T. Maccius Plautus, Pseudolus, ed. Friedrich Leo, 4.1

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Psevdolvs

Si umquám quemquam di immórtales voluére esse auxilio ádiutum,
905

tum me ét Calidorum sérvatum volunt ésse et lenonem éxtinctum,

quom te ádiutorem génuerunt mihi tám doctum hominem atque ástutum.

sed ubi íllic est? sumne ego homo ínsipiens, qui haec mécum egomet loquar sólus?

dedit vérba mihi hercle, ut opínor:

malus cúm malo stulte cávi.

tum pól ego interii, homo si ílle abiit, neque hoc ópus quod volui hodie éfficiam.
910

sed eccúm video verberéam statuam: ut it, út magnifice infert sese.

ehem, te hércle ego circumspéctabam, nimis métuebam male, ne ábiisses.

Simia

Fuit meum ófficium ut facerém, fateor.

Psevdolvs

Vbi réstiteras?

Simo

Vbi míhi libitum est.

Psevdolvs

Istúc ego sátis scio.

Simo

Quor érgo quod scis mé rogas?

Psevdolvs

At hóc volo monére te.
915

Simo

Monéndus ne me moneas.

Psevdolvs

Nimis tándem ego aps te contémnor.

Simo

Quippe égo te ni contémnam,

stratióticus homo qui clúear?

Psevdolvs

Iam hoc vólo quod occeptúmst agi.

Simo

Numquíd agere aliud mé vides?

Psevdolvs

ámbula ergó cito.
920

Simo

Immo ótiosé volo.

Psevdolvs

Haéc ea occásiost: dum ílle dormít, volo

tú prior ut óccupes adire.

Simo

Quid próperas? placide, né time.

ita ílle faxit Iúppiter,

ut ílle palam ibidem ádsiet,

quisquís illest, qui adest a mílite.

numquam édepol erit illé potior
925

Harpáx quam ego. habe animúm bonum:

púlchre ego hanc éxplicatám tibi rém dabo.

síc ego illúm dolis átque mendáciis

ín timorém dabo mílitarem ádvenam,

ípsus sese út neget ésse eum quí siet

méque ut esse aútumet qui ípsus est.
930

Psevdolvs

Quí potest?

Simo

Occídis me, cum istúc rogitas.

Psevdolvs

O hóminem lepidum.

Simo

Té quoque etiám dolis átque mendáciis,

quí magistér mihi es, ántidibo, út scias.

Psevdolvs

Iúppiter té mihi sérvet.

Simo

Immó mihi.

séd vide, ornátus hic me satin cóndecet?
935

Psevdolvs

Optúme habet.

Simo

Esto.

Psevdolvs

Tantúm tibi boni di immórtales duint quántum tu tibi óptes;

nam si éxoptem, quantúm dignu ’ s es tantúm dent, minus nihiló sit.

néque ego hoc homine quémquam vidi mágis malum et máleficum.

Simo

Tun íd mihi?

Psevdolvs

Taceo.

sed egó quae tibi bona dábo et faciam, si hanc sóbrie rem accurássis.

Simo

Potin út taceas? memorem ímmemorem facit quí monet quod memor méminit.
940

teneo, ómnia in pectore cóndita sunt, meditáti sunt mihi dóli docte.

Psevdolvs

Probus ést hic homo.

Simo

Neque hic ést neque ego.

Psevdolvs

At vide né titubes.

Simo

Potin út taceas?

Psevdolvs

Ita mé di ament—

Simo

Ita nón facient: mera iám mendacia fúndes.

Psevdolvs

Vt ego ób tuam, Simia, pérfidiam te amo et métuo et magni fácio.

Simo

Ego istúc aliis dare cóndidici: mi optrúdere non potes pálpum.
945

Psevdolvs

Vt ego áccipiam te hodié lepide, ubi efféceris hoc opus,

Simo

Há ha hae.

Psevdolvs

Lepidó victu, vino, únguentis et intér pocula pulpámentis;

ibidem úna aderit muliér lepida, tibi sávia super savía quae det.

Simo

Lepide áccipis me.

Psevdolvs

Immo si éfficies, tum fáxo magis id dícas.

