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(Enter TOXILUS, from the house of his MASTER.)
TOXILUS
(to himself.)
I’ve hit upon the whole matter, so that with his own money the Procurer may this day make her his freed-woman. But see, here’s the Parasite whose assistance I have need of. I’ll make believe as though I didn’t see him; in that way I’ll allure the fellow.
(Goes to the door, and calls to the SERVANTS within.) Do you attend, you there, and quickly make haste, that I mayn’t have any delay when I come in-doors. Mix the honied wine; get ready the quinces and the junkets
1
, that they may be nicely warmed upon the dishes, and throw in some scented calamus
2
. I’ faith, that boon-companion of mine, I fancy, will be here just now.
85
I’ve hit upon the whole matter, so that with his own money the Procurer may this day make her his freed-woman. But see, here’s the Parasite whose assistance I have need of. I’ll make believe as though I didn’t see him; in that way I’ll allure the fellow.
(Goes to the door, and calls to the SERVANTS within.) Do you attend, you there, and quickly make haste, that I mayn’t have any delay when I come in-doors. Mix the honied wine; get ready the quinces and the junkets
1
, that they may be nicely warmed upon the dishes, and throw in some scented calamus
2
. I’ faith, that boon-companion of mine, I fancy, will be here just now.
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SATURIO
(apart.)
He’s meaning me—bravo!
90
He’s meaning me—bravo!
90
TOXILUS
I think that he’ll be here just now from the baths when he has bathed.
I think that he’ll be here just now from the baths when he has bathed.
SATURIO
(apart.)
How he does keep everything in its due order.
How he does keep everything in its due order.
TOXILUS
SATURIO
(apart.)
He’s speaking the very fact; they are worth nothing raw, only if you swallow them warm.
Then, unless the broth for the gravy-cakes is of a thick consistency, that miserable, thin, pale, transparent stuff, is worth nothing at all. The broth for a gravy-cake ought to be like a soup. I don’t want it to be going into my bladder, I want it for my stomach.
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He’s speaking the very fact; they are worth nothing raw, only if you swallow them warm.
Then, unless the broth for the gravy-cakes is of a thick consistency, that miserable, thin, pale, transparent stuff, is worth nothing at all. The broth for a gravy-cake ought to be like a soup. I don’t want it to be going into my bladder, I want it for my stomach.
95
TOXILUS
(pretending not to see him.)
Some one, I know not who, is talking near me here.
Some one, I know not who, is talking near me here.
SATURIO
(accosting him.)
O my earthly Jupiter, your fellow-feaster addresses you.
O my earthly Jupiter, your fellow-feaster addresses you.
TOXILUS
O Saturio, you’ve come opportunely for me.
O Saturio, you’ve come opportunely for me.
SATURIO
Upon my faith, you are telling a lie, and it becomes you not; for as Hungerio
5
I’m come, not as Saturio am I come.
Upon my faith, you are telling a lie, and it becomes you not; for as Hungerio
5
I’m come, not as Saturio am I come.
TOXILUS
But you shall have something to eat; for now the creature-comforts for the stomach are smoking away in-doors.
I’ve ordered the remnants to be warmed.
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But you shall have something to eat; for now the creature-comforts for the stomach are smoking away in-doors.
I’ve ordered the remnants to be warmed.
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SATURIO
Why, it’s the proper thing for the gammon to be served up cold the day after.
Why, it’s the proper thing for the gammon to be served up cold the day after.
TOXILUS
I’ve ordered it so to be done.
I’ve ordered it so to be done.
SATURIO
Any caviare
6
?
Any caviare
6
?
TOXILUS
Get out—do you ask the question?
Get out—do you ask the question?
SATURIO
You have a capital notion of what’s good
7
.
You have a capital notion of what’s good
7
.
TOXILUS
But do you at all remember the matter about which I was making mention to you yesterday?
But do you at all remember the matter about which I was making mention to you yesterday?
SATURIO
I recollect; that the lamprey and the conger ought not to be made warm; for they are much better stripped of their meat
8
when cold. But why do we delay to commence the engagement? While it’s the morning, it befits all people to eat.
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I recollect; that the lamprey and the conger ought not to be made warm; for they are much better stripped of their meat
8
when cold. But why do we delay to commence the engagement? While it’s the morning, it befits all people to eat.
110
TOXILUS
It’s almost too early in the morning.
It’s almost too early in the morning.
SATURIO
The business that you begin to do in the morning, that same lasts on throughout the day.
The business that you begin to do in the morning, that same lasts on throughout the day.
TOXILUS
Prithee, do give your attention to this. For yesterday I mentioned it to you, and entreated you to lend me six hundred didrachms.
Prithee, do give your attention to this. For yesterday I mentioned it to you, and entreated you to lend me six hundred didrachms.
SATURIO
I recollect it and am aware, both that you did ask me, and that I hadn’t any to lend.
A Parasite’s good for nothing that has got money at home; he has a longing at once to begin upon an entertainment, and to gobble away at his own expense, if he has anything at home. A Parasite ought to be a right down needy Cynic; he ought to have a leather bottle
9
, a strigil, an utensil
10
, a pair of slippers, a cloak,
120
and a purse; and in that a little of the needful, with which he may just cheer up the existence of his own household.
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I recollect it and am aware, both that you did ask me, and that I hadn’t any to lend.
A Parasite’s good for nothing that has got money at home; he has a longing at once to begin upon an entertainment, and to gobble away at his own expense, if he has anything at home. A Parasite ought to be a right down needy Cynic; he ought to have a leather bottle
9
, a strigil, an utensil
10
, a pair of slippers, a cloak,
120
and a purse; and in that a little of the needful, with which he may just cheer up the existence of his own household.
