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694
(Enter CALIDORUS and CHARINUS.)
CALIDORUS
The sweets and the bitters, all have I disclosed to you. You know my love, you know my difficulty, you know my poverty.
The sweets and the bitters, all have I disclosed to you. You know my love, you know my difficulty, you know my poverty.
CHARINUS
I well remember all; do you only let me know what you want me to do.
I well remember all; do you only let me know what you want me to do.
CALIDORUS
Pseudolus has directed me thus, that I should bring to him some bold and zealous person.
Pseudolus has directed me thus, that I should bring to him some bold and zealous person.
CHARINUS
You observe your directions well; for you bring him one both friendly and zealous. But this Pseudolus
is a stranger to me.
700
You observe your directions well; for you bring him one both friendly and zealous. But this Pseudolus
is a stranger to me.
700
CALIDORUS
He is a very clever fellow—he is my contriver. He said that he would effect those things for me that I have told you of.
He is a very clever fellow—he is my contriver. He said that he would effect those things for me that I have told you of.
PSEUDOLUS
(apart.)
I’ll address this person in a very lofty strain.
I’ll address this person in a very lofty strain.
CALIDORUS
Whose voice is it that’s heard here?
Whose voice is it that’s heard here?
PSEUDOLUS
Oh! thee, sovereign lord, thee, oh! thee do I address who dost rule over Pseudolus: thee do I seek, to impart to thee delights thrice three, threefold, acquired by three contrivances,
obtained over three persons through craftiness and through subtlety, which in this very little sealed packet I have brought unto you
1
.
705
(Holds up the letter.)
Oh! thee, sovereign lord, thee, oh! thee do I address who dost rule over Pseudolus: thee do I seek, to impart to thee delights thrice three, threefold, acquired by three contrivances,
obtained over three persons through craftiness and through subtlety, which in this very little sealed packet I have brought unto you
1
.
705
CALIDORUS
That’s the fellow;
how the hang-dog does bluster just like a tragedian.
That’s the fellow;
how the hang-dog does bluster just like a tragedian.
PSEUDOLUS
Advance a step on thy side towards me. Boldly stretch forth thine arm for greeting.
Advance a step on thy side towards me. Boldly stretch forth thine arm for greeting.
CALIDORUS
(taking his hand.)
Tell me, Pseudolus, whether, as Hope or as Safety, must I greet you?
Tell me, Pseudolus, whether, as Hope or as Safety, must I greet you?
PSEUDOLUS
Why both.
710
Why both.
710
CALIDORUS
As both I greet you. But what has been done?
Why are you silent?
I have carried this person here.
(Pointing to CHARINUS.)
As both I greet you. But what has been done?
Why are you silent?
I have carried this person here.
PSEUDOLUS
How? Carried him here?
How? Carried him here?
CALIDORUS
Brought, I meant to say.
Brought, I meant to say.
PSEUDOLUS
Who’s this person?
Who’s this person?
CALIDORUS
Charinus.
Charinus.
PSEUDOLUS
Well done; I return him thanks
2
then.
Well done; I return him thanks
2
then.
CHARINUS
Will you then boldly enjoin me what it is necessary to do?
Will you then boldly enjoin me what it is necessary to do?
PSEUDOLUS
My thanks, so far. May it be well with you, Charinus; I don’t like that we should be troublesome to you.
My thanks, so far. May it be well with you, Charinus; I don’t like that we should be troublesome to you.
CHARINUS
You, troublesome to me? Now, really, that’s troublesome.
715
You, troublesome to me? Now, really, that’s troublesome.
715
PSEUDOLUS
Well, then, wait a moment.
(Takes the letter out from under his dress.)
Well, then, wait a moment.
CALIDORUS
What’s that?
What’s that?
PSEUDOLUS
This letter have I just now intercepted, and the token.
This letter have I just now intercepted, and the token.
CALIDORUS
Token? What token?
Token? What token?
PSEUDOLUS
The one that was brought just now from the Captain. His servant, who was bringing it, with five mineae of silver, who came to fetch your mistress hence, him I have just now bamboozled.
The one that was brought just now from the Captain. His servant, who was bringing it, with five mineae of silver, who came to fetch your mistress hence, him I have just now bamboozled.
CALIDORUS
How so?
720
How so?
720
PSEUDOLUS
For the sake of these Spectators the play is being performed; they know, who were present here; you I’ll tell at another time.
For the sake of these Spectators the play is being performed; they know, who were present here; you I’ll tell at another time.
CALIDORUS
What are we to do then?
What are we to do then?
PSEUDOLUS
You shall this day embrace your mistress at liberty.
You shall this day embrace your mistress at liberty.
CALIDORUS
What, I?
What, I?
PSEUDOLUS
You yourself.
You yourself.
CALIDORUS
I?
I?
PSEUDOLUS
Your own self, I say, if indeed this head shall exist so long; if you’ll only quickly find me out a man.
Your own self, I say, if indeed this head shall exist so long; if you’ll only quickly find me out a man.
CHARINUS
Of what description?
Of what description?
PSEUDOLUS
A cunning,
crafty and clever one, who, when he has once taken hold of the beginning, may by his own ingenuity still hold fast upon what it behoves him to do; one, too, who has not often been seen here.
725
A cunning,
crafty and clever one, who, when he has once taken hold of the beginning, may by his own ingenuity still hold fast upon what it behoves him to do; one, too, who has not often been seen here.
725
CHARINUS
If he is a slave, does that matter at all?
If he is a slave, does that matter at all?
PSEUDOLUS
Why, I’d much rather have him than a free man.
Why, I’d much rather have him than a free man.