Simo

Nisi effécero, cruciabíliter cárnifex me accipito.
950

séd propera mihi mónstrare, ubi sit ós lenonis aédium.

Psevdolvs

Tertium hoc est.

Simo

St, tace, aedes hiscunt.

Psevdolvs

Credo, animo malest

aedibus.

Simo

Quid iam?

Psevdolvs

Quia edepol ipsum lenonem evomunt.

Simo

Illicinest?

Psevdolvs

Illic ést.

Simo

Mala mercist

Psevdolvs

Illuc sis vide,

ut transversus, non proversus cedit, quasi cancer solet.
955

Pseudolus. T. Maccius Plautus. ed. Friedrich Leo. Berlin. 1895.

Sponsored by Perseus Project, Tufts University.

Funding provided by The National Endowment for the Humanities.

Current edition Perseus

Pseudolus (Latin) (Plautus. Plauti Comoediae, Volume 2. Leo, Friedrich, editor. Berlin: Weidmann, 1896.)

Translations (1)

Pseudolus, or The Cheat Perseus (Plautus. The Comedies of Plautus, Volume 1. Riley, Henry Thomas, translator. London: G. Bell and Sons, Ltd., 1912.) — 4.1 focus

905 (Enter PSEUDOLUS.)

PSEUDOLUS

If the immortal Gods ever did determine that any person should be assisted by their aid, now do they intend that Calidorus shall be preserved for me, and the procurer destroyed, inasmuch as they produced you for my assistant, so clever and so knowing a fellow. (Looking back.) But where is he? am I not a silly fellow to be thus talking to myself alone? I’ faith, he has put a trick upon myself, as I fancy; myself one knave, I have been poorly on my guard against another knave.
905

By my troth I’m undone, if this fellow’s off, and I shall not carry into effect this day what I intended. But see, there he is, a statue that deserves a whipping; how stately he does stalk along!
910
(HARPAX.)

PSEUDOLUS

How now! By my faith I was looking about for you; I was very greatly afraid that you were off.

SIMO

It was my character to do so, I confess.

PSEUDOLUS

Where were you loitering?

SIMO

Where I pleased.

PSEUDOLUS

That I know well enough already.

SIMO

Why then do you ask me what you know?

PSEUDOLUS

Why this I want, to put you in mind.
915

SIMO

Needing to be put in mind yourself, don’t you be putting me in mind.

PSEUDOLUS

Really I am treated by you quite with contempt.

SIMO

And why shouldn’t I treat you with contempt, I who have the repute of being a military gentleman?

PSEUDOLUS

I want this then, which has been commenced, to be completed.

SIMO

Do you see me a-doing anything else?

PSEUDOLUS

Therefore walk on briskly.
920

SIMO

No, I choose to go slowly.

PSEUDOLUS

This is the opportunity; while this Harpax is asleep, I want you to be the first to accost him.

SIMO

Why are you hurrying? Softly; don’t you fear. I wish Jupiter would so make it, that he were openly in the same place with me, whoever he is, that has arrived from the Captain.

Never a jot, by my troth, should he be a bit the better Harpax than I. Have good courage, I’ll have this business nicely accounted for to you. So by my tricks and lies would I put this military stranger in a fright that he himself would deny that he is the person that he is,
925

and would believe me to be the person that he himself is.
930

PSEUDOLUS

How can that be?

SIMO

You are murdering me when you ask me that.

PSEUDOLUS

A clever fellow.

SIMO

And so are you too, who are quite my equal with your mischievous tricks and lies

PSEUDOLUS

May Jupiter preserve you for me.

SIMO

Aye, and for myself.

But look, does this dress become me quite well?
935

PSEUDOLUS

It suits very well.

SIMO

Be it so.

PSEUDOLUS

May the Deities grant you as many blessings as you may wish for yourself. For if I were to wish for as many as you are deserving of, they would be less than nothing; (aside) nor have I ever seen any one more of a rogue than this fellow.

SIMO

(overhearing him.)

Do you say that to me?

PSEUDOLUS

This man’s an honest fellow.

SIMO

It is neither this person, then (pointing to PSEUDOLUS), nor myself.

PSEUDOLUS

But take care that you don’t be tripping.

