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IX

Simylus

Polystratus

Simylus

So here you are at last, Polystratus; you must be something very like a centenarian.

Polystratus

Ninety-eight.

Simylus

And what sort of a life have you had of it, these thirty years? you were about seventy when I died.

Polystratus

Delightful, though you may find it hard to believe.

Simylus

It ¢s surprising that you could have any joy of your life— old, weak, and childless, moreover.

Polystratus

In the first place, I could do just what I liked; there were still plenty of handsome boys and dainty women; perfumes were sweet, wine kept its bouquet, Sicilian feasts were nothing to mine,

Simylus

This is a change, to be sure; you were very economical in my day.

Polystratus

Ah, but, my simple friend, these good things were presents—came in streams. From dawn my doors were thronged with visitors, and in the day it was a procession of the fairest gifts of earth.

Simylus

Why, you must have seized the crown after my death.

Polystratus

Oh no, it was only that I inspired a number of tender passions,

Simylus

Tender passions, indeed! what, you, an old man with hardly a tooth left in your head!

Polystratus

Certainly; the first of our townsmen were in love with me. Such as you see me, old, bald, blear-eyed, rheumy, they delighted to do me honour; happy was the man on whom my glance rested a moment.

Simylus

Well, then, you had some adventure like Phaon’s, when he rowed Aphrodite across from Chios; your God granted your prayer and made you young and fair and lovely again.

Polystratus

No, no; I was as you see me, and I was the object of all desire.

Simylus

Oh, I give it up.

Polystratus

Why, I should have thought you knew the violent passion for old men who have plenty of money and no children.

Simylus

Ah, now I comprehend your beauty, old fellow; it was the Golden Aphrodite bestowed it.

Polystratus

I assure you, Simylus, I had a good deal of satisfaction out of my lovers; they idolized me, almost. Often I would be coy and shut some of them out. Such rivalries! such jealous emulations!

Simylus

And how did you dispose of your fortune in the end?

Polystratus

I gave each an express promise to make him my heir; he believed, and treated me to more attentions than ever; meanwhile I had another genuine will, which was the one I left, with a message to them all to go hang.

Simylus

Who was the heir by this one? one of your relations, I suppose.

Polystratus

Not likely; it was a handsome young Phrygian I had lately bought.

Simylus

Age?

Polystratus

About twenty.

Simylus

Ah, I can guess his office.

Polystratus

Well, you know, he deserved the inheritance much better than they did; he was a barbarian and a rascal; but by this time he has the best of society at his beck. So he inherited; and now he is one of the aristocracy; his smooth chin and his foreign accent are no bars to his being called nobler than Codrus, handsomer than Nireus, wiser than Odysseus.

Simylus

Well, I don’t mind; let him be Emperor of Greece, if he likes, so long as he keeps the property away from that other crew.

Henry Watson Fowler

Dialogi mortuorum. Lucian. Henry Watson Fowler (Translator), Francis George Fowler (Translator). Medford, MA, USA. 2023-08-01.

Current edition Perseus

Dialogues of the Dead (English) (The Works of Lucian of Samosata, Vol. 1. Fowler, Henry Watson and Fowler, Francis George, translators. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1905.)

Editions (2)

Νεκρικοὶ Διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian. Luciani Samosatensis Opera, Vol. 1. Jacobitz, Karl, editor. Leipzig: Teubner, 1909.) — 9 focus

Σιμύλος καὶ Πολύστρατος.

Σιμύλος

ἥκεις ποτέ, ὦ Πολύστρατε, καὶ σὺ παρʼ ἡμᾶς ἔτη οἶμαι οὐ πολὺ ἀποδέοντα τῶν ἑκατὸν βεβιωκώς;

Πολύστρατος

ὀκτὼ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐνενήκοντα, ὦ Σιμύλε.

Σιμύλος

πῶς δαὶ τὰ μετʼ ἐμὲ ταῦτα ἐβίως τριάκοντα; 360 ἐγὼ γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὰ ἑβδομήκοντά σου ὄντος ἀπέθανον.

Πολύστρατος

Ὑπερήδιστα, εἰ καί σοι παράδοξον τοῦτο δόξει.

Σιμύλος

παράδοξον, εἰ γέρων τε καὶ ἀσθενὴς ἄτεκνός τε προσέτι ἥδεσθαι τοῖς ἐν τῷ βίῳ ἐδύνασο.

