευκες, ἐντέλλομαί σοι, ἐπειδὰν 329 τάχιστα ἀνέλθῃς, — σὸν γάρ ἐστιν, οἶμαι, ἀναβιῶναι αὔριον — ἤν που ἴδῃς Μένιππον τὸν κύνα, — εὕροις δʼ ἂν αὐτὸν ἐν Κορίνθῳ κατὰ τὸ Κράνειον ἢ ἐν Λυκείῳ τῶν ἐριζόντων πρὸς ἀλλήλους φιλοσόφων καταγελῶντα — εἰπεῖν πρὸς αὐτόν, ὅτι σοί, ὦ Μένιππε, κελεύει ὁ Διογένης, εἴ σοι ἱκανῶς τὰ ὑπὲρ γῆς καταγεγέλασται, ἥκειν ἐνθάδε πολλῷ πλείω ἐπιγελασόμενον· ἐκεῖ μὲν γὰρ ἐν ἀμφιβόλῳ σοὶ ἔτι ὁ γέλως ἦν καὶ πολὺ τὸ τίς γὰρ 330 ὅλως οἶδε τὰ μετὰ τὸν βίον; ἐνταῦθα δὲ οὐ παύσῃ βεβαίως γελῶν καθάπερ ἐγὼ νῦν, καὶ μάλιστα ἐπειδὰν ὁρᾷς τοὺς πλουσίους καὶ σατράπας καὶ τυράννους οὕτω ταπεινοὺς καὶ ἀσήμους, ἐκ μόνης οἰμωγῆς διαγινωσκομένους, καὶ ὅτι μαλθακοὶ καὶ ἀγεννεῖς εἰσι μεμνημένοι τῶν ἄνω. ταῦτα λέγε αὐτῷ, καὶ προσέτι, ἐμπλησάμενον 331 τὴν πήραν ἥκειν θέρμων τε πολλῶν καὶ εἴ που εὕροι ἐν τῇ τριόδῳ Ἑκάτης δεῖπνον κείμενον ἢ ᾠὸν ἐκ καθαρσίου ἤ τι τοιοῦτον.

Πολυδεύκης

ἀλλʼ ἀπαγγελῶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες. ὅπως 332 δὲ εἰδῶ μάλιστα, ὁποῖός τίς ἐστι τὴν ὄψιν.

Διογένης

γέρων, φαλακρός, τριβώνιον ἔχων πολύθυρον, ἅπαντι ἀνέμῳ ἀναπεπταμένον καὶ ταῖς ἐπιπτυχαῖς τῶν ῥακίων ποικίλον, γελᾷ δʼ ἀεὶ καὶ τὰ πολλὰ τοὺς ἀλαζόνας τούτους φιλοσόφους ἐπισκώπτει.

Πολυδεύκης

ῥᾴδιον εὑρεῖν ἀπό γε τούτων.

Διογένης

βούλει καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκείνους ἐντείλωμαί τι τοὺς φιλοσόφους;

Πολυδεύκης

λέγε· οὐ βαρὺ γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτο.

Διογένης

τὸ μὲν ὅλον παύσασθαι αὐτοῖς παρεγγύα ληροῦσι καὶ περὶ τῶν ὅλων ἐρίζουσι καὶ κέρατα φύουσιν ἀλλήλοις καὶ κροκοδείλους ποιοῦσι καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἄπορα ἐρωτᾶν διδάσκουσι τὸν νοῦν.

Πολυδεύκης

ἀλλʼ ἐμὲ ἀμαθῆ καὶ ἀπαίδευτον εἶναι φάσκουσι κατηγοροῦντα τῆς σοφίας αὐτῶν. 333

Διογένης

σὺ δὲ οἰμώζειν αὐτοῖς παρʼ ἐμοῦ λέγε.

Πολυδεύκης

καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες, ἀπαγγελῶ.

