T. Maccius Plautus Persa 2.2

TOXILUS

Are these things quite clear and certain to you—do you quite remember and understand them?

PAEGNIUM

Better than you who have instructed me.

TOXILUS

Say you so, you whip-rascal?

PAEGNIUM

I really do say so.

185

TOXILUS

What did I say then P

PAEGNIUM

I’ll tell it to her all correctly.

TOXILUS

I’ faith, you don’t know it.

PAEGNIUM

Troth now, lay me a wager that I don’t remember and know it all.

TOXILUS

Why, for my part, I’ll lay a wager with you on this, whether you know your own self, how many fingers you have this day upon your hand.

PAEGNIUM

Without hesitation—if you are desirous to lose.

TOXILUS

A fair truce rather let there be.

PAEGNIUM

For that reason, then, do you let me go.

TOXILUS

I both bid and permit you.

But I wish you so to attend to it, that you are back home while I’m thinking that you are there.

190

PAEGNIUM

I’ll do so.

(Moves towards their own house.)

TOXILUS

Whither are you now going?

PAEGNIUM

Home; that I may be at home while you are thinking that I am there.

TOXILUS

You are a rascal of a boy, and—for this service I’ll give you something to add ¹ to your savings.

PAEGNIUM

I’m aware how want of shame is wont to be imputed to a master’s word, and that masters cannot ever be compelled to appear before the judge on account of those promises.

TOXILUS

Be off now.

195

PAEGNIUM

I’ll give you reason to command me.

TOXILUS

But, Paegnium, take you care and give that letter to Lemniselene herself, and tell her what I bade you.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

(apart.)

Do I delay to go whither I was sent?

PAEGNIUM

I’m off.

TOXILUS

Then do be off; I’ll off home. Take care and manage this business with attention. Fly post haste.

(Goes into the house.)

PAEGNIUM

That’s what the ostrich ² is wont to do in the Circus.

He’s off from here in-doors there. But who’s this woman that’s coming towards me?

200

SOPHOCLIDISCA

(advancing.)

Surely this is Paegnium.

PAEGNIUM

This is Sophoclidisca, the private servant of her to whom I’m sent.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

(aside.)

There’s not a person this day that’s reported to be more artful than this boy. I’ll accost him.

PAEGNIUM

At this bar ³

I must come to a stop.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Paegnium, my charmer of a boy, save you; how are you? How do you do?

PAEGNIUM

Sophoclidisca, the Gods will favour me.

205

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Why me? Which of us?

PAEGNIUM

I’ faith, I don’t know. But if they were to do as you deserve, by my troth they’d hold you in hate, and treat you but badly.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Do leave off your abusive talking.

PAEGNIUM

Since I’m saying just as you I’m talking to deserve, properly, not abusively.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

What are you about now?

PAEGNIUM

Standing opposite to you, looking at a worthless woman.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

For my own part, assuredly, I do not know any more good-for-nothing boy than yourself.

PAEGNIUM

What mischief do I do, or to what person do I speak abusively?

210

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I’ faith, to every one that you have the opportunity.

PAEGNIUM

Not an individual has ever thought so.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

But, i’ faith, full many a one knows that so it is.

PAEGNIUM

Heyday, indeed!

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Heyday, indeed!

PAEGNIUM

According to your own disposition you judge of the ways of others.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I certainly do confess that I’m just as befits one of a Procurer’s household to be.

PAEGNIUM

I’ve now had enough of your chattering.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

What say you? Do you plead guilty to what I take you to be?

PAEGNIUM

If I were so, I should confess it.

215

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Be off then; you’ve got the victory.

PAEGNIUM

Now then be off with you.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Do you then tell me this—whither are you going?

PAEGNIUM

Whither are you?

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Say you.

PAEGNIUM

Say you.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I was the first to ask.

PAEGNIUM

Then you shall be the last to know.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I’m going not far hence.

PAEGNIUM

And I, indeed, not far.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Whither then, you rascal?

PAEGNIUM

Unless I know first of you, you shall never know this of me that you are enquiring.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

On my honor you shall never this day know before I’ve heard it of you.