Πολύστρατος

τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἅπαντα ἐδυνάμην· ἔτι καὶ παῖδες ὡραῖοι ἦσαν πολλοὶ καὶ γυναῖκες ἁβρόταται καὶ μύρα καὶ οἶνος ἀνθοσμίας καὶ τράπεζα ὑπὲρ τὰς ἐν Σικελίᾳ.

Σιμύλος

καινὰ ταῦτα· ἐγὼ γάρ σε πάνυ φειδόμενον ἠπιστάμην.

Πολύστρατος

ἀλλʼ ἐπέρρει μοι, ὦ γενναῖε, παρʼ ἄλλων τἀγαθά· καὶ ἕωθεν μὲν εὐθὺς ἐπὶ θύρας ἐφοίτων μάλα πολλοί, μετὰ δὲ παντοῖά μοι δῶρα προσήγετο ἁπανταχόθεν τῆς γῆς τὰ κάλλιστα.

Σιμύλος

Ἐτυράννησας, ὦ Πολύστρατε, μετʼ ἐμέ;

Πολύστρατος

οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ἐραστὰς εἶχον μυρίους.

Σιμύλος

ἐγέλασα· ἐραστὰς σὺ τηλικοῦτος ὤν, ὀδόντας τέτταρας ἔχων; 361

Πολύστρατος

νὴ Δία, τοὺς ἀρίστους γε τῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει· καὶ γέροντά με καὶ φαλακρόν, ὡς ὁρᾷς, ὄντα καὶ ληαῶντα προσέτι καὶ κορυζῶντα ὑπερήδοντο θεραπεύοντες, καὶ μακάριος ἦν αὐτῶν ὅντινα ἂν καὶ μόνον προσέβλεψα.

Σιμύλος

μῶν καὶ σύ τινα ὥσπερ ὁ Φάων τὴν Ἀφροδίτην ἐκ Χίου διεπόρθμευσας, εἶτά σοι εὐξαμένῳ ἔδωκε νέον εἶναι καὶ καλὸν ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς καὶ ἀξιέραστον;

Πολύστρατος

οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοιοῦτος ὢν περιπόθητος ἦν.

Σιμύλος

αἰνίγματα λέγεις.

Πολύστρατος

καὶ μὴν πρόδηλός γε ὁ ἔρως οὑτοσὶ πολὺς ὢν ὁ περὶ τοὺς ἀτέκνους καὶ πλουσίους γέροντας.

Σιμύλος

νῦν μανθάνω σου τὸ κάλλος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, ὅτι παρὰ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἦν.

Πολύστρατος

ἀτάρ, ὦ Σιμύλε, οὐκ ὀλίγα τῶν ἐραστῶν ἀπολέλαυκα μονονουχὶ προσκυνούμενος ὑπʼ αὐτῶν· καὶ 362 ἐθρυπτόμην δὲ πολλάκις καὶ ἀπέκλειον αὐτῶν τινας ἐνίοτε, οἱ δὲ ἡμιλλῶντο καὶ ἀλλήλους ὑπερεβάλλοντο ἐν τῇ περὶ ἐμὲ φιλοτιμίᾳ.

Σιμύλος

τέλος δʼ οὖν πῶς ἐβουλεύσω περὶ τῶν κτημάτων;

Πολύστρατος

ἐς τὸ φανερὸν μὲν ἕκαστον αὐτῶν κληρονόμον ἀπολιπεῖν ἔφασκον, ὁ δʼ ἐπίστευέ τε ἂν καὶ κολακευτικώτερον παρεσκεύαζεν ἑαυτόν, ἄλλας δὲ τὰς ἀληθεῖς διαθήκας ἔχων, ἐκείνας κατέλιπον οἰμώζειν ἅπασι φράσας.

Σιμύλος

τίνα δὲ αἱ τελευταῖαι τὸν κληρονόμον ἔσχον; ἦ πού τινα τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ γένους;

Πολύστρατος

οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλὰ νεώνητόν τινα τῶν μειρακίων τῶν ὡραίων Φρύγα.

Σιμύλος

ἀμφὶ πόσα ἔτη, ὦ Πολύστρατε;

Πολύστρατος

σχεδὸν ἀμφὶ τὰ εἴκοσι.

Σιμύλος

ἤδη μανθάνω ἅτινά σοι ἐκεῖνος ἐχαρίζετο.

