T. Maccius Plautus Bacchides 4.4

CHRYSALUS

(to himself.)

It’s right this man (pointing to himself) should be worth his weight ¹ in gold: it’s fair that a statue of gold should be erected for him. For, this day, two exploits have I achieved; with twofold spoils have I been graced. So cleverly have I gulled my elder master this day, that he has been made a fool of. The crafty old blade, by my crafty tricks, have I compelled and constrained to believe me in everything.

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Then, for the son of the old gentleman, my master here in love, together with whom I drink, with whom I eat and go a-courting, I have procured regal and golden trea sures, that he may take from thence at home, and not go seeking abroad. Those Parmenos ² and those Syruses,

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please me not, who filch some two or three minae from their masters. There’s nothing more worthless than a servant without skill—worthless, if he has not a breast mightily well-stocked, so that, whenever there is necessity, he may draw his supply from his own breast. No one can be a person well to do

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unless he understands both how to do good and how to do evil. With rogues he must be a rogue; with thieves let him filch whatever he can. It befits him who is truly wise, to be a person that can shift his very skin ³ .

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Good with the good let him be, bad with the bad: just as things are, so let him ever frame his humour. But I should like to know how much gold my master has taken for himself, and what he has given up to his father.

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If he is a prudent person, he has made a Hercules ⁴ of his parent: he has given him the tenth part, and has kept back nine for himself. But, see! the person whom I was looking for; he meets me most opportunely. (To MNESILOCHUS.) Has any of your money fallen down, my master, that thus, in silence, you are looking down upon the ground?

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Why do I see you two sad and sorrowful?

I like it not; and ’tis not without some reason. Are you going now to give me any answer?

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MNESILOCHUS

I’m undone, Chrysalus.

CHRYSALUS

Perhaps you took too little of the gold.

MNESILOCHUS

How, a plague, too little? Why, yes, indeed, a very great deal less than too little.

CHRYSALUS

Why the mischief then, simpleton, since by my skill an opportunity was procured for that very purpose, that you might take as much as you pleased,

did you thus take it up with the tips of two fingers ⁵ ? Or, didn’t you know how rarely an opportunity of that kind presents itself to a person?

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MNESILOCHUS

You are mistaken.

CHRYSALUS

Why, surely, ’tis you yourself that were mistaken, when you dip’t your fingers in not deep enough.

MNESILOCHUS

I’ faith, you’d upbraid me more than now you do, if you knew the matter better. I’m undone.

CHRYSALUS

My mind is now foreboding further mischief from those words.

MNESILOCHUS

I’m ruined.

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CHRYSALUS

How so?

MNESILOCHUS

Because I’ve given all up to my father, with every particle ⁶ of it.

CHRYSALUS

Given it up?

MNESILOCHUS

Given it up.

CHRYSALUS

What, all?

MNESILOCHUS

Every jot.

CHRYSALUS

We are done for. How came it into your mind to do this deed so foul?

MNESILOCHUS

I had a suspicion, Chrysalus, by reason of a charge, that Bacchis and he (pointing to PISTOCLERUS) had been playing me false; for that reason, in my anger, I gave up all the gold

to my father.

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CHRYSALUS

What did you say to your father when you gave up the gold?

MNESILOCHUS

That I had at once received this gold from his host, Archidemides.

CHRYSALUS

Eh! by that speech you have this day consigned Chrysalus to the torture; for, when he shall set eyes on me, the old gentleman will carry me off that instant to the executioner.

MNESILOCHUS

I’ve besought my father.

CERYS.

I suppose, to do, in fact, the thing that I was speaking of?

MNESILOCHUS

Nay, not to punish you, or to blame you at all on account of this business. And with some difficulty I’ve prevailed. Now, Chrysalus, this must be your care.

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CHRYSALUS

What do you wish should be my care?

MNESILOCHUS

That once again you should make a second inroad upon the old gentleman. Contrive, devise, invent whatever you please; frame your plans ⁷ , so that this day you may cleverly deceive the old man unawares, and carry off the gold.

CHRYSALUS

It scarcely seems possible to be done.

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MNESILOCHUS

Set about it, and you’ll easily effect it.

CHRYSALUS

How the plague easily, for me, whom he has this moment caught out in a lie? Should I entreat him not to believe me at all, he would not venture even to believe me in that.

MNESILOCHUS

Aye, and if you were to hear what things he said about you in my presence.

CHRYSALUS

What did he say?

MNESILOCHUS

That if you were to say that this sun was the sun,

he would believe it was the moon, and that that is the night which is now the day.

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CHRYSALUS

By my troth, I’ll bamboozle the old chap right well this very day, so that he shan’t have said that for nothing.

PISTOCLERUS

Now, what would you have us do?

CHRYSALUS

Why, nothing, except that I beg you’ll still love on. As for the rest, ask of me as much gold as you please; I’ll find it you. Of what use is it for me to have the name of Chrysalus ⁸ , unless I give proofs by fact?

But now, tell me, Mnesilochus, how much gold is requisite for you.

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MNESILOCHUS

There’s occasion for two hundred pieces at once, to pay the Captain for Bacchis.

CHRYSALUS

I’ll find it you.

MNESILOCHUS

Then we have need of some for current expenses.

