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335
(Enter CHARINUS, at a distance.)
CHARINUS
(to himself.)
Never, I do think, was any person more wretched than myself, nor one who had more everlasting crosses. Isn’t it the fact, that whatever thing there is that I have commenced to attempt, it cannot fall out to my wish according as I desire? To such an extent is some evil fortune always befalling me,
335
which overwhelms my fair intentions. To my misfortune, I procured me a mistress to please my inclination; I acquired her for a sum of money, fancying that I could keep her unknown to my father. He has found her out, and has seen her, and has undone me. Nor have I yet determined what to say when he asks me,
340
so much do uncertain thoughts, aye, tenfold, struggle within my breast; nor know I now in my mind what resolution I can possibly take; so much uncertainty, mingled with anxiety, is there in my feelings, at one moment the advice of my servant pleases me, then again it doesn’t please me, and it doesn’t seem possible for my father
345
to be induced to think that she was bought as a maid-servant for my mother. Now, if I say, as is the fact, and declare that I purchased her for myself, what will he think of me? He may take her away, too, and carry her hence beyond sea, to be sold!
350
Well taught at home, I know how severe he is. Is this, then, being in love? I’d rather be at the plough-tail
1
than love in this fashion. Before to-day, long ago, he drove me away against my inclination from his house, my home, and bade me go and traffic. There did I meet with this misfortune. When its misery can surpass its pleasure, what is there delightful in it?
354355
In vain I’ve hidden her, concealed her, kept her in secret; my father’s a very fly
2
; nothing can be kept away from him; nothing so sacred or so profane is there, but that he’s there at once; neither have I any assured hope in my mind through which to feel confidence in my fortunes.
360
Never, I do think, was any person more wretched than myself, nor one who had more everlasting crosses. Isn’t it the fact, that whatever thing there is that I have commenced to attempt, it cannot fall out to my wish according as I desire? To such an extent is some evil fortune always befalling me,
335
which overwhelms my fair intentions. To my misfortune, I procured me a mistress to please my inclination; I acquired her for a sum of money, fancying that I could keep her unknown to my father. He has found her out, and has seen her, and has undone me. Nor have I yet determined what to say when he asks me,
340
so much do uncertain thoughts, aye, tenfold, struggle within my breast; nor know I now in my mind what resolution I can possibly take; so much uncertainty, mingled with anxiety, is there in my feelings, at one moment the advice of my servant pleases me, then again it doesn’t please me, and it doesn’t seem possible for my father
345
to be induced to think that she was bought as a maid-servant for my mother. Now, if I say, as is the fact, and declare that I purchased her for myself, what will he think of me? He may take her away, too, and carry her hence beyond sea, to be sold!
350
Well taught at home, I know how severe he is. Is this, then, being in love? I’d rather be at the plough-tail
1
than love in this fashion. Before to-day, long ago, he drove me away against my inclination from his house, my home, and bade me go and traffic. There did I meet with this misfortune. When its misery can surpass its pleasure, what is there delightful in it?
354355
In vain I’ve hidden her, concealed her, kept her in secret; my father’s a very fly
2
; nothing can be kept away from him; nothing so sacred or so profane is there, but that he’s there at once; neither have I any assured hope in my mind through which to feel confidence in my fortunes.
360
DEMIPHO
(apart.)
What’s the reason of this, that my son is talking to himself alone? He seems to me anxious about some matter, I know not what.
What’s the reason of this, that my son is talking to himself alone? He seems to me anxious about some matter, I know not what.
CHARINUS
(looking round.)
Heyday, now! Why, surely it’s my father here that I see. I’ll go and accost him.
(Accosting him.) How goes it, father?
Heyday, now! Why, surely it’s my father here that I see. I’ll go and accost him.
(Accosting him.) How goes it, father?
DEMIPHO
Whence do you come? Why are you in a hurry, my son?
Whence do you come? Why are you in a hurry, my son?
CHARINUS
It’s all right, father.
It’s all right, father.