Πολύστρατος

πλὴν ἀλλὰ πολὺ ἐκείνων ἀξιώτερος κληρονομεῖν, εἰ καὶ βάρβαρος ἦν καὶ ὄλεθρος, ὃν ἤδη καὶ αυτοὶ οἱ ἄριστοι θεραπεύουσιν. ἐκεῖνος τοίνυν ἐκληρονόμησέ μου καὶ νῦν ἐν τοῖς εὐπατρίδαις ἀριθμεῖται ὑπεξυρημένος μὲν τὸ γένειον καὶ βαρβαρίζων, Κόδρου δὲ εὐγενέστερος καὶ Νιρέως καλλίων καὶ Ὀδυσσέως συνετώτερος λεγόμενος εἶναι. 363

Σιμύλος

οὔ μοι μέλει· καὶ στρατηγησάτω τῆς Ἑλλάδος, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἐκεῖνοι δὲ μὴ κληρονομείτωσαν μόνον.

Νεκρικοὶ διάλογοι Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 9 focus

445 ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΟΥ

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Ὦ Τειρεσία, εἰ μὲν καὶ τυφλὸς εἶ, οὐκέτι διαγνῶναι ῥᾴδιον. ἅπασι γὰρ ἡμῖν ὁμοῖα τὰ ὄμματα, κενά, μόνον δὲ αἱ ¹ χῶραι αὐτῶν· τὰ δ’ ἄλλα οὐκέτ' ἂν εἰπεῖν ἔχοις, τίς ὁ Φινεὺς ἦν ἢ τίς ὁ Λυγκεύς. ὅτι μέντοι μάντις ἦσθα καὶ ὅτι ἀμφότερα ἐγένου μόνος καὶ ἄρρην ² καὶ γυνή, τῶν ποιητῶν ἀκούσας οἶδα. πρὸς τῶν θεῶν τοιγαροῦν εἰπέ μοι, ὁποτέρου ἡδίονος ἐπειράθης τῶν βίων, ὁπότε ἀνὴρ ἦσθα, ἢ ὁ γυναικεῖος ἀμείνων ἦν;

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Παρὰ πολύ, ὦ Μένιππε, ὁ γυναικεῖος· ἀπραγμονέστερος γάρ. καὶ δεσπόζουσι τῶν ἀνδρῶν αἱ γυναῖκες, καὶ οὔτε πολεμεῖν ἀνάγκη αὐταῖς οὔτε παρ' ἔπαλξιν ἑστάναι οὔτ' ἐν ἐκκλησίᾳ διαφέρεσθαι οὔτ' ἐν δικαστηρίοις ἐξετάζεσθαι.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Οὐ γὰρ ἀκήκοας, ὦ Τειρεσία, τῆς Εὐριπίδου Μηδείας, οἷα εἶπεν οἰκτείρουσα τὸ γυναικεῖον, ὡς ἀθλίας οὔσας καὶ ἀφόρητόν τινα τὸν ἐκ τῶν ὠδίνων πόνον ὑφισταμένας; ἀτὰρ εἰπέ μοι,— 446 ὑπέμνησε γάρ με τὰ τῆς Μηδείας ἰαμβεῖα—καὶ ἔτεκές ποτε, ὁπότε γυνὴ ἦσθα, ἢ στεῖρα καὶ ἄγονος διετέλεσας ἐν ἐκείνῳ τῷ βίῳ;

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Τί τοῦτο, Μένιππε, ἐρωτᾷς;

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Οὐδὲν χαλεπόν, ὦ Τειρεσία· πλὴν ἀπόκριναι, εἴ σοι ῥᾴδιον.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Οὐ στεῖρα μὲν ἤμην, οὐκ ἔτεκον δ’ ὅλως.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Ἱκανὸν τοῦτο· εἰ γὰρ καὶ μήτραν εἶχες, ἐβουλόμην εἰδέναι.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Εἶχον δηλαδή.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Χρόνῳ δέ σοι ἡ μήτρα ἠφανίσθη καὶ τὸ χωρίον ³ τὸ γυναικεῖον ἀπεφράγη καὶ οἱ μαστοὶ ἀπεστάθησαν καὶ τὸ ἀνδρεῖον ἀνέφυ ⁴ καὶ πώγωνα ἐξήνεγκας, ἢ αὐτίκα ἐκ γυναικὸς ἀνὴρ ἀνεφάνης;

