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Ἑρμοῦ καὶ Ἀπόλλωνος

241

Ἑρμῆς

τὸ δὲ καὶ χωλὸν αὐτὸν ὄντα καὶ χαλκέα τὴν τέχνην, ὦ Ἄπολλον, τὰς καλλίστας γεγαμηκέναι, τήν τε Ἀφροδίτην καὶ τὴν Χάριν.

Ἀπόλλων

Εὐποτμία τις, ὦ Ἑρμῆ· πλὴν ἐκεῖνό γε θαυμάζω, τὸ ἀνέχεσθαι συνούσας αὐτῷ, καὶ μάλιστα ὅταν ὁρῶσιν ἱδρῶτι ῥεόμενον, ἐς τὴν κάμινον ἐπικεκυφότα, πολὺν αἴθαλον ἐπὶ τοῦ προσώπου ἔχοντα· καὶ ὅμως τοιοῦτον ὄντα περιβάλλουσί τε αὐτὸν καὶ φιλοῦσι καὶ ξυγκαθεύδουσι. 242

Ἑρμῆς

τοῦτο καὶ αὐτὸς ἀγανακτῶ καὶ τῷ Ἡφαίστῳ φθονῶ· σὺ δὲ κόμα, ὦ Ἄπολλον, καὶ κιθάριζε καὶ μέγα ἐπὶ τῷ κάλλει φρόνει, κἀγὼ ἐπὶ τῇ εὐεξίᾳ καὶ τῇ λύρᾳ· εἶτα, ἐπειδὰν κοιμᾶσθαι δέῃ, μόνοι καθευδήσομεν.

Ἀπόλλων

ἐγὼ μὲν καὶ ἄλλως ἀναφρόδιτός εἰμι ἐς τὰ ἐρωτικά· δύο γοῦν, οὓς μάλιστα ἠγάπησα, τὴν Δάφνην καὶ τὸν Ὑάκινθον, ἡ μὲν Δάφνη οὕτως ἐμίσησέ με, ὥστε εἵλετο ξύλον γενέσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ ἐμοὶ ξυνεῖναι, τὸν Ὑάκινθον δὲ ὑπὸ τοῦ δίσκου ἀπώλεσα, καὶ νῦν ἀντʼ ἐκείνων στεφάνους ἔχω.

Ἑρμῆς

ἐγὼ δὲ ἤδη ποτὲ τὴν Ἀφροδίτην — ἀλλὰ οὐ χρὴ αὐχεῖν.

Ἀπόλλων

οἶδα, καὶ τὸν Ἑρμαφρόδιτον ἐκ σοῦ λέγεται τεκεῖν. πλὴν ἐκεῖνό μοι εἰπέ, εἴ τι οἶσθα, πῶς οὐ ζηλοτυπεῖ ἡ Ἀφροδίτη τὴν Χάριν ἢ ἡ Χάρις ταύτην;

Ἑρμῆς

ὅτι, ὦ Ἄπολλον, ἐκείνη μὲν αὐτῷ ἐν τῇ Λήμνῳ σύνεστιν, ἡ δὲ Ἀφροδίτη ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ· ἄλλως τε περὶ τὸν Ἄρη ἔχει τὰ πολλὰ κἀκείνου ἐρᾷ, ὥστε ὀλίγον αὐτῇ τοῦ χαλκέως τούτου μέλει.

Ἀπόλλων

καὶ ταῦτα οἴει τὸν Ἥφαιστον εἰδέναι; 243

Ἑρμῆς

οἶδεν· ἀλλὰ τί ἂν δρᾶσαι δύναιτο γενναῖον ὁρῶν νεανίαν καὶ στρατιώτην αὐτόν; ὥστε τὴν ἡσυχίαν ἄγει· πλὴν ἀπειλεῖ γε δεσμά τινα ἐπιμηχανήσεσθαι αὐτοῖς καὶ συλλήψεσθαι σαγηνεύσας ἐπὶ τῆς εὐνῆς.

Ἀπόλλων

οὐκ οἶδα· εὐξαίμην δʼ ἂν αὐτὸς ὁ ξυλληφθησόμενος εἶναι.

Dialogi deorum. Lucian. ed. Karl Jacobitz. Leipzig. 1909.

Sponsored by Perseus Project, Tufts University.

Funding provided by Google Digital Humanities Awards Program.

