View:
By Scene
3
(Enter CALIDORUS and PSEUDOLUS from SIMO’S house.)
PSEUDOLUS
If, master, by your being silent, I could be informed what miseries are afflicting you so sadly,
I would willingly have spared the trouble of two persons—of myself in asking you, and of yourself in answering me. Since, however, that cannot be, necessity compels me to enquire of you. Answer me: What’s the reason that, out of spirits for these many days past,
5
you’ve been carrying a letter about with you, washing it with your tears, and making no person the sharer of your purpose? Speak out, that what I am ignorant of, I may know together with yourself.
10
If, master, by your being silent, I could be informed what miseries are afflicting you so sadly,
I would willingly have spared the trouble of two persons—of myself in asking you, and of yourself in answering me. Since, however, that cannot be, necessity compels me to enquire of you. Answer me: What’s the reason that, out of spirits for these many days past,
5
you’ve been carrying a letter about with you, washing it with your tears, and making no person the sharer of your purpose? Speak out, that what I am ignorant of, I may know together with yourself.
10
CALIDORUS
I am wretchedly miserable, Pseudolus.
I am wretchedly miserable, Pseudolus.
PSEUDOLUS
May Jupiter forbid it!
May Jupiter forbid it!
CALIDORUS
This belongs not at all to the arbitration of Jupiter;
under the sway of Venus
1
am I harassed, not under that of Jove.
15
This belongs not at all to the arbitration of Jupiter;
under the sway of Venus
1
am I harassed, not under that of Jove.
15
PSEUDOLUS
Is it allowable for me to know what it is? For hitherto you have had me as chief confidant in your plans.
Is it allowable for me to know what it is? For hitherto you have had me as chief confidant in your plans.
CALIDORUS
The same is now my intention.
The same is now my intention.
PSEUDOLUS
Let me know then what’s the matter with you. I’ll aid you either with resources, or with my efforts, or with good counsel.
Let me know then what’s the matter with you. I’ll aid you either with resources, or with my efforts, or with good counsel.
CALIDORUS
Do you take this letter: do you thence inform yourself what misery and what care are wasting me away.
20
Do you take this letter: do you thence inform yourself what misery and what care are wasting me away.
20
PSEUDOLUS
(taking the letter.)
Compliance shall be given you. But, prithee, how’s this?
Compliance shall be given you. But, prithee, how’s this?
CALIDORUS
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
PSEUDOLUS
As I think, these letters are very loving; they are climbing on each other’s backs.
As I think, these letters are very loving; they are climbing on each other’s backs.
CALIDORUS
Are you making sport of me with your foolery?
Are you making sport of me with your foolery?
PSEUDOLUS
I’ faith, I really do believe that unless the Sibyl
2
can read them, nobody else can possibly interpret them.
25
I’ faith, I really do believe that unless the Sibyl
2
can read them, nobody else can possibly interpret them.
25
CALIDORUS
Why speak you unkindly of those sweet letters— sweet tablets too, written upon by a hand as sweet.
Why speak you unkindly of those sweet letters— sweet tablets too, written upon by a hand as sweet.
PSEUDOLUS
Troth now, have hens, prithee, such hands?
For certainly a hen has written these letters.
30
Troth now, have hens, prithee, such hands?
For certainly a hen has written these letters.
30
CALIDORUS
You are annoying me. Either read it or return the letter.
You are annoying me. Either read it or return the letter.
PSEUDOLUS
Very well then, I’ll read it through. Give me your attention.
Very well then, I’ll read it through. Give me your attention.
CALIDORUS
That’s not here.
That’s not here.
PSEUDOLUS
Do you summon it then.
Do you summon it then.
CALIDORUS
Well, I’ll be silent; do you summon it from that wax there
3
; for there my attention is at present, not in my breast.
Well, I’ll be silent; do you summon it from that wax there
3
; for there my attention is at present, not in my breast.
PSEUDOLUS
I see your mistress, Calidorus.
35
I see your mistress, Calidorus.
