T. Maccius Plautus Epidicus 1.2

STRATIPPOCLES

I’ve told you all the matter, Chaeribulus, and

I have fully disclosed to you the sum of my griefs and loves.

105

CHAERIBULUS

You are foolish, Stratippocles, beyond your age and lineage. Does it shame you, because you have bought a captive girl, born of good family, from among the spoil? Who will there be to impute it as a fault to you?

STRATIPPOCLES

Through doing this, I’ve found that those who are envious are all enemies to me;

but I’ve never offered ¹ or criminal assault against her chastity.

110

CHAERIBULUS

Then, so far, in my opinion at least, you are a still more deserving man, inasmuch as you are temperate in your passion.

STRATIPPOCLES

He effects nothing who consoles a desponding man with his words: he is a friend, who, in dubious circumstances, aids in deed when deeds are necessary.

CHAERIBULUS

What do you wish me to do?

STRATIPPOCLES

To lend me forty minae of silver,

to be paid to the Banker from whom I borrowed it on interest.

115

CHAERIBULUS

On my word, if I had it, I would not deny you.

STRATIPPOCLES

What then does it signify your being bounteous in talk, if all aid in the matter ² is dead outright.

CHAERIBULUS

Why faith, I myself am quite wearied and distracted with being dunned.

STRATIPPOCLES

I had rather my friends of that sort were thrust into a furnace than into litigation ³ .

But now I could wish to buy me the assistance of Epidicus at a weighty price, a fellow whom I’ll hand over well-liquored with stripes to the baker ⁴ , unless he this day finds me forty minae before I’ve mentioned to him the last syllable of the sum.

120

EPIDICUS

(apart.)

The matter’s all right; he promises well; he’ll keep faith, I trust.

(Ironically.)

Without any expenditure of my own, an entertainment ⁵ is already provided for my shoulder-blades. I’ll accost the man. (He goes up to STRATIPPOCLES.) The servant Epidicus wishes health to his master Stratippocles, on his arrival from abroad.

125

STRATIPPOCLES

(turning round.)

Where is he?

EPIDICUS

Here he is; I’m delighted that you have returned safe.

STRATIPPOCLES

I believe you as much in that as I do myself.

EPIDICUS

Have you been well all along?

STRATIPPOCLES

I’ve been free from disease; in mind I’ve been ailing.

EPIDICUS

As regarded myself, I’ve taken care of what you entrusted to me; it has been obtained; the female captive has been bought, about which matter you were sending me letters so often.

130

STRATIPPOCLES

You’ve lost all your labour.

EPIDICUS

But why have I lost it?

STRATIPPOCLES

Because she is not dear to my heart, nor does she please me.

EPIDICUS

What means it, then, that you gave me such strict injunctions, and sent letters to me?

STRATIPPOCLES

Formerly I did love her; but now another passion influences my heart.

135

EPIDICUS

I’ faith, it is a shocking thing for that to be unpleasant for a man which you have managed well for him; where I’ve done well, I’ve in reality done ill, since love has shifted sides.

STRATIPPOCLES

I wasn’t right in my mind when I sent those letters to you.

EPIDICUS

Is it proper that I should be the atonement for your folly,

so as for you to substitute my back as the scape-goat ⁶ for your folly?

140

STRATIPPOCLES

Why are we making words about that? This man (pointing to himself) has need of forty minae, ready money, and in all haste, for him to pay a Banker, and speedily too.

EPIDICUS

Only tell me from what quarter you wish me to get them. From what banker am I to seek them?

STRATIPPOCLES

From where you like. But if I don’t finger them before sunset,

don’t you enter my house; off with yourself to the mill.

145

EPIDICUS

You easily say that without risk and concern, and with a gay heart. I know our floggers; I feel the pain when I’m beaten.

STRATIPPOCLES

How say you now? Will you suffer me to destroy myself?

EPIDICUS

Don’t do that. I’ll cope with this peril and bold attempt in preference.

STRATIPPOCLES

Now you please me; now do I commend you.

150

EPIDICUS

I’ll submit to this in any way that’s pleasing to you.

STRATIPPOCLES

What then is to be done about this music-girl?

EPIDICUS

Some method shall be found out; by some means I’ll disengage myself; some way I shall get extricated.

STRATIPPOCLES

You are full of scheming; I know you of old.

EPIDICUS

There is a rich Captain of Eubœa ⁷ , abounding in plenty of gold, who, when he knows that that one was bought for you, and that this other one has been brought here,

will forthwith be entreating you, of his own accord, to transfer that other one to him. But where is she whom you have brought with you?

STRATIPPOCLES

I shall have her here just now.

CHAERIBULUS

What are we now doing here?

STRATIPPOCLES

Let’s go in-doors here at your house, that, for the present, we may pass this day merrily.

(They go into the house of CHAERIBULUS.)

EPIDICUS

(to himself.)

Go in-doors; I’ll now call ⁸ a council in my heart to adopt measures about this money business,

against whom, in especial, war is to be declared, and out of whom I’m to get the money. Epidicus, consider what you are to do; thus suddenly has this business been thrown upon you. But now you must not be slumbering, nor have you any leisure for delay. Now must you be daring! ’Tis my fixed determination to lay siege to the old man. I’ll go indoors; I’ll tell the young man, my master’s son,

160

not to walk abroad here, or come anywhere in the way of the old gentleman.

165

(Goes into the house of CHAERIBULUS.)