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1103
(Enter HARPAX.)
HARPAX
(to himself.)
That slave’s a base and worthless fellow, who values his master’s commands at nought; and he, too, is good for nothing who is forgetful to do his duty unless he’s put in mind.
But those who forthwith deem themselves to be at liberty, when they have hidden themselves from the sight of their master, who riot, wench, devour what they have,—aye, what they have not,—long do those same endure the name of servitude. Nor is there any good disposition in them,
1105
except only that they may uphold themselves by their dishonest contrivances. With these, neither their company nor their conversation suits me, nor by these persons have I been ever known. Although he is away, I consider my master as being here; I fear him
1110
when he isn’t here, that I may not have to fear him when he is here. Therefore, as I have been ordered, to this business will I give my attention. But that Syrus, to whom I gave the token, would have been letting me stay even yet in the shop. As he bade me, I stayed there; he said that he would send for me when the procurer was at home. But since he hasn’t come, or called me while staying there,
1115
I’m come hither of my own accord, that I may know what is the fact, that that fellow mayn’t be playing tricks with me. And there is nothing better than that I should knock at this door, and call some out here from indoors. I want this procurer to take this money of me, and to send off this woman with me.
1120
(Goes towards BALLIO’S door.)
That slave’s a base and worthless fellow, who values his master’s commands at nought; and he, too, is good for nothing who is forgetful to do his duty unless he’s put in mind.
But those who forthwith deem themselves to be at liberty, when they have hidden themselves from the sight of their master, who riot, wench, devour what they have,—aye, what they have not,—long do those same endure the name of servitude. Nor is there any good disposition in them,
1105
except only that they may uphold themselves by their dishonest contrivances. With these, neither their company nor their conversation suits me, nor by these persons have I been ever known. Although he is away, I consider my master as being here; I fear him
1110
when he isn’t here, that I may not have to fear him when he is here. Therefore, as I have been ordered, to this business will I give my attention. But that Syrus, to whom I gave the token, would have been letting me stay even yet in the shop. As he bade me, I stayed there; he said that he would send for me when the procurer was at home. But since he hasn’t come, or called me while staying there,
1115
I’m come hither of my own accord, that I may know what is the fact, that that fellow mayn’t be playing tricks with me. And there is nothing better than that I should knock at this door, and call some out here from indoors. I want this procurer to take this money of me, and to send off this woman with me.
1120
BALLIO
(from behind, to SIMO.)
Hark you!
Hark you!
SIMO
(apart.)
What do you want?
What do you want?
BALLIO
(apart.)
This fellow’s my own.
This fellow’s my own.
SIMO
(apart.)
How so?
How so?
BALLIO
(apart, pointing to the purse in the hand of HARPAX.)
Because that booty’s mine.
He’s in search of a mistress he has got money. I already long to fix my teeth in him.
1125
Because that booty’s mine.
He’s in search of a mistress he has got money. I already long to fix my teeth in him.
1125
SIMO
(apart.)
Are you going to devour him already?
Are you going to devour him already?
BALLIO
(apart.)
While he’s fresh, while he’s in the habit of giving away, while he’s warm upon it, ’tis proper for him to be gobbled up. The good men keep me poor, the bad ones support me; the virtuous are a benefit to the public, the debauched to myself.
While he’s fresh, while he’s in the habit of giving away, while he’s warm upon it, ’tis proper for him to be gobbled up. The good men keep me poor, the bad ones support me; the virtuous are a benefit to the public, the debauched to myself.
SIMO
(aside.)
A mischief may the Gods send you; such a villain are you.
1130
A mischief may the Gods send you; such a villain are you.
1130
BALLIO
(apart.)
Venus bestows upon me these blessings, when she drives hither these haters of money, these who quite long for losses, who carefully pamper themselves and their youthful age, eat, drink, and wench. Of quite different dispositions are they and you.
Venus bestows upon me these blessings, when she drives hither these haters of money, these who quite long for losses, who carefully pamper themselves and their youthful age, eat, drink, and wench. Of quite different dispositions are they and you.
HARPAX
(to himself.)
I’m now delaying myself, in not knocking at this door, that I may know whether or no Ballio is at home now.