35
CALIDORUS
Where is she, prithee?
Where is she, prithee?
PSEUDOLUS
See, here she is at full length in the letter; she’s lying upon the wax.
See, here she is at full length in the letter; she’s lying upon the wax.
CALIDORUS
Now, may the Gods and Goddesses, inasmuch—
4
Now, may the Gods and Goddesses, inasmuch—
4
PSEUDOLUS
Preserve me from harm, to wit.
Preserve me from harm, to wit.
CALIDORUS
For a short season have I been like a summer plant
5
; suddenly have I sprung up, suddenly have I withered.
For a short season have I been like a summer plant
5
; suddenly have I sprung up, suddenly have I withered.
PSEUDOLUS
Be silent, while I read the letter through.
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Be silent, while I read the letter through.
40
CALIDORUS
Why don’t you read it then?
Why don’t you read it then?
PSEUDOLUS
(reading.)
Phœnicium to her lover, Calidorus, by means of wax and string and letters, her exponents, sends health, and safety does she beg
6
of you, weeping, and with palpitating feelings, heart, and breast.
Phœnicium to her lover, Calidorus, by means of wax and string and letters, her exponents, sends health, and safety does she beg
6
of you, weeping, and with palpitating feelings, heart, and breast.
CALIDORUS
I’m undone; I nowhere find, Pseudolus, this safety for me to send her back.
45
I’m undone; I nowhere find, Pseudolus, this safety for me to send her back.
45
PSEUDOLUS
What safety?
What safety?
CALIDORUS
A silver one.
A silver one.
PSEUDOLUS
And do you wish to send her back a silver safety for one on wood
7
? Consider what you’re about.
And do you wish to send her back a silver safety for one on wood
7
? Consider what you’re about.
CALIDORUS
Read on now; I’ll soon cause you to know from the letter
how suddenly there’s need for me for one of silver to be found.
50
Read on now; I’ll soon cause you to know from the letter
how suddenly there’s need for me for one of silver to be found.
50
PSEUDOLUS
(reading on.)
The procurer has sold me, my love, for twenty minae, to a Macedonian officer from abroad. Before he departed hence, the Captain paid him fifteen minae; only five minae now are remaining unpaid.
On that account the Captain left here a token—his own likeness impressed on wax by his ring—that he who should bring hither a token like to that, together with him the procurer might send me. The next day hence, on the Festival of Bacchus
8
, is the one fixed for this matter.
55
The procurer has sold me, my love, for twenty minae, to a Macedonian officer from abroad. Before he departed hence, the Captain paid him fifteen minae; only five minae now are remaining unpaid.
On that account the Captain left here a token—his own likeness impressed on wax by his ring—that he who should bring hither a token like to that, together with him the procurer might send me. The next day hence, on the Festival of Bacchus
8
, is the one fixed for this matter.
55
CALIDORUS
Well, that’s to-morrow;
60
my ruin is near at hand, unless I have some help in you.
Well, that’s to-morrow;
60
my ruin is near at hand, unless I have some help in you.
PSEUDOLUS
Let me read it through.
Let me read it through.
CALIDORUS
I permit you; for I seem to myself to be talking to her. Read on; the sweet and the hitter are you now mingling together for me.
I permit you; for I seem to myself to be talking to her. Read on; the sweet and the hitter are you now mingling together for me.
PSEUDOLUS
(reading on.)
Now our loves, our tenderness, our intimacy,
our mirth, our dalliance, our talking, our sweet kisses, the close embrace of us lovers equally fond, the soft, dear kisses impressed on our tender lips, the delicious pressing of the swelling bosom; of all these delights, I say, for me and for you as well,
65
the severance, the destruction, and the downfal is at hand, unless there is some rescue for me in you or for you in me. I have taken care that you should know all these things that I have written; now shall I make trial how far you love me, and how far you pretend to do so.
