T. Maccius Plautus Mercator 1.2

ACANTHIO

(to himself.)

With your utmost power and might always try and endeavour that your younger master ¹ may by your aid be preserved. Come then, Acanthio, away with weariness from you; take care and be on your guard against sloth. At the same time put an end to this panting; troth, I can hardly fetch my breath;

at the same time, too, drive right full against all those persons who come in the way, shove them aside, and push them into the road. This custom here is a very bad one; no one thinks it proper for him to give way to one who is running and in haste; and thus three things must be done at the same moment, when you have commenced upon but one; you must both run and fight, and squabble as well, upon the road.

115

CHARINUS

(apart.)

What’s the reason of this, that he’s requiring speed for himself at a rate so rapid? I have some anxiety, what the business is, or what news he brings.

120

ACANTHIO

(to himself.)

I’m trifling about it. The more I stop, the greater the risk that’s run.

CHARINUS

(apart.)

He brings news of some misfortune, I know not what.

ACANTHIO

(to himself.)

His knees are failing this runner. I’m undone, my spleen is in rebellion ² , it’s taking possession of my breast.

I’m done up, I can’t draw my breath. A very worthless piper should I be.

125

I’ faith, not all the baths will ever remove this lassitude from me. Am I to say that my master Charinus is at home or abroad?

CHARINUS

(apart.)

I’m doubtful in my mind what the matter is; I’d like for myself to learn of him, that I may become acquainted with it.

ACANTHIO

(to himself.)

But why still standing here? Why still hesitating to make splinters of this door? (Knocks at the door of DEMIPHO’S house, and calls.) Open the door, some one. Where’s my master, Charinus? Is he at home or abroad? Does any one think fit to come to the door?

130

CHARINUS

(presenting himself.)

Why, here am I, whom you’re looking for, Acanthio.

ACANTHIO

(not seeing him.)

There is nowhere a more lazy management than in his house.

CHARINUS

What matter is afflicting you so terribly?

ACANTHIO

(turning round.)

Many, master, both yourself and me.

CHARINUS

What’s the matter?

135

ACANTHIO

We are undone.

CHARINUS

That beginning do you present unto our foes.

ACANTHIO

But your own self it has befallen, as fate would have it.

CHARINUS

Tell me this matter, whatever it is.

ACANTHIO

Quietly—I want to take a rest.

(He pants.)

CHARINUS

But, i’ faith, do take the skirt of your coat ³ , and wipe the sweat from off you.

ACANTHIO

For your sake, I’ve burst the veins of my lungs; I’m spitting blood already.

(He spits.)

CHARINUS

Swallow Aegyptian resin with honey; you’ll make it all right.

ACANTHIO

Then, i’ faith, do you drink hot pitch ⁴ ; then your troubles will vanish.

140

CHARINUS

I know no one a more tetchy fellow than yourself.

ACANTHIO

And I know no one more abusive than yourself

CHARINUS

But what if I’m persuading you to that which I take to be for your benefit?

ACANTHIO

Away with benefit of that sort, that’s accompanied with pain.

CHARINUS

Tell me, is there any good at all that any one can enjoy entirely without evil; or where you mustn’t endure labour when you wish to enjoy it?

145

ACANTHIO

I don’t understand these things; I never learnt to philosophize, and don’t know how. I don’t want any good to be given me, to which evil is an accompaniment.

CHARINUS

(extending his hand.)

Come now, Acanthio, give me your right hand.

ACANTHIO

It shall be given; there then, take it.

(Gives his hand.)

CHARINUS

Do you intend yourself to be obedient to me, or don’t you intend it?

150

ACANTHIO

You may judge by experience, as I’ve ruptured myself with running for your sake, in order that what I knew, you might have the means of knowing directly.

CHARINUS

I’ll make you a free man within a few months.

ACANTHIO

You are smoothing me down.

CHARINUS

What, should I presume ever to make mention of an untrue thing to you? On the contrary, before I said so, you knew already whether I intend to utter an untruth.

154155

ACANTHIO

Ah! your words, upon my faith, are increasing my weakness. You are worrying me to death!

CHARINUS

What, is this the way you’re obedient to me?

ACANTHIO

What do you want me to do?

CHARINUS

What, you? What I want is this—

ACANTHIO

What is it then that you do want?

CHARINUS

I’ll tell you.

ACANTHIO

Tell me, then.

CHARINUS

But still, I’d like to do it in a quiet way.

ACANTHIO

Are you afraid lest you should wake the drowsy Spectators ⁵ from their nap?

160

CHARINUS

Woe be to you!

ACANTHIO

For my part, that same am I bringing to you from the harbour.

CHARINUS

What are you bringing? Tell me.

ACANTHIO

Violence, alarm, torture, care, strife, and beggary.

CHARINUS

I’m undone! You really are bringing me hither a store of evils. I’m ruined outright.

ACANTHIO

Why, yes, you are—

CHARINUS

I know it already; you’ll be saying I’m wretched.

ACANTHIO

’Tis you have said so; I’m mum.

CHARINUS

What mishap is this?

165

ACANTHIO

Don’t enquire. It is a very great calamity.

