PHILOCOMASIUM
(to a servant SERVANT.)
Put fire on the altar, that in my joy I may return praises and thanks to Diana of
Ephesus
, and that I may send up for her a grateful smoke with odours of
Arabia
: she who has preserved me in the realms of Neptune and amid the boisterous temples
2
, where with raging billows I have been so recently dismayed.
SCELEDRUS
(discovering her.)
Palaestrio! O Palaestrio!
415
PALAESTRIO
Sceledrus! O Sceledrus! What is it you want?
SCELEDRUS
This lady that has come out of that house just now—is she Philocomasium, our master’s lady, or is she not?
PALAESTRIO
I’ faith, I think, it seems to be she. But ’tis a wondrous thing how she could pass from our house to next door; if, indeed, it is she.
SCELEDRUS
And have you any doubt that this is she?
PALAESTRIO
It seems to be she.
SCELEDRUS
Let us approach her, and accost her. Hallo! how’s this, Philocomasium? What is there owing to you in that house? What is your business there? Why are you silent now? I am speaking to you.
420
PALAESTRIO
No, faith, you are talking to yourself; for nothing at all does she answer.
SCELEDRUS
I am addressing you, woman, brimful of viciousness and disgrace, who are roaming about among your neighbours.
PHILOCOMASIUM
To whom are you talking?
SCELEDRUS
To whom but to yourself?
425
PHILOCOMASIUM
What person are you? Or what business have you with me?
SCELEDRUS
O, you ask me who I am, do you?
PHILOCOMASIUM
Why shouldn’t I ask that which I don’t know?
PALAESTRIO
Who am I, then, if you don’t know him?
PHILOCOMASIUM
You are an annoyance to me, whoever you are, both you and he.
SCELEDRUS
What? don’t you know us?
PHILOCOMASIUM
No, neither of you.
SCELEDRUS
I very much fear—
PALAESTRIO
What do you fear?
SCELEDRUS
Why, that we have lost ourselves somewhere or other; for she says that she knows neither you nor me.
PALAESTRIO
I wish, Sceledrus, to examine into this, whether we are ourselves, or else some other persons; lest secretly somehow some one of our neighbours may have transformed us without our knowing it.
SCELEDRUS
For my part, beyond a doubt, I am my own self.
PALAESTRIO
I’ faith, and so am I.
SCELEDRUS
My lady, you are seeking your destruction.
3
To you I am speaking; hark you, Philocomasium!
PHILOCOMASIUM
What craziness possesses you,
to be calling me wrongly by a crackjaw name
4
?
435
SCELEDRUS
How now! What are you called, then?
PHILOCOMASIUM
My name is Glycera.
SCELEDRUS
For a bad purpose, Philocomasium, you wish to have a wrong name
5
. Away with you, shocking woman; for most notably are you doing a wrong to my master.
PHILOCOMASIUM
I?
SCELEDRUS
Yes, you.
PHILOCOMASIUM
with my lover, a young man of
Athens
?
440
SCELEDRUS
Tell me,
what business have you here in
Ephesus
?
PHILOCOMASIUM
I had heard that my own twin-sister is here in
Ephesus
; I came here to look for her.
SCELEDRUS
You’re a good-for-nothing woman.
PHILOCOMASIUM
Yes, i’ faith, I am a very foolish one to be parleying with you fellows. I am going.
SCELEDRUS
I won’t let you go.
(Catches hold of her.)
PHILOCOMASIUM
Let me go.
SCELEDRUS
You are discovered in the fact.
I won’t let you go.
445
PHILOCOMASIUM
But my hands shall just now sound again against your cheek, if you don’t let me go.
SCELEDRUS
(to PALAESTRIO.)
Why the plague are you standing idle? Why don’t you hold her on the other side?
PALAESTRIO
I don’t choose to bring the business down upon my back. How do I know but that this is not Philocomasium, but is some other female that resembles her?
PHILOCOMASIUM
Will you let me go, or will you not let me go?
SCELEDRUS
No; by force and against your will, in spite of you,
I’ll drag you home, unless you’ll go of your own accord.
450
PHILOCOMASIUM
(pointing to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)
SCELEDRUS
But your master lives here.
(pointing to the CAPTAIN’S house.)
PHILOCOMASIUM
I have nothing to do with that house, nor do I know or understand yourselves what persons you are.
SCELEDRUS
Proceed against me
7
at law. I’ll never let you go, until you give me your solemn word that you will go indoors here
(pointing to the CAPTAIN’S house) if I let go of you.
PHILOCOMASIUM
You are compelling me by force, whoever you are.
I give you my word, that if you let go of me, I will go into that house where you bid me.
455
SCELEDRUS
Then, now I let go of you.
PHILOCOMASIUM
And, as I’m let go, I’ll go in here.
(Runs into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.)
Miles Gloriosus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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