SIMO

Can’t you hold your tongue? He that puts a man in mind of that which, remembering it, he does keep in mind, causes him to forget it. I recollect everything; they are stored up in my breast; my plans are cleverly laid.
940

PSEUDOLUS

I’m silent. But what good turn shall I do you if you carry through this matter with management?

So may the Gods love me—

SIMO

They won’t do so; you’ll be uttering sheer falsehoods then.

PSEUDOLUS

How I do love you, Simmia, for your roguery, and both fear and laud you.

SIMO

That I have learned to make a present of to others; you can’t put your flatteries on me.
945

PSEUDOLUS

In how delightful a manner I shall receive you this day, when you have completed this matter.

SIMO

Ha, ha, ha!

(Laughing.)

PSEUDOLUS

With nice viands, wine, perfumes, and titbits between our cups. There, too, shall be a charming damsel, who shall give you kiss upon kiss.

SIMO

You will be receiving me in a delightful manner.

PSEUDOLUS

Aye, and if you effect it, then I’ll make you say so still more.

SIMO

If I don’t effect it, do you, the executioner, take me off to torture. But make haste and point out to me where is the door of the procurer’s house.
950

PSEUDOLUS

’Tis the third hence.

SIMO

Hist! hush! the door’s opening.

PSEUDOLUS

In my mind, I believe that the house is poorly.

SIMO

Why so?

PSEUDOLUS

Because, i’ faith, it is vomiting forth the procurer.

(BALLIO is coming out of his house.)

SIMO

Is this he?

PSEUDOLUS

This is his own self.

SIMO

’Tis a worthless commodity.

PSEUDOLUS

Do see that: he doesn’t go straight, but sideways, just as a crab is wont.

(They conceal themselves from BALLIO.)

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Simia Fuit meum ófficium ut facerém, fateor.

Psevdolvs Vbi réstiteras?

Simo Vbi míhi libitum est.

Psevdolvs Istúc ego sátis scio.

Simo Quor érgo quod scis mé rogas?

Psevdolvs At hóc volo monére te. 915

Simo Monéndus ne me moneas.

Psevdolvs Nimis tándem ego aps te contémnor.

Simo Quippe égo te ni contémnam, stratióticus homo qui clúear?

Psevdolvs Iam hoc vólo quod occeptúmst agi.

Simo Numquíd agere aliud mé vides?

Psevdolvs ámbula ergó cito. 920

Simo Immo ótiosé volo.

Psevdolvs Haéc ea occásiost: dum ílle dormít, volo tú prior ut óccupes adire.

Psevdolvs Quí potest?

Simo Occídis me, cum istúc rogitas.

Psevdolvs O hóminem lepidum.

Simo Té quoque etiám dolis átque mendáciis, quí magistér mihi es, ántidibo, út scias.

Psevdolvs Iúppiter té mihi sérvet.

Simo Immó mihi. séd vide, ornátus hic me satin cóndecet? 935

Psevdolvs Optúme habet.

Simo Esto.

Psevdolvs Tantúm tibi boni di immórtales duint quántum tu tibi óptes; nam si éxoptem, quantúm dignu ’ s es tantúm dent, minus nihiló sit. néque ego hoc homine quémquam vidi mágis malum et máleficum.

Simo Tun íd mihi?

Psevdolvs Taceo. sed egó quae tibi bona dábo et faciam, si hanc sóbrie rem accurássis.

Simo Potin út taceas? memorem ímmemorem facit quí monet quod memor méminit. 940 teneo, ómnia in pectore cóndita sunt, meditáti sunt mihi dóli docte.

Psevdolvs Probus ést hic homo.

Simo Neque hic ést neque ego.

Psevdolvs At vide né titubes.

Simo Potin út taceas?

Psevdolvs Ita mé di ament—

Simo Ita nón facient: mera iám mendacia fúndes.

Psevdolvs Vt ego ób tuam, Simia, pérfidiam te amo et métuo et magni fácio.

Simo Ego istúc aliis dare cóndidici: mi optrúdere non potes pálpum. 945

Psevdolvs Vt ego áccipiam te hodié lepide, ubi efféceris hoc opus,

Simo Há ha hae.