PAEGNIUM

Is such the fact?

220

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Is such the fact?

PAEGNIUM

You are a worthless one.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Rogue.

PAEGNIUM

That befits me.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Me then it does not befit.

PAEGNIUM

What do you say? Are you quite determined, you hussy, to conceal whither you are going?

SOPHOCLIDISCA

And are you quite resolved to hide whither you are betaking yourself, you scoundrel?

PAEGNIUM

You are giving answer to what I say like for like; be off with you then, since such is your determination. I don’t care at all to know. Good-bye.

(Moving.)

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Stop!

PAEGNIUM

But I’m in a hurry.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

And, i’ faith, I as well.

PAEGNIUM

Have you got anything?

225

(Pointing to her hand.)

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Have you anything?

(Pointing likewise.)

PAEGNIUM

Really nothing whatever.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Show me your hand then.

PAEGNIUM

(showing his right hand.)

Is this the hand?

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Where is that other, the pilfering left hand?

PAEGNIUM

(hiding his left hand.)

Why, it is at home, d’ye see; I’ve not brought one hither.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

(trying to seize his hand.)

You’ve got something, what it is I know not.

PAEGNIUM

(pushing her away.)

Don’t be mauling me about you she-groper.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

But suppose I’m in love with you.

PAEGNIUM

You employ your pains to no purpose.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Why so?

PAEGNIUM

Why, because you are in love with nothing at all, when you are in love with one who doesn’t return it.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

It befits these youthful looks and age to be on the watch for pleasure in good time;

so that, when your hair comes to change its hue, you may not be always in a grovelling servitude. Why, really, as yet you are not eighty pounds in weight.

230

PAEGNIUM

Still, that warfare is waged much more successfully by spirit than by weight. But I’m losing my pains.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Why so?

PAEGNIUM

Because I’m teaching those who know it all. But I’m loitering here.

(Moves.)

SOPHOCLIDISCA

(taking hold of him.)

Do stop.

PAEGNIUM

You are annoying to me.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

And so I shall be then, if I don’t find out whither you are betaking yourself.

PAEGNIUM

To your house.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

And I to your house, i’ faith.

PAEGNIUM

Why thither?

SOPHOCLIDISCA

What’s that to you?

PAEGNIUM

(standing before her.)

Why, you shan’t go now, unless, in return, I know.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

You are teazing.

PAEGNIUM

I choose to.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Never, upon my faith, shall you wring this out of me, so as to prove yourself more artful than I am.

PAEGNIUM

It’s a misery to contend with you in artfulness.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

You are a mischievous baggage.

PAEGNIUM

What is there for you to fear?

SOPHOCLIDISCA

The very same that there is for you.

PAEGNIUM

Say then, what is it?

SOPHOCLIDISCA

But I’m forbidden to tell this to any person, and am instructed that all the dumb people are to speak of it before myself.

240

PAEGNIUM

And most especially was I cautioned not to trust this to any person, so that all the dumb people were to mention this before myself.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Still, do you do so; on giving our words, let’s trust each other.

PAEGNIUM

I know this—all procuresses are light of faith, and the weight of a water-gnat ⁴ is not more light than is the word of a procurer.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Tell me, there’s a dear.

245

PAEGNIUM

Tell me, there’s a dear.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I don’t want to be your dear.

PAEGNIUM

You’ll easily prevail upon me in that.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Keep it yourself.

PAEGNIUM

And you be mum about this.

(Showing her a letter.)

SOPHOCLIDISCA

It shall be kept a secret.

PAEGNIUM

It shall not be known.

(She shows him a letter.)

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I’m carrying this letter to Toxilus, your master.

PAEGNIUM

Be off; he’s there at home. And I am carrying this pinewood tablet sealed, to Lemniselene, your mistress.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

What’s written there.

PAEGNIUM

If you don’t know, pretty much like yourself, I don’t know,

except soft words, perhaps.

250

SOPHOCLIDISCA

I’m off.

PAEGNIUM

And I’ll be off.

SOPHOCLIDISCA

Move on then.

(They go into the respective houses.)