Διογένης

τοῖς πλουσίοις δʼ, ὦ φίλτατον Πολυδεύκιον, ἀπάγγελλε ταῦτα παρʼ ἡμῶν· τί, ὦ μάταιοι, τὸν χρυσὸν φυλάττετε; τί δὲ τιμωρεῖσθε ἑαυτοὺς λογιζόμενοι τοὺς τόκους καὶ τάλαντα ἐπὶ ταλάντοις συντιθέντες, οὓς χρὴ ἕνα ὀβολὸν ἔχοντας ἥκειν μετʼ ὀλίγον;

Πολυδεύκης

εἰρήσεται καὶ ταῦτα πρὸς ἐκείνους.

Διογένης

ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῖς καλοῖς τε καὶ ἰσχυροῖς λέγε, Μεγίλλῳ τε τῷ Κορινθίῳ καὶ Δαμοξένῳ τῷ παλαιστῇ, ὅτι παρʼ ἡμῖν οὔτε ἡ ξανθὴ κόμη οὔτε τὰ χαροπὰ ἢ μέλανα ὄμματα ἢ ἐρύθημα ἐπὶ τοῦ προσώπου ἔτι ἔστιν ἢ 334 νεῦρα εὔτονα ἢ ὦμοι καρτεροί, ἀλλὰ πάντα μία ἡμῖν κόνις, φασί, κρανία γυμνὰ τοῦ κάλλους.

Πολυδεύκης

οὐ χαλεπὸν οὐδὲ ταῦτα εἰπεῖν πρὸς τοὺς καλοὺς καὶ ἰσχυρούς.

Διογένης

καὶ τοῖς πένησιν, ὦ Λάκων, — πολλοὶ δʼ εἰσὶ καὶ ἀχθόμενοι τῷ πράγματι καὶ οἰκτείροντες τὴν ἀπορίαν — λέγε μήτε δακρύειν μήτε οἰμώζειν διηγησάμενος τὴν ἐνταῦθα ἰσοτιμίαν, καὶ ὅτι ὄψονται τοὺς ἐκεῖ πλουσίους οὐδὲν ἀμείνους αὐτῶν· καὶ Λακεδαιμονίοις 335 δὲ τοῖς σοῖς ταῦτα, εἰ δοκεῖ, παρʼ ἐμοῦ ἐπιτίμησον λέγων ἐκλελύσθαι αὐτούς.

Πολυδεύκης

μηδέν, ὦ Διόγενες, περὶ Λακεδαιμονίων λέγε· οὐ γὰρ ἀνέξομαί γε. ἃ δὲ πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους ἔφησθα, ἀπαγγελῶ.

Διογένης

ἐάσωμεν τούτους, ἐπεί σοι δοκεῖ· σὺ δὲ οἷς προεῖπον ἀπένεγκον παρʼ ἐμοῦ τοὺς λόγους.

Νεκρικοὶ διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 1 focus

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΟΥΣ ΚΑΙ ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΟΥΣ

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Ὦ Πολύδευκες, ἐντέλλομαί σοι, ἐπειδὰν 329 τάχιστα ἀνέλθῃς,—σὸν γάρ ἐστιν, οἶμαι, ἀναβιῶναι αὔριον—ἤν που ἴδῃς Μένιππον τὸν κύνα,—εὕροις δ’ ἂν αὐτὸν ἐν Κορίνθῳ κατὰ τὸ Κράνειον ¹ ἢ ἐν Λυκείῳ τῶν ἐριζόντων πρὸς ἀλλήλους φιλοσόφων καταγελῶντα—εἰπεῖν πρὸς αὐτόν, ὅτι σοί, ὦ Μένιππε, κελεύει ὁ Διογένης, εἴ σοι ἱκανῶς τὰ ὑπὲρ γῆς καταγεγέλασται, ἥκειν ἐνθάδε πολλῷ πλείω ἐπιγελασόμενον· ἐκεῖ μὲν γὰρ ἐν ἀμφιβόλῳ σοὶ ἔτι ὁ γέλως ἦν καὶ πολὺ τὸ “τίς γὰρ ὅλως οἶδε τὰ μετὰ τὸν βίον; 330 ”, ἐνταῦθα δὲ οὐ παύσῃ βεβαίως γελῶν καθάπερ ἐγὼ νῦν, καὶ μάλιστα ἐπειδὰν ὁρᾷς τοὺς πλουσίους καὶ σατράπας καὶ τυράννους οὕτω ταπεινοὺς καὶ ἀσήμους, ἐκ μόνης οἰμωγῆς διαγινωσκομένους, καὶ ὅτι μαλθακοὶ καὶ ἀγεννεῖς εἰσι μεμνημένοι τῶν ἄνω. ταῦτα λέγε αὐτῷ, καὶ 331 προσέτι ἐμπλησάμενον τὴν πήραν ἥκειν θέρμων τε πολλῶν καὶ εἴ που εὕροι ἐν τῇ τριόδῳ Ἑκάτης δεῖπνον κείμενον ἢ ᾠὸν ἐκ καθαρσίου ἤ τι τοιοῦτον.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Ἀλλ' ἀπαγγελῶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες. ὅπως 332 δὲ εἰδῶ μάλιστα ὁποῖός τίς ἐστι τὴν ὄψιν—