Current edition Perseus

Θεῶν Διάλογοι (Greek) (Lucian. Luciani Samosatensis Opera, Vol. 1. Jacobitz, Karl, editor. Leipzig: Teubner, 1909.)

Editions (1)

Θεῶν διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 15 focus

ΔΙΟΣ, ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΗΡΑΚΛΕΟΥΣ

ΖΕΥΣ

Παύσασθε, ὦ Ἀσκληπιὲ καὶ Ἡράκλεις, ἐρίζοντες πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὥσπερ ἄνθρωποι· ἀπρεπῆ γὰρ ταῦτα καὶ ἀλλότρια τοῦ συμποσίου τῶν θεῶν.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Ἀλλὰ θέλεις, ὦ Ζεῦ, τουτονὶ τὸν φαρμακέα προκατακλίνεσθαί μου;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Νὴ Δία· καὶ γάρ ἀμείνων εἰμί.

236

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Κατὰ τί, ὦ ἐμβρόντητε; ἢ ὅτι σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἐκεραύνωσεν ἃ μὴ θέμις ποιοῦντα, νῦν δὲ κατ' ἔλεον αὖθις ἀθανασίας μετείληφας;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Ἐπιλέλησαι γὰρ καὶ σύ, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, ἐν τῇ Οἴτῃ καταφλεγείς, ὅτι μοι ὀνειδίζεις τὸ πῦρ;

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Οὔκουν ἴσα καὶ ὅμοια βεβίωται ἡμῖν, ὃς Διὸς μὲν υἱός εἰμι, τοσαῦτα δὲ πεπόνηκα ἐκκαθαίρων τὸν βίον, θηρία καταγωνιζόμενος καὶ ἀνθρώπους ὑβριστὰς τιμωρούμενος· σὺ δὲ ῥιζοτόμος εἶ καὶ ἀγύρτης, ἐν ἀθλίοις δὲ ¹ ἴσως ἀνθρώποις χρήσιμος ἐπιθέσει ² τῶν φαρμάκων, ἀνδρῶδες δὲ οὐδὲν ἐπιδεδειγμένος.

237

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Οὐ ³ λέγεις, ὅτι σου τὰ ἐγκαύματα ἰασάμην, ὅτε πρῴην ἀνῆλθες ἡμίφλεκτος ὑπ' ἀμφοῖν διεφθορὼς τὸ σῶμα, ⁴ καὶ τοῦ χιτῶνος καὶ μετὰ τοῦτο τοῦ πυρός; ἐγὼ δὲ εἰ καὶ μηδὲν ἄλλο, οὔτε ἐδούλευσα ὥσπερ σὺ οὔτε ἔξαινον ἔρια ἐν Λυδίᾳ πορφυρίδα ἐνδεδυκὼς ⁵ καὶ παιόμενος ὑπὸ τῆς Ὀμφάλης χρυσῷ σανδάλῳ, ἀλλὰ οὐδὲ μελαγχολήσας ἀπέκτεινα τὰ τέκνα καὶ τὴν γυναῖκα.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Εἰ μὴ παύσῃ λοιδορούμενός μοι, αὐτίκα μάλα εἴσῃ ὅτι οὐ πολύ σε ὀνήσει ἡ ἀθανασία, ἐπεὶ ἀράμενός σε ῥίψω ἐπὶ κεφαλὺν ἐκ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ, ὥστε μηδὲ τὸν Παιῶνα ἰάσασθαί σε τὸ κρανίον συντριβέντα. 238

ΖΕΥΣ

Παύσασθε, φημί, καὶ μὴ ἐπιταράττετε ἡμῖν τὴν εὐωχίαν, ⁶ ἢ ἀμφοτέρους ὑμᾶς ἀποπέμψομαι τοῦ συμποσίου. καίτοι εὔγνωμον, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, προκατακλίνεσθαί σου τὸν Ἀσκληπιὸν ἅτε καὶ πρότερον ἀποθανόντα.

Translations (2)

Dialogues of the Gods Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, translator. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 15 focus

Zeus, Asclepius and Heracles

ZEUS

Stop quarrelling, you two; you’re just like a couple of men. It’s quite improper and out of place at the table of the gods.

HERACLES

But, Zeus, do you really mean this medicine man to have a place above me?

ASCLEPIUS

He does, by Zeus, for I’m your better.

HERACLES

How, you crackbrain? Because Zeus blasted you with his thunderbolt for your impious doings, ¹ and you’ve now received immortality because he relented and pitied you?

