AGORASTOCLES
What now do you advise me
to do, Milphio?
410
MILPHIO
To give me a beating, and
then have an auction
1
; for
(pointing to the house) really, upon my faith, with utter impunity you might put up this house for sale.
AGORASTOCLES
Why so?
MILPHIO
For the greater part you make your dwelling in my mouth
2
.
AGORASTOCLES
Do have done with those expressions.
MILPHIO
What now do you wish?
AGORASTOCLES
I just now gave three hundred Philippeans to the bailiff Collybiscus, before you called me out of doors. I now adjure you, Milphio, by this right hand, and by this left hand its sister, and by your eyes, and by my passion, and by my own Adelphasium,
415
and by your liberty
3
—
420
MILPHIO
Why, now you adjure me by nothing at all.
AGORASTOCLES
My dear little Milphio, my
kind occasion, my safeguard, do what you promised me you would do, that I may prove the ruin of this Procurer.
MILPHIO
Why, that’s very easy
to be done. Be off, bring here with you your witnesses; meanwhile, in-doors I’ll forthwith provide your bailiff with my disguise and stratagems. Make haste and be off.
AGORASTOCLES
I fly.
MILPHIO
That’s more my part
4
than yours.
AGORASTOCLES
Should I not, should I not, if you effect this adroitly
5
—
MILPHIO
Only do begone.
AGORASTOCLES
Ought I not this very day—
MILPHIO
Only do be off.
AGORASTOCLES
To give you freedom
MILPHIO
Only do begone.
430
AGORASTOCLES
By my troth, I should not deserve—
ah!
MILPHIO
Bah!
Only do be off.
AGORASTOCLES
As many as are the dead in Acheron—
MILPHIO
Will you, then, move off?
AGORASTOCLES
Nor yet as many as there are waves in the sea—
MILPHIO
Are you going to move off?
AGORASTOCLES
Nor as many as there are clouds—
MILPHIO
Do you persist in going on
this way?
AGORASTOCLES
Nor as there are stars in heaven—
MILPHIO
Do you persist in dinning my ears?
AGORASTOCLES
Neither this thing nor that; nor yet, indeed, seriously speaking—nor, by my faith, indeed. What need is there of words? And why not?—a thing that in one word—here we may say anything we please—and yet, i’ faith, not seriously in reality. D’ye see how ’tis? So may the Gods bless me!—do you wish me to tell you in honest truth?
435
A thing that here we may between ourselves—so
help me Jupiter— Do you see how? Look you—do you believe what I tell you?
440
MILPHIO
If I cannot make you go away, I shall go away myself: for really, upon my faith, there’s need of an Oedipus
6
as a diviner for this speech
of yours, him who was the interpreter to the Sphinx.
(He goes into the house of AGORASTOCLES.)
AGORASTOCLES
He has gone off in a passion; now must I beware, lest, through my own fault, I place an impediment in the way of my love. I’ll go and fetch the witnesses, since love commands me, a free man, to be obedient to my own slave.
445
(Exit.)
Poenulus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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