STRATOPHANES
(to himself.)
That I should love
1
for this! I’m taking an atonement for my offences to my mistress! That that may be taken by her in kindly part which I’ve squandered before, I’ll add this as well.
But what’s this? I see the mistress and her maid before the house. I must accost her.
(Addressing them.) What are you doing here?
895
PHRONESIUM
Don’t speak to me.
STRATOPHANES
You are too angry.
(Pats her on the shoulder.)
PHRONESIUM
Leave me alone. Can’t you possibly cease to be an annoyance to me?
STRATOPHANES
What is the matter, my dear little Astaphium?
ASTAPHIUM
I’ faith, she’s angry with you with good reason.
PHRONESIUM
What, I? I’m not even half spiteful enough to. wards that fellow.
STRATOPHANES
My love, if I have at all offended before,
I present you with this mina of gold. If you smile upon me, deign me a look.
900
PHRONESIUM
My hand forbids me to believe anything, before it holds in its possession. We require food for the child; we require it for the dame
2
as well, that bathes the child; we require it for the nurse
3
, as well, that she may have a leather bottle full of old wine in ample style, that night and day she may tipple; we stand in need of fire; we want coals, too;
we want swathes, napkins, the cradle, the cradle-bed; oil we want; the child requires flour, for pap; all day we are wanting something; never, in the same one day, can our task be performed, but what there’s always need of something; for the children of officers cannot be reared upon medlars
4
.
905
STRATOPHANES
Look upon me then. Take this
(presenting the money), with which to satisfy these necessities.
PHRONESIUM
(taking it.)
Give it me, although it’s very little.
910
STRATOPHANES
Whatever you shall order, shall be given at your demand. Give me a kiss now.
(Tries to kiss her.)
PHRONESIUM
Leave me alone, I say! You are a nuisance!
STRATOPHANES
(aside.)
It’s no use, I’m not loved by her; the day wears apace. More than ten pounds of silver have I lost in this short time by reason of my passion.
PHRONESIUM
(giving the money to ASTAPHIUM.)
Take this, and carry it away in-doors.
(ASTAPHIUM carries it in.)
(Enter STRABAX, from the house.)
STRABAX
(to himself.)
Where in the world is my mistress?
I get on with no business, either in the country or here, at this rate; I’m spoiling with mouldiness, I’m grown so dreadfully numbed with lying waiting here upon the couch. But look, I perceive her. Hallo! sweetheart, what are you about?
915
STRATOPHANES
What fellow is that?
PHRONESIUM
One that, upon my honor, I love far more than yourself.
STRATOPHANES
Than myself? In what way?
PHRONESIUM
Why, this way, that you are not to be troublesome to me.
(Moves as if going.)
STRATOPHANES
Are you going now, after you’ve got the gold?
PHRONESIUM
What you’ve given me, I’ve put away in-doors.
920
STRABAX
Come here, sweetheart; I’ve got something to say to you.
PHRONESIUM
Why, I was just coming to you.
STRABAX
To me, my charmer?
5
PHRONESIUM
In serious truth, i’ faith.
STRABAX
Although I seem a simpleton to you, I like myself to have a bit of recreation. For pretty though you are, you are so to your own loss, unless I amuse myself a bit with you.
PHRONESIUM
Should you like me to embrace you and give you a kiss?
STRABAX
Do whatever you like, I’ll deem it agreable.
(She kisses him.)
STRATOPHANES
What, shall I suffer her to be embracing other men before my eyes? I’ faith, ’twere better that I were dead. Woman, take your hands off of him, unless, perhaps, by this sword of mine, won from the enemy, you wish yourself and him to die.
925
(Flourishing his sword.)
PHRONESIUM
There’s no use in
badinage
6
, Captain. If you want yourself to be loved, with gold, Stratophanes, not with iron, may you prevent him from loving me.
STRATOPHANES
How, the plague, are you pretty or witty, to be fond of a fellow of that description?
930
PHRONESIUM
(aside, to STRATOPHANES.)
Don’t it come to your recollection what an actor once said upon the stage?
All people have an eye to their profit, and are not over delicate.