ASCLEPIUS

You must have forgotten, Heracles, how you too were scorched to death on Oeta, ² that you taunt me with getting burned.

HERACLES

That doesn’t mean our lives were the same. I’m the son of Zeus, and performed all those labours cleaning up the world, by overcoming monsters, and punishing men of violence; but you’re just a herb-chopper and quack, useful perhaps among suffering humanity for administering potions, but without one manly deed to show.

ASCLEPIUS

Have you nothing to say of how I healed your burns, when you came up half-scorched the other day? Between the tunic and the fire after it, your body was in a fine mess. Besides, if nothing else, I was never a slave like you, carding wool in Lydia, wearing purple, and being beaten with Omphale’s ³ golden sandal. What’s more, I never killed my wife ⁴ and children in a fit of spleen.

HERACLES

If you don’t stop insulting me, you’ll pretty soon find out that your immortality won’t help you much. I’ll pick you up and throw you head first out of heaven, so that you’ll crack your skull, and not even Apollo the Healer will be able to do anything for you.

ZEUS

Stop it, I say; don’t disturb our dinner-party, or I’ll send you both from the table. But it’s only reasonable, Heracles, that Asclepius should have a place above you, as he died before you.

Dialogues of the Gods Perseus (The Works of Lucian of Samosata, Vol. 1. Fowler, Henry Watson and Fowler, Francis George, translators. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1905.) — 15 focus

XV

Hermes

Apollo

Hermes

To think that a cripple and a blacksmith like him should marry two such queens of beauty as Aphrodite and Charis!

Apollo

Luck, Hermes—that is all. But I do wonder at their putting up with his company; they see him running with sweat, bent over the forge, all sooty-faced; and yet they cuddle and kiss him, and sleep with him!

Hermes

Yes, it makes me angry too; how I envy him! Ah, Apollo, you may let your locks grow, and play your harp, and be proud of your looks; I am a healthy fellow, and can touch the lyre; but, when it comes to bedtime, we lie alone.

Apollo

Well, my loves never prosper; Daphne and Hyacinth were my great passions; she so detested me that being turned toa tree was more attractive than I; and him I killed with a quoit. Nothing is left me of them but wreaths of their leaves and flowers,

Hermes

Ah, once, once, I and Aphrodite—but no; no boasting.

Apollo

I know; that is how Hermaphroditus is accounted for. But perhaps you can tell me how it is that Aphrodite and Charis are not jealous of one another.

Hermes

Because one is his wife in Lemnus and the other in Heaven. Besides, Aphrodite cares most about Ares; he is her real love; so she does not trouble her head about the blacksmith.

Apollo

Do you think Hephaestus sees?

Hermes

Oh, he sees, yes; but what can he do? he knows what a martial young fellow it is; so he holds his tongue. He talks of inventing a net, though, to take them in the act with.

Apollo

Ah, all I know is, I would not mind being taken in that act.

Henry Watson Fowler

Lucian Dialogi deorum 15

ed. Karl Jacobitz

Search the Perseus Catalog for:

Ἑρμοῦ καὶ Ἀπόλλωνος

Ἑρμῆς

τὸ δὲ καὶ χωλὸν αὐτὸν ὄντα καὶ χαλκέα τὴν τέχνην, ὦ Ἄπολλον, τὰς καλλίστας γεγαμηκέναι, τήν τε Ἀφροδίτην καὶ τὴν Χάριν.

Ἑρμῆς

ἐγὼ δὲ ἤδη ποτὲ τὴν Ἀφροδίτην — ἀλλὰ οὐ χρὴ αὐχεῖν.

Ἀπόλλων

οἶδα, καὶ τὸν Ἑρμαφρόδιτον ἐκ σοῦ λέγεται τεκεῖν. πλὴν ἐκεῖνό μοι εἰπέ, εἴ τι οἶσθα, πῶς οὐ ζηλοτυπεῖ ἡ Ἀφροδίτη τὴν Χάριν ἢ ἡ Χάρις ταύτην;

Ἀπόλλων

καὶ ταῦτα οἴει τὸν Ἥφαιστον εἰδέναι; 243

Ἀπόλλων

οὐκ οἶδα· εὐξαίμην δʼ ἂν αὐτὸς ὁ ξυλληφθησόμενος εἶναι.

