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437
(Enter a CAPTAIN, with his SERVANT.)
A CAPTAIN
(to his SERVANT.)
Take care not to pass by any house without asking where lives the old gentleman, Periphanes of Plothea
1
. Take care that you don’t return to me without knowing it.
Take care not to pass by any house without asking where lives the old gentleman, Periphanes of Plothea
1
. Take care that you don’t return to me without knowing it.
PERIPHIANES
(coming forward.)
Young man, if I point out to you the person whom you are in search of, what thanks shall I get of you?
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Young man, if I point out to you the person whom you are in search of, what thanks shall I get of you?
440
A CAPTAIN
In arms, by the might of war, I’ve deserved that all people ought to give me thanks.
In arms, by the might of war, I’ve deserved that all people ought to give me thanks.
PERIPHIANES
You haven’t found out, young man, a tranquil spot
where to recount your virtues as you wish; for, if an inferior vaunts his battles to a superior, by his lips they become soiled; but this Periphanes of Plothea whom you are seeking, I am he, if you want him for anything.
445
You haven’t found out, young man, a tranquil spot
where to recount your virtues as you wish; for, if an inferior vaunts his battles to a superior, by his lips they become soiled; but this Periphanes of Plothea whom you are seeking, I am he, if you want him for anything.
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A CAPTAIN
Him, you mean, who in his youth
among kings in arms, by his skill in war, gained vast wealth?
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Him, you mean, who in his youth
among kings in arms, by his skill in war, gained vast wealth?
450
PERIPHIANES
Aye, if you were to hear of my achievements, drop ping your hands you would run off home.
Aye, if you were to hear of my achievements, drop ping your hands you would run off home.
A CAPTAIN
I’ faith, I’m rather in search of one to whom to speak of my own, than of one to be speaking of his to me.
I’ faith, I’m rather in search of one to whom to speak of my own, than of one to be speaking of his to me.
PERIPHIANES
This is not the place for it.
Do you then look out for another person, into whom to stuff your scraps of nonsense
2
.
455
(Aside.)
And yet this is folly, for me to impute that to him as a fault, which I myself used to do in my youth when I was a soldier; in recounting my battles I used to tear out men’s ears by the roots, when I had once begun.
This is not the place for it.
Do you then look out for another person, into whom to stuff your scraps of nonsense
2
.
455
And yet this is folly, for me to impute that to him as a fault, which I myself used to do in my youth when I was a soldier; in recounting my battles I used to tear out men’s ears by the roots, when I had once begun.
A CAPTAIN
Lend your attention, that you may learn what I’ve come to you about. I’ve heard that you have purchased my mistress.
Lend your attention, that you may learn what I’ve come to you about. I’ve heard that you have purchased my mistress.
PERIPHIANES
(aside.)
Heyday! now at last I know who he is; the officer whom Epidicus was telling me about a short time since.
(To the OFFICER.) Young man, it is
as you say; I have purchased her.
460
Heyday! now at last I know who he is; the officer whom Epidicus was telling me about a short time since.
(To the OFFICER.) Young man, it is
as you say; I have purchased her.
460
A CAPTAIN
I want a few words with you, if it is not inconvenient to you.
I want a few words with you, if it is not inconvenient to you.
PERIPHIANES
Upon my faith, I don’t know whether it’s convenient or not, until perhaps you say what you want.
Upon my faith, I don’t know whether it’s convenient or not, until perhaps you say what you want.
A CAPTAIN
I want you to transfer her to me, and take the ransom.
I want you to transfer her to me, and take the ransom.
PERIPHIANES
You may have her.
3
You may have her.
3
A CAPTAIN
But why should I hesitate to speak out to you? I wish at once to make her my freed-woman, that she may be my mistress
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.
But why should I hesitate to speak out to you? I wish at once to make her my freed-woman, that she may be my mistress
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.
PERIPHIANES
I’ll make short work with you; she was bought for me for fifty minae of silver; if sixty minae are paid down to me, I’ll let the damsel employ your holidays
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,
and so assuredly so, that, if you like, you may remove her from this country.
470
I’ll make short work with you; she was bought for me for fifty minae of silver; if sixty minae are paid down to me, I’ll let the damsel employ your holidays
5
,
and so assuredly so, that, if you like, you may remove her from this country.
470
A CAPTAIN
Is she then purchased by me?
Is she then purchased by me?
PERIPHIANES
On those terms you may have her.
You have made a good bargain.
(Going to the door of his house.)
Hallo there! bring out of doors the Music-girl you took in. The harp, too, as well, that was thrown in with her, I’ll make you a present of it for nothing.
On those terms you may have her.
You have made a good bargain.
Hallo there! bring out of doors the Music-girl you took in. The harp, too, as well, that was thrown in with her, I’ll make you a present of it for nothing.
PERIPHIANES
(MUSIC-GIRL.)
(taking her by the hand and leading her to the CAPTAIN.)
Come, take her, please.
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Come, take her, please.
475
A CAPTAIN
What madness possesses you? What mystery are you devising for me? Why don’t you order the Music-girl
6
to be brought from in-doors?
What madness possesses you? What mystery are you devising for me? Why don’t you order the Music-girl
6
to be brought from in-doors?
PERIPHIANES
Why, this is the Music-girl. There’s no other one here.
Why, this is the Music-girl. There’s no other one here.
A CAPTAIN
You can’t impose on me. Why don’t you bring out here the Music-girl Acropolistis?
You can’t impose on me. Why don’t you bring out here the Music-girl Acropolistis?
PERIPHIANES
This, I tell you, is she.
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This, I tell you, is she.
480
A CAPTAIN
This, I tell you, is not she. Do you suppose that I can’t know my own mistress?
