T. Maccius Plautus Captivi 3.4

HEGIO

Whither am I to say, now, that this man has betaken himself from the house out of doors?

TYNDARUS

(apart.)

Now, for a very certainty, I’m done for; the enemies are coming to you, Tyndarus!

What shall I say?—what shall I talk of? What shall I deny, or what confess? All matters are reduced to uncertainty. How shall I place confidence in my resources? I wish the Gods had destroyed you, before you were lost to your own country, Aristophontes, who, from a plot well concerted, are making it disconcerted. This plan is ruined outright, unless I find out for myself some extremely bold device.

535

HEGIO

(to ARISTOPHONTES.)

Follow me. See, there is the man; go to him and address him.

540

TYNDARUS

(aside, and turning away.)

What mortal among mortals is there more wretched than myself?

ARISTOPHONTES

(coming up to him.)

Why’s this, that I’m to say that you are avoiding my gaze, Tyndarus? And why that you are slighting me as a stranger, as though you had never known me? Why, I’m as much a slave as yourself; although at home I was a free man, you, even from your childhood, have always served in slavery in Elis.

HEGIO

I’ faith, I’m very little surprised, if either he does avoid your gaze, or if he does shun you, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates.

545

TYNDARUS

Hegio, this person was accounted a madman in Elis. Don’t you give ear to what he prates about; for at home he has pursued his father and mother with spears,

and that malady sometimes comes upon him which is spit out ¹ Do you this instant stand away at a distance from him.

550

HEGIO

(to the SLAVES.)

Away with him further off from me.

ARISTOPHONTES

Do you say, you whipp’d knave, that I am mad, and do you declare that I have followed my own father with spears? And that I have that malady, that it’s necessary for me to be spit upon ² ?

HEGIO

Don’t be dismayed; that malady afflicts many a person

to whom it has proved wholesome to be spit upon, and has been of service to them.

555

ARISTOPHONTES

Why, what do you say? Do you, too, credit him?

HEGIO

Credit him in what?

ARISTOPHONTES

That I am mad?

TYNDARUS

Do you see him, with what a furious aspect he’s looking at you? ’Twere best to retire, Hegio; it is as I said, his frenzy grows apace; have a care for yourself.

HEGIO

I thought that he was mad, the moment that he called you Tyndarus.

TYNDARUS

Why, he’s sometimes ignorant of his own name, and doesn’t know what it is.

560

HEGIO

But he even said that you were his intimate friend.

TYNDARUS

So far from that, I never saw him. Why, really, Alcmaeon, and Orestes, and Lycurgus ³ besides, are my friends on the same principle that he is.

ARISTOPHONTES

Villain, and do you dare speak ill of me, as well? Do I not know you?

HEGIO

I’ faith, it really is very clear

that you don’t know him, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates. Him whom you see, you don’t know; you are addressing him as the person whom you don’t see.

565

ARISTOPHONTES

On the contrary this fellow’s saying that he is the person who he is not; and he says that he is not the person who he really is.

TYNDARUS

You’ve been found, of course, to excel Philocrates in truthfulness.

ARISTOPHONTES

By my troth, as I understand the matter, you’ve been found to brazen out the truth by lying. But i’ faith, prithee, come then, look at me.

TYNDARUS

(looking at him.)

Well!

ARISTOPHONTES

Say, now; do you deny that you are Tyndarus?

TYNDARUS

I do deny it, I say.

ARISTOPHONTES

Do you say that you are Philocrates?

TYNDARUS

I do say so, I say.

ARISTOPHONTES

(to HEGIO.)

And do you believe him?

HEGIO

More, indeed, than either you or myself. For he, in fact, who you say that he is
(pointing to TYNDARUS), has set out hence to-day for Elis, to this person’s father.

ARISTOPHONTES

What father, when he’s a slave ⁴ .

TYNDARUS

And so are

you a slave, and yet you were a free man; and I trust that so I shall be, if I restore his son here to liberty.

575

ARISTOPHONTES

How say you, villain? Do you say that you were born a free man [liber]?

TYNDARUS

I really do not say that I am Liber ⁵ , but that I am Philocrates.

ARISTOPHONTES

How’s this? How this scoundrel, Hegio, is making sport of you now.

For he’s a slave himself, and never, except his own self, had he a slave.

580

TYNDARUS

Because you yourself are destitute in your own country, and haven’t whereon to live at home, you wish all to be found like to yourself; you don’t do anything surprising. ’Tis the nature of the distressed to be ill-disposed, and to envy the fortunate.

ARISTOPHONTES

Hegio, take you care, please, that you don’t persist in rashly placing confidence in this man;

for so far as I see, he is certainly now putting some device in execution, in saying that he is redeeming your son from captivity; that is by no means satisfactory to me.

585

TYNDARUS

I know that you don’t wish that to be done; still I shall effect it, if the Gods assist me. I shall bring him back here, and he will restore me to my father, in Elis. For that purpose have I sent Tyndarus hence to my father.

ARISTOPHONTES

Why, you yourself are he;

nor is there any slave in Elis of that name, except yourself.

590

TYNDARUS

Do you persist in reproaching me with being a slave—a thing that has befallen me through the fortune of war?

ARISTOPHONTES

Really, now, I cannot contain myself.

TYNDARUS

(to HEGIO.)

Ha! don’t you hear him? Why don’t you take to flight? He’ll be pelting us just now with stones there, unless you order him to be seized.

ARISTOPHONTES

I’m distracted.

TYNDARUS

His eyes strike fire; there’s need of a rope, Hegio.

Don’t you see how his body is spotted all over with livid spots? Black bile ⁶ is disordering the man.

