T. Maccius Plautus Persa 1.3

TOXILUS

(to himself.)

I’ve hit upon the whole matter, so that with his own money the Procurer may this day make her his freed-woman. But see, here’s the Parasite whose assistance I have need of. I’ll make believe as though I didn’t see him; in that way I’ll allure the fellow.

(Goes to the door, and calls to the SERVANTS within.) Do you attend, you there, and quickly make haste, that I mayn’t have any delay when I come in-doors. Mix the honied wine; get ready the quinces and the junkets ¹ , that they may be nicely warmed upon the dishes, and throw in some scented calamus ² . I’ faith, that boon-companion of mine, I fancy, will be here just now.

85

SATURIO

(apart.)

He’s meaning me—bravo!

90

TOXILUS

I think that he’ll be here just now from the baths when he has bathed.

SATURIO

(apart.)

How he does keep everything in its due order.

TOXILUS

Take you care that the gravy-cakes ³ and the cheese-biscuits ⁴ are hot; don’t be giving them to me unbaked.

SATURIO

(apart.)

He’s speaking the very fact; they are worth nothing raw, only if you swallow them warm.

Then, unless the broth for the gravy-cakes is of a thick consistency, that miserable, thin, pale, transparent stuff, is worth nothing at all. The broth for a gravy-cake ought to be like a soup. I don’t want it to be going into my bladder, I want it for my stomach.

95

TOXILUS

(pretending not to see him.)

Some one, I know not who, is talking near me here.

SATURIO

(accosting him.)

O my earthly Jupiter, your fellow-feaster addresses you.

TOXILUS

O Saturio, you’ve come opportunely for me.

SATURIO

Upon my faith, you are telling a lie, and it becomes you not; for as Hungerio ⁵ I’m come, not as Saturio am I come.

TOXILUS

But you shall have something to eat; for now the creature-comforts for the stomach are smoking away in-doors.

I’ve ordered the remnants to be warmed.

105

SATURIO

Why, it’s the proper thing for the gammon to be served up cold the day after.

TOXILUS

I’ve ordered it so to be done.

SATURIO

Any caviare ⁶ ?

TOXILUS

Get out—do you ask the question?

SATURIO

You have a capital notion of what’s good ⁷ .

TOXILUS

But do you at all remember the matter about which I was making mention to you yesterday?

SATURIO

I recollect; that the lamprey and the conger ought not to be made warm; for they are much better stripped of their meat ⁸ when cold. But why do we delay to commence the engagement? While it’s the morning, it befits all people to eat.

110

TOXILUS

It’s almost too early in the morning.

SATURIO

The business that you begin to do in the morning, that same lasts on throughout the day.

TOXILUS

Prithee, do give your attention to this. For yesterday I mentioned it to you, and entreated you to lend me six hundred didrachms.

SATURIO

I recollect it and am aware, both that you did ask me, and that I hadn’t any to lend.

A Parasite’s good for nothing that has got money at home; he has a longing at once to begin upon an entertainment, and to gobble away at his own expense, if he has anything at home. A Parasite ought to be a right down needy Cynic; he ought to have a leather bottle ⁹ , a strigil, an utensil ¹⁰ , a pair of slippers, a cloak,

120

and a purse; and in that a little of the needful, with which he may just cheer up the existence of his own household.

125

TOXILUS

I don’t want money now; lend me your daughter.

SATURIO

By my troth, never to any person whatsoever have I lent her as yet.

TOXILUS

Not for that purpose which you are insinuating.

SATURIO

Why do you want her then?

TOXILUS

You shall know;

because she’s of a pretty and genteel figure.

130

SATURIO

Such is the fact.

TOXILUS

This Procurer (pointing to the house of DORDALUS.) neither knows yourself nor your daughter.

SATURIO

How should any one know me, except him who finds me food?

TOXILUS

Such is the fact. This way you can find some money for me.

SATURIO

I’ faith, I wish I could.

TOXILUS

Then do you allow me to sell her.

SATURIO

You to sell her?

135

TOXILUS

Why no, I’ll depute another person to sell her, and to say that he is a foreigner; since it isn’t six months since that Procurer removed hither from Megara ¹¹ .

SATURIO

The remnants are spoiling; this, however, can be done afterwards.

TOXILUS

Do you understand on what terms it can?

Never, on my word, shall you eat here this day, so don’t be mistaken, before you declare to me that you’ll do this that I’m requesting; and unless you bring your daughter with you hither at once as soon as you can, by my faith, I’ll cashier you from this squad. What now? What’s the matter? Why don’t you say what you will do?

140

SATURIO

I’ troth, prithee sell even myself as well, if you like, so long as you sell me with my stomach full.

145

TOXILUS

If you are going to do this, do it.

SATURIO

For my part, I’ll do what you desire,

TOXILUS

You act kindly. Make haste, be off home; cleverly tutor your daughter beforehand, instruct her cunningly, what she is to say, where she is to declare she was born,

who were her parents, how she was kidnapped. But let her declare that she was born at a distance from Athens; and let her shed tears when she makes mention of it.

150

SATURIO

Now won’t you hold your tongue? Three times more artful is she than you would have her be.

TOXILUS

I’ troth, you say what’s excellent. But do you know what you are to do? Get

a tunic and a girdle, and bring a scarf and a broad-brimmed hat for him to wear who is to sell her to this Procurer—

155

SATURIO

Well-capital!

TOXILUS

As though he were a foreigner.

SATURIO

I approve of it—

TOXILUS

And do you bring your daughter cleverly drest up after a foreign fashion.

SAGARISTIO

Où sont ¹² the dresses?

TOXILUS

Borrow them of the chorus-leader ¹³ .

He ought to lend them; the Aediles ¹⁴ have contracted for them to be found.

160

SATURIO

I’ll have them here just now. But I’m to be acquainted with nothing of these matters?

TOXILUS

I’ faith, nothing, in fact. But, when I’ve got the money, do you at once claim her of the Procurer.

SATURIO

Let him keep her for himself, if I don’t immediately carry her off from him.

TOXILUS

Be off and attend to this. (Exit SATURIO.) In the meantime, I want to send a boy to my mistress; that she may be of good courage, and that I shall manage it to-day. I’m talking too much at length.

165

(Goes into the house.)