CHRYSALUS

Aye, aye, I wish us to do each thing deliberately; when I’ve accomplished the one, then I’ll set about the other. First, for the two hundred pieces, I shall direct my engine of war against the old gentleman.

If with that engine I batter down the tower and the outworks, straight at the gate that instant I’ll attack the old town and the new one; if I take it, then carry to your friends the gold in baskets, just as your heart wishes.

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PISTOCLERUS

Our hearts are with you, Chrysalus.

CHRYSALUS

Now, do you go in-doors to Bacchis, Pistoclerus, and quickly bring out—

PISTOCLERUS

What?

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CHRYSALUS

A pen, some wax ⁹ , tablets, and some cord.

PISTOCLERUS

I’ll have them here this instant.

(Goes into the house.)

MNESILOCHUS

What now are you about to do? Do tell me that.

CHRYSALUS

Let a breakfast be prepared; there will be you two, and your mistress will make a third with you.

MNESILOCHUS

Just as you say.

CHRYSALUS

Pistoclerus has no mistress?

MNESILOCHUS

O yes, she’s here; he’s in love with the one sister, I with the other, both of the name of Bacchis.

CHRYSALUS

What were you going to say?

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MNESILOCHUS

This; how we are to manage ¹⁰ .

CHRYSALUS

Where are your couches ¹¹ laid out?

MNESILOCHUS

Why o you ask that?

CHRYSALUS

So the matter stands; I wish to be informed. You know not what I am about to do, nor what a great exploit I shall attempt.

MINES.

Give me your hand, and follow me close, to the door. Peep in.

(CHRYSALUS looks in at the door of the house of BACCHIS.)

CHRYSALUS

Hurra! ’Tis a very pretty place, this, and exactly as I could wish it to be.

(Re-enter PISTOCLERUS, with pen and tablets.)

PISTOCLERUS

The things that you ordered—what’s ordered for a good purpose is forthwith done by the obedient.

CHRYSALUS

What have you brought?

PISTOCLERUS

Everything that you bade me bring.

CHRYSALUS

(to MNESILOCHUS.)

Do you take the pen at once, and these tablets.

MNESILOCHUS

(taking them.)

What then?

CHRYSALUS

Write there what I shall bid you; for I wish you to write for this reason,

that your father may know the hand when he reads it.

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Write now.

MNESILOCHUS

What shall I write?

CHRYSALUS

Health to your father, in your own language.

(MNESILOCHUS writes.)

PISTOCLERUS

Suppose he were to write disease and death, in preference, that would be much better.

CHRYSALUS

Don’t you interrupt us.

MNESILOCHUS

What you have ordered is now written on the wax.

CHRYSALUS

Tell me in what terms.

MNESILOCHUS

Mnesilochus sends health to his father.

CHRYSALUS

Write this, too, quickly:

My father, Chrysalus is always and everywhere talking at me, and in no measured terms, because I gave you up the gold, and because I did not cheat you of it.

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(MNESILOCHUS writes.)

PISTOCLERUS

Stop till he has written it.

CHRYSALUS

It befits the hand of a lover to be active.

PISTOCLERUS

I’ faith, that hand is more active by far at lavishing than at writing.

MNESILOCHUS

Say on; that’s written down.

CHRYSALUS

Now, my dear father, do you henceforth be on your guard against him,

for he is forming knavish plans to deprive you of the gold, and has declared that he will have it beyond a doubt. Write legibly.

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MNESILOCHUS

You only dictate.

(Writes.)

CHRYSALUS

And he promises that he will give this gold to me, for me to give away to naughty women, and to consume it and live like a Greek ¹² in dens of infamy. But, father, do you take care that he does not impose on you this day; I entreat you, do beware.

MNESILOCHUS

Only say on.

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CHRYSALUS

Just write on, then.

MNESILOCHUS

Only say what I am to write

CHRYSALUS

(MNESILOCHUS writing.)

But, father, what you promised me I beg that you will remember, that you will not beat him, but keep him in chains at your house at home. Do you give me the wax and cord forthwith. Come, fasten it, and seal it in an instant.

MNESILOCHUS

(sealing the tablets.)

Prithee, what use is there in this writing after such a fashion,

that he is to give no credence to you, and to keep you in chains at home?

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CHRYSALUS

Because it pleases me so. Can’t you possibly take care of your own self, and have no thought about me? In confidence in myself I undertook the task, and at my own peril do I carry on the matter.

MNESILOCHUS

You say what’s true.

CHRYSALUS

Give me the tablets.

MNESILOCHUS

(giving them.)

Take them.

CHRYSALUS

Give attention now; Mnesilochus, and you, Pistoclerus, do you take care that each of you goes at once and reclines on his couch

with his mistress; so ’tis requisite; and on that same spot where the couches are now laid, do you forthwith commence to carouse.

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PISTOCLERUS

Anything else?

CHRYSALUS

This, and this especially: when you shall have once taken your places together, don’t you arise anyhow, until the signal shall be given by me.

PISTOCLERUS

O skilful commander!

CHRYSALUS

You ought by this time to have taken your second draught.

MNESILOCHUS

Capital; let’s go.

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CHRYSALUS

Do you take care of your duty, and I’ll do mine.

(MNESILOCHUS and PISTOCLERUS go into the house.)