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551
(Enter GETA, at a distance, followed by SLAVES with presents from DINARCHUS.)
GETA
Get on, get on this way together with you, mules laden with money only to be squandered, you emptyers out of the house, you carriers off of property by waggon-loads!
(To the AUDIENCE.) And can’t he who is in love do without being good for nought, and cleaning himself out by his disgraceful practices? But how I know this, don’t any one be asking that of me;
we’ve a lover at home, who’s engaged in disgraceful pursuits; who esteems property just as dung: he’s in dread of the public officers
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; most cleanly in his ways is he. He wishes his house to be cleaned out; whatever he has at home, it’s swept completely
dehors
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. Since he himself is sending his own self to ruin, for my part, i’ faith, I’ll help him by stealth,
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and not through my assistance, indeed, shall he be ruined e’en a bit the less speedily than he may. For now from these provisions, from the one mina I’ve just now abstracted five didrachms; I’ve deducted for myself the Herculean share
3
. But this is just like as though a person should turn off a stream for himself from a river; if it is not turned off into a channel, still all that water would go into the sea.
560
For this is going into the sea, and is being utterly wasted to no good purpose whatever. When I see these things going on, I pilfer, I purloin, from plunder I plunder take. I take a harlot to be just like what the sea is; what you give her she swallows down, and yet never overflows.
565
But this at least the sea does preserve; what’s in it is seen. Give her as much as ever you please, it’s never seen either by the giver or the acceptor. For instance, this harlot by her blandishments has reduced my poor master to poverty; has robbed him of fortune, life, honor, and friends.
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(Catching sight of her.) Heyday! why look, she’s close by. I do think she has heard me saying all this. She’s pale, as she has been delivered of a child. I’ll address her, as though I didn’t know her.
(Addressing PHRONESIUM.) I present you my respects.
575
Get on, get on this way together with you, mules laden with money only to be squandered, you emptyers out of the house, you carriers off of property by waggon-loads!
(To the AUDIENCE.) And can’t he who is in love do without being good for nought, and cleaning himself out by his disgraceful practices? But how I know this, don’t any one be asking that of me;
we’ve a lover at home, who’s engaged in disgraceful pursuits; who esteems property just as dung: he’s in dread of the public officers
1
; most cleanly in his ways is he. He wishes his house to be cleaned out; whatever he has at home, it’s swept completely
dehors
2
. Since he himself is sending his own self to ruin, for my part, i’ faith, I’ll help him by stealth,
555
and not through my assistance, indeed, shall he be ruined e’en a bit the less speedily than he may. For now from these provisions, from the one mina I’ve just now abstracted five didrachms; I’ve deducted for myself the Herculean share
3
. But this is just like as though a person should turn off a stream for himself from a river; if it is not turned off into a channel, still all that water would go into the sea.
560
For this is going into the sea, and is being utterly wasted to no good purpose whatever. When I see these things going on, I pilfer, I purloin, from plunder I plunder take. I take a harlot to be just like what the sea is; what you give her she swallows down, and yet never overflows.
565
But this at least the sea does preserve; what’s in it is seen. Give her as much as ever you please, it’s never seen either by the giver or the acceptor. For instance, this harlot by her blandishments has reduced my poor master to poverty; has robbed him of fortune, life, honor, and friends.
570
(Catching sight of her.) Heyday! why look, she’s close by. I do think she has heard me saying all this. She’s pale, as she has been delivered of a child. I’ll address her, as though I didn’t know her.
(Addressing PHRONESIUM.) I present you my respects.
575
PHRONESIUM
Our Geta, what is it you’re about? How are you?
Our Geta, what is it you’re about? How are you?
GETA
I’m well, and I’m come to one who’s not so well, and I’m bringing something with which she may get well. My master, the apple of your eye, bade me bring these presents to you,
which you see those persons carrying, and these five minae of silver.
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I’m well, and I’m come to one who’s not so well, and I’m bringing something with which she may get well. My master, the apple of your eye, bade me bring these presents to you,
which you see those persons carrying, and these five minae of silver.