70
Now our loves, our tenderness, our intimacy,
our mirth, our dalliance, our talking, our sweet kisses, the close embrace of us lovers equally fond, the soft, dear kisses impressed on our tender lips, the delicious pressing of the swelling bosom; of all these delights, I say, for me and for you as well,
65
the severance, the destruction, and the downfal is at hand, unless there is some rescue for me in you or for you in me. I have taken care that you should know all these things that I have written; now shall I make trial how far you love me, and how far you pretend to do so.
70
CALIDORUS
’Tis written, Pseudolus, in wretchedness.
’Tis written, Pseudolus, in wretchedness.
PSEUDOLUS
Alas! very wretchedly
9
.
Alas! very wretchedly
9
.
CALIDORUS
Why don’t you weep, then?
75
Why don’t you weep, then?
75
PSEUDOLUS
I’ve eyes of pumice stone
10
; I can’t prevail upon them to squeeze out one tear even.
I’ve eyes of pumice stone
10
; I can’t prevail upon them to squeeze out one tear even.
CALIDORUS
Why so?
Why so?
PSEUDOLUS
My family was always a dryeyed one.
My family was always a dryeyed one.
CALIDORUS
Won’t you attempt to assist me at all?
Won’t you attempt to assist me at all?
PSEUDOLUS
What shall I do for you?
What shall I do for you?
CALIDORUS
Alas!
Alas!
PSEUDOLUS
Alas! do you say? Well, don’t be sparing of them, i’ faith; I’ll give you plenty.
Alas! do you say? Well, don’t be sparing of them, i’ faith; I’ll give you plenty.
CALIDORUS
I’m distracted. I nowhere can find any money to borrow.
80
I’m distracted. I nowhere can find any money to borrow.
80
PSEUDOLUS
Alas!
Alas!
CALIDORUS
Nor is there a single coin in the house.
Nor is there a single coin in the house.
PSEUDOLUS
Alas!
Alas!
CALIDORUS
He’s going to carry the damsel away to-morrow.
He’s going to carry the damsel away to-morrow.
PSEUDOLUS
Alas!
Alas!
CALIDORUS
Is it in that fashion that you help me?
Is it in that fashion that you help me?
PSEUDOLUS
I give you that which I have; for I’ve a perpetual supply of those treasures
11
in my house.
I give you that which I have; for I’ve a perpetual supply of those treasures
11
in my house.
CALIDORUS
It’s all over with me this very day. But can you now lend me one drachma, which I’ll pay you back to-morrow
85
It’s all over with me this very day. But can you now lend me one drachma, which I’ll pay you back to-morrow
85
PSEUDOLUS
I’ faith, I hardly think I could, even though I should pawn myself for it. But what do you want to do with this drachma?
I’ faith, I hardly think I could, even though I should pawn myself for it. But what do you want to do with this drachma?
CALIDORUS
I want to purchase a halter for myself.
I want to purchase a halter for myself.
PSEUDOLUS
For what reason?
For what reason?
CALIDORUS
With which to hang myself.
I’m determined, ere ’tis dark, to take
12
a leap in the dark.
90
With which to hang myself.
I’m determined, ere ’tis dark, to take
12
a leap in the dark.
90
PSEUDOLUS
Who then shall pay me back my drachma * * * * ? Do you wish purposely to hang yourself for the very reason, that you may cheat mo out of my drachma if I lend it you?
Who then shall pay me back my drachma * * * * ? Do you wish purposely to hang yourself for the very reason, that you may cheat mo out of my drachma if I lend it you?
CALIDORUS
At all events, I can in nowise survive
if she’s removed and carried off from me.
95
At all events, I can in nowise survive
if she’s removed and carried off from me.
95
PSEUDOLUS
Why do you weep, you cuckoo
13
? You shall survive.
Why do you weep, you cuckoo
13
? You shall survive.
CALIDORUS
Why should I not weep, who have neither a coin of silver in ready money, nor have the hope of a groat
14
anywhere in the world?
Why should I not weep, who have neither a coin of silver in ready money, nor have the hope of a groat
14
anywhere in the world?