CHARINUS
I think that I’m able to procure for you a cunning and clever fellow,
that has lately come to my father from Carystus
3
, and hasn’t as yet gone anywhere out the house, and who never visited Athens before yesterday.
730
I think that I’m able to procure for you a cunning and clever fellow,
that has lately come to my father from Carystus
3
, and hasn’t as yet gone anywhere out the house, and who never visited Athens before yesterday.
730
PSEUDOLUS
You assist in right earnest. But I have need to borrow five minae of silver, which I shall repay this day, for his father
(pointing to CALIDORUS) owes it me.
You assist in right earnest. But I have need to borrow five minae of silver, which I shall repay this day, for his father
(pointing to CALIDORUS) owes it me.
CHARINUS
I’ll lend it; don’t seek it anywhere else.
I’ll lend it; don’t seek it anywhere else.
PSEUDOLUS
O, how convenient a person for me.
I have need of a scarf as well, a sword, and a broad-brimmed hat.
735
O, how convenient a person for me.
I have need of a scarf as well, a sword, and a broad-brimmed hat.
735
CHARINUS
I can provide them from my house.
I can provide them from my house.
PSEUDOLUS
Immortal Gods! surely this is not Charinus for me, but Abundance. But this servant, who is come here from Carystus, is there anything in him?
Immortal Gods! surely this is not Charinus for me, but Abundance. But this servant, who is come here from Carystus, is there anything in him?
CHARINUS
Plenty of the stinking goat
4
in him.
Plenty of the stinking goat
4
in him.
PSEUDOLUS
CHARINUS
Aye, of the very sharpest.
Aye, of the very sharpest.
PSEUDOLUS
But if it is necessary for him to draw forth what is sweet from the same place, has he aught of that?
740
But if it is necessary for him to draw forth what is sweet from the same place, has he aught of that?
740
CHARINUS
Do you ask that He has wine of myrrh, sweet raisin wine, spice wine
7
honey wine, sweets of every sort. Why, he once began to set up a hot liquor-shop in his breast.
Do you ask that He has wine of myrrh, sweet raisin wine, spice wine
7
honey wine, sweets of every sort. Why, he once began to set up a hot liquor-shop in his breast.
PSEUDOLUS
Bravissimo! Why, Charinus, you beat me cleverly
8
at my own game. But what am I to say is the name of this servant?
Bravissimo! Why, Charinus, you beat me cleverly
8
at my own game. But what am I to say is the name of this servant?
CHARINUS
Simmia.
Simmia.
PSEUDOLUS
In a difficulty, does he understand how to twirl about?
745
In a difficulty, does he understand how to twirl about?
745
CHARINUS
A whirlwind
9
is not so ready as he.
A whirlwind
9
is not so ready as he.
PSEUDOLUS
Is he shrewd at all?
Is he shrewd at all?
CHARINUS
In mischievous tricks
10
very often.
In mischievous tricks
10
very often.
PSEUDOLUS
How, when he’s caught in the fact?
How, when he’s caught in the fact?
CHARINUS
He’s a very eel; he slips out.
He’s a very eel; he slips out.
PSEUDOLUS
Is this fellow an experienced one?
Is this fellow an experienced one?
CHARINUS
A public ordinance
11
is not more experienced.
A public ordinance
11
is not more experienced.
PSEUDOLUS
He is a suitable person, according to what I hear you say.
He is a suitable person, according to what I hear you say.
CHARINUS
Aye, and from this you may know it.
When he looks at you he’ll tell, of his own accord, what it is you want with him. But what are you about to do?
750
Aye, and from this you may know it.
When he looks at you he’ll tell, of his own accord, what it is you want with him. But what are you about to do?
750
PSEUDOLUS
I’ll tell you. When I’ve dressed up my man, I intend to make him become the pretended servant of the Captain; let him take this token to the procurer, with five minae of silver. There’s the whole plot for you.
As for the rest, in what way he is to do each thing, I’ll instruct himself.
755
I’ll tell you. When I’ve dressed up my man, I intend to make him become the pretended servant of the Captain; let him take this token to the procurer, with five minae of silver. There’s the whole plot for you.
As for the rest, in what way he is to do each thing, I’ll instruct himself.
755
CALIDORUS
Why, therefore, do we stand here then?
Why, therefore, do we stand here then?
PSEUDOLUS
Bring the fellow to me just now, dressed out with all his accoutrements, to Aeschinus, the banker’s. But make all haste.
Bring the fellow to me just now, dressed out with all his accoutrements, to Aeschinus, the banker’s. But make all haste.
CALIDORUS
We’ll be there before you.
We’ll be there before you.
PSEUDOLUS
Get you gone there quickly.
(CALIDORUS and CHARINUS go into SIMO’S house.) Whatever before was uncertain or doubtful in my mind,
is now clear-now fined to the dregs; my heart has now an open path. All my legions will I lead forth under their standards with happy omen
12
with favorable auspices, and to my heart’s content. I have a certainty that I can rout my enemies. Now will I go to the Forum, and load Simmia with my instructions
760
what he is to do, that he may not be tripping at all, and that he may cleverly lay the train for this plot. Soon now shall I cause the town of this procurer to be carried by storm.
765
(Exit.)
Get you gone there quickly.
(CALIDORUS and CHARINUS go into SIMO’S house.) Whatever before was uncertain or doubtful in my mind,
is now clear-now fined to the dregs; my heart has now an open path. All my legions will I lead forth under their standards with happy omen
12
with favorable auspices, and to my heart’s content. I have a certainty that I can rout my enemies. Now will I go to the Forum, and load Simmia with my instructions
760
what he is to do, that he may not be tripping at all, and that he may cleverly lay the train for this plot. Soon now shall I cause the town of this procurer to be carried by storm.
765
Pseudolus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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