T. Maccius Plautus Epidicus 3.2

EPIDICUS

(to PERIPHANES, within the house.)

You’ve done your duty then; it now befits me to do mine. Through this care of mine, you may be allowed to be at ease. (In a lower voice.) This, in fact, is now lost to you; don’t at all be setting your hopes on it. (Holding some of the coins in his hands.) How very shining it is! You only trust me for that.

This way I’m going to act, this way my forefathers have acted before me. O ye immortal Gods, what a brilliant day you have bestowed upon me in this how propitious and how favourable to my requests! But why do I delay to take my departure hence, that I may bear this supply with lucky auspices to the colony ¹ . I’m delaying while I’m standing here. But what means this? Before the house I see the two companions,

340

my master and Chaeribulus. (Accosting them.) What are you doing? Take this, will you.

345

(Gives STRATIPPOCLES the bag of money.)

STRATIPPOCLES

How much is there in this?

EPIDICUS

As much as is enough, and more than enough; a superabundance; I’ve brought more by ten minae than you owe to the Banker. So long as I please and obey you, I value my own back at a straw.

STRATIPPOCLES

But why so?

EPIDICUS

Because I shall make your father a bag-murderer ² .

STRATIPPOCLES

What kind of expression is that?

350

EPIDICUS

I don’t at all care for your old-fashioned and every-day words; you chouse by purses full ³ , but I’ll chouse by bags full. For the procurer took away a whole lot of money for the music-girl (I paid it; with these hands I counted it out), her whom your father supposes to be his own daughter. Now, again, that your father may be deceived, and assistance be provided for you,

I’ve discovered a method. In such a way have I persuaded the old gentleman—and had a talk to this effect, that, when you returned, you might not have possession of her ⁴ —

355

STRATIPPOCLES

Bravo!—bravo!

EPIDICUS

She’s now at your house ⁵ in place of her.

STRATIPPOCLES

I understand.

EPIDICUS

Now he has given me Apaecides by way of guarantee in this matter (he’s waiting for me at the Forum), as if to seem the purchaser.

STRATIPPOCLES

Not a bad precaution!

EPIDICUS

The cautious man’s now taken in himself;

your own father himself placed this purse around my neck ⁶ . He’s making preparation, that immediately on your arrival home you shall be married.

360

STRATIPPOCLES

In one way only will he persuade me; if Orcus takes her away from me, who has been brought with me.

EPIDICUS

Now I’ve hit upon this scheme: I’ll go by myself alone to the procurer’s house; I’ll instruct him,

if any one comes to him, to say that the money has been paid him for the music-girl; inasmuch as, the day before yesterday, I paid it down with my own hands for this mistress of yours, whom your father takes to be his own daughter. Then the procurer, unknowingly, will be staking his accursed head,

365

as though he had received the money for her who has now been brought here together with you.

370

CHAERIBULUS

You are more versatile than a potter’s-wheel.

EPIDICUS

Now I’ll get ready some artful music-girl, who’s hired at a didrachm, to pretend that she has been purchased, and cleverly to trick the two old fellows: Apaecides, together with her, will bring her to your father.

STRATIPPOCLES

How adroitly managed!

EPIDICUS

Her, prepared beforehand with my devices, and provided with my schemes, I shall send to him. But I’m talking at too great length; you have delayed me too long: you now know these things how they are to be; I’ll be off.

375

STRATIPPOCLES

Success attend you!

(Exit EPIDICUS.)

CHAERIBULUS

He is very clever at artful tricks.

STRATIPPOCLES

Indeed, by his plans, he has saved me, that’s sure.

CHAERIBULUS

Let’s go hence into my house.

STRATIPPOCLES

Yes, and a little more joyfully than I came out of your house, by the courage and conduct of Epidicus, do I return into camp with the spoil.

380

(They go into the house.)