T. Maccius Plautus Poenulus 1.1

AGORASTOCLES

Full oft have I entrusted many matters to you, Milphio,

matters of doubt and necessity, and standing in need of good counsel, which you wisely, discreetly, cleverly, and skilfully have by your aid brought to completion for me. For which services I do confess that both your liberty and many kind thanks are due unto you.

130

MILPHIO

An old adage, if you timely introduce it, is a clever thing: but your compliments are to me what are wont to be called sheer nonsense, and, upon my faith, mere bagatelles ¹ . Just now, you are full of kind speeches towards me; yesterday, without hesitation, upon my back you wore out three bulls’ hides with flogging.

135

AGORASTOCLES

But if, being in love, I did anything by reason of my distraction, Milphio, it’s only reasonable that you should pardon me for it.

140

MILPHIO

I’ve seen nothing more reasonable. I, too, am now dying for love; allow me to thrash you just as you did me, for no fault at all; and then, after that, do you pardon me being thus in love.

AGORASTOCLES

If you have a mind for it, or it gives you pleasure, I do permit it; tie me up, bind me, scourge me; I recommend you, I give you my permission.

145

MILPHIO

If, hereafter, you should revoke your permission, when you are unloosed, I myself should be hung up ² for punishment.

AGORASTOCLES

And would I venture to do that, to yourself espercially?

On the contrary, if I see you but struck, it gives me pain immediately.

150

MILPHIO

To me, indeed, i’ faith.

AGORASTOCLES

No, to me.

MILPHIO

I could prefer that to be the case. But what now do you wish?

AGORASTOCLES

Why need I tell a lie to you? I am desperately in love.

MILPHIO

My shoulder-blades feel that.

AGORASTOCLES

But I mean with this damsel, my neighbour Adelphasium,

the elder Courtesan that belongs to this Procurer.

155

MILPHIO

For my own part, I’ve heard that from yourself already.

AGORASTOCLES

I’m on the rack with love for her. But than this Procurer Lycus, her master, not dirt itself is more dirty.

MILPHIO

Do you wish now to present him with some mischief?

AGORASTOCLES

I should like it.

MILPHIO

Why look then, present him with me.

AGORASTOCLES

Go and be hanged!

160

MILPHIO

But tell me seriously, do you wish to present him with a plague?

AGORASTOCLES

I should like it.

MILPHIO

Well then, present him with this selfsame me; I’d cause him to be having both a mischief and a plague.

AGORASTOCLES

You are joking.

MILPHIO

Should you like this very day, without risk to yourself, to make her free ³ ?

AGORASTOCLES

I should like it, Milphio.

MILPHIO

I’ll manage for you to make her so. You have indoors three hundred golden Philippean pieces ⁴ .

165

AGORASTOCLES

Six hundred even.

MILPHIO

Three hundred are enough.

AGORASTOCLES

To do what with them?

MILPHIO

Hold your peace. This day I’ll make you a present of the Procurer, whole, with all his household.

AGORASTOCLES

What to do?

MILPHIO

You shall soon know.

Collybiscus, your bailiff, is in the city just now. The Procurer doesn’t know him. Do you fully understand?

170

AGORASTOCLES

I’ faith, I understand that; but what you are driving at I know not.

MILPHIO

You don’t know?

AGORASTOCLES

Not I, faith.

MILPHIO

But I’ll soon let you know. The gold shall be given him, for him to take to the Procurer,

and say that he’s a stranger from another city; that he’s amorously inclined, and wishes to gratify his inclinations; that he wants free range to be found him, where he may secretly indulge his appetite, so that there may be no overlooker. The Procurer, greedy for the gold, will at once take him into his house;

175

he’ll conceal the man and the gold.

180

AGORASTOCLES

The design pleases me.

MILPHIO

Do you then enquire of him whether your slave hasn’t come to him. He’ll think that I am being sought for; immediately he’ll say no to you. Have you any doubt but that the Procurer will at once have to double the gold for you, and be considered to have stolen the man?

Neither has he the means of raising it. When he comes to trial, the Praetor will award ⁵ his whole household to you. Thus with a pitfall shall we deceive the Procurer Lycus.

185

AGORASTOCLES

The design pleases me.

MILPHIO

Aye, when I’ve polished it up, you’ll then say so still more even; now it’s but in the rough.

AGORASTOCLES

I’m going to the Temple of Venus, unless, Milphio, you wish for anything. It’s the Aphrodisia ⁶ to-day.

190

MILPHIO

I know.

AGORASTOCLES

I wish to amuse my eyes with the harlot finery.

MILPHIO

Let’s first proceed to this, the plan we have resolved upon. Let’s go in-doors, that we may instruct Collybiscus, the bailiff,

how to plant this cheatery.

195

AGORASTOCLES

Although Cupid has the sway in my heart, still I’ll listen to you.

MILPHIO

I’ll cause you to be glad it’s done. (AGORASTOCLES goes into his house.) There is a speck of love upon this man’s breast, which cannot by any means be washed out without great harm;

this Lycus, too, the Procurer, is such a wicked person, against whom the engine of mischief is now well aimed, which before long I shall discharge from my battery ⁷ . But see, here’s Adelphasium coming out, and Anterastylis. The first is the one who renders my master distracted.

200

But I’ll call him out. (Goes to the door and calls.) Hallo! Agorastocles, come out of doors if you would see most joyous sports!

205

(in haste, from the house.)

AGORASTOCLES

What’s this bustle, Milphio?

MILPHIO

(pointing to the door of LYCUS’S house .)

Why, here’s your mistress, if you’d like to see her.

AGORASTOCLES

O may the Gods bestow many a blessing on you, for having presented to me a sight so charming as this!

(They stand apart.)