CHARINUS

Prithee, do relieve me at once. Too long a time have I been in suspense.

ACANTHIO

Softly; I still wish to make many enquiries before I’m beaten.

CHARINUS

By my troth, you assuredly will be beaten, unless you say at once, or get away from here.

ACANTHIO

Do look at that, please, how he does coax me; there’s no one more flattering when he sets about it.

CHARINUS

By heavens, I do entreat and beseech you to disclose to me at once what it is; inasmuch as I see that I must be the suppliant of my own servant.

170

ACANTHIO

And do I seem so unworthy of it?

CHARINUS

Oh no, quite worthy.

ACANTHIO

Well, so I thought.

CHARINUS

Prithee, is the ship lost?

ACANTHIO

The ship’s all right; don’t fear about that.

CHARINUS

Well then, the rest of the cargo?

ACANTHIO

That’s right and tight.

CHARINUS

Why then don’t you tell

me what it is, for which, just now, running through the city, you were seeking me?

175

ACANTHIO

Really, you are taking the words out of my mouth.

CHARINUS

I’ll hold my tongue.

ACANTHIO

Do hold your tongue. I doubt, if I brought you any good news, you’d be dreadfully pressing, who are now insisting upon my speaking out, when you must hear bad news.

CHARINUS

Troth then, prithee do you let me know what this misfortune is.

ACANTHIO

Since you beg of me, I’ll tell you. Your father—

180

CHARINUS

My father did what?

ACANTHIO

Your mistress—

CHARINUS

What about her?

ACANTHIO

He has seen her.

CHARINUS

Seen her? Ah wretch that I am! What I ask you, answer me.

ACANTHIO

Nay, but do you ask me, if you want anything.

CHARINUS

How could he see her?

ACANTHIO

With his eyes.

CHARINUS

In what way?

ACANTHIO

Wide open.

CHARINUS

Away hence and be hanged. You are trifling, when my life’s at stake.

ACANTHIO

How the plague am I trifling, if I answer you what you ask me?

185

CHARINUS

Did he see her for certain?

ACANTHIO

Aye, troth, as certainly as I see you and you see me.

CHARINUS

Where did he see her?

ACANTHIO

Down on board the ship, as he stood near the prow and chatted with her.

CHARINUS

Father, you have undone me. Come now, you, come now, you sir? Why, you whip-rascal, didn’t you take care that he mightn’t see her? Why, villain, didn’t you stow her away, that my father mightn’t perceive her?

ACANTHIO

Because we were busily employed about our business; we were engaged in packing up and arranging the cargo. While these things were being done, your father was brought alongside in a very small boat; and not an individual beheld the man until he was aboard the ship.

CHARINUS

In vain have I escaped the sea with its dreadful tempests! Just now I really did suppose that I was both ashore and in a place of safety; but I see that by the raging waves I am being hurried towards the rocks. Say on; what took place?

195

ACANTHIO

After he espied the woman, he began to ask her to whom she belonged.

CHARINUS

What did she answer?

ACANTHIO

That instant I ran up and interposed, saying that you had bought her as a maid-servant for your mother.

CHARINUS

Did he seem to believe you in that?

ACANTHIO

Do you e’en ask me that? Why the rogue began to take liberties with her.

CHARINUS

Prithee, what, with her?

ACANTHIO

’Twere a wonder if he had taken liberties with myself.

CHARINUS

By heavens, my heart is saddened,

which, drop by drop is melting away, just as though you were to put salt in water. I’m undone.

205

ACANTHIO

Aye, aye, that one expression have you most truly uttered.

CHARINUS

This is mere folly.

What shall I do? I do think my father won’t believe me if I say that I bought her for my mother; and then, besides, it seems to me a shame that I should tell a lie to my parent.

He’ll neither believe, nor indeed is it credible, that I bought this woman of surpassing beauty as a maid-servant for my mother.

210

ACANTHIO

Won’t you be quiet, you most silly man? Troth, he will believe it, for he just now believed me.

CHARINUS

I’m dreadfully afraid that a suspicion will reach my father how the matter really stands. Prithee, answer me this that I ask you.

ACANTHIO

What do you ask?

CHARINUS

Did he seem to suspect that she was my mistress?

215

ACANTHIO

He did not seem. On the contrary, in everything, just as I said it, he believed me.

CHARINUS

As being true-as he seemed to yourself at least.

ACANTHIO

Not so; but he really did believe me.

CHARINUS

Ah! wretched man that I am! I’m ruined! But why do I kill myself here with repining, and don’t be off to the ship? Follow me.

(Hastening along.)

ACANTHIO

If you go that way, you’ll conveniently come slap upon your father.

As soon as he shall see you, dismayed and out of spirits, at once he’ll be stopping you, and enquiring where you bought her, and for how much you bought her; he’ll be trying you in your dismay.

220

CHARINUS

(turning about.)

I’ll go this way in preference. Do you think that by this my father has left the harbour?

ACANTHIO

Why, it was for that reason I ran before him hither, that he mightn’t come upon you unawares and fish it out of you.

CHARINUS

Very properly done.

(Exeunt.)