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Οὐχ ὁρῶ τί σοι βούλεται τὸ ἐρώτημα· δοκεῖς δ’ οὖν μοι ἀπιστεῖν, εἰ τοῦθ' οὕτως ἐγένετο.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Οὐ χρὴ γὰρ ἀπιστεῖν, ὦ Τειρεσία, τοῖς τοιούτοις, 447 ἀλλὰ καθάπερ τινὰ βλᾶκα μὴ ἐξετάζοντα, εἴτε δυνατά ἐστιν εἴτε καὶ μή, παραδέχεσθαι;

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Σὺ οὖν οὐδὲ τὰ ἄλλα πιστεύεις οὕτω γενέσθαι, ὁπόταν ἀκούσῃς ὅτι ὄρνεα ἐκ γυναικῶν ἐγένοντό τινες ἢ δένδρα ἢ θηρία, τὴν Ἀηδόνα ἢ τὴν Δάφνην ἢ τὴν τοῦ Λυκάονος θυγατέρα;

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Ἤν που κἀκείναις ἐντύχω, εἴσομαι ὅ τι καὶ λέγουσι. σὺ δέ, ὦ βέλτιστε, ὁπότε γυνὴ ἦσθα, καὶ ἐμαντεύου τότε ὥσπερ καὶ ὕστερον, ἢ ἅμα ἀνὴρ καὶ μάντις ἔμαθες εἶναι;

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Ὁρᾷς; ἀγνοεῖς τὰ περὶ ἐμοῦ ἅπαντα, ὡς καὶ διέλυσά τινα ἔριν τῶν θεῶν, καὶ ἡ μὲν Ἥρα ἐπήρωσέν με, ὁ δὲ Ζεὺς παρεμυθήσατο τῇ μαντικῇ τὴν συμφοράν.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Ἔτι ἔχῃ, ὦ Τειρεσία, τῶν ψευσμάτων; ἀλλὰ κατὰ τοὺς μάντεις τοῦτο ποιεῖς· ἔθος γὰρ ὑμῖν μηδὲν ὑγιὲς λέγειν.

Translations (1)

Dialogues of the Dead Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 7. Macleod, Matthew Donald, translator. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1961 (unrenewed copyright).) — 9 focus

Menippus And Tiresias

MENIPPUS

It’s difficult to tell now, Tiresias, whether you’re blind, as our eyes are all alike—empty, with nothing but sockets. Indeed, you can no longer tell which was Phineus, or which was Lynceus. ¹ But I do know you were a prophet, and the only person to have been both man and woman. I heard that from the poets. So, for heaven’s sake, tell me which life you found more pleasant—when you were a man, or a woman?

TIRESIAS

The woman’s life, Menippus, by a long way. It has fewer worries, and women have the mastery over men, and don’t have to fight in wars, or stand on the battlements, or argue in parliament, or be crossexamined in court.

MENIPPUS

Then you haven’t heard, Tiresias, what Euripides’ Medea ² said about women’s pitiable plight in having an unhappy lot, and having to endure intolerable suffering in childbirth? But tell me, now that I’m reminded of it by Medea’s lines from the play, did you ever have any children, when you were a woman, or did you remain barren and childless in that life?

TIRESIAS

Why do you ask that, Menippus?

MENIPPUS

It’s an easy enough question, Tiresias. Just answer, if it’s not too difficult.

TIRESIAS

I wasn’t barren, but I didn’t have any children.

MENIPPUS

That will suffice; I wanted to know if you had a womb.

TIRESIAS

Of course I did.

MENIPPUS

And in time your womb gradually disappeared, the woman’s place sealed up, your breasts subsided, you grew a male organ and produced a beard? Or was your change from woman to man sudden?

TIRESIAS

I don’t understand the object of your question, but it seems to me you don’t believe things happened like that.

MENIPPUS

Why shouldn’t I disbelieve such a story, Tiresias, rather than accept it like a dolt without examining whether its possible or not?

TIRESIAS

Then you don’t believe any of the other stories either, when you hear of women changing into birds or trees or beasts, as, for example, Aedon, or Daphne, or the daughter of Lycaon? ³

MENIPPUS

If I ever come across them, I’ll learn what they have to say. But when you were a woman, good sir, were you a prophet then too, just as later, or did you learn to be man and prophet at the same time?