This, I tell you, is not she. Do you suppose that I can’t know my own mistress?
PERIPHIANES
It was this Music-girl, I tell you, for whom my son was dying with love.
It was this Music-girl, I tell you, for whom my son was dying with love.
A CAPTAIN
This is not she.
This is not she.
PERIPHIANES
How, not she?
How, not she?
A CAPTAIN
It is not.
It is not.
PERIPHIANES
Where in the world, then, does, she come from? For my part, i’ faith, I certainly paid the money for her.
Where in the world, then, does, she come from? For my part, i’ faith, I certainly paid the money for her.
A CAPTAIN
Foolishly paid, I guess, and a mighty mistake.
Foolishly paid, I guess, and a mighty mistake.
PERIPHIANES
Nay, but this is she; for I sent the servant who is in the habit of attending my son; he himself this moment purchased the Music-girl.
Nay, but this is she; for I sent the servant who is in the habit of attending my son; he himself this moment purchased the Music-girl.
A CAPTAIN
Well then, this fellow has cut you up joint by joint, old gentleman, this servant of yours.
Well then, this fellow has cut you up joint by joint, old gentleman, this servant of yours.
PERIPHIANES
How, cut me up?
How, cut me up?
A CAPTAIN
Such is my suspicion;
for she has been palmed upon you for that Music-girl. Old gentleman, you’ve been bubbled clearly and cleverly. I shall now go seek her wherever she is.
490
Warrior, farewell!
(Exeunt the OFFICER and SERVANT.)
Such is my suspicion;
for she has been palmed upon you for that Music-girl. Old gentleman, you’ve been bubbled clearly and cleverly. I shall now go seek her wherever she is.
490
Warrior, farewell!
PERIPHIANES
(stamnping with rage.)
Bravo, bravo! Epidicus You’re a clever fellow! You have fought well—you’re a man! you’ve wiped my nose when snivelling, worthless fellow that I am!
(To the MUSIC-GIRL.)
Did Apaecides purchase you to-day of the procurer?
(A pause.) Come now, tell me.
495
Bravo, bravo! Epidicus You’re a clever fellow! You have fought well—you’re a man! you’ve wiped my nose when snivelling, worthless fellow that I am!
Did Apaecides purchase you to-day of the procurer?
(A pause.) Come now, tell me.
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MUSIC-GIRL
I never heard of that person before to-day, nor, indeed, was any one able to purchase me for any money; I’ve been free now for more than five years.
I never heard of that person before to-day, nor, indeed, was any one able to purchase me for any money; I’ve been free now for more than five years.
PERIPHIANES
What business have you, then, at my house?
What business have you, then, at my house?
MUSIC-GIRL
You shall hear;
I came, being hired to perform for an old gentleman while he was sacrificing.
500
You shall hear;
I came, being hired to perform for an old gentleman while he was sacrificing.
500
PERIPHIANES
I do confess that I am the most worthless of all men in Athens of Attica. But do you know Acropolistis the Music-girl?
I do confess that I am the most worthless of all men in Athens of Attica. But do you know Acropolistis the Music-girl?
MUSIC-GIRL
As well as my own self.
As well as my own self.
PERIPHIANES
Where does she live?
Where does she live?
MUSIC-GIRL
Since she has been made free,
I don’t know for certain.
505
Since she has been made free,
I don’t know for certain.
505
PERIPHIANES
Well now, I should like to know who has made her free, if you know?
Well now, I should like to know who has made her free, if you know?
MUSIC-GIRL
That which I have heard, you shall hear; I heard that Stratippocles
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, the son of Periphanes, had provided in his absence that she should be made free.
That which I have heard, you shall hear; I heard that Stratippocles
7
, the son of Periphanes, had provided in his absence that she should be made free.
PERIPHIANES
By heavens, I’m undone
8
, most clearly, if these things are true. Epidicus has disembowelled my purse!
510
By heavens, I’m undone
8
, most clearly, if these things are true. Epidicus has disembowelled my purse!
510
MUSIC-GIRL
I’ve heard to that effect. Do you want me for anything else?
I’ve heard to that effect. Do you want me for anything else?
PERIPHIANES
Away to perdition in the veriest torments, and off this instant!
Away to perdition in the veriest torments, and off this instant!
MUSIC-GIRL
Won’t you give me back my harp?
Won’t you give me back my harp?
PERIPHANES
Neither harp nor pipes.
Make haste, then, and escape from here, if the Gods love you!
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Neither harp nor pipes.
Make haste, then, and escape from here, if the Gods love you!
515
MUSIC-GIRL
I’ll be off. At a future time, however, you’ll restore it, with the greater disgrace
9
to yourself.
(Exit.)
I’ll be off. At a future time, however, you’ll restore it, with the greater disgrace
9
to yourself.
PERIPHIANES
(to himself.)
What now? Shall I, who have been placed before so many edicts
10
, allow him to get with impunity? No; even though as much again should be required to be lost, I’ll lose it rather than
allow myself to be held in derision with impunity and plundered by them. That I should have been thus cheated openly to my face, and that I should have been set at nought before this Apaecides, who is famed as being the framer and founder of all the laws and ordinances! He too declares that he is a wise man! that the hammer,
520
forsooth, should be wiser than the handle
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!
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(He stands aside.)
What now? Shall I, who have been placed before so many edicts
10
, allow him to get with impunity? No; even though as much again should be required to be lost, I’ll lose it rather than
allow myself to be held in derision with impunity and plundered by them. That I should have been thus cheated openly to my face, and that I should have been set at nought before this Apaecides, who is famed as being the framer and founder of all the laws and ordinances! He too declares that he is a wise man! that the hammer,
520
forsooth, should be wiser than the handle
11
!
525
Epidicus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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