Publius Terentius Afer (Terence) Phormio 5.8

NAUSISTRATA

Who calls my name?

990

CHREMES

(in alarm.)

Ha!

NAUSISTRATA

My husband, pray what means this disturbance?

PHORMIO

(to CHREMES.)

Oh, oh, why are you mute now?

NAUSISTRATA

Who is this man? Won’t you answer me?

PHORMIO

What, he to answer you? who, upon my faith, doesn’t know where he is.

CHREMES

(to NAUSISTRATA.)

Take care how you believe that fellow in any thing.

PHORMIO

(to NAUSISTRATA.)

Go, touch him; if he isn’t in a cold sweat all over, why then kill me.

CHREMES

’Tis nothing at all.

995

NAUSISTRATA

What is it, then, that this person is talking about?

PHORMIO

You shall know directly; listen now.

CHREMES

Are you resolved to believe him?

NAUSISTRATA

Pray, how can I believe him, when he has told me nothing?

PHORMIO

The poor creature is distracted from fright.

NAUSISTRATA

It isn’t for nothing, i’ faith, that you are in such a fright.

CHREMES

What, I in a fright?

PHORMIO

(to CHREMES.)

All right, of course: since you are not in a fright at all,

and this is nothing at all that I’m going to tell, do you relate it.

1000

DEMIPHO

Villain, is he to relate it at your request?

PHORMIO

(to DEMIPHO.)

Come now, you’ve managed nicely for your brother.

NAUSISTRATA

My husband, will you not tell me?

CHREMES

But—

NAUSISTRATA

But what?

CHREMES

There’s no need to tell you.

PHORMIO

Not for you, indeed; but there’s need for her to know it. At Lemnos —

CHREMES

(starting.)

Ha! what are you doing?

DEMIPHO

(to PHORMIO.)

Won’t you hold your tongue?

PHORMIO

(to NAUSISTRATA.)

Unknown to you—

CHREMES

Ah me!

PHORMIO

He married another—

1005

NAUSISTRATA

My dear sir, may the Gods forbid it!

PHORMIO

Such is the fact.

NAUSISTRATA

Wretch that I am, I’m undone!

PHORMIO

And had a daughter by her, too, while you never dreamed of it.

CHREMES

What are we to do?

NAUSISTRATA

O immortal Gods!—a disgraceful and a wicked misdeed!

DEMIPHO

(aside, to CHREMES.)

It’s all up with you.

PHORMIO

Was ever any thing now more ungenerously done?

Your men, who, when they come to their wives, then become incapacitated from old age.

1010

NAUSISTRATA

Demipho, I appeal to you; for with that man it is irksome for me to speak. Were these those frequent journeys and long visits at Lemnos ? Was this the lowness of prices that reduced our rents?

DEMIPHO

Nausistrata, I don’t deny that in this matter he has been deserving of censure;

but still, it may be pardoned.

1015

PHORMIO

(apart.)

He is talking to the dead.

DEMIPHO

For he did this neither through neglect or aversion to yourself. About fifteen years since, in a drunken fit, he had an intrigue with this poor woman, of whom this girl was born, nor did he ever touch her afterward. She is dead and gone: the only difficulty that remained in this matter.

Wherefore, I do beg of you, that, as in other things, you’ll bear this with patience.

1020

NAUSISTRATA

Why should I with patience? I could wish, afflicted as I am, that there were an end now of this matter. But how can I hope? Am I to suppose that, at his age, he will not offend in future? Was he not an old man then, if old age makes people behave themselves decently? Are my looks and my age more attractive now, Demipho?

What do you advance to me, to make me expect or hope that this will not happen any more?

1025

PHORMIO

(in a loud voice.)

Those who have ¹ a mind to come to the funeral of Chremes, why now’s their time. ’Tis thus I retaliate: come now, let him challenge Phormio who pleases: I’ll have him victimized ² with just a like mischance. Why then, let him return again into her good graces. I have now had revenge enough.

She has got something for her as long as she lives, to be forever ringing into his ears.

1030

NAUSISTRATA

But it was because I deserved this, I suppose; why should I now, Demipho, make mention of each particular, how I have conducted myself toward him?

DEMIPHO

I know it all, as well as yourself.

NAUSISTRATA

Does it appear, then, that I deserved this treatment?

DEMIPHO

Far from it: but since, by reproaching, it can not now be undone,

forgive him: he entreats you—he begs your pardon—owns his fault—makes an apology. What would you have more?

1035

PHORMIO

(aside.)

But really, before she grants pardon to him, I must take care of myself and Phaedria. (To NAUSISTRATA.) Hark you, Nausistrata, before you answer him without thinking, listen to me.

NAUSISTRATA

What’s the matter?

PHORMIO

I got out of him thirty minae by a stratagem. I give them to your son; he paid them to a Procurer for his mistress.

CHREMES

Ha! what is it you say?

1040

PHORMIO

(sneeringly.)

Does it seem to you so very improper for your son, a young man, to keep one mistress, while you have two wives? Are you ashamed of nothing? With what face will you censure him? Answer me that.

DEMIPHO

He shall do as you wish.

NAUSISTRATA

Nay, that you may now know my determination, I neither forgive nor promise any thing, nor give any answer,

before I see my son: to his decision I leave every thing. What he bids me, I shall do.

1045

DEMIPHO

You are a wise woman, Nausistrata.

NAUSISTRATA

Does that satisfy you, Chremes?

CHREMES

Yes, indeed, I come off well, and fully to my satisfaction; indeed, beyond my expectation.

NAUSISTRATA

(to PHORMIO.)

Do you tell me, what is your name?

PHORMIO

What, mine? Phormio; a well-wisher to your family, upon my honor, and to your son Phaedria in particular.

NAUSISTRATA

Then, Phormio, on my word, henceforward I’ll both do and say for you all I can, and whatever you may desire.

1050

PHORMIO

You speak obligingly.

NAUSISTRATA

I’ faith, it is as you deserve.

PHORMIO

First, then, will you do this, Nausistrata, at once, to please me, and to make your husband’s eyes ache with vexation?

NAUSISTRATA

With all my heart.

PHORMIO

Invite me to dinner.

NAUSISTRATA

Assuredly indeed, I do invite you.

DEMIPHO

Let us now away in-doors.

CHREMES

By all means; but where is Phaedria,

our arbitrator?

1055

PHORMIO

I’ll have him here just now.

(To the AUDIENCE.) Fare you well, and grant us your applause. ³