STRATOPHANES
That you could possibly caress this fellow, so dirty and foul!
PHRONESIUM
Although he is dirty, although he is foul, still, he’s pretty to me.
STRATOPHANES
Didn’t I give you some gold?
935
PHRONESIUM
To me? You gave money for the child’s food.
STRABAX
Now, if you hope to have her, another mina of gold is requisite.
STRATOPHANES
A sore mishap upon these people, and a weighty one!
STRABAX
By all means, keep that by way of provision for your own journey.
7
STRATOPHANES
What does she owe you?
STRABAX
Three things.
STRATOPHANES
What, pray?
STRABAX
Perfumes, her favours, and kisses.
PHRONESIUM
(apart.)
He answers him like for like.
(To STRATOPHANES.) But now, at all events, if you do love me,
do you give me some little trifle from your most abundant treasures.
940
STRATOPHANES
Do say, there’s a dear, what it is that I’m to give you; only say. If I have it left, you shall have it.
PHRONESIUM
Mere kickshaws
8
you’re talking about. Be off, be off.
(STRABAX kisses her.)
STRATOPHANES
I’ve considered this over with myself.
9
My good sir, take you care, will you, that she don’t inflict a wound upon you, whose teeth are made of iron.
She’s allowing access to her to all in common.
You take your hand off of her.
STRABAX
(striking him.)
Then, by my troth, do you take that, with a hearty punch, warlike man!
945
STRATOPHANES
I’ve given her gold.
STRABAX
And I, silver.
STRATOPHANES
And I a mantle and a purple garment.
STRABAX
And I, sheep and wool; and many other things that she shall ask for I’ll give. ’Twere better for you to contest it with me with minae than with menaces
10
.
PHRONESIUM
Upon my faith you are a funny mortal, my Strabax. Prithee, do proceed—
(Aside.) A fool and a madman are contending for their ruin; I’m all right.
950
STRATOPHANES
Come, younker, do you offer something first.
STRABAX
Why no; do you squander first, and come to ruin.
STRATOPHANES
(to PHRONESIUM.)
Well, here’s a talent of silver for you. It’s in Philippean coins. Take it for yourself.
PHRONESIUM
(taking the money.)
So much the better. Be one of our family, but live at your own expense.
STRATOPHANES
(to STRABAX.)
Where is that which you are going to give? Open your purse-strings
11
.
PHRONESIUM
That’s a challenge.
12
STRATOPHANES
(to STRABAX.)
What are you afraid of?
13
STRABAX
You are from abroad
14
. I live here
(points to his FATHER’S house). I am afraid.
955
STRATOPHANES
I am not. Walk off, then.
15
STRABAX
I’m bringing her some sheep fastened in a purse to my neck.
STRATOPHANES
Because I gave that, how I did flounder the fellow
16
.
STRABAX
Why no, indeed, it’s I, who am going to give.
PHRONESIUM
(to STRATOPHANES.)
Come in-doors now, prithee, and
(to STRABAX) do you then stay with me here.
STRATOPHANES
You will give me your company then?
17
STRABAX
(to PHRONESIUM.)
What say you?
18
PHRONESIUM
What?
19
STRABAX
What do you say? What, with this fellow? Am I to be postponed?
STRATOPHANES
I have made my present.
20
PHRONESIUM
(to STRATOPHANES.)
You have given;
(pointing to STRABAX) he’s going to give just now; the one I’ve got, the other I expect. But each of the two shall be indulged to his heart’s content.
960
STRABAX
So be it. As I see the matter stands, that must be taken that’s offered.
STRATOPHANES
Indeed, I shall assuredly not be letting you take possession of my couch.
PHRONESIUM
(aside.)
I’ faith, I’ve cleverly netted them, and quite to my satisfaction.
(To the AUDIENCE.) And as I see my affairs successfully managed, yours likewise
21
would I successfully manage. I’ll caress you in reality. If you are disposed to be doing anything, take care, will you, and let me know at once. For the sake of Venus, applaud; this Play is in her honor. Spectators, kindly farewell; grant applause, and then rise up
22
.
965
Truculentus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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