Current edition Perseus

ΔΙΟΣ, ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΗΡΑΚΛΕΟΥΣ

ΖΕΥΣ

Παύσασθε, ὦ Ἀσκληπιὲ καὶ Ἡράκλεις, ἐρίζοντες πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὥσπερ ἄνθρωποι· ἀπρεπῆ γὰρ ταῦτα καὶ ἀλλότρια τοῦ συμποσίου τῶν θεῶν.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Ἀλλὰ θέλεις, ὦ Ζεῦ, τουτονὶ τὸν φαρμακέα προκατακλίνεσθαί μου;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Νὴ Δία· καὶ γάρ ἀμείνων εἰμί.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Κατὰ τί, ὦ ἐμβρόντητε; ἢ ὅτι σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἐκεραύνωσεν ἃ μὴ θέμις ποιοῦντα, νῦν δὲ κατ' ἔλεον αὖθις ἀθανασίας μετείληφας;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Ἐπιλέλησαι γὰρ καὶ σύ, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, ἐν τῇ Οἴτῃ καταφλεγείς, ὅτι μοι ὀνειδίζεις τὸ πῦρ;

Zeus, Asclepius and Heracles

ZEUS

Stop quarrelling, you two; you’re just like a couple of men. It’s quite improper and out of place at the table of the gods.

HERACLES

But, Zeus, do you really mean this medicine man to have a place above me?

ASCLEPIUS

He does, by Zeus, for I’m your better.

HERACLES

How, you crackbrain? Because Zeus blasted you with his thunderbolt for your impious doings, ¹ and you’ve now received immortality because he relented and pitied you?

ASCLEPIUS

You must have forgotten, Heracles, how you too were scorched to death on Oeta, ² that you taunt me with getting burned.

HERACLES

If you don’t stop insulting me, you’ll pretty soon find out that your immortality won’t help you much. I’ll pick you up and throw you head first out of heaven, so that you’ll crack your skull, and not even Apollo the Healer will be able to do anything for you.

ZEUS

Stop it, I say; don’t disturb our dinner-party, or I’ll send you both from the table. But it’s only reasonable, Heracles, that Asclepius should have a place above you, as he died before you.

XV

Hermes

Apollo

Hermes

To think that a cripple and a blacksmith like him should marry two such queens of beauty as Aphrodite and Charis!

Apollo

Luck, Hermes—that is all. But I do wonder at their putting up with his company; they see him running with sweat, bent over the forge, all sooty-faced; and yet they cuddle and kiss him, and sleep with him!

Hermes

Yes, it makes me angry too; how I envy him! Ah, Apollo, you may let your locks grow, and play your harp, and be proud of your looks; I am a healthy fellow, and can touch the lyre; but, when it comes to bedtime, we lie alone.

Apollo

Well, my loves never prosper; Daphne and Hyacinth were my great passions; she so detested me that being turned toa tree was more attractive than I; and him I killed with a quoit. Nothing is left me of them but wreaths of their leaves and flowers,

Hermes

Ah, once, once, I and Aphrodite—but no; no boasting.

Apollo

I know; that is how Hermaphroditus is accounted for. But perhaps you can tell me how it is that Aphrodite and Charis are not jealous of one another.

Hermes

Because one is his wife in Lemnus and the other in Heaven. Besides, Aphrodite cares most about Ares; he is her real love; so she does not trouble her head about the blacksmith.

Apollo

Do you think Hephaestus sees?

Hermes

Oh, he sees, yes; but what can he do? he knows what a martial young fellow it is; so he holds his tongue. He talks of inventing a net, though, to take them in the act with.

Apollo

Ah, all I know is, I would not mind being taken in that act.

Stable identifiers

Search the Perseus Catalog for:

Search the Perseus Catalog for:

Ἑρμοῦ καὶ Ἀπόλλωνος

Ἑρμῆς τὸ δὲ καὶ χωλὸν αὐτὸν ὄντα καὶ χαλκέα τὴν τέχνην, ὦ Ἄπολλον, τὰς καλλίστας γεγαμηκέναι, τήν τε Ἀφροδίτην καὶ τὴν Χάριν.

Ἑρμῆς ἐγὼ δὲ ἤδη ποτὲ τὴν Ἀφροδίτην — ἀλλὰ οὐ χρὴ αὐχεῖν.

