T. Maccius Plautus Casina 2.3

STALINO

(to himself.)

I do believe that love excels all things and delights that are exquisite. It is not possible for anything to be mentioned, that has more relish and more that’s delicious in it. Really, I do much wonder at the cooks, who employ sauces so many,

that they don’t employ this one seasoning, which excels them all. For where love shall be the seasoning, that I do believe will please every one; nor can there be anything relishing or sweet, where love is not mixed with it. The gall which is bitter, that same it will make into honey; a man from morose into one cheerful and pleasant. This conjecture do I form rather from myself at home than from anything I’ve heard;

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who, since I’ve been in love with Casina, more than in my young days have excelled Neatness herself in neatness; I give employment to all the perfumers; wherever an unguent is excellent, I perfume myself, that I may please her. And I do please her, as I think. But inasmuch as she keeps living on, my wife’s a torment. (Catches sight of his WIFE, and speaks in a low voice.) I espy her standing there in gloominess. This plaguy baggage must be addressed by me with civility. (Going towards her.) My own wife and my delight, what are you about?

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(Takes hold of her.)

CLEOSTRATA

(shaking him off.)

Get you gone, and keep your hand off!

STALINO

O fie! my Juno. You shouldn’t be so cross to your own Jupiter. Where art come now?

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CLEOSTRATA

Let me alone. (Moves as if going.)

STALINO

Do stay.

CLEOSTRATA

(still going.)

I shan’t stay.

STALINO

I’ troth, then I’ll follow you. (Follows her.)

CLEOSTRATA

(turning round.)

Prithee, are you in your senses?

STALINO

In my senses, inasmuch as I love you.

CLEOSTRATA

I don’t want you to love me.

STALINO

You can’t have your way there.

CLEOSTRATA

You plague me to death.

STALINO

I only wish you spoke the truth.

CLEOSTRATA

There I believe you. (Moves on.)

STALINO

Do look back, O my sweet one.

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CLEOSTRATA

About as much, I suppose, as you are to me. Whence is this strong smell of perfumes, prithee?

STALINO

(aside.)

O dear, I’m undone; to my misfortune, I’m caught in the fact. Why delay to rub it off my head with my cloak? (Rubs his head with his cloak.) May good Mercury ¹ confound you, you perfumer, who provided me with this.

CLEOSTRATA

How now, you worthless grey gnat! ² I can hardly restrain myself from saying what you deserve.

In your old age, good-for-nothing, are you walking along the streets reeking with perfumes?

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STALINO

I’ faith, I lent my company to a certain friend of mine, while he was purchasing some perfumes.

CLEOSTRATA

How readily he did trump that up. Are you ashamed of anything?

STALINO

Of everything that you like.

CLEOSTRATA

In what dens of iniquity have you been lying?

STALINO

(with an air of surprise.)

I, in dens of iniquity?

CLEOSTRATA

I know more than you think I do.

STALINO

What is it that you know?

CLEOSTRATA

That not one among all the old men is more worthless than yourself, an old man.

Whence come you, good-for-nothing? Where have you been? In what den amusing yourself? Where have you been drinking? You are come, on my word; look at his cloak, how it’s creased. (Points at it.)

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STALINO

May the Gods confound both me and yourself, if I this day have put a drop of wine into my mouth.

CLEOSTRATA

Very well then; just as you like:

drink, eat, and squander away your property!

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STALINO

Hold, wife; there’s now enough of it; you din me too much. Do leave a little of your talk, that you may wrangle with me to-morrow. But what say you? Have you by this time subdued your temper, so as to do that in preference which your husband wishes to be done, rather than strive against him?

CLEOSTRATA

About what matter are you speaking?

STALINO

Do you ask me? About the handmaid Casina—that she may be given in marriage to our bailiff,

an honest servant, where she’ll be well off, in wood, warm water, food, and clothing, and where she may properly bring up the children which she may have, in preference to that rascally servant of an armour-bearer ³ , a good-for-nothing and dishonest, a fellow that hasn’t this day a leaden dump of money his own.

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CLEOSTRATA

Upon my faith, I am surprised that in your old age you

do not remember your duty.

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STALINO

How so?

CLEOSTRATA

Because if you were to act rightly or becomingly, you’d let me manage the maid-servants, which is my own province.

STALINO

Why the plague do you wish to give her to a fellow that carries a shield?

CLEOSTRATA

Because it’s our duty to gratify our only son.

STALINO

But although he is an only one, not a bit the more is he my only son than I am his only father.

It’s more becoming for him to conform to me, than for me to him.

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CLEOSTRATA

By my troth, sir, you’re providing for yourself a serious piece of trouble.

STALINO

(aside.)

She suspects it, I find that. (To his wife.) What, I, do you mean?

CLEOSTRATA

You; but why do. you stammer so? Why do you wish for this with such anxiety?

STALINO

Why, that she may rather be given to a servant that’s honest, than to a servant that’s dishonest.

CLEOSTRATA

What if I prevail upon, and obtain of the bailiff, that for my sake

he’ll give her up to the other one?

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STALINO

But what if I prevail upon the armour-bearer to give her up to the other one? And I think that I can prevail upon him in this.

CLEOSTRATA

That’s agreed upon. Should you like that, in your name, I should call Chalinus hither out of doors? Do you beg of him, and I’ll beg of the bailiff.

STALINO

I’m quite willing.

CLEOSTRATA

He’ll be here just now. Now we’ll make trial which of us two is the most persuasive. (She goes into the house.)

STALINO

(to himself.)

May Hercules and the Gods confound her!—a thing that now I’m at liberty to say. I’m wretchedly distracted with love; but she, as though on purpose, thwarts me. My wife has some suspicion now of this that I’m planning; for that reason is she purposely lending her assistance to the armour-bearer.

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