595

ARISTOPHONTES

And, by my faith, if this old gentleman is wise, black pitch ⁷ will be disordering you with the executioner, and giving a light to your head.

TYNDARUS

He’s now talking in his fit of delirium; sprites are in possession of the man.

HEGIO

By my troth, suppose I order him to be seized?

TYNDARUS

You would be acting more wisely. ⁸

ARISTOPHONTES

I’m vexed that I haven’t a stone, to knock out the brains of that whip-scoundrel, who’s driving me to madness by his taunts.

600

TYNDARUS

Don’t you hear that he’s looking for a stone?

ARISTOPHONTES

I wish to speak with you alone, separately, Hegio.

HEGIO

Speak from where you are, if you want anything; though at a distance, I shall hear you.

TYNDARUS

Yes, for, by my faith, if you approach nearer, he’ll be taking your nose off with his teeth.

ARISTOPHONTES

By heavens, Hegio, don’t you believe that I am mad, or that I ever was so, or that I have the malady which that fellow avers. But if you fear anything from me, order me to be bound; I wish it, so long as that fellow is bound as well.

TYNDARUS

Why really, Hegio, rather let him be bound that wishes it.

ARISTOPHONTES

Now hold your tongue! I’ll make you, you false Philocrates, to be found out this day to be a real Tyndarus.

Why are you making signs ⁹ at me?

TYNDARUS

I, making signs at you? (To HEGIO.) What would he do, if you were at a greater distance off?

HEGIO

What do you say? What if I approach this madman?

TYNDARUS

Nonsense; you’ll be made a fool of; he’ll be prating stuff, to you, neither the feet nor the head of which will ever be visible.

The dress only ¹⁰ is wanting; in seeing this man, you behold Ajax himself.

615

HEGIO

I don’t care; still I’ll approach him.

(Advances to ARISTOPHONTES.)

TYNDARUS

(aside.)

Now am I utterly undone; now between the sacrifice and the stone ¹¹ do I stand, nor know I what to do.

HEGIO

I lend you my attention, Aristophontes, if there is anything that you would wish with me.

ARISTOPHONTES

From me you shall hear that truth, which now you think to be false, Hegio.

But I wish, in the first place, to clear myself from this with you—that madness does not possess me, and that I have no malady, except that I am in captivity; and, so may the King of Gods and of men make me to regain my native land, that fellow there is no more Philocrates than either I or you.

620

HEGIO

Come, then, tell me who he is?

ARISTOPHONTES

He whom I’ve told you all along from the beginning.

If you shall find him any other than that person, I show no cause why I shouldn’t suffer the loss with you both of my parents and of my liberty for ever.

625

HEGIO

(to TYNDARUS.)

What say you to this?

TYNDARUS

That I am your slave, and you my master.

HEGIO

I didn’t ask that—were you a free man?

TYNDARUS

I was.

ARISTOPHONTES

But he really wasn’t; he is deceiving you.

TYNDARUS

How do you know? Were you, perchance, the midwife of my mother,

since you dare to affirm this so boldly?

630

ARISTOPHONTES

When a boy, I saw yourself, a boy.

TYNDARUS

But, grown up, I now see you grown up; so, there’s for you, in return. If you did right, you wouldn’t be troubling yourself about my concerns; do I trouble myself about yours?

HEGIO

Was his father called Thesaurochrysonicocrœsides?

ARISTOPHONTES

He was not; and I never heard that name before this day.

Theodoromedes was the father of Philocrates.

635

TYNDARUS

(aside.)

I’m downright undone. Why don’t you be quiet, heart of mine? Go and be stretched, and hang yourself; you are throbbing so, that unfortunate I can hardly stand up for my fear.

HEGIO

Is a full assurance given me that this was a slave in Elis, and that he is not Philocrates?

ARISTOPHONTES

So fully, that you will never find this to be otherwise; but where is he ¹² now?

HEGIO

Where I the least, and he the most could wish himself. In consequence, then, I’m cut asunder ¹³ , disjointed, to my sorrow, by the devices of this scoundrel, who has bamboozled me by his tricks just as he has thought fit. But do, please, have a care that you are right.

ARISTOPHONTES

Why, I assure you of this, as an ascertained and established fact.

HEGIO

For certain?

ARISTOPHONTES

Why, nothing, I say, will you find more certain than this certainty.

Philocrates, from when a boy, has ever since that time been my friend.

645

HEGIO

But of what appearance is your friend Philocrates?

ARISTOPHONTES

I’ll tell you:

with a thin face, sharp nose, light hair, dark eyes, somewhat ruddy, with hair rather crisp and curling,

HEGIO

The description is like.

TYNDARUS

(aside.)

Aye, so much so, indeed, that I’ve this day, much to my sorrow, got into the midst of this, i’ faith. Woe to those unfortunate rods which this day will be meeting their end upon my back.

HEGIO

I see that I’ve been imposed upon.

TYNDARUS

(aside.)

Why, fetters, do you delay to run towards me and to embrace my legs, that I may have you in custody?

HEGIO

And have these two rascally captives really deceived me this day with their tricks? The other one pretended that he was the servant, and this one that he himself was the master.

I’ve lost the kernel; for a security, I’ve left the shell. To such a degree have they imposed upon me ¹⁴ , both on this side and that, with their trickeries. Still, this fellow shall never have the laugh against me. Colaphus, Cordalio, Corax ¹⁵ (to the SLAVES), go you away and bring out the thongs.

655

A SLAVE

Are we to be sent to gather faggots ¹⁶ ? (The SLAVES go and bring the thongs from the house.)