Ἀπόλλων οἶδα, καὶ τὸν Ἑρμαφρόδιτον ἐκ σοῦ λέγεται τεκεῖν. πλὴν ἐκεῖνό μοι εἰπέ, εἴ τι οἶσθα, πῶς οὐ ζηλοτυπεῖ ἡ Ἀφροδίτη τὴν Χάριν ἢ ἡ Χάρις ταύτην;

Ἀπόλλων καὶ ταῦτα οἴει τὸν Ἥφαιστον εἰδέναι; 243

Ἀπόλλων οὐκ οἶδα· εὐξαίμην δʼ ἂν αὐτὸς ὁ ξυλληφθησόμενος εἶναι.

Current edition Perseus

ΔΙΟΣ, ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΗΡΑΚΛΕΟΥΣ

ΖΕΥΣ Παύσασθε, ὦ Ἀσκληπιὲ καὶ Ἡράκλεις, ἐρίζοντες πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὥσπερ ἄνθρωποι· ἀπρεπῆ γὰρ ταῦτα καὶ ἀλλότρια τοῦ συμποσίου τῶν θεῶν.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ Ἀλλὰ θέλεις, ὦ Ζεῦ, τουτονὶ τὸν φαρμακέα προκατακλίνεσθαί μου;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ Νὴ Δία· καὶ γάρ ἀμείνων εἰμί.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ Κατὰ τί, ὦ ἐμβρόντητε; ἢ ὅτι σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἐκεραύνωσεν ἃ μὴ θέμις ποιοῦντα, νῦν δὲ κατ' ἔλεον αὖθις ἀθανασίας μετείληφας;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ Ἐπιλέλησαι γὰρ καὶ σύ, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, ἐν τῇ Οἴτῃ καταφλεγείς, ὅτι μοι ὀνειδίζεις τὸ πῦρ;

Zeus, Asclepius and Heracles

ZEUS Stop quarrelling, you two; you’re just like a couple of men. It’s quite improper and out of place at the table of the gods.

HERACLES But, Zeus, do you really mean this medicine man to have a place above me?

ASCLEPIUS He does, by Zeus, for I’m your better.

HERACLES How, you crackbrain? Because Zeus blasted you with his thunderbolt for your impious doings, 1 and you’ve now received immortality because he relented and pitied you?

ASCLEPIUS You must have forgotten, Heracles, how you too were scorched to death on Oeta, 2 that you taunt me with getting burned.

HERACLES If you don’t stop insulting me, you’ll pretty soon find out that your immortality won’t help you much. I’ll pick you up and throw you head first out of heaven, so that you’ll crack your skull, and not even Apollo the Healer will be able to do anything for you.

ZEUS Stop it, I say; don’t disturb our dinner-party, or I’ll send you both from the table. But it’s only reasonable, Heracles, that Asclepius should have a place above you, as he died before you.

XV

Hermes

Apollo

Hermes To think that a cripple and a blacksmith like him should marry two such queens of beauty as Aphrodite and Charis!

Apollo Luck, Hermes—that is all. But I do wonder at their putting up with his company; they see him running with sweat, bent over the forge, all sooty-faced; and yet they cuddle and kiss him, and sleep with him!

Hermes Yes, it makes me angry too; how I envy him! Ah, Apollo, you may let your locks grow, and play your harp, and be proud of your looks; I am a healthy fellow, and can touch the lyre; but, when it comes to bedtime, we lie alone.

Apollo Well, my loves never prosper; Daphne and Hyacinth were my great passions; she so detested me that being turned toa tree was more attractive than I; and him I killed with a quoit. Nothing is left me of them but wreaths of their leaves and flowers,

Hermes Ah, once, once, I and Aphrodite—but no; no boasting.

Apollo I know; that is how Hermaphroditus is accounted for. But perhaps you can tell me how it is that Aphrodite and Charis are not jealous of one another.

Hermes Because one is his wife in Lemnus and the other in Heaven. Besides, Aphrodite cares most about Ares; he is her real love; so she does not trouble her head about the blacksmith.

Apollo Do you think Hephaestus sees?

Hermes Oh, he sees, yes; but what can he do? he knows what a martial young fellow it is; so he holds his tongue. He talks of inventing a net, though, to take them in the act with.

Apollo Ah, all I know is, I would not mind being taken in that act.

Stable identifiers

Ἑρμῆς

τὸ δὲ καὶ χωλὸν αὐτὸν ὄντα καὶ χαλκέα τὴν τέχνην, ὦ Ἄπολλον, τὰς καλλίστας γεγαμηκέναι, τήν τε Ἀφροδίτην καὶ τὴν Χάριν.