DEMIPHO
So I trust; but what’s the reason that your colour’s so changed? Do you feel ill at all?
So I trust; but what’s the reason that your colour’s so changed? Do you feel ill at all?
CHARINUS
I know not what it is affects my spirits, father;
this last night I didn’t rest quite as well as I wished.
370
I know not what it is affects my spirits, father;
this last night I didn’t rest quite as well as I wished.
370
DEMIPHO
As you’ve been travelling by sea, your eyes, I suppose, are at present rather unaccustomed to the shore.
As you’ve been travelling by sea, your eyes, I suppose, are at present rather unaccustomed to the shore.
CHARINUS
No doubt it is that; but it will be going off presently.
No doubt it is that; but it will be going off presently.
DEMIPHO
Troth, it’s for that reason you are pale; if you were prudent, you’d go home and lie down.
Troth, it’s for that reason you are pale; if you were prudent, you’d go home and lie down.
CHARINUS
I haven’t the leisure; I wish to attend to business on commission.
I haven’t the leisure; I wish to attend to business on commission.
DEMIPHO
Attend to it to-morrow; the day after, attend to it.
375
Attend to it to-morrow; the day after, attend to it.
375
CHARINUS
I’ve often heard from you, father, it behoves all wise men, the first thing, to give their earliest attention to business upon commission.
I’ve often heard from you, father, it behoves all wise men, the first thing, to give their earliest attention to business upon commission.
DEMIPHO
Do so, then; I have no wish to be striving against your opinion.
Do so, then; I have no wish to be striving against your opinion.
CHARINUS
(aside.)
I’m all right, if, indeed, his adherence to that sentiment is immoveable and lasting.
I’m all right, if, indeed, his adherence to that sentiment is immoveable and lasting.
DEMIPHO
(aside.)
Why is it that he calls himself aside into counsel with himself?
I’m not afraid now lest he should be able to come to know that I’m in love with her, because I’ve not as yet done anything in a foolish manner, as people in love are wont to do.
380
Why is it that he calls himself aside into counsel with himself?
I’m not afraid now lest he should be able to come to know that I’m in love with her, because I’ve not as yet done anything in a foolish manner, as people in love are wont to do.
380
CHARINUS
(aside.)
I’ faith, the affair for the present is really quite safe; for I’m quite certain that he doesn’t know anything about that mistress of mine; if he did know, his talk would have been different.
I’ faith, the affair for the present is really quite safe; for I’m quite certain that he doesn’t know anything about that mistress of mine; if he did know, his talk would have been different.
DEMIPHO
(aside.)
Why don’t I accost him about her?
Why don’t I accost him about her?
CHARINUS
(aside.)
Why don’t I betake myself off hence?
(Aloud.) I’m going to deliver the commissions from my friends to their friends.
385
(Moves as if going.)
Why don’t I betake myself off hence?
(Aloud.) I’m going to deliver the commissions from my friends to their friends.
385
DEMIPHO
Nay, but stop; I still want to make a few enquiries of you first.
Nay, but stop; I still want to make a few enquiries of you first.
CHARINUS
Say what it is you wish.
Say what it is you wish.
DEMIPHO
Have you all along been well?
Have you all along been well?
CHARINUS
Quite well all the time, so long, indeed, as I was there; but as soon as I had arrived here in harbour, I don’t know what faintness it was came over me.
Quite well all the time, so long, indeed, as I was there; but as soon as I had arrived here in harbour, I don’t know what faintness it was came over me.
DEMIPHO
I’ faith, I suppose it arose from sea-sickness; but it will be going off just now.
But how say you? What servant-maid is this that you have brought from
Rhodes
for your mother?
390
I’ faith, I suppose it arose from sea-sickness; but it will be going off just now.
But how say you? What servant-maid is this that you have brought from
Rhodes
for your mother?
390
CHARINUS
I’ve brought one.
I’ve brought one.
DEMIPHO
Well, what sort of a woman is she as to appearance?
Well, what sort of a woman is she as to appearance?
CHARINUS
Not an ill-favored one, i’ faith.