TIRESIAS

You see, you know nothing about me, or how I settled a quarrel of the gods, ⁴ and Hera blinded me, and Zeus consoled me in my misfortune with the gift of prophecy.

MENIPPUS

So you still keep to your falsehoods, Tiresias? That’s just like you prophets; you’re habitual liars.

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IX

Simylus

Polystratus

Simylus So here you are at last, Polystratus; you must be something very like a centenarian.

Polystratus Ninety-eight.

Simylus And what sort of a life have you had of it, these thirty years? you were about seventy when I died.

Polystratus Delightful, though you may find it hard to believe.

Simylus It ¢s surprising that you could have any joy of your life— old, weak, and childless, moreover.

Polystratus In the first place, I could do just what I liked; there were still plenty of handsome boys and dainty women; perfumes were sweet, wine kept its bouquet, Sicilian feasts were nothing to mine,

Simylus This is a change, to be sure; you were very economical in my day.

Polystratus Ah, but, my simple friend, these good things were presents—came in streams. From dawn my doors were thronged with visitors, and in the day it was a procession of the fairest gifts of earth.

Simylus Why, you must have seized the crown after my death.

Polystratus Oh no, it was only that I inspired a number of tender passions,

Simylus Tender passions, indeed! what, you, an old man with hardly a tooth left in your head!

Polystratus Certainly; the first of our townsmen were in love with me. Such as you see me, old, bald, blear-eyed, rheumy, they delighted to do me honour; happy was the man on whom my glance rested a moment.

Simylus Well, then, you had some adventure like Phaon’s, when he rowed Aphrodite across from Chios; your God granted your prayer and made you young and fair and lovely again.

Polystratus No, no; I was as you see me, and I was the object of all desire.

Simylus Oh, I give it up.

Polystratus Why, I should have thought you knew the violent passion for old men who have plenty of money and no children.

Simylus Ah, now I comprehend your beauty, old fellow; it was the Golden Aphrodite bestowed it.

Polystratus I assure you, Simylus, I had a good deal of satisfaction out of my lovers; they idolized me, almost. Often I would be coy and shut some of them out. Such rivalries! such jealous emulations!

Simylus And how did you dispose of your fortune in the end?

Polystratus I gave each an express promise to make him my heir; he believed, and treated me to more attentions than ever; meanwhile I had another genuine will, which was the one I left, with a message to them all to go hang.

Simylus Who was the heir by this one? one of your relations, I suppose.

Polystratus Not likely; it was a handsome young Phrygian I had lately bought.

Simylus Age?

Polystratus About twenty.

Simylus Ah, I can guess his office.

Simylus Well, I don’t mind; let him be Emperor of Greece, if he likes, so long as he keeps the property away from that other crew.

Current edition Perseus

Σιμύλος καὶ Πολύστρατος.

Σιμύλος ἥκεις ποτέ, ὦ Πολύστρατε, καὶ σὺ παρʼ ἡμᾶς ἔτη οἶμαι οὐ πολὺ ἀποδέοντα τῶν ἑκατὸν βεβιωκώς;

Πολύστρατος ὀκτὼ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐνενήκοντα, ὦ Σιμύλε.

Σιμύλος πῶς δαὶ τὰ μετʼ ἐμὲ ταῦτα ἐβίως τριάκοντα; 360 ἐγὼ γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὰ ἑβδομήκοντά σου ὄντος ἀπέθανον.

Πολύστρατος Ὑπερήδιστα, εἰ καί σοι παράδοξον τοῦτο δόξει.

Σιμύλος παράδοξον, εἰ γέρων τε καὶ ἀσθενὴς ἄτεκνός τε προσέτι ἥδεσθαι τοῖς ἐν τῷ βίῳ ἐδύνασο.

Σιμύλος καινὰ ταῦτα· ἐγὼ γάρ σε πάνυ φειδόμενον ἠπιστάμην.

Σιμύλος Ἐτυράννησας, ὦ Πολύστρατε, μετʼ ἐμέ;

Πολύστρατος οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ἐραστὰς εἶχον μυρίους.

Σιμύλος ἐγέλασα· ἐραστὰς σὺ τηλικοῦτος ὤν, ὀδόντας τέτταρας ἔχων; 361

Σιμύλος μῶν καὶ σύ τινα ὥσπερ ὁ Φάων τὴν Ἀφροδίτην ἐκ Χίου διεπόρθμευσας, εἶτά σοι εὐξαμένῳ ἔδωκε νέον εἶναι καὶ καλὸν ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς καὶ ἀξιέραστον;

Πολύστρατος οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοιοῦτος ὢν περιπόθητος ἦν.