(Calls out, going up to the door.) Hallo! where are you? Hallo! where are you?
I’m now delaying myself, in not knocking at this door, that I may know whether or no Ballio is at home now.
(Calls out, going up to the door.) Hallo! where are you? Hallo! where are you?
BALLIO
(apart.)
Why, he’s going straight up towards my house.
I shall come off finely loaded with plunder from this fellow; I know it’s a lucky omen for me.
Why, he’s going straight up towards my house.
I shall come off finely loaded with plunder from this fellow; I know it’s a lucky omen for me.
HARPAX
(knocking violently at the door.)
Does any one come to open this door?
Does any one come to open this door?
BALLIO
(calling out to him.)
Hallo! you in the scarf, what’s owing you at that house?
Hallo! you in the scarf, what’s owing you at that house?
HARPAX
I’m enquiring for Ballio, the procurer, the master of the house.
1140
I’m enquiring for Ballio, the procurer, the master of the house.
1140
BALLIO
Whoever you are, young man, make short work of your enquiries.
Whoever you are, young man, make short work of your enquiries.
HARPAX
Why so?
Why so?
BALLIO
Because he himself in person sees you in his presence before him.
Because he himself in person sees you in his presence before him.
HARPAX
What, are you he?
What, are you he?
SIMO
You in the scarf, take you care, please, of some crooked misfortune, and point your finger
1
at him; this fellow is a procurer.
You in the scarf, take you care, please, of some crooked misfortune, and point your finger
1
at him; this fellow is a procurer.
BALLIO
(pointing to SIMO.)
And this is an honest man.
(To SIMO.) But you, worthy fellow, are many a time being hunted after in the Forum with noise enough, when you haven’t a groat in the world, unless this procurer here comes to help you a bit.
1145
And this is an honest man.
(To SIMO.) But you, worthy fellow, are many a time being hunted after in the Forum with noise enough, when you haven’t a groat in the world, unless this procurer here comes to help you a bit.
1145
HARPAX
But why don’t you address yourself to me?
But why don’t you address yourself to me?
BALLIO
I do address you. What is it you want?
I do address you. What is it you want?
HARPAX
You to take this money.
(He holds out the five minae.)
You to take this money.
BALLIO
(holding out his hand.)
Already have I extended my hand, if you are going to give it.
Already have I extended my hand, if you are going to give it.
HARPAX
Take it; here are five picked minae of silver counted out.
(Gives him the money.) This did my master, Polymachaeroplagides. order me to deliver to you, the sum which he was owing, and that you were to send Phœnicium with me.
1150
Take it; here are five picked minae of silver counted out.
(Gives him the money.) This did my master, Polymachaeroplagides. order me to deliver to you, the sum which he was owing, and that you were to send Phœnicium with me.
1150
BALLIO
Your master?
Your master?
HARPAX
I say to that effect.
I say to that effect.
BALLIO
The Captain?
The Captain?
HARPAX
I speak to that effect.
I speak to that effect.
BALLIO
The Macedonian?
The Macedonian?
HARPAX
Such is the fact, I say.
Such is the fact, I say.
BALLIO
Polymachaeroplagides sent you to me?
Polymachaeroplagides sent you to me?
HARPAX
You say what’s fact.
You say what’s fact.
BALLIO
To give me this money?
To give me this money?
HARPAX
If you really are
the procurer Ballio.
1155
If you really are
the procurer Ballio.
1155
BALLIO
And for you to take away the woman from me?
And for you to take away the woman from me?
HARPAX
Even so.
Even so.
BALLIO
Did he say that it was Phœnicium?
Did he say that it was Phœnicium?
HARPAX
You remember it exactly.
You remember it exactly.
BALLIO
Wait there; I’ll return to you this instant.
Wait there; I’ll return to you this instant.
HARPAX
Make haste, then, with all speed, for I’m in a hurry. ’Tis now late in the day, d’ye see?
Make haste, then, with all speed, for I’m in a hurry. ’Tis now late in the day, d’ye see?
BALLIO
I see; still I wish to call this person aside. Do you only wait there; I’ll return to you this instant.
