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469
(CHARINUS, alone.)
CHARINUS
(wringing his hands, and crying aloud.)
I’m lost—I’m undone.
They say that the Bacchanals tore Pentheus to pieces
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. I do believe that that was the merest trifle compared with the manner in which I am rent asunder in different ways.
Why do I exist? Why don’t I die? What good is there for me in life? I’m determined, I’ll go to a doctor
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, and there I’ll put myself to death by poison, since that is being taken from me for the sake of which I desire to remain in existence.
(He is going off.)
I’m lost—I’m undone.
They say that the Bacchanals tore Pentheus to pieces
1
. I do believe that that was the merest trifle compared with the manner in which I am rent asunder in different ways.
Why do I exist? Why don’t I die? What good is there for me in life? I’m determined, I’ll go to a doctor
2
, and there I’ll put myself to death by poison, since that is being taken from me for the sake of which I desire to remain in existence.
EUTYCHUS
(Enter EUTYCHUS, from the house of LYSIMACHUS.)
Stop, prithee, stop, Charinus.
Stop, prithee, stop, Charinus.
CHARINUS
(turning.)
Who is it, that calls me back?
Who is it, that calls me back?
EUTYCHUS
Eutychus,
your friend and companion, your nearest neighbour as well.
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Eutychus,
your friend and companion, your nearest neighbour as well.
475
CHARINUS
You don’t know
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what a vast weight of my woes I am enduring.
You don’t know
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what a vast weight of my woes I am enduring.
EUTYCHUS
I do know. I listened to it all at the door: I know the whole matter.
I do know. I listened to it all at the door: I know the whole matter.
CHARINUS
What is it that you know?
What is it that you know?
EUTYCHUS
Your father wishes to sell—
Your father wishes to sell—
CHARINUS
You have the whole matter.
You have the whole matter.
EUTYCHUS
—Your mistress—
—Your mistress—
CHARINUS
You know by far too much.
You know by far too much.
EUTYCHUS
—Against your wish.
—Against your wish.
CHARINUS
You know everything. But how do you know that this woman is my mistress?
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You know everything. But how do you know that this woman is my mistress?
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EUTYCHUS
You yourself told me yesterday.
You yourself told me yesterday.
CHARINUS
Isn’t it the fact that I had quite forgotten that I told you yesterday?
Isn’t it the fact that I had quite forgotten that I told you yesterday?
EUTYCHUS
It’s not surprising it is so.
It’s not surprising it is so.
CHARINUS
I now consult you. Answer me; by what death do you think that I should die in preference?
I now consult you. Answer me; by what death do you think that I should die in preference?
EUTYCHUS
Won’t you hold your peace? Take you care how you say that.
Won’t you hold your peace? Take you care how you say that.
CHARINUS
What then do you wish me to say?
What then do you wish me to say?
EUTYCHUS
Should you like me to trick your father nicely?
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Should you like me to trick your father nicely?
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CHARINUS
I really should like it.
I really should like it.
EUTYCHUS
Should you like me to walk to the harbour—
Should you like me to walk to the harbour—
CHARINUS
What, rather than that you should fly?
What, rather than that you should fly?
EUTYCHUS
And release the fair one for a sum.
And release the fair one for a sum.
CHARINUS
What, rather than you should pay her weight in gold?
What, rather than you should pay her weight in gold?
EUTYCHUS
Whence is it to come?
Whence is it to come?
CHARINUS
I’ll entreat Achilles to lend me the gold with which Hector was ransomed
I’ll entreat Achilles to lend me the gold with which Hector was ransomed
EUTYCHUS
Are you in your senses?
Are you in your senses?
CHARINUS
I’ faith, if I were in my senses, I shouldn’t be seeking you for my physician.
I’ faith, if I were in my senses, I shouldn’t be seeking you for my physician.
EUTYCHUS
Do you wish her to be purchased for as high a price as he asks?
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Do you wish her to be purchased for as high a price as he asks?
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CHARINUS
Throw in something by way of surplus; even a thousand didrachms more than he shall demand.
Throw in something by way of surplus; even a thousand didrachms more than he shall demand.
EUTYCHUS
Now, do hold your peace. But what say you as to this? Whence will the money come, for you to give, when your father asks for it?
Now, do hold your peace. But what say you as to this? Whence will the money come, for you to give, when your father asks for it?
CHARINUS
It shall be found, it shall be sought out, something shall be done.
It shall be found, it shall be sought out, something shall be done.
EUTYCHUS
You are worrying me to death. For I’m afraid of that
Something shall be done.
You are worrying me to death. For I’m afraid of that
Something shall be done.
CHARINUS
Why won’t you hold your tongue?
Why won’t you hold your tongue?
EUTYCHUS
You give your commands to one who is dumb.
You give your commands to one who is dumb.
CHARINUS
Is this matter sufficiently pointed out to you?
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Is this matter sufficiently pointed out to you?
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EUTYCHUS
Can’t you possibly be attending to something else?
Can’t you possibly be attending to something else?
CHARINUS
It isn’t possible.
It isn’t possible.
EUTYCHUS
(going.)
Kindly fare you well.
Kindly fare you well.
CHARINUS
I’ faith, I cannot fare well, before you come back to me.
I’ faith, I cannot fare well, before you come back to me.
EUTYCHUS
To better purpose, recover your senses.
To better purpose, recover your senses.
CHARINUS
Farewell, and prevail, and be my preserver.
Farewell, and prevail, and be my preserver.
EUTYCHUS
I’ll do so. Wait for me at home.
I’ll do so. Wait for me at home.
CHARINUS
Do you take care, then, to betake yourself back just now with the booty.
(Exit EUTYCHUS, and CHARINUS goes into DEMIPHO’S house.)
Do you take care, then, to betake yourself back just now with the booty.
Mercator. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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