580
PHRONESIUM
I’ faith, it’s not thrown away, that I’m so very fond of him.
I’ faith, it’s not thrown away, that I’m so very fond of him.
GETA
He bade me beg that you would accept these in kind part.
He bade me beg that you would accept these in kind part.
PHRONESIUM
I’ troth, I do accept them kindly and thankfully.
(To CYAMUS, who comes out of the house.) Go, Cyamus, and order them to be taken in-doors.
Do you hear at all this which has been ordered?
(The SERVANTS take up the things.)
I’ troth, I do accept them kindly and thankfully.
(To CYAMUS, who comes out of the house.) Go, Cyamus, and order them to be taken in-doors.
Do you hear at all this which has been ordered?
(The SERVANTS take up the things.)
GETA
I don’t want them to take away the vessels; I’d like to have them emptied.
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I don’t want them to take away the vessels; I’d like to have them emptied.
585
PHRONESIUM
An impudent fellow, i’ faith, how busy he is.
An impudent fellow, i’ faith, how busy he is.
GETA
What? do you say that I’m impudent, you who yourself are a receptacle of villany?
What? do you say that I’m impudent, you who yourself are a receptacle of villany?
PHRONESIUM
Tell me, I beg of you, where is Dinarchus?
Tell me, I beg of you, where is Dinarchus?
GETA
At home.
At home.
PHRONESIUM
Tell him, that, for these presents which he has sent me,
I love him the most of all men, and that in return I hold him in the highest esteem of all, and entreat that he will come hither to me.
590
Tell him, that, for these presents which he has sent me,
I love him the most of all men, and that in return I hold him in the highest esteem of all, and entreat that he will come hither to me.
590
GETA
This instant. But who’s that person, pray
(looking towards STRATOPHANES), that’s devouring himself
4
, scowling with malignant eyes I’ faith, the man’s distressed in his mind,
whoever he is.
595
This instant. But who’s that person, pray
(looking towards STRATOPHANES), that’s devouring himself
4
, scowling with malignant eyes I’ faith, the man’s distressed in his mind,
whoever he is.
595
PHRONESIUM
I’ troth, he’s deserving of it.
I’ troth, he’s deserving of it.
GETA
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
PHRONESIUM
GETA
The good-for-nothing fellow that I knew so well, prithee, is that he?
The good-for-nothing fellow that I knew so well, prithee, is that he?
PHRONESIUM
That’s he.
That’s he.
GETA
He looks at me as he groans.
He heaved a sigh from the very bottom of his breast. Observe that now; he gnashes his teeth; he strikes his thigh. Prithee, is he deranged
7
, that he’s beating his own self?
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He looks at me as he groans.
He heaved a sigh from the very bottom of his breast. Observe that now; he gnashes his teeth; he strikes his thigh. Prithee, is he deranged
7
, that he’s beating his own self?
600
STRATOPHANES
(coming forward.)
Now will I at once summon up my ungovernable indignation and my wrath from my breast!
(To GETA.) Say, whence are you? To whom do you belong? Why have you dared to speak rudely against me?
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Now will I at once summon up my ungovernable indignation and my wrath from my breast!
(To GETA.) Say, whence are you? To whom do you belong? Why have you dared to speak rudely against me?
604605
GETA
It’s my pleasure.
It’s my pleasure.
STRATOPHANES
Do you answer me in that way?
Do you answer me in that way?
GETA
In this way
(snaps his fingers); I don’t care one straw for you.
In this way
(snaps his fingers); I don’t care one straw for you.
STRATOPHANES
(to PHRONESIUM.)
What say you? Why have you dared to say that you love another man?
What say you? Why have you dared to say that you love another man?
PHRONESIUM
I chose to.
I chose to.
STRATOPHANES
Say you so, indeed? I’ll first make trial of that. Do you, for the sake of such a shabby present,
vegetables, and comestibles, and vinegar-water, bestow your love upon an effeminate, frizzle-pated, dark-haunt frequenting, drum-drubbing debauchee
8
, a fellow not worth a nutshell?