Psevdolvs Lepidó victu, vino, únguentis et intér pocula pulpámentis; ibidem úna aderit muliér lepida, tibi sávia super savía quae det.

Simo Lepide áccipis me.

Psevdolvs Immo si éfficies, tum fáxo magis id dícas.

Simo Nisi effécero, cruciabíliter cárnifex me accipito. 950 séd propera mihi mónstrare, ubi sit ós lenonis aédium.

Psevdolvs Tertium hoc est.

Simo St, tace, aedes hiscunt.

Psevdolvs Credo, animo malest aedibus.

Simo Quid iam?

Psevdolvs Quia edepol ipsum lenonem evomunt.

Simo Illicinest?

Psevdolvs Illic ést.

Simo Mala mercist

Psevdolvs Illuc sis vide, ut transversus, non proversus cedit, quasi cancer solet. 955

Current edition Perseus

PSEUDOLUS How now! By my faith I was looking about for you; I was very greatly afraid that you were off.

SIMO It was my character to do so, I confess.

PSEUDOLUS Where were you loitering?

SIMO Where I pleased.

PSEUDOLUS That I know well enough already.

SIMO Why then do you ask me what you know?

PSEUDOLUS Why this I want, to put you in mind. 915

SIMO Needing to be put in mind yourself, don’t you be putting me in mind.

PSEUDOLUS Really I am treated by you quite with contempt.

SIMO And why shouldn’t I treat you with contempt, I who have the repute of being a military gentleman?

PSEUDOLUS I want this then, which has been commenced, to be completed.

SIMO Do you see me a-doing anything else?

PSEUDOLUS Therefore walk on briskly. 920

SIMO No, I choose to go slowly.

PSEUDOLUS This is the opportunity; while this Harpax is asleep, I want you to be the first to accost him.

PSEUDOLUS How can that be?

SIMO You are murdering me when you ask me that.

PSEUDOLUS A clever fellow.

SIMO And so are you too, who are quite my equal with your mischievous tricks and lies

PSEUDOLUS May Jupiter preserve you for me.

SIMO Aye, and for myself. But look, does this dress become me quite well? 935

PSEUDOLUS It suits very well.

SIMO Be it so.

PSEUDOLUS May the Deities grant you as many blessings as you may wish for yourself. For if I were to wish for as many as you are deserving of, they would be less than nothing; (aside) nor have I ever seen any one more of a rogue than this fellow.

SIMO (overhearing him.) Do you say that to me?

PSEUDOLUS This man’s an honest fellow.

SIMO It is neither this person, then (pointing to PSEUDOLUS), nor myself.

PSEUDOLUS But take care that you don’t be tripping.

Simia

Fuit meum ófficium ut facerém, fateor.

Psevdolvs

Vbi réstiteras?

Simo

Vbi míhi libitum est.

Psevdolvs

Istúc ego sátis scio.

Simo

Quor érgo quod scis mé rogas?

Psevdolvs

At hóc volo monére te.
915

Simo

Monéndus ne me moneas.

Psevdolvs

Nimis tándem ego aps te contémnor.

Simo

Quippe égo te ni contémnam,

stratióticus homo qui clúear?

Psevdolvs

Iam hoc vólo quod occeptúmst agi.

Simo

Numquíd agere aliud mé vides?

Psevdolvs

ámbula ergó cito.
920

Simo

Immo ótiosé volo.

Psevdolvs

Haéc ea occásiost: dum ílle dormít, volo

tú prior ut óccupes adire.

Psevdolvs

Quí potest?

Simo

Occídis me, cum istúc rogitas.

Psevdolvs

O hóminem lepidum.

Simo

Té quoque etiám dolis átque mendáciis,

quí magistér mihi es, ántidibo, út scias.

Psevdolvs

Iúppiter té mihi sérvet.

Simo

Immó mihi.

séd vide, ornátus hic me satin cóndecet?
935

Psevdolvs

Optúme habet.

Simo

Esto.

Psevdolvs

Tantúm tibi boni di immórtales duint quántum tu tibi óptes;

nam si éxoptem, quantúm dignu ’ s es tantúm dent, minus nihiló sit.

néque ego hoc homine quémquam vidi mágis malum et máleficum.