Not an ill-favored one, i’ faith.
DEMIPHO
How is she as to manners?
How is she as to manners?
CHARINUS
In my way of thinking, I never saw one better.
In my way of thinking, I never saw one better.
DEMIPHO
So, indeed, i’ faith, she seemed to me when I saw her.
So, indeed, i’ faith, she seemed to me when I saw her.
CHARINUS
How now, have you seen her, father?
How now, have you seen her, father?
DEMIPHO
I have seen her; but she doesn’t suit our ways, and so she doesn’t please me.
I have seen her; but she doesn’t suit our ways, and so she doesn’t please me.
CHARINUS
Why so?
395
Why so?
395
DEMIPHO
Because she hasn’t a figure suitable to our establishment; we stand in need of no female servant but one who can weave, grind, chop wood, make yarn, sweep out the house, stand a beating, and who can have every day’s victuals cooked for the household. This one will be able to do not any single one of these things.
Because she hasn’t a figure suitable to our establishment; we stand in need of no female servant but one who can weave, grind, chop wood, make yarn, sweep out the house, stand a beating, and who can have every day’s victuals cooked for the household. This one will be able to do not any single one of these things.
CHARINUS
Why, in fact,
for this reason I purchased her, to make a present of her to my mother.
400
Why, in fact,
for this reason I purchased her, to make a present of her to my mother.
400
DEMIPHO
Don’t you be giving her, nor mention that you have brought her.
Don’t you be giving her, nor mention that you have brought her.
CHARINUS
(aside.)
The Deities favour me.
The Deities favour me.
DEMIPHO
(aside.)
I’m shaking him by slow degrees.
(Aloud.) But, what I omitted to say,—she can neither with due propriety follow your mother as an attendant;
nor will I allow it.
405
I’m shaking him by slow degrees.
(Aloud.) But, what I omitted to say,—she can neither with due propriety follow your mother as an attendant;
nor will I allow it.
405
CHARINUS
But why?
But why?
DEMIPHO
Because, with those good looks, it would be scandalous if she were to be following a matron when she’s walking through the streets; all people would be staring, gazing, nodding, winking, hissing, twitching, crying out, be annoying, and singing serenades at our door; my door, perhaps, would be filled with the charcoal marks
3
of her praises;
and, according as persons are scandalizing at the present day, they might throw it in the teeth of my wife and myself, that we are carrying on the business of a Procurer. Now what occasion is there for this?
410
Because, with those good looks, it would be scandalous if she were to be following a matron when she’s walking through the streets; all people would be staring, gazing, nodding, winking, hissing, twitching, crying out, be annoying, and singing serenades at our door; my door, perhaps, would be filled with the charcoal marks
3
of her praises;
and, according as persons are scandalizing at the present day, they might throw it in the teeth of my wife and myself, that we are carrying on the business of a Procurer. Now what occasion is there for this?
410
CHARINUS
Why, faith, you say what’s just, and I agree with you. But what shall be done with her now?
Why, faith, you say what’s just, and I agree with you. But what shall be done with her now?
DEMIPHO
Exactly; I’ll buy for your mother some stout wench of a female slave, not a bad servant, but of ungainly figure,
as befits the mistress of a family—either a Syrian or an Egyptian woman: she shall do the grinding, spin out the yarn, and stand a lashing; and on her account no disgrace at all will be befalling our doors.
415
Exactly; I’ll buy for your mother some stout wench of a female slave, not a bad servant, but of ungainly figure,
as befits the mistress of a family—either a Syrian or an Egyptian woman: she shall do the grinding, spin out the yarn, and stand a lashing; and on her account no disgrace at all will be befalling our doors.
415
CHARINUS
What then if she is restored to the person of whom she was purchased?
What then if she is restored to the person of whom she was purchased?
DEMIPHO
By no means in the world.
By no means in the world.
CHARINUS
He said that he would take her back, if she didn’t suit.
He said that he would take her back, if she didn’t suit.