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Γέρων, φαλακρός, τριβώνιον ἔχων πολύθυρον, ἅπαντι ἀνέμῳ ἀναπεπταμένον καὶ ταῖς ἐπιπτυχαῖς τῶν ῥακίων ποικίλον, γελᾷ δ’ ἀεὶ καὶ τὰ πολλὰ τοὺς ἀλαζόνας τούτους φιλοσόφους ἐπισκώπτει.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Ῥᾴδιον εὑρεῖν ἀπό γε τούτων.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Βούλει καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκείνους ἐντείλωμαί τι τοὺς φιλοσόφους;

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Λέγε· οὐ βαρὺ ² γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτο.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Τὸ μὲν ὅλον παύσασθαι αὐτοῖς παρεγγύα ληροῦσι καὶ περὶ τῶν ὅλων ἐρίζουσιν καὶ κέρατα φύουσιν ἀλλήλοις καὶ κροκοδείλους ποιοῦσι καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἄπορα ἐρωτᾶν διδάσκουσι τὸν νοῦν.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Ἀλλὰ ἐμὲ ἀμαθῆ καὶ ἀπαίδευτον εἶναι φάσκουσι κατηγοροῦντα τῆς σοφίας αὐτῶν.

333

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Σὺ δὲ οἰμώζειν αὐτοὺς παρ' ἐμοῦ λέγε.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες, ἀπαγγελῶ.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Τοῖς πλουσίοις δ’ ὦ φίλτατον Πολυδεύκιον, ἀπάγγελλε ταῦτα παρ' ἡμῶν· τί, ὦ μάταιοι, τὸν χρυσὸν φυλάττετε; τί δὲ τιμωρεῖσθε ἑαυτοὺς λογιζόμενοι τοὺς τόκους καὶ τάλαντα ἐπὶ ταλάντοις συντιθέντες, οὓς χρὴ ἕνα ὀβολὸν ἔχοντας ἥκειν μετ' ὀλίγον;

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Εἰρήσεται καὶ ταῦτα πρὸς ἐκείνους.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῖς καλοῖς τε καὶ ἰσχυροῖς λέγε, Μεγίλλῳ τε τῷ Κορινθίῳ καὶ Δαμοξένῳ τῷ παλαιστῇ, ὅτι παρ' ἡμῖν οὔτε ἡ ξανθὴ κόμη οὔτε τὰ χαροπὰ ἢ μέλανα ὄμματα ἢ ἐρύθημα ἐπὶ τοῦ 334προσώπου ἔτι ἔστιν ἢ νεῦρα εὔτονα ἢ ὦμοι καρτεροί, ἀλλὰ πάντα μία ἡμῖν κόνις, φασί, κρανία γυμνὰ τοῦ κάλλους.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Οὐ χαλεπὸν οὐδὲ ταῦτα εἰπεῖν πρὸς τοὺς καλοὺς καὶ ἰσχυρούς.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Καὶ τοῖς πένησιν, ὦ Λάκων,—πολλοὶ δ’ εἰσὶ καὶ ἀχθόμενοι τῷ πράγματι καὶ οἰκτείροντες τὴν ἀπορίαν—λέγε μήτε δακρύειν μήτε οἰμώζειν διηγησάμενος τὴν ἐνταῦθα ἰσοτιμίαν, καὶ ὅτι ὄψονται τοὺς ἐκεῖ πλουσίους οὐδὲν ἀμείνους αὑτῶν· 335 καὶ Λακεδαιμονίοις δὲ τοῖς σοῖς ταῦτα, εἰ δοκεῖ, παρ' ἐμοῦ ἐπιτίμησον λέγων ἐκλελύσθαι αὐτούς.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Μηδέν, ὦ Διόγενες, περὶ Λακεδαιμονίων λέγε· οὐ γὰρ ἀνέξομαί γε. ἃ δὲ πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους ἔφησθα, ἀπαγγελῶ.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Ἐάσωμεν τούτους, ἐπεί σοι δοκεῖ· σὺ δὲ οἷς προεῖπον ἀπένεγκον παρ' ἐμοῦ τοὺς λόγους.

