T. Maccius Plautus Asinaria 4.1

DIABOLUS

Come now, show me this agreement that you’ve written out between myself and the procuress. Read over the conditions; for you are a quite unique composer ¹ in such matters.

A PARASITE

I’ll make the procuress be terrified when she hears the conditions.

DIABOLUS

Troth now, prithee, proceed and read them over to me.

750

A PARASITE

Are you attending?

DIABOLUS

I’m all attention.

A PARASITE

(reads the agreement.)

Diabolus, the son of Glaucus, has made a present to Cleaereta, the procuress, of twenty silver minae, that Philenium may be with him night and day for this whole year.

DIABOLUS

Yes, and not with any other person.

A PARASITE

Am I to add that?

755

DIABOLUS

Add it, and take care and write it plainly and distinctly.

A PARASITE

(writes it down, and then reads.)

And not admit any other man whatever, because either her friend or her patron, she may choose to call him—

DIABOLUS

Not any one!

A PARASITE

Or because she may say that he is the lover of a female friend of hers. The door must be closed to all men except to yourself.

On the door she must write that she is engaged. Or, because she may affirm that the letter has been brought from abroad, there is not to be even any letter in the house, nor so much as a waxed tablet; and if there is any useless picture ² , let her sell it; if she does not part with it, within four days

760

from the time when she has received the money of you, let it be considered as your own; you to burn it if you like; so that she may have no wax, with which she may be able to make a letter. She is to invite no guest; you are to invite them. On no one of them is she to cast her eyes:

765

if she looks upon any other person, she must be blind forthwith ³ . Then she is to drink cup by cup equally with yourself. She is to receive it from you; she is to hand it to you for you to drink. She is not to have a relish for less or for more than yourself.

770

DIABOLUS

That’s quite to my taste.

A PARASITE

(reading.)

She is to remove all causes of suspicion from her,

nor is she to tread on any man’s foot ⁴ with her foot; when she rises she is neither to step upon the next couch, nor when she gets down from the couch is she thence to extend her hand to any one; she is not to give to nor ask of any one a ring for her to look at; she is not to present dice to any man whatever except to yourself;

775

when she throws ⁵ them, she is not to say, ’You I call upon,’ she is to mention your name. She may call on any Goddess that she pleases as propitious to her, but on no God: if she should chance to be very full of devotion, she is to tell you, and you are to pray to him that he may be propitious. She is neither to nod at any man, wink, or make a sign.

780

In fine, if the lamp goes out, she is not to move a single joint of herself in the dark.

785

DIABOLUS

That’s very good; so, in fact, she must do: but expunge that about the chamber; for my part, I prefer that she should move. I don’t wish her to have an excuse, and to say that it is forbidden her by her vow.

A PARASITE

I understand, you fear some quibble.

790

DIABOLUS

Just so.

A PARASITE

Then as you bid me, I’ll strike it out.

(Erases it.)

DIABOLUS

And why not?

A PARASITE

Hear the rest.

DIABOLUS

Say on, I’m listening.

A PARASITE

(goes on reading.)

And she is not to use any shuffling words, nor is she to know how to speak in any tongue but the Attic. If perchance she should begin to cough,

she is not to cough so as to expose her tongue to any one in coughing. But if she should pretend as though she had a running at the nose ⁶ , even then she is not to do so; you yourself must wipe her lips rather than that she should open her mouth before another person. And her mother, the procuress, is not to come in in the middle of the wine,

795

nor is she to utter a word of abuse to any one; if she does so speak, let this be her fine, to go for twenty days without wine.

800

DIABOLUS

You have written it nicely; a clever agreement.

A PARASITE

Then, if she bids her maid-servant carry chaplets, garlands, or unguents, to Venus or to Cupid,

your servant is to watch whether she gives them to Venus or to a man. If perchance she should say she wishes to keep herself in purity ⁷ , let her account for as many nights as she has kept herself in purity. These are no trifles; for they are no funeral dirge ⁸ .

805

DIABOLUS

The conditions please me entirely; follow me indoors.

A PARASITE

I follow.

(They go into the house of CLEAERETA.)