(He takes SIMO on one side.) What’s to be done now, Simo?
What are we to do? I’ve detected this fellow that has brought the money in the fact.
1160
I see; still I wish to call this person aside. Do you only wait there; I’ll return to you this instant.
(He takes SIMO on one side.) What’s to be done now, Simo?
What are we to do? I’ve detected this fellow that has brought the money in the fact.
1160
SIMO
How so?
How so?
BALLIO
And don’t you understand what this plan is?
And don’t you understand what this plan is?
SIMO
About as much as the most ignorant do.
About as much as the most ignorant do.
BALLIO
Your servant, Pseudolus, has sent this fellow on the message, as though he was from the Macedonian Captain.
Your servant, Pseudolus, has sent this fellow on the message, as though he was from the Macedonian Captain.
SIMO
Have you got the money from the fellow?
Have you got the money from the fellow?
BALLIO
Do you ask about that which you see?
(Shows the purse in his hand.)
Do you ask about that which you see?
SIMO
Harkye, remember to give me one half of that plunder.
It’s right that that should be in common.
1165
Harkye, remember to give me one half of that plunder.
It’s right that that should be in common.
1165
BALLIO
Why, plague on’t, ’tis all your own
2
.
Why, plague on’t, ’tis all your own
2
.
HARPAX
(coming forward a step.)
How soon are you going to attend to me?
How soon are you going to attend to me?
BALLIO
I’ll attend to you, indeed.
(Aside.) What now do you advise me to do, Simo?
I’ll attend to you, indeed.
(Aside.) What now do you advise me to do, Simo?
SIMO
(aside.)
Let’s make some fun of this counterfeit spy, even until he himself shall be sensible that he is being made a fool of.
Let’s make some fun of this counterfeit spy, even until he himself shall be sensible that he is being made a fool of.
BALLIO
Follow me.
(To HARPAX.) What have you to say? You are his servant, I suppose?
Follow me.
(To HARPAX.) What have you to say? You are his servant, I suppose?
HARPAX
Most certainly.
Most certainly.
BALLIO
At what price did he purchase you?
1170
At what price did he purchase you?
1170
HARPAX
With the victory of his prowess in battle; for I was a very great general at home in my own country.
With the victory of his prowess in battle; for I was a very great general at home in my own country.
BALLIO
Why, did he ever capture a gaol in your country?
Why, did he ever capture a gaol in your country?
HARPAX
If you utter affronting speeches, you’ll be hearing them.
If you utter affronting speeches, you’ll be hearing them.
BALLIO
In what time did you come from Sicyon hither?
In what time did you come from Sicyon hither?
HARPAX
In one day, by noon.
In one day, by noon.
SIMO
Bravo! By my troth, you did come quickly;
1175
how very swift of foot this man is.
Bravo! By my troth, you did come quickly;
1175
how very swift of foot this man is.
BALLIO
When you look at his calves, you might know that he can wear heavy fetters.
How say you—were you also, when a child, in the habit of sleeping in a cradle?
When you look at his calves, you might know that he can wear heavy fetters.
How say you—were you also, when a child, in the habit of sleeping in a cradle?
SIMO
Of course.
Of course.
BALLIO
And were you, too, in the habit of doing
3
—you know what I mean?
And were you, too, in the habit of doing
3
—you know what I mean?
SIMO
Of course he was in the habit of doing as other children did?
Of course he was in the habit of doing as other children did?
HARPAX
Are you men in your senses?
Are you men in your senses?
BALLIO
What, because I asked you that?
At night, when the Captain was going on guard, and when you were going with him, did the sword of the officer fit your scabbard?
1180
What, because I asked you that?
At night, when the Captain was going on guard, and when you were going with him, did the sword of the officer fit your scabbard?
1180
HARPAX
Go to utter perdition.
Go to utter perdition.
BALLIO
You, indeed, shall have the opportunity of going there in good time to-day.
You, indeed, shall have the opportunity of going there in good time to-day.
HARPAX
But do you bring out the woman to me, or else give me back the money.
But do you bring out the woman to me, or else give me back the money.
BALLIO
Wait a bit.
Wait a bit.
HARPAX
Why should I wait?