609610
Say you so, indeed? I’ll first make trial of that. Do you, for the sake of such a shabby present,
vegetables, and comestibles, and vinegar-water, bestow your love upon an effeminate, frizzle-pated, dark-haunt frequenting, drum-drubbing debauchee
8
, a fellow not worth a nutshell?
609610
GETA
What new thing’s this? Do you dare, you rogue, to speak ill of my master, you spring-head of vice and perjury?
What new thing’s this? Do you dare, you rogue, to speak ill of my master, you spring-head of vice and perjury?
STRATOPHANES
Add a single word to that; by the powers, I’ll that instant here with this cut you up into mincemeat upon the spot.
(Shaking his sword at him.)
Add a single word to that; by the powers, I’ll that instant here with this cut you up into mincemeat upon the spot.
GETA
Only touch me; I’ll that instant be making a lamb of you on the spot, and I’ll slice you asunder in the middle.
If you have the renown of a warrior with your troops, still I’m a Mars
9
in the kitchen.
615
Only touch me; I’ll that instant be making a lamb of you on the spot, and I’ll slice you asunder in the middle.
If you have the renown of a warrior with your troops, still I’m a Mars
9
in the kitchen.
615
PHRONESIUM
(to STRATOPHANES.)
If you did the thing that’s right, you’d not be abusing my visitors, whose gifts I hold as acceptable and pleasing, and your own which I have received of you as unacceptable.
If you did the thing that’s right, you’d not be abusing my visitors, whose gifts I hold as acceptable and pleasing, and your own which I have received of you as unacceptable.
STRATOPHANES
Then, i’ faith, I’m both deprived of my presents and undone as well!
Then, i’ faith, I’m both deprived of my presents and undone as well!
GETA
Clearly it is so.
Clearly it is so.
PHRONESIUM
Why then are you now here, with your annoyance, who confess that you are worsted in every point?
Why then are you now here, with your annoyance, who confess that you are worsted in every point?
STRATOPHANES
(aside.)
I’ faith, I’m this day undone, if I don’t drive this fellow away from you.
620
(He approaches GETA.)
I’ faith, I’m this day undone, if I don’t drive this fellow away from you.
620
GETA
(holding up his fist.)
Only approach this way; only step this way!
Only approach this way; only step this way!
STRATOPHANES
Scoundrelly fellow, threatening even? Whom this very, very, very instant I’ll be chopping up into splinters. What business have you coming here? What business have you to approach her?
(Pointing to PHRONESIUM.) What business have you, I say, to be knowing my mistress? You shall die this instant if you make the slightest movement with your hand.
Scoundrelly fellow, threatening even? Whom this very, very, very instant I’ll be chopping up into splinters. What business have you coming here? What business have you to approach her?
(Pointing to PHRONESIUM.) What business have you, I say, to be knowing my mistress? You shall die this instant if you make the slightest movement with your hand.
GETA
Why shouldn’t I move my hand?
625
Why shouldn’t I move my hand?
625
STRATOPHANES
Do as I commanded; stop; I’ll this instant cut you up into mincemeat on the spot.
Do as I commanded; stop; I’ll this instant cut you up into mincemeat on the spot.
GETA
(aside.)
I’m done for.
10
I’m done for.
10
STRATOPHANES
’Twere best to be off.
11
’Twere best to be off.
11
GETA
It’s a ticklish point; you have a longer sword there than this is
(pointing to a knife in his girdle); but just let me go seek a spit, if indeed I must be having a battle with you. I’ll be off home. Warrior, for me and you I’ll choose an impartial judge.
(Aside.) But why am I delaying to betake myself off hence, while with a safe inside I may?
630
(Exit.)
It’s a ticklish point; you have a longer sword there than this is
(pointing to a knife in his girdle); but just let me go seek a spit, if indeed I must be having a battle with you. I’ll be off home. Warrior, for me and you I’ll choose an impartial judge.
(Aside.) But why am I delaying to betake myself off hence, while with a safe inside I may?
630
Truculentus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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