DEMIPHO
There’s no need of that;
I don’t want you to get into litigation, nor yet your honor to be called in question. I’ troth, I would much rather, if any must be endured, put up with the loss myself, than that disgrace or scandal on account of a woman should be brought upon my house. I think that I am able to sell for you at a good profit.
420
There’s no need of that;
I don’t want you to get into litigation, nor yet your honor to be called in question. I’ troth, I would much rather, if any must be endured, put up with the loss myself, than that disgrace or scandal on account of a woman should be brought upon my house. I think that I am able to sell for you at a good profit.
420
CHARINUS
I’ faith, so long, indeed, as you don’t be selling her at a less price than I bought her at, father.
424425
I’ faith, so long, indeed, as you don’t be selling her at a less price than I bought her at, father.
424425
DEMIPHO
Do you only hold your tongue; there is a certain old gentleman who commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance.
Do you only hold your tongue; there is a certain old gentleman who commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance.
CHARINUS
But, father, a certain young man commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance that she is of.
But, father, a certain young man commissioned me to buy one for him of just that same appearance that she is of.
DEMIPHO
I think that I am able to dispose of her for twenty minae.
I think that I am able to dispose of her for twenty minae.
CHARINUS
But, if I had chosen, there have been already seven-and-twenty minae offered.
430
But, if I had chosen, there have been already seven-and-twenty minae offered.
430
DEMIPHO
But I—
But I—
CHARINUS
Nay, but I, I say—
Nay, but I, I say—
DEMIPHO
But you don’t know what I was going to say; do hold your tongue. I can add three minae even to that, so that there will be thirty.
(Looks as though on one side at a distance.)
But you don’t know what I was going to say; do hold your tongue. I can add three minae even to that, so that there will be thirty.
CHARINUS
What are you turning yourself towards?
What are you turning yourself towards?
DEMIPHO
Towards him who’s making the purchase.
Towards him who’s making the purchase.
CHARINUS
(staring about.)
Why, where in the world is this person?
Why, where in the world is this person?
DEMIPHO
Look there, I see him
4
, yonder
(pointing); he’s bidding me even still to add five minae.
434435
Look there, I see him
4
, yonder
(pointing); he’s bidding me even still to add five minae.
434435
CHARINUS
(aside.)
By my troth, may the Gods send a curse upon him, whoever he is!
By my troth, may the Gods send a curse upon him, whoever he is!
DEMIPHO
(looking in the distance.)
There he is again, making a sign to me, even still, for me to add six minae.
There he is again, making a sign to me, even still, for me to add six minae.
CHARINUS
My man is bidding seven minae,
for her, full weight, father.
(Aside.)
I’ faith, he shall never this day outdo me.
My man is bidding seven minae,
for her, full weight, father.
I’ faith, he shall never this day outdo me.
DEMIPHO
He’s bidding in vain; I will have her!
He’s bidding in vain; I will have her!
CHARINUS
But the other one made the first offer.
But the other one made the first offer.
DEMIPHO
I care nothing for that.
440
I care nothing for that.
440
CHARINUS
He bids fifty.
He bids fifty.
DEMIPHO
No, a hundred’s the offer. Can’t you desist from bidding against the determination of my mind. I’ troth, you’ll be having an immense profit, in such a way is this old gentleman for whom she’s being purchased. He’s not in his senses by reason of his love; whatever you ask, you’ll get.
No, a hundred’s the offer. Can’t you desist from bidding against the determination of my mind. I’ troth, you’ll be having an immense profit, in such a way is this old gentleman for whom she’s being purchased. He’s not in his senses by reason of his love; whatever you ask, you’ll get.
CHARINUS
I’ faith, that young man, for whom I’m purchasing, is assuredly dying with distraction for love of her.
I’ faith, that young man, for whom I’m purchasing, is assuredly dying with distraction for love of her.
DEMIPHO
Troth, very much more so is that old gentleman, if you did but know it.
Troth, very much more so is that old gentleman, if you did but know it.
