Publius Terentius Afer (Terence) Eunuchus 5.8

CHAEREA

(to himself, aloud.)

O fellow-townsmen, is there any one alive more fortunate than me this day? Not any one, upon my faith: for clearly in me have the Gods manifested all their power, on whom, thus suddenly, so many blessings are bestowed.

1030

PARMENO

(apart.)

Why is he thus overjoyed?

CHAEREA

(seeing PARMENO, and running up to him.)

O my dear Parmeno, the contriver, the beginner, the perfecter of all my delights, do you know what are my transports?

Are you aware that my Pamphila has been discovered to be a citizen?

1035

PARMENO

I have heard so.

CHAEREA

Do you know that she is betrothed to me?

PARMENO

So may the Gods bless me, happily done.

GNATHO

(apart to THRASO.)

Do you hear what he says?

CHAEREA

And then, besides, I am delighted that my brother’s mistress is secured to him; the family is united. Thais has committed herself to the patronage of my father; ¹ she has put herself under our care and protection.

PARMENO

Thais, then, is wholly your brother’s.

CHAEREA

Of course.

PARMENO

Then this is another reason for us to rejoice, that the Captain will be beaten out of doors.

1040

CHAEREA

Wherever my brother is, do you take care that he hears this as soon as possible.

PARMENO

I’ll go look for him at home.

(Goes into the house of LACHES.)

THRASO

(apart to GNATHO.)

Do you at all doubt, Gnatho, but that I am now ruined everlastingly?

GNATHO

(to THRASO.)

Without doubt, I do think so.

CHAEREA

(to himself.)

What am I to make mention of first, or commend in especial? Him who gave me the advice to do so, or myself, who ventured

to undertake it? Or ought I to extol fortune, who has been my guide, and has so opportunely crowded into a single day events so numerous, so important; or my father’s kindness and indulgence Oh Jupiter, I entreat you, do preserve these blessings unto us!

1045

(Enter PHAEDRIA from the house of LACHES.)

PHAEDRIA

(to himself.)

Ye Gods, by our trust in you, what incredible things has Parmeno just related to me! But where is my brother?

CHAEREA

(stepping forward.)

Here he is.

PHAEDRIA

I’m overjoyed.

1050

CHAEREA

I quite believe you. There is no one, brother, more worthy to be loved than this Thais of yours: so much is she a benefactress to all our family.

PHAEDRIA

Whew! are you commending her too to me?

THRASO

(apart.)

I’m undone; the less the hope I have, the more I am in love. Prithee, Gnatho, my hope is in you.

GNATHO

(apart.)

What do you wish me to do?

THRASO

(apart.)

Bring this about, by entreaties or with money, that I may at least share Thais’s favors in some degree.

GNATHO

(apart.)

It’s a hard task.

1055

THRASO

(apart.)

If you set your mind on any thing, I know you well. If you manage this, ask me for any present you like as your reward; you shall have what you ask.

GNATHO

(apart.)

Is it so?

THRASO

(apart.)

It shall be so.

GNATHO

(apart.)

If I manage this, I ask that your house, whether you are present or absent, may be open to me; that, without invitation, there may always be a place for me.

THRASO

(apart.)

I pledge my honor that it shall be so.

GNATHO

(apart.)

I’ll set about it then.

PHAEDRIA

Who is it I hear so close at hand? (Turning round.) O Thraso—

THRASO

(coming forward.)

Save you both—

PHAEDRIA

Perhaps you are not aware what has taken place here.

THRASO

I am quite aware.

PHAEDRIA

Why, then, do I see you in this neighborhood?

THRASO

Depending on your kindness.

PHAEDRIA

Do you know what sort of dependence you have? Captain, I give you notice, if ever I catch you in this street again, even if you should say to me, I was looking for another person, I was on my road this way, you are undone.

GNATHO

Come, come, that’s not handsome.

PHAEDRIA

I’ve said it.

1065

GNATHO

I didn’t know you gave yourself such airs.

PHAEDRIA

So it shall be.

GNATHO

First hear a few words from me; and when I have said the thing, if you approve of it, do it.

PHAEDRIA

Let’s hear.

GNATHO

Do you step a little that way, Thraso. (THRASO stands aside.) In the first place, I wish you both implicitly to believe me in this, that whatever I do in this matter, I do it entirely for my own sake;

but if the same thing is of advantage to yourselves, it would be folly for you not to do it.

1070

PHAEDRIA

What is it?

GNATHO

I’m of opinion that the Captain, your rival, should be received among you.

PHAEDRIA

(starting.)

Hah!

CHAEREA

Be received?

GNATHO

(to PHAEDRIA.)

Only consider. I’faith, Phaedria, at the free rate you are living with her, and indeed very freely you are living, you have but little to give; and it’s necessary for Thais to receive a good deal.

That all this may be supplied for your amour and not at your own expense, there is not an individual better suited or more fitted for your purpose than the Captain. In the first place, he both.has got enough to give, and no one does give more profusely. He is a fool, a dolt, a blockhead; night and day he snores away; and you need not fear that the lady will fall in love with him; you may easily have him discarded whenever you please.

1075

CHAEREA

(to PHAEDRIA.)

What shall we do?

1080

GNATHO

And this besides, which I deem to be of even greater importance,—not a single person entertains in better style or more bountifully.

CHAEREA

It’s a wonder if this sort of man can not be made use of in some way or other.

PHAEDRIA

I think so too.

GNATHO

You act properly. One thing I have still to beg of you,—that you’ll receive me into your fraternity; I’ve been rolling that stone ² for a considerable time past.

PHAEDRIA

We admit you.

CHAEREA

And with all my heart.

1085

GNATHO

Then I, in return for this, Phaedria, and you, Chaerea, make him over to you ³ to be eaten and drunk to the dregs.

CHAEREA

Agreed.

PHAEDRIA

He quite deserves it. ⁴

GNATHO

(calling to THRASO.)

Thraso, whenever you please, step this way.

THRASO

Prithee, how goes it?

GNATHO

How? Why, these people didn’t know you; after I had discovered to them your qualities, and had praised you as your actions and your virtues deserved,

I prevailed upon them.

1090

THRASO

You have managed well; I give you my best thanks. Besides, I never was any where but what all were extremely fond of me.

GNATHO

(to PHAEDRIA and CHAEREA.)

Didn’t I tell you that he was a master of the Attic elegance?

PHAEDRIA

He is no other than you mentioned. (Pointing to his FATHER’s house.) Walk this way.

(To the AUDIENCE.) Fare you well, and grant us your applause.