Simo

Tun íd mihi?

Psevdolvs

Taceo.

sed egó quae tibi bona dábo et faciam, si hanc sóbrie rem accurássis.

Simo

Potin út taceas? memorem ímmemorem facit quí monet quod memor méminit.
940

teneo, ómnia in pectore cóndita sunt, meditáti sunt mihi dóli docte.

Psevdolvs

Probus ést hic homo.

Simo

Neque hic ést neque ego.

Psevdolvs

At vide né titubes.

Simo

Potin út taceas?

Psevdolvs

Ita mé di ament—

Simo

Ita nón facient: mera iám mendacia fúndes.

Psevdolvs

Vt ego ób tuam, Simia, pérfidiam te amo et métuo et magni fácio.

Simo

Ego istúc aliis dare cóndidici: mi optrúdere non potes pálpum.
945

Psevdolvs

Vt ego áccipiam te hodié lepide, ubi efféceris hoc opus,

Simo

Há ha hae.

Psevdolvs

Lepidó victu, vino, únguentis et intér pocula pulpámentis;

ibidem úna aderit muliér lepida, tibi sávia super savía quae det.

Simo

Lepide áccipis me.

Psevdolvs

Immo si éfficies, tum fáxo magis id dícas.

Simo

Nisi effécero, cruciabíliter cárnifex me accipito.
950

séd propera mihi mónstrare, ubi sit ós lenonis aédium.

Psevdolvs

Tertium hoc est.

Simo

St, tace, aedes hiscunt.

Psevdolvs

Credo, animo malest

aedibus.

Simo

Quid iam?

Psevdolvs

Quia edepol ipsum lenonem evomunt.

Simo

Illicinest?

Psevdolvs

Illic ést.

Simo

Mala mercist

Psevdolvs

Illuc sis vide,

ut transversus, non proversus cedit, quasi cancer solet.
955

PSEUDOLUS

How now! By my faith I was looking about for you; I was very greatly afraid that you were off.

SIMO

It was my character to do so, I confess.

PSEUDOLUS

Where were you loitering?

SIMO

Where I pleased.

PSEUDOLUS

That I know well enough already.

SIMO

Why then do you ask me what you know?

PSEUDOLUS

Why this I want, to put you in mind.
915

SIMO

Needing to be put in mind yourself, don’t you be putting me in mind.

PSEUDOLUS

Really I am treated by you quite with contempt.

SIMO

And why shouldn’t I treat you with contempt, I who have the repute of being a military gentleman?

PSEUDOLUS

I want this then, which has been commenced, to be completed.

SIMO

Do you see me a-doing anything else?

PSEUDOLUS

Therefore walk on briskly.
920

SIMO

No, I choose to go slowly.

PSEUDOLUS

This is the opportunity; while this Harpax is asleep, I want you to be the first to accost him.

PSEUDOLUS

How can that be?

SIMO

You are murdering me when you ask me that.

PSEUDOLUS

A clever fellow.

SIMO

And so are you too, who are quite my equal with your mischievous tricks and lies

PSEUDOLUS

May Jupiter preserve you for me.

SIMO

Aye, and for myself.

But look, does this dress become me quite well?
935

PSEUDOLUS

It suits very well.

SIMO

Be it so.

PSEUDOLUS

May the Deities grant you as many blessings as you may wish for yourself. For if I were to wish for as many as you are deserving of, they would be less than nothing; (aside) nor have I ever seen any one more of a rogue than this fellow.

SIMO

(overhearing him.)

Do you say that to me?

PSEUDOLUS

This man’s an honest fellow.

SIMO

It is neither this person, then (pointing to PSEUDOLUS), nor myself.

PSEUDOLUS

But take care that you don’t be tripping.

SIMO

Can’t you hold your tongue? He that puts a man in mind of that which, remembering it, he does keep in mind, causes him to forget it. I recollect everything; they are stored up in my breast; my plans are cleverly laid.
940

PSEUDOLUS

I’m silent. But what good turn shall I do you if you carry through this matter with management?

So may the Gods love me—

SIMO

They won’t do so; you’ll be uttering sheer falsehoods then.