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PALAESTRIO
(Enter PALAESTRIO from the CAPTAIN’s house.)
Sceledrus, Sceledrus, what one man is there on earth more impudent than yourself? Who more than yourself has been born with the Deities hostile and enraged?
Sceledrus, Sceledrus, what one man is there on earth more impudent than yourself? Who more than yourself has been born with the Deities hostile and enraged?
SCELEDRUS
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
PALAESTRIO
Do you want those eyes of yours gouged out, with which you see what never existed?
315
Do you want those eyes of yours gouged out, with which you see what never existed?
315
SCELEDRUS
How, what never existed?
How, what never existed?
PALAESTRIO
I would not buy your life at the price of a rotten nut.
I would not buy your life at the price of a rotten nut.
SCELEDRUS
Why, what’s the matter?
Why, what’s the matter?
PALAESTRIO
What’s the matter, do you ask?
What’s the matter, do you ask?
SCELEDRUS
And why shouldn’t I ask?
And why shouldn’t I ask?
PALAESTRIO
Why don’t you beg for that tongue of yours to be cut out, that prates so at random?
Why don’t you beg for that tongue of yours to be cut out, that prates so at random?
SCELEDRUS
Why should I beg for that?
Why should I beg for that?
PALAESTRIO
Why, Philocomasium is there at home, she whom
you were saying that you had seen next door kissing and toying with another man.
320
Why, Philocomasium is there at home, she whom
you were saying that you had seen next door kissing and toying with another man.
320
SCELEDRUS
’Tis a wonder that you are in the habit of feeding on darnel
1
, with wheat at so low a price.
’Tis a wonder that you are in the habit of feeding on darnel
1
, with wheat at so low a price.
PALAESTRIO
Why so?
Why so?
SCELEDRUS
Because you are so dim of sight.
Because you are so dim of sight.
PALAESTRIO
You gallows-bird, ’tis you, indeed, that are blind, with a vengeance, and not dim of sight; for, sure enough, there she is at home.
You gallows-bird, ’tis you, indeed, that are blind, with a vengeance, and not dim of sight; for, sure enough, there she is at home.
SCELEDRUS
How? At home?
How? At home?
PALAESTRIO
At home, i’ faith, undoubtedly.
At home, i’ faith, undoubtedly.
SCELEDRUS
Be off with you; you are playing with me, Palaestrio
Be off with you; you are playing with me, Palaestrio
PALAESTRIO
My hands are dirty, then.
325
My hands are dirty, then.
325
SCELEDRUS
How so?
How so?
PALAESTRIO
Because I am playing with dirt.
Because I am playing with dirt.
SCELEDRUS
A mischief on your head.
A mischief on your head.
PALAESTRIO
Nay rather, Sceledrus, it shall be on yours, I promise you, unless you change for fresh your eyes and your talk. But our door made a noise.
Nay rather, Sceledrus, it shall be on yours, I promise you, unless you change for fresh your eyes and your talk. But our door made a noise.
SCELEDRUS
Well, I shall watch here out of doors, for there is no way by which she can pass hence in-doors, except through the front door.
Well, I shall watch here out of doors, for there is no way by which she can pass hence in-doors, except through the front door.
PALAESTRIO
But there she is, at home. I don’t know, Scledrus, what mischief is possessing you.
330
But there she is, at home. I don’t know, Scledrus, what mischief is possessing you.
330
SCELEDRUS
I see for my own self, I judge for my own self, I have especial faith in my own self: no man shall frighten me out of it, but that she is in that house.
(Points to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.) Here I’ll take my stand, that she may not steal out home without my knowledge.
I see for my own self, I judge for my own self, I have especial faith in my own self: no man shall frighten me out of it, but that she is in that house.
(Points to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.) Here I’ll take my stand, that she may not steal out home without my knowledge.
PALAESTRIO
(aside)
This fellow is in my hands; now will I drive him from his strong hold.
(To SCLEDRUS) Do you wish me now to make you own that you don’t see correctly?
335
This fellow is in my hands; now will I drive him from his strong hold.
(To SCLEDRUS) Do you wish me now to make you own that you don’t see correctly?
335
SCELEDRUS
Come, do it then.
Come, do it then.
PALAESTRIO
And that you neither think aright in your mind, nor yet make use of your eyes?
And that you neither think aright in your mind, nor yet make use of your eyes?
SCELEDRUS
I’d have you do it.
I’d have you do it.
PALAESTRIO
Do you say, then that the lady of your master is there in that house?
Do you say, then that the lady of your master is there in that house?
SCELEDRUS
I assert, as well, that I saw here here in this house
(points to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS), toying with a strange man.
I assert, as well, that I saw here here in this house
(points to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS), toying with a strange man.
PALAESTRIO
don’t you know that there is no communication between our house here and that one?
don’t you know that there is no communication between our house here and that one?
SCELEDRUS
I know it.
I know it.
PALAESTRIO
Neither by the terrace
2
, nor by the garden, only through the skylight?
340
Neither by the terrace
2
, nor by the garden, only through the skylight?
340
SCELEDRUS
I know it.
I know it.
PALAESTRIO
What then, if she is now at home? If I shall make her, so as you may see her,come out hence from our house, are you not deserving of many a lashing?
What then, if she is now at home? If I shall make her, so as you may see her,come out hence from our house, are you not deserving of many a lashing?
SCELEDRUS
I am so deserving.
I am so deserving.
PALAESTRIO
Watch that door, then, that she may not privily betake herself out thence without your knowledge and pass here into our house.
Watch that door, then, that she may not privily betake herself out thence without your knowledge and pass here into our house.
SCELEDRUS
’Tis my intention to do so.
’Tis my intention to do so.
PALAESTRIO
Upon her feet
3
will I place her this moment here before you in the street.
Upon her feet
3
will I place her this moment here before you in the street.
SCELEDRUS
Come, then, and do so.
345
(PALAESTRIO goes into the CAPTAIN’s house.)
Come, then, and do so.
345
Miles Gloriosus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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