T. Maccius Plautus Stichus 1.2

ANTIPHO

The man in condition of a servant who always waits to be told his duty, and doesn’t remember to do it of his own accord, that servant, I say, is not of a deserving character.

You remember well on each returning Calends to ask for your allotment of provisions ¹ ; why, then, do you less remember to do what is necessary to do about the house? Now, therefore, if, when I return, the furniture shall not be set for me, each piece in its proper place, I’ll be putting you in mind with a bull’s hide remembrancer ² . Not human beings seem to be living with me, but pigs.

60

Take care, if you please, that my house is clean, when I return home. I shall soon be back home; I’m going to her house, to see my eldest daughter. If any one should enquire for me, call me thence, some of you; or—I shall be here soon myself.

65

PHILUMENA

(aside.)

What are we to do, sister, if our father shall resolve against us?

PAMPHILA

It befits us to submit to what he does whose power is the stronger.

By entreating, not by opposing, I think we must use our endeavours. If with mildness we ask for favour, I trust to obtain it of him. Oppose him we cannot, without disgrace and extreme criminality; I will neither do that myself, nor will I give you the advice to do it, but rather that we should entreat him. I know our family ³ ; he will yield to entreaty.

70

ANTIPHO

(speaking to himself.)

In the first place, in what manner I should make a beginning with them, about that I am in doubt; whether I should accost them in language couched in ambiguous terms, after this fashion, as though I had never pretended ⁴ anything at all against them, or whether as though I had heard that they were deserving of some censure against them; whether I should rather try them gently or with threats. I know that there will be opposition; I know my daughters right well.

75

If they should prefer to remain here rather than to marry afresh, why, let them do so. What need is there for me, the term of my life run out, to be waging war with my children, when I think that they don’t at all deserve that I should do so? By no means; I’ll have no disturbances. But I think that this is the best thing to be done by me; I’ll do thus; I’ll pretend as though they had themselves been guilty of some fault;

80

I’ll terribly terrify their minds this day by some ambiguous expressions; ana then, after that, as I shall feel disposed, I’ll disclose myself. I know that many words will be spoken; I’ll go in. (Goes to the door of PHILUMENA’S house.) But the door’s open.

85

PHILUMENA

Why, surely the sound of my father’s voice reached my ears.

PAMPHILA

I’ troth, ’tis he; let’s hasten to meet him with a kiss.

(They both run to kiss him.)

PHILUMENA

My father, my respects.

90

ANTIPHO

And to you the same. Away this instant, and be off from me,

(Removes her.)

PHILUMENA

One kiss.

ANTIPHO

I’ve had enough of your kissing.

PHILUMENA

Prithee, father, why so?

ANTIPHO

Because, as it is, the seasoning of your affection has reached my soul ⁵ .

PAMPHILA

Sit down here, father.

(Points to a chair.)

ANTIPHO

I’ll not sit there; do you sit down; I’ll sit on the bench ⁶ .

(Sits on a bench.)

PAMPHILA

Wait till I fetch a cushion.

ANTIPHO

You take kind care of me; I’m nicely seated now as I am ⁷ .

PAMPHILA

Do let me, father.

95

(Goes into the house.)

ANTIPHO

What need is there?

PAMPHILA

There is need.

(Coming out, and bringing a cushion.)

ANTIPHO

I’ll submit to you. (Arranging the cushion.) Yes, this does very well.

PAMPHILA

Why, daughters can never take too much care of their parent. Whom is it proper that we should esteem more dear than yourself? And then, in the next place, father, our husbands, for whom you have chosen that we should be the mothers of families.

ANTIPHO

You do as it is proper for good wives to do, in esteeming your husbands,

though absent, just as though they were present.

100

PAMPHILA

’Tis propriety, father, for us to highly honor those who have chosen us as companions for themselves.

ANTIPHO

Is there any other person here to listen with his ears ⁸ to our conversation?

PHILUMENA

There’s no one except us and yourself.