Why should I wait?
BALLIO
That scarf, tell me for how much it has been lent.
That scarf, tell me for how much it has been lent.
HARPAX
What matters it?
What matters it?
SIMO
How much is the sword hired for?
1185
How much is the sword hired for?
1185
HARPAX
These fellows surely stand in need of hellebore
4
.
These fellows surely stand in need of hellebore
4
.
BALLIO
How now—
(Takes hold of him.)
How now—
HARPAX
(repulsing him.)
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
BALLIO
What wages does that broad-brimmed hat hire to-day for its owner?
What wages does that broad-brimmed hat hire to-day for its owner?
HARPAX
5
What owner?
5
What owner?
SIMO
What do the shoes?
What do the shoes?
HARPAX
What are you dreaming about? Why, I’m the owner of all these things,
6
bought with my own savings.
What are you dreaming about? Why, I’m the owner of all these things,
6
bought with my own savings.
BALLIO
Those, you mean, which the upper part of your thighs supports
7
.
Those, you mean, which the upper part of your thighs supports
7
.
HARPAX
(aside.)
These old fellows have been anointed; they want themselves rubbed down
8
, after the old-fashioned custom.
11891190
These old fellows have been anointed; they want themselves rubbed down
8
, after the old-fashioned custom.
11891190
BALLIO
I’ faith, prithee, answer me this truly and seriously, which I ask of you: What are you to earn? For how trifling a sum has Pseudolus hired you?
I’ faith, prithee, answer me this truly and seriously, which I ask of you: What are you to earn? For how trifling a sum has Pseudolus hired you?
HARPAX
Who is this Pseudolus?
Who is this Pseudolus?
BALLIO
Your tutor, who has instructed you in this knavery, to take away the woman hence from me by stratagem.
Your tutor, who has instructed you in this knavery, to take away the woman hence from me by stratagem.
HARPAX
What Pseudolus, and what stratagem are you talking to me about? A person that I know of no colour, black or white.
1195
What Pseudolus, and what stratagem are you talking to me about? A person that I know of no colour, black or white.
1195
BALLIO
Will you not be off from here? There’s no profit here for swindlers to-day. Therefore you may tell Pseudolus that another person has carried off the prize-the first Harpax that came.
Will you not be off from here? There’s no profit here for swindlers to-day. Therefore you may tell Pseudolus that another person has carried off the prize-the first Harpax that came.
HARPAX
On my word, I really am that Harpax.
On my word, I really am that Harpax.
BALLIO
Aye, on my word, you want to be.
This is nothing more nor less than a downright impostor.
1200
Aye, on my word, you want to be.
This is nothing more nor less than a downright impostor.
1200
HARPAX
I have given yourself the money, and a while ago, immediately on my arrival, the token to your servant; a letter sealed with the likeness of my master, here before the door.
I have given yourself the money, and a while ago, immediately on my arrival, the token to your servant; a letter sealed with the likeness of my master, here before the door.
BALLIO
You gave a letter to my servant? What servant?
You gave a letter to my servant? What servant?
HARPAX
To Syrus.
To Syrus.
BALLIO
(to SIMO.)
The wicked rogue has assurance enough
9
. He hasn’t contrived his knavish scheme amiss.
By my faith, that whipping-post of a fellow, Pseudolus, how cleverly he has managed his plans; just as much money as the Captain owed, he has given this man, and has dressed out the fellow that he might take away the woman
(To HARPAX.) But the real Harpax himself brought that letter hither to me.
1205
The wicked rogue has assurance enough
9
. He hasn’t contrived his knavish scheme amiss.
By my faith, that whipping-post of a fellow, Pseudolus, how cleverly he has managed his plans; just as much money as the Captain owed, he has given this man, and has dressed out the fellow that he might take away the woman
(To HARPAX.) But the real Harpax himself brought that letter hither to me.
1205
HARPAX
My name is Harpax; I am the servant of the Macedonian Captain. I’m doing nothing roguishly or cheatingly, nor do I know or understand this Pseudolus, what mortal being he is.
12091210
My name is Harpax; I am the servant of the Macedonian Captain. I’m doing nothing roguishly or cheatingly, nor do I know or understand this Pseudolus, what mortal being he is.