PSEUDOLUS
As I understand the tenor of this letter,
unless you weep for her with tears of silver, the affection which you wish yourself by those tears to prove is of no more value than if you were to pour water into a sieve. But have no fear, I’ll not forsake you in your love. In troth, I do trust that this day, from some quarter or other, by my good aid
100
I shall find you help in the money line. But whence that is to come,—that whence I know not how to pronounce; except only that so it shall be; my eyebrow twitches
15
to that effect.
105
As I understand the tenor of this letter,
unless you weep for her with tears of silver, the affection which you wish yourself by those tears to prove is of no more value than if you were to pour water into a sieve. But have no fear, I’ll not forsake you in your love. In troth, I do trust that this day, from some quarter or other, by my good aid
100
I shall find you help in the money line. But whence that is to come,—that whence I know not how to pronounce; except only that so it shall be; my eyebrow twitches
15
to that effect.
105
CALIDORUS
As to what you say, I trust that your deeds may be as good as your words.
As to what you say, I trust that your deeds may be as good as your words.
PSEUDOLUS
I’ faith, you surely know, if I set my plans a-going
16
,
after what fashion and how great is the bustle that I am in the habit of causing.
110
I’ faith, you surely know, if I set my plans a-going
16
,
after what fashion and how great is the bustle that I am in the habit of causing.
110
CALIDORUS
In you are now centred all the hopes of my existence.
In you are now centred all the hopes of my existence.
PSEUDOLUS
Is it enough, if I this day make this damsel to be yours, or if I find you twenty minae?
Is it enough, if I this day make this damsel to be yours, or if I find you twenty minae?
CALIDORUS
’Tis enough, if so it is to be.
’Tis enough, if so it is to be.
PSEUDOLUS
Ask of me twenty minae,
that you may be assured that I’ll procure for you that which I have promised. Ask them of me, by my troth, prithee do; I long to make the promise.
115
Ask of me twenty minae,
that you may be assured that I’ll procure for you that which I have promised. Ask them of me, by my troth, prithee do; I long to make the promise.
115
CALIDORUS
Will you this day find me twenty minae of silver?
Will you this day find me twenty minae of silver?
PSEUDOLUS
I will find them; be no more troublesome to me then. And this I tell you first, that you mayn’t deny that it was told you;
if I can no one else, I’ll diddle your father out of the money.
120
I will find them; be no more troublesome to me then. And this I tell you first, that you mayn’t deny that it was told you;
if I can no one else, I’ll diddle your father out of the money.
120
CALIDORUS
So far as filial affection is concerned, even my mother as well. May the Gods always preserve you for me. But what if you are not able?
So far as filial affection is concerned, even my mother as well. May the Gods always preserve you for me. But what if you are not able?
PSEUDOLUS
Upon that matter do you go to sleep with either eye.
Upon that matter do you go to sleep with either eye.
CALIDORUS
With the eye or with the ear
17
?
With the eye or with the ear
17
?
PSEUDOLUS
The latter is too common an expression.
Now, that no one may affirm that it wasn’t told him, I tell you all
(to the AUDIENCE), in the presence of the youths in this audience, and of all the people, to all my friends and all my acquaintances I give notice, that for this day they must guard against me, and not trust me.
125
The latter is too common an expression.
Now, that no one may affirm that it wasn’t told him, I tell you all
(to the AUDIENCE), in the presence of the youths in this audience, and of all the people, to all my friends and all my acquaintances I give notice, that for this day they must guard against me, and not trust me.
125
CALIDORUS
Hist! be silent, prithee, by all the powers!
129130
Hist! be silent, prithee, by all the powers!
129130
PSEUDOLUS
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
CALIDORUS
There was a noise at the procurer’s door.
There was a noise at the procurer’s door.
PSEUDOLUS
I could only wish it were his legs in preference.
I could only wish it were his legs in preference.
CALIDORUS
Yes, and he himself is coming out from in-doors, the perjured scoundrel.
(They stand at a distance.)
Yes, and he himself is coming out from in-doors, the perjured scoundrel.
Pseudolus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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