Plautus Amphitruo 3.2

ALCMENA

I cannot remain in the house. That I should be thus accused by my husband of dishonor, incontinence, and disgrace! he cries aloud that things which have been done, have really not been done;

and of things which have not been done, and of which I have not been guilty, he accuses me, and supposes that I shall treat it with indifference. By heavens, I will not do so, nor will I allow myself to be falsely charged with dishonor; but rather I’ll either leave him, or make him give satisfaction and swear as well ¹

885

that he wishes unsaid the things which he has alleged against me in my innocence.

890

JUPITER

(apart.)

This must be done by me, which she requires to be done, if I wish for her to receive me into her company as loving her: since that which I have done, that same conduct has proved to the detriment of Amphitryon, and since my love has already created trouble for him who is really

guiltless, why now his wrath and his resentment towards her shall fall on me that am not accused.

895

ALCMENA

And lo! I see him, who just now was accusing wretched me of incontinence and dishonor.

JUPITER

(advancing.)

Wife, I would discourse with you. (She turns from him.) Why turn yourself away?

ALCMENA

Such is my disposition;

I always hate to look upon my enemies.

900

JUPITER

Heyday! enemies indeed ² !

ALCMENA

It is so, I speak the truth; unless you are going to allege that this is falsely said as well.

JUPITER

(offering to embrace her.)

You are too angry.

ALCMENA

(repulsing him.)

Can’t you keep your hands off? For surely if you were wise, or quite in your senses,

with her, whom you deem and pronounce to be unchaste, you would neither hold discourse, in mirth or in seriousness, unless, indeed, you are more foolish than the most foolish.

905

JUPITER

If I did say so, not a bit the more are you so, nor do I think you so, and therefore have I returned hither that I might excuse myself to you.

For never has anything proved more grievous to my feelings than when I heard that you were angry with me. Why did you charge me? you will say. I’ll tell you; by my troth, not that I deemed you to be unchaste; but I was trying your feelings,

910

what you would do, and in what manner you would bring yourself to bear it. Really, I said these things to you just now in jest, for the sake of the joke. Do but ask Sosia this.

915

ALCMENA

But why don’t you bring here my kinsman, Naucrates, whom you said just now that you would bring as a witness

that you had not come here?

920

JUPITER

If anything was said in joke, it isn’t right for you to take it in earnest.

ALCMENA

I know how much this has pained me at heart.

JUPITER

Prithee, Alcmena (taking her hand), by your right hand I do entreat you, grant me pardon; forgive me, don’t be angry.

ALCMENA

By my virtue have I rendered these accusations vain. Since then I eschew conduct that’s unchaste, I would wish to avoid imputations of unchastity. Fare you well, keep your own ³ property to yourself, return me mine. Do you order any maids to be my attendants?

925

JUPITER

Are you in your senses?

ALCMENA

If you don’t order them,

let me go alone; chastity shall I take as my attendant.

930

(Going.)

JUPITER

Stay—at your desire, I’ll give my oath that I believe my wife ⁴ to be chaste. If in that I deceive you, then, thee, supreme Jupiter, do I entreat that thou wilt ever be angered against ⁵ Amphitryon.

ALCMENA

Oh! rather may he prove propitious.

935

JUPITER

I trust that it will be so; for before you have I taken a truthful oath. Now then, you are not angry?

ALCMENA

I am not.

JUPITER

You act properly. For in the life of mortals many things of this nature come to pass; and now they take their pleasures, again they meet with hardships.

Quarrels intervene, again do they become reconciled. But it perchance any quarrels of this nature happen between them, when again they have become reconciled, twofold more loving are they between themselves than they were before.

940

ALCMENA

At the first you ought to have been careful not to say so;

but if you excuse yourself to me for the same, it must be put up with.

945

JUPITER

But bid the sacred vessels to be got ready for me, that I may fulfil all those vows which I made when with the army, in case I should return safe home.

ALCMENA

I’ll take care of that.

JUPITER

(To a SERVANT.)

Call out Sosia hither.

Let him fetch Blepharo, the pilot that was on board my ship, to breakfast with us. (Aside.) He shall be fooled this day ⁶ so as to go without his breakfast, while I shall drag Amphitryon hence by the throat.

950

ALCMENA

(aside.)

It’s surprising what he can be arranging alone in secrecy with himself. But the door opens; Sosia’s coming out.