CHARINUS
I’ faith, that old man never was nor ever will be more distracted with love than that young man, father, to whom I’m lending this assistance.
I’ faith, that old man never was nor ever will be more distracted with love than that young man, father, to whom I’m lending this assistance.
DEMIPHO
Do be quiet, I tell you; I’ll see to that matter, that it’s all right.
Do be quiet, I tell you; I’ll see to that matter, that it’s all right.
CHARINUS
How say you—?
How say you—?
DEMIPHO
What is it?
What is it?
CHARINUS
I didn’t take her for a slave; but it was he that took her for such.
I didn’t take her for a slave; but it was he that took her for such.
DEMIPHO
Let me alone.
Let me alone.
CHARINUS
By law you cannot put her up for sale.
450
By law you cannot put her up for sale.
450
DEMIPHO
I’ll somehow see to that.
I’ll somehow see to that.
CHARINUS
And then besides, she’s the common property of myself and another person; how do I know how he’s disposed, whether he does wish or doesn’t wish to sell her?
And then besides, she’s the common property of myself and another person; how do I know how he’s disposed, whether he does wish or doesn’t wish to sell her?
DEMIPHO
I’m sure he does wish.
I’m sure he does wish.
CHARINUS
But, i’ faith, I believe that there’s a certain person who doesn’t wish.
But, i’ faith, I believe that there’s a certain person who doesn’t wish.
DEMIPHO
What matters that to me?
What matters that to me?
CHARINUS
Because it’s right that he should have the disposal of his own property.
Because it’s right that he should have the disposal of his own property.
DEMIPHO
What is it you say?
455
What is it you say?
455
CHARINUS
She is the common property of myself and another person; he isn’t here at present.
She is the common property of myself and another person; he isn’t here at present.
DEMIPHO
You are answering me before I ask.
You are answering me before I ask.
CHARINUS
You are buying, father, before I sell. I don’t know, I say, whether he chooses to part with her or not.
You are buying, father, before I sell. I don’t know, I say, whether he chooses to part with her or not.
DEMIPHO
But if she is purchased for that certain person who gave you the commission, will he choose it then? If I purchase her for that person who gave me the commission, will he then not choose it? You avail nothing.
Never, on my faith, shall any person have her in preference to the person that I wish. That I’m resolved upon.
460
But if she is purchased for that certain person who gave you the commission, will he choose it then? If I purchase her for that person who gave me the commission, will he then not choose it? You avail nothing.
Never, on my faith, shall any person have her in preference to the person that I wish. That I’m resolved upon.
460
CHARINUS
Have you made up your mind that it is resolved upon?
Have you made up your mind that it is resolved upon?
DEMIPHO
Why, I’m going hence at once to the ship; there she shall be sold.
Why, I’m going hence at once to the ship; there she shall be sold.
CHARINUS
Do you wish me to go there with you?
Do you wish me to go there with you?
DEMIPHO
I don’t wish you.
I don’t wish you.
CHARINUS
You don’t choose it, then.
You don’t choose it, then.
DEMIPHO
It’s better for you to give your earliest attention to the business which you’ve been commissioned upon.
It’s better for you to give your earliest attention to the business which you’ve been commissioned upon.
CHARINUS
You are hindering me from doing so.
You are hindering me from doing so.
DEMIPHO
Then do you make your excuse that you have used all diligence.
Don’t you go to the harbour, I tell you that now.
465
Then do you make your excuse that you have used all diligence.
Don’t you go to the harbour, I tell you that now.
465
CHARINUS
That shall be attended to.
That shall be attended to.
DEMIPHO
(aside.)
I’ll be off to the harbour, and (I have need of caution lest he should find it out) I’ll not buy her myself, but commission my friend Lysimachus; he said just now that he was going to the harbour. I’m delaying while I’m standing here.
(Exit.)
I’ll be off to the harbour, and (I have need of caution lest he should find it out) I’ll not buy her myself, but commission my friend Lysimachus; he said just now that he was going to the harbour. I’m delaying while I’m standing here.
Mercator. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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