12091210
SIMO
Unless it’s something wonderful, procurer, you’ve clearly lost the woman.
Unless it’s something wonderful, procurer, you’ve clearly lost the woman.
BALLIO
Assuredly, by my troth, I’m in dread of that more and more, when I come to hear his words.
I’ faith, that Syrus, too, has already set my heart a-freezing, that received the token from him.
10
1215
Assuredly, by my troth, I’m in dread of that more and more, when I come to hear his words.
I’ faith, that Syrus, too, has already set my heart a-freezing, that received the token from him.
10
1215
SIMO
’Tis a wonder if it isn’t Pseudolus.
(To HARPAX.) How now, you! of what appearance was the person to whom you delivered the token?
’Tis a wonder if it isn’t Pseudolus.
(To HARPAX.) How now, you! of what appearance was the person to whom you delivered the token?
HARPAX
A certain red-haired fellow
11
, pot-bellied, with thick calves, swarthy, with a big head, sharp eyes, red face,
and very large feet.
1220
A certain red-haired fellow
11
, pot-bellied, with thick calves, swarthy, with a big head, sharp eyes, red face,
and very large feet.
1220
BALLIO
You prove our undoing, when you mention the feet. It was Pseudolus himself. It’s all up with me. I’m dying now, Simo.
You prove our undoing, when you mention the feet. It was Pseudolus himself. It’s all up with me. I’m dying now, Simo.
HARPAX
By my troth, I shan’t let you die, unless the money’s returned me-twenty minae.
By my troth, I shan’t let you die, unless the money’s returned me-twenty minae.
SIMO
And another twenty minae to me as well.
And another twenty minae to me as well.
BALLIO
(to SIMO.)
And is the sum to be taken of me that I promised by way of a joke?
And is the sum to be taken of me that I promised by way of a joke?
SIMO
From unprincipled men it’s proper for both their money and their plunder to be taken.
1225
From unprincipled men it’s proper for both their money and their plunder to be taken.
1225
BALLIO
At least you might give up Pseudolus to me.
At least you might give up Pseudolus to me.
SIMO
I, give up Pseudolus to you? What has he done amiss? Did I not tell you a hundred times that you were to beware of him?
I, give up Pseudolus to you? What has he done amiss? Did I not tell you a hundred times that you were to beware of him?
BALLIO
He has ruined me.
He has ruined me.
SIMO
And on me he has laid a fine of twenty fair minae.
And on me he has laid a fine of twenty fair minae.
BALLIO
What am I to do then?
What am I to do then?
HARPAX
When you have given me the money—go hang yourself.
When you have given me the money—go hang yourself.
BALLIO
The Gods confound you.
(To HARPAX.) Follow me, then, this way, please, to the Forum, that I may pay you.
1230
The Gods confound you.
(To HARPAX.) Follow me, then, this way, please, to the Forum, that I may pay you.
1230
HARPAX
I follow you.
I follow you.
SIMO
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
BALLIO
Strangers I’ll pay at once; to-morrow I’ll settle with fellow-citizens. Pseudolus has been holding a council-general
12
against my life, in sending that fellow to me to-day to carry off the woman.
(To HARPAX.) Do you follow me,
(To the AUDIENCE.) Now don’t you be expecting that I shall be returning home this way.
As matters stand, I’ve determined to go through the alleys.
1235
Strangers I’ll pay at once; to-morrow I’ll settle with fellow-citizens. Pseudolus has been holding a council-general
12
against my life, in sending that fellow to me to-day to carry off the woman.
(To HARPAX.) Do you follow me,
(To the AUDIENCE.) Now don’t you be expecting that I shall be returning home this way.
As matters stand, I’ve determined to go through the alleys.
1235
HARPAX
If you had walked at the rate you talk, you’d by this have been at the Forum.
If you had walked at the rate you talk, you’d by this have been at the Forum.
BALLIO
I’m determined to make this, instead of my birthday, my dying day.
(Exit BALLIO, HARPAX following.)
I’m determined to make this, instead of my birthday, my dying day.
Pseudolus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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