ANTIPHO

I wish your attention to be given; for, unacquainted with female matters and ways,

I come now as a pupil to you, my instructresses; in order that each of you may tell me what endowments matrons ought to have, who are the best esteemed.

105

PAMPHILA

What’s the reason that you come hither to enquire about the ways of females?

ANTIPHO

Troth, I’m looking for a wife, as your mother’s dead and gone.

PAMPHILA

You’ll easily find, father, one both worse and of worse morals

than she was; one better you’ll neither find nor does the sun behold.

110

ANTIPHO

But I’m making the enquiry of you, and of this sister of yours.

PAMPHILA

I’ faith, father, I know how they should be, if they are to be such as I think right.

ANTIPHO

I wish, then, to know what you do think right.

PAMPHILA

That when they walk through the city, they should shut the mouths of all, so that none can speak ill of them with good reason.

ANTIPHO

(to PHILUMENA.)

And now speak you in your turn.

115

PHILUMENA

What do you wish that I should speak to you about, father?

ANTIPHO

How is the woman most easily distinguished, who is of a good disposition?

PHILUMENA

When she, who has the power of doing ill, refrains from doing so.

ANTIPHO

Not bad that. (To PAMPHILA.) Come, say you, which choice is the preferable, to marry a maiden or a widow?

PAMPHILA

So far as my skill extends,

of many evils ⁹ , that which is the least evil, the same is the least an evil.

120

He that can avoid the women, let him avoid them,

so that each day he takes care, the day before, not to do that which, the day after, he may regret.

ANTIPHO

What sort of woman, pray, seems to you by far the wisest?

PHILUMENA

She who, when affairs are prosperous, shall still be able to know herself,

and who with equanimity can endure it to be worse with her than it has been.

125

ANTIPHO

By my troth, in merry mood have I been trying the bent of your dispositions. But ’tis this for which I am come to you, and for which I wished to meet you both. My friends are advising me to the effect that I should remove you hence to my own house.

PAMPHILA

But still, we, whose interests are concerned, are advising you quite otherwise.

For either, father, we ought not formerly to have been bestowed in marriage, unless our husbands pleased you, or, it is not right for us now to be taken away when they are absent.

130

ANTIPHO

And shall I suffer you while I am alive to remain married to men who are beggars?

PAMPHILA

This beggar of mine is agreable to me; her own king is agreable ¹⁰ to the queen. In poverty have I the same feelings that once I had in riches.

ANTIPHO

And do you set such high value on thieves and beggars?

135

PHILUMENA

You did not, as I think, give me in marriage to the money, but to the man.

ANTIPHO

Why are you still in expectation of those who have been absent for now three years? Why don’t you accept an eligible match ¹¹ in place of a very bad one?

PAMPHILA

’Tis folly, father, to lead unwilling dogs to hunt.

That wife is an enemy, who is given to a man in marriage against her will.

140

ANTIPHO

Are you then determined that neither of you will obey the command of your father?

PHILUMENA

We do obey; for where you gave us in marriage, thence are we unwilling to depart.

ANTIPHO

Kindly good b’ye; I’ll go and tell my friends your resolutions.

PAMPHILA

They will, I doubt not, think us the more honorable, if you tell them to honorable men.

ANTIPHO

Take you care, then, of their domestic concerns, the best way that you can.

145

(Exit.)

PHILUMENA

Now you gratify us, when you direct us aright: now we will hearken to you. Now, sister, let’s go indoors.

PAMPHILA

Well, first I’ll take a look at home. If, perchance, any news should come to you from your husband, take you care that I know it.

PHILUMENA

Neither will I conceal it from you, nor do you conceal from me what you may know.

(Calls at the door of her house.) Ho there, Crocotium ¹² , go, fetch hither Gelasimus, the Parasite; bring him here with you. For, i’ faith, I wish to send him to the harbour, to see if, perchance, any ship from Asia ¹³ has arrived there yesterday or to-day. But, one servant has been sitting at the harbour whole days in waiting; still, however, I wish it to be visited every now and then. Make haste, and return immediately.

150

(Each goes into her own house.)