Σιμύλος αἰνίγματα λέγεις.

Πολύστρατος καὶ μὴν πρόδηλός γε ὁ ἔρως οὑτοσὶ πολὺς ὢν ὁ περὶ τοὺς ἀτέκνους καὶ πλουσίους γέροντας.

Σιμύλος νῦν μανθάνω σου τὸ κάλλος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, ὅτι παρὰ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἦν.

Σιμύλος τέλος δʼ οὖν πῶς ἐβουλεύσω περὶ τῶν κτημάτων;

Σιμύλος τίνα δὲ αἱ τελευταῖαι τὸν κληρονόμον ἔσχον; ἦ πού τινα τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ γένους;

Πολύστρατος οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλὰ νεώνητόν τινα τῶν μειρακίων τῶν ὡραίων Φρύγα.

Σιμύλος ἀμφὶ πόσα ἔτη, ὦ Πολύστρατε;

Πολύστρατος σχεδὸν ἀμφὶ τὰ εἴκοσι.

Σιμύλος ἤδη μανθάνω ἅτινά σοι ἐκεῖνος ἐχαρίζετο.

Σιμύλος οὔ μοι μέλει· καὶ στρατηγησάτω τῆς Ἑλλάδος, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἐκεῖνοι δὲ μὴ κληρονομείτωσαν μόνον.

445 ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΥ ΚΑΙ ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΟΥ

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ Τί τοῦτο, Μένιππε, ἐρωτᾷς;

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ Οὐδὲν χαλεπόν, ὦ Τειρεσία· πλὴν ἀπόκριναι, εἴ σοι ῥᾴδιον.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ Οὐ στεῖρα μὲν ἤμην, οὐκ ἔτεκον δ’ ὅλως.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ Ἱκανὸν τοῦτο· εἰ γὰρ καὶ μήτραν εἶχες, ἐβουλόμην εἰδέναι.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ Εἶχον δηλαδή.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ Οὐχ ὁρῶ τί σοι βούλεται τὸ ἐρώτημα· δοκεῖς δ’ οὖν μοι ἀπιστεῖν, εἰ τοῦθ' οὕτως ἐγένετο.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ Οὐ χρὴ γὰρ ἀπιστεῖν, ὦ Τειρεσία, τοῖς τοιούτοις, 447 ἀλλὰ καθάπερ τινὰ βλᾶκα μὴ ἐξετάζοντα, εἴτε δυνατά ἐστιν εἴτε καὶ μή, παραδέχεσθαι;

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ Ἔτι ἔχῃ, ὦ Τειρεσία, τῶν ψευσμάτων; ἀλλὰ κατὰ τοὺς μάντεις τοῦτο ποιεῖς· ἔθος γὰρ ὑμῖν μηδὲν ὑγιὲς λέγειν.

Menippus And Tiresias

TIRESIAS The woman’s life, Menippus, by a long way. It has fewer worries, and women have the mastery over men, and don’t have to fight in wars, or stand on the battlements, or argue in parliament, or be crossexamined in court.

TIRESIAS Why do you ask that, Menippus?

MENIPPUS It’s an easy enough question, Tiresias. Just answer, if it’s not too difficult.

TIRESIAS I wasn’t barren, but I didn’t have any children.

MENIPPUS That will suffice; I wanted to know if you had a womb.

TIRESIAS Of course I did.

MENIPPUS And in time your womb gradually disappeared, the woman’s place sealed up, your breasts subsided, you grew a male organ and produced a beard? Or was your change from woman to man sudden?

TIRESIAS I don’t understand the object of your question, but it seems to me you don’t believe things happened like that.

MENIPPUS Why shouldn’t I disbelieve such a story, Tiresias, rather than accept it like a dolt without examining whether its possible or not?

TIRESIAS Then you don’t believe any of the other stories either, when you hear of women changing into birds or trees or beasts, as, for example, Aedon, or Daphne, or the daughter of Lycaon? 3

MENIPPUS If I ever come across them, I’ll learn what they have to say. But when you were a woman, good sir, were you a prophet then too, just as later, or did you learn to be man and prophet at the same time?

TIRESIAS You see, you know nothing about me, or how I settled a quarrel of the gods, 4 and