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TOXILUS
I don’t want money now; lend me your daughter.
I don’t want money now; lend me your daughter.
SATURIO
By my troth, never to any person whatsoever have I lent her as yet.
By my troth, never to any person whatsoever have I lent her as yet.
TOXILUS
Not for that purpose which you are insinuating.
Not for that purpose which you are insinuating.
SATURIO
Why do you want her then?
Why do you want her then?
TOXILUS
You shall know;
because she’s of a pretty and genteel figure.
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You shall know;
because she’s of a pretty and genteel figure.
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SATURIO
Such is the fact.
Such is the fact.
TOXILUS
This Procurer
(pointing to the house of DORDALUS.) neither knows yourself nor your daughter.
This Procurer
(pointing to the house of DORDALUS.) neither knows yourself nor your daughter.
SATURIO
How should any one know me, except him who finds me food?
How should any one know me, except him who finds me food?
TOXILUS
Such is the fact. This way you can find some money for me.
Such is the fact. This way you can find some money for me.
SATURIO
I’ faith, I wish I could.
I’ faith, I wish I could.
TOXILUS
Then do you allow me to sell her.
Then do you allow me to sell her.
SATURIO
You to sell her?
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You to sell her?
135
TOXILUS
Why no, I’ll depute another person to sell her, and to say that he is a foreigner; since it isn’t six months since that Procurer removed hither from Megara
11
.
Why no, I’ll depute another person to sell her, and to say that he is a foreigner; since it isn’t six months since that Procurer removed hither from Megara
11
.
SATURIO
The remnants are spoiling; this, however, can be done afterwards.
The remnants are spoiling; this, however, can be done afterwards.
TOXILUS
Do you understand on what terms it can?
Never, on my word, shall you eat here this day, so don’t be mistaken, before you declare to me that you’ll do this that I’m requesting; and unless you bring your daughter with you hither at once as soon as you can, by my faith, I’ll cashier you from this squad. What now? What’s the matter? Why don’t you say what you will do?
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Do you understand on what terms it can?
Never, on my word, shall you eat here this day, so don’t be mistaken, before you declare to me that you’ll do this that I’m requesting; and unless you bring your daughter with you hither at once as soon as you can, by my faith, I’ll cashier you from this squad. What now? What’s the matter? Why don’t you say what you will do?
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SATURIO
I’ troth, prithee sell even myself as well, if you like, so long as you sell me with my stomach full.
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I’ troth, prithee sell even myself as well, if you like, so long as you sell me with my stomach full.
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TOXILUS
If you are going to do this, do it.
If you are going to do this, do it.
SATURIO
For my part, I’ll do what you desire,
For my part, I’ll do what you desire,
TOXILUS
You act kindly. Make haste, be off home; cleverly tutor your daughter beforehand, instruct her cunningly, what she is to say, where she is to declare she was born,
who were her parents, how she was kidnapped. But let her declare that she was born at a distance from Athens; and let her shed tears when she makes mention of it.
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You act kindly. Make haste, be off home; cleverly tutor your daughter beforehand, instruct her cunningly, what she is to say, where she is to declare she was born,
who were her parents, how she was kidnapped. But let her declare that she was born at a distance from Athens; and let her shed tears when she makes mention of it.
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SATURIO
Now won’t you hold your tongue? Three times more artful is she than you would have her be.
Now won’t you hold your tongue? Three times more artful is she than you would have her be.
TOXILUS
I’ troth, you say what’s excellent. But do you know what you are to do? Get
a tunic and a girdle, and bring a scarf and a broad-brimmed hat for him to wear who is to sell her to this Procurer—
155
I’ troth, you say what’s excellent. But do you know what you are to do? Get
a tunic and a girdle, and bring a scarf and a broad-brimmed hat for him to wear who is to sell her to this Procurer—
155
SATURIO
Well-capital!
Well-capital!
TOXILUS
As though he were a foreigner.
As though he were a foreigner.
SATURIO
I approve of it—
I approve of it—
TOXILUS
And do you bring your daughter cleverly drest up after a foreign fashion.
And do you bring your daughter cleverly drest up after a foreign fashion.
SAGARISTIO
Où sont
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the dresses?
Où sont
12
the dresses?
TOXILUS
Borrow them of the chorus-leader
13
.
He ought to lend them; the Aediles
14
have contracted for them to be found.
160
Borrow them of the chorus-leader
13
.
He ought to lend them; the Aediles
14
have contracted for them to be found.
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SATURIO
I’ll have them here just now. But I’m to be acquainted with nothing of these matters?
I’ll have them here just now. But I’m to be acquainted with nothing of these matters?
TOXILUS
I’ faith, nothing, in fact. But, when I’ve got the money, do you at once claim her of the Procurer.
I’ faith, nothing, in fact. But, when I’ve got the money, do you at once claim her of the Procurer.
SATURIO
Let him keep her for himself, if I don’t immediately carry her off from him.
Let him keep her for himself, if I don’t immediately carry her off from him.
TOXILUS
Be off and attend to this.
(Exit SATURIO.) In the meantime, I want to send a boy to my mistress; that she may be of good courage, and that I shall manage it to-day. I’m talking too much at length.
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(Goes into the house.)
Be off and attend to this.
(Exit SATURIO.) In the meantime, I want to send a boy to my mistress; that she may be of good courage, and that I shall manage it to-day. I’m talking too much at length.
165
Persa. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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