Ἑρμῆς

ἐγὼ δὲ ἤδη ποτὲ τὴν Ἀφροδίτην — ἀλλὰ οὐ χρὴ αὐχεῖν.

Ἀπόλλων

οἶδα, καὶ τὸν Ἑρμαφρόδιτον ἐκ σοῦ λέγεται τεκεῖν. πλὴν ἐκεῖνό μοι εἰπέ, εἴ τι οἶσθα, πῶς οὐ ζηλοτυπεῖ ἡ Ἀφροδίτη τὴν Χάριν ἢ ἡ Χάρις ταύτην;

Ἀπόλλων

καὶ ταῦτα οἴει τὸν Ἥφαιστον εἰδέναι; 243

Ἀπόλλων

οὐκ οἶδα· εὐξαίμην δʼ ἂν αὐτὸς ὁ ξυλληφθησόμενος εἶναι.

ΖΕΥΣ

Παύσασθε, ὦ Ἀσκληπιὲ καὶ Ἡράκλεις, ἐρίζοντες πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὥσπερ ἄνθρωποι· ἀπρεπῆ γὰρ ταῦτα καὶ ἀλλότρια τοῦ συμποσίου τῶν θεῶν.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Ἀλλὰ θέλεις, ὦ Ζεῦ, τουτονὶ τὸν φαρμακέα προκατακλίνεσθαί μου;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Νὴ Δία· καὶ γάρ ἀμείνων εἰμί.

ΗΡΑΚΛΗΣ

Κατὰ τί, ὦ ἐμβρόντητε; ἢ ὅτι σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἐκεραύνωσεν ἃ μὴ θέμις ποιοῦντα, νῦν δὲ κατ' ἔλεον αὖθις ἀθανασίας μετείληφας;

ΑΣΚΛΗΠΙΟΣ

Ἐπιλέλησαι γὰρ καὶ σύ, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, ἐν τῇ Οἴτῃ καταφλεγείς, ὅτι μοι ὀνειδίζεις τὸ πῦρ;

ZEUS

Stop quarrelling, you two; you’re just like a couple of men. It’s quite improper and out of place at the table of the gods.

HERACLES

But, Zeus, do you really mean this medicine man to have a place above me?

ASCLEPIUS

He does, by Zeus, for I’m your better.

HERACLES

How, you crackbrain? Because Zeus blasted you with his thunderbolt for your impious doings, ¹ and you’ve now received immortality because he relented and pitied you?

ASCLEPIUS

You must have forgotten, Heracles, how you too were scorched to death on Oeta, ² that you taunt me with getting burned.

HERACLES

If you don’t stop insulting me, you’ll pretty soon find out that your immortality won’t help you much. I’ll pick you up and throw you head first out of heaven, so that you’ll crack your skull, and not even Apollo the Healer will be able to do anything for you.

ZEUS

Stop it, I say; don’t disturb our dinner-party, or I’ll send you both from the table. But it’s only reasonable, Heracles, that Asclepius should have a place above you, as he died before you.

Hermes

To think that a cripple and a blacksmith like him should marry two such queens of beauty as Aphrodite and Charis!

Apollo

Luck, Hermes—that is all. But I do wonder at their putting up with his company; they see him running with sweat, bent over the forge, all sooty-faced; and yet they cuddle and kiss him, and sleep with him!

Hermes

Yes, it makes me angry too; how I envy him! Ah, Apollo, you may let your locks grow, and play your harp, and be proud of your looks; I am a healthy fellow, and can touch the lyre; but, when it comes to bedtime, we lie alone.

Apollo

Well, my loves never prosper; Daphne and Hyacinth were my great passions; she so detested me that being turned toa tree was more attractive than I; and him I killed with a quoit. Nothing is left me of them but wreaths of their leaves and flowers,

Hermes

Ah, once, once, I and Aphrodite—but no; no boasting.

Apollo

I know; that is how Hermaphroditus is accounted for. But perhaps you can tell me how it is that Aphrodite and Charis are not jealous of one another.

Hermes

Because one is his wife in Lemnus and the other in Heaven. Besides, Aphrodite cares most about Ares; he is her real love; so she does not trouble her head about the blacksmith.

Apollo

Do you think Hephaestus sees?

Hermes

Oh, he sees, yes; but what can he do? he knows what a martial young fellow it is; so he holds his tongue. He talks of inventing a net, though, to take them in the act with.

Apollo

Ah, all I know is, I would not mind being taken in that act.