Translations (1)

Dialogues of the Dead Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, translator. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 1 focus

Diogenes And Pollux

DIOGENES

My dear Pollux, I have some instructions for you as soon as you go up top. It’s your turn for resurrection to-morrow, I believe. If you see Menippus, the Dog ¹ , anywhere (you’ll find him in Corinth at the Craneum or in the Lyceum at Athens, laughing at the Philosophers wrangling with each other), tell him this from me. “Diogenes bids you, Menippus, if you’ve laughed enough at the things on the earth above, come down here, if you want much more to laugh at; for on earth your laughter was fraught with uncertainty, and people often wondered whether anyone at all was quite sure about what follows death, but here you’ll be able to laugh endlessly without any doubts, as I do now—and particularly when you see rich men, satraps and tyrants so humble and insignificant, with nothing to distinguish them but their groans, and see them to be weak and contemptible when they recall their life above.” That’s the message you’ve to give him and one further thing—that he’s to come here with his wallet filled with lots of lupines and any meals dedicated to Hecate he finds at cross-roads, or eggs from sacrifices of purification, or anything of the sort.

POLLUX

I’ll deliver your message, Diogenes. But if I could have precise information about his appearance—

DIOGENES

He’s old and bald, with a decrepit cloak full of windows and open to every wind, a motley of flapping rags; he’s always laughing and Generally mocking those hypocritical Philosophers.

POLLUX

If we judge from these details at any rate, he should be easy to find.

DIOGENES

May I send a piece of advice to these Philosophers also?

POLLUX

Yes; no difficulty with that either.

DIOGENES

Pass on a brief message to them to stop their foolish talk and their bickering about the universe, and making each other grow horns, ² and composing puzzles about crocodiles, ³ and teaching the human mind to ask such insoluble riddles.

POLLUX

But they say I’m an uneducated ignoramus to cast aspersions on their wisdom.

DIOGENES

You tell them from me to go to the devil.

POLLUX

I’ll give this message too, Diogenes.

DIOGENES

And take this message to the rich men from us, my dearest Pollux. “Why do you guard your gold, you senseless fools? Why do you punish yourselves, counting interest, and piling talents on talents, when you must come here shortly with no more than a penny?” ⁴

POLLUX

They shall have this message too.

DIOGENES

Yes, and say to the men who are handsome and strong like Megillus of Corinth and Damoxenus the wrestler, “Here with us are no golden locks or blue eyes or dark eyes, or rosy cheek, no well-strung sinews or sturdy shoulders—all with us, to quote the proverb, is one and the same dust, skulls bereft of good looks.”

POLLUX

Another easy message for me to give—to the handsome and strong.

DIOGENES

And tell the poor, my Spartan friend, who are many, displeased with life and pitying themselves for their poverty, not to cry and moan; describe to them our equality here, telling them how they’ll see the rich on earth no better here than they are themselves. And tell your own Spartans off from me, if you will, for having become so slack.

POLLUX

Not a word to me about Spartans, Diogenes; I won’t tolerate that. But I’ll deliver your messages to all the others.

DIOGENES

Let’s forget about the Spartans, since that’s your wish, but be sure to give my messages to the people I mentioned earlier on.

Notes on the current edition

Dialogues of the Dead

1. In the Greek, 'a Hecate’s repast lying at a street corner.' 'Rich men used to make offerings to Hecate on the 30th of every month as Goddess of roads at street corners; and these offerings were at once pounced upon by the poor, or, as here, the Cynics.' Jacobitz.

2. 'Eggs were often used as purificatory offerings and set out in front of the house purified.’ Jacobitz.

3. See Puzzles in Notes.

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I

Diogenes

Pollux

Pollux I will tell him, Diogenes. But give me some idea of his appearance.

Diogenes Old, bald, with a cloak that allows him plenty of light and ventilation, and is patched all colours of the rainbow; always laughing, and usually gibing at pretentious philosophers,

Pollux Ah, I cannot mistake him now.

Diogenes May I give you another message to those same philosophers?

Pollux Oh, I don’t mind; go on.

Diogenes Charge them generally to give up playing the fool, quarrelling over metaphysics, tricking each other with horn and crocodile puzzles, 3 and teaching people to waste wit on such absurdities.

Pollux Oh, but if I say anything against their wisdom, they will call me an ignorant blockhead.

Diogenes Then tell them from me to go to the devil.

Pollux Very well; rely upon me.

Diogenes And then, my most obliging of Polluxes, there is this for the rich:—O vain fools, why hoard gold? why all these pains over interest sums and the adding of hundred to hundred, when you must shortly come to us with nothing beyond the dead-penny?

Pollux They shall have their message too.

Pollux That is to the handsome and strong; yes, I can manage that.

Pollux No, no, Diogenes; leave Sparta alone; that is going too far; your other commissions I will execute.

Diogenes Oh, well, let them off, if you care about it; but tell all the others what I said.

Current edition Perseus

Διογένης καὶ Πολυδεύκης

Πολυδεύκης ἀλλʼ ἀπαγγελῶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες. ὅπως 332 δὲ εἰδῶ μάλιστα, ὁποῖός τίς ἐστι τὴν ὄψιν.

Πολυδεύκης ῥᾴδιον εὑρεῖν ἀπό γε τούτων.

Διογένης βούλει καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκείνους ἐντείλωμαί τι τοὺς φιλοσόφους;

Πολυδεύκης λέγε· οὐ βαρὺ γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτο.

Πολυδεύκης ἀλλʼ ἐμὲ ἀμαθῆ καὶ ἀπαίδευτον εἶναι φάσκουσι κατηγοροῦντα τῆς σοφίας αὐτῶν. 333

Διογένης σὺ δὲ οἰμώζειν αὐτοῖς παρʼ ἐμοῦ λέγε.

Πολυδεύκης καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες, ἀπαγγελῶ.

Πολυδεύκης εἰρήσεται καὶ ταῦτα πρὸς ἐκείνους.

Πολυδεύκης οὐ χαλεπὸν οὐδὲ ταῦτα εἰπεῖν πρὸς τοὺς καλοὺς καὶ ἰσχυρούς.

Πολυδεύκης μηδέν, ὦ Διόγενες, περὶ Λακεδαιμονίων λέγε· οὐ γὰρ ἀνέξομαί γε. ἃ δὲ πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους ἔφησθα, ἀπαγγελῶ.

Διογένης ἐάσωμεν τούτους, ἐπεί σοι δοκεῖ· σὺ δὲ οἷς προεῖπον ἀπένεγκον παρʼ ἐμοῦ τοὺς λόγους.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΟΥΣ ΚΑΙ ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΟΥΣ

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Ἀλλ' ἀπαγγελῶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες. ὅπως 332 δὲ εἰδῶ μάλιστα ὁποῖός τίς ἐστι τὴν ὄψιν—

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Ῥᾴδιον εὑρεῖν ἀπό γε τούτων.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ Βούλει καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκείνους ἐντείλωμαί τι τοὺς φιλοσόφους;

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Λέγε· οὐ βαρὺ 2 γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτο.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Ἀλλὰ ἐμὲ ἀμαθῆ καὶ ἀπαίδευτον εἶναι φάσκουσι κατηγοροῦντα τῆς σοφίας αὐτῶν.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ Σὺ δὲ οἰμώζειν αὐτοὺς παρ' ἐμοῦ λέγε.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες, ἀπαγγελῶ.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Εἰρήσεται καὶ ταῦτα πρὸς ἐκείνους.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Οὐ χαλεπὸν οὐδὲ ταῦτα εἰπεῖν πρὸς τοὺς καλοὺς καὶ ἰσχυρούς.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ Μηδέν, ὦ Διόγενες, περὶ Λακεδαιμονίων λέγε· οὐ γὰρ ἀνέξομαί γε. ἃ δὲ πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους ἔφησθα, ἀπαγγελῶ.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ Ἐάσωμεν τούτους, ἐπεί σοι δοκεῖ· σὺ δὲ οἷς προεῖπον ἀπένεγκον παρ' ἐμοῦ τοὺς λόγους.

Diogenes And Pollux

POLLUX I’ll deliver your message, Diogenes. But if I could have precise information about his appearance—

DIOGENES He’s old and bald, with a decrepit cloak full of windows and open to every wind, a motley of flapping rags; he’s always laughing and Generally mocking those hypocritical Philosophers.

POLLUX If we judge from these details at any rate, he should be easy to find.

DIOGENES May I send a piece of advice to these Philosophers also?

POLLUX Yes; no difficulty with that either.

DIOGENES Pass on a brief message to them to stop their foolish talk and their bickering about the universe, and making each other grow horns, 2 and composing puzzles about crocodiles, 3 and teaching the human mind to ask such insoluble riddles.

POLLUX But they say I’m an uneducated ignoramus to cast aspersions on their wisdom.

DIOGENES You tell them from me to go to the devil.

POLLUX I’ll give this message too, Diogenes.

DIOGENES And take this message to the rich men from us, my dearest Pollux. “Why do you guard your gold, you senseless fools? Why do you punish yourselves, counting interest, and piling talents on talents, when you must come here shortly with no more than a penny?” 4

POLLUX They shall have this message too.

POLLUX Another easy message for me to give—to the handsome and strong.

POLLUX Not a word to me about Spartans, Diogenes; I won’t tolerate that. But I’ll deliver your messages to all the others.

DIOGENES Let’s forget about the Spartans, since that’s your wish, but be sure to give my messages to the people I mentioned earlier on.

Notes on the current edition

Stable identifiers

Pollux

I will tell him, Diogenes. But give me some idea of his appearance.

Diogenes

Old, bald, with a cloak that allows him plenty of light and ventilation, and is patched all colours of the rainbow; always laughing, and usually gibing at pretentious philosophers,

Pollux

Ah, I cannot mistake him now.

Diogenes

May I give you another message to those same philosophers?

Pollux

Oh, I don’t mind; go on.

Diogenes

Charge them generally to give up playing the fool, quarrelling over metaphysics, tricking each other with horn and crocodile puzzles,³ and teaching people to waste wit on such absurdities.

Pollux

Oh, but if I say anything against their wisdom, they will call me an ignorant blockhead.

Diogenes

Then tell them from me to go to the devil.

Pollux

Very well; rely upon me.

Diogenes

And then, my most obliging of Polluxes, there is this for the rich:—O vain fools, why hoard gold? why all these pains over interest sums and the adding of hundred to hundred, when you must shortly come to us with nothing beyond the dead-penny?

Pollux

They shall have their message too.

Pollux

That is to the handsome and strong; yes, I can manage that.

Pollux

No, no, Diogenes; leave Sparta alone; that is going too far; your other commissions I will execute.

Diogenes

Oh, well, let them off, if you care about it; but tell all the others what I said.

Πολυδεύκης

ἀλλʼ ἀπαγγελῶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες. ὅπως 332 δὲ εἰδῶ μάλιστα, ὁποῖός τίς ἐστι τὴν ὄψιν.

Πολυδεύκης

ῥᾴδιον εὑρεῖν ἀπό γε τούτων.

Διογένης

βούλει καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκείνους ἐντείλωμαί τι τοὺς φιλοσόφους;

Πολυδεύκης

λέγε· οὐ βαρὺ γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτο.

Πολυδεύκης

ἀλλʼ ἐμὲ ἀμαθῆ καὶ ἀπαίδευτον εἶναι φάσκουσι κατηγοροῦντα τῆς σοφίας αὐτῶν. 333

Διογένης

σὺ δὲ οἰμώζειν αὐτοῖς παρʼ ἐμοῦ λέγε.

Πολυδεύκης

καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες, ἀπαγγελῶ.

Πολυδεύκης

εἰρήσεται καὶ ταῦτα πρὸς ἐκείνους.

Πολυδεύκης

οὐ χαλεπὸν οὐδὲ ταῦτα εἰπεῖν πρὸς τοὺς καλοὺς καὶ ἰσχυρούς.

Πολυδεύκης

μηδέν, ὦ Διόγενες, περὶ Λακεδαιμονίων λέγε· οὐ γὰρ ἀνέξομαί γε. ἃ δὲ πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους ἔφησθα, ἀπαγγελῶ.

Διογένης

ἐάσωμεν τούτους, ἐπεί σοι δοκεῖ· σὺ δὲ οἷς προεῖπον ἀπένεγκον παρʼ ἐμοῦ τοὺς λόγους.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Ἀλλ' ἀπαγγελῶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες. ὅπως 332 δὲ εἰδῶ μάλιστα ὁποῖός τίς ἐστι τὴν ὄψιν—

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Ῥᾴδιον εὑρεῖν ἀπό γε τούτων.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Βούλει καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἐκείνους ἐντείλωμαί τι τοὺς φιλοσόφους;

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Λέγε· οὐ βαρὺ ² γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτο.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Ἀλλὰ ἐμὲ ἀμαθῆ καὶ ἀπαίδευτον εἶναι φάσκουσι κατηγοροῦντα τῆς σοφίας αὐτῶν.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Σὺ δὲ οἰμώζειν αὐτοὺς παρ' ἐμοῦ λέγε.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Διόγενες, ἀπαγγελῶ.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Εἰρήσεται καὶ ταῦτα πρὸς ἐκείνους.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Οὐ χαλεπὸν οὐδὲ ταῦτα εἰπεῖν πρὸς τοὺς καλοὺς καὶ ἰσχυρούς.

ΠΟΛΥΔΕΥΚΗΣ

Μηδέν, ὦ Διόγενες, περὶ Λακεδαιμονίων λέγε· οὐ γὰρ ἀνέξομαί γε. ἃ δὲ πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους ἔφησθα, ἀπαγγελῶ.

ΔΙΟΓΕΝΗΣ

Ἐάσωμεν τούτους, ἐπεί σοι δοκεῖ· σὺ δὲ οἷς προεῖπον ἀπένεγκον παρ' ἐμοῦ τοὺς λόγους.

POLLUX

I’ll deliver your message, Diogenes. But if I could have precise information about his appearance—

DIOGENES

He’s old and bald, with a decrepit cloak full of windows and open to every wind, a motley of flapping rags; he’s always laughing and Generally mocking those hypocritical Philosophers.

POLLUX

If we judge from these details at any rate, he should be easy to find.

DIOGENES

May I send a piece of advice to these Philosophers also?

POLLUX

Yes; no difficulty with that either.

DIOGENES

Pass on a brief message to them to stop their foolish talk and their bickering about the universe, and making each other grow horns, ² and composing puzzles about crocodiles, ³ and teaching the human mind to ask such insoluble riddles.

POLLUX

But they say I’m an uneducated ignoramus to cast aspersions on their wisdom.

DIOGENES

You tell them from me to go to the devil.

POLLUX

I’ll give this message too, Diogenes.

DIOGENES

And take this message to the rich men from us, my dearest Pollux. “Why do you guard your gold, you senseless fools? Why do you punish yourselves, counting interest, and piling talents on talents, when you must come here shortly with no more than a penny?” ⁴

POLLUX

They shall have this message too.

POLLUX

Another easy message for me to give—to the handsome and strong.

POLLUX

Not a word to me about Spartans, Diogenes; I won’t tolerate that. But I’ll deliver your messages to all the others.

DIOGENES

Let’s forget about the Spartans, since that’s your wish, but be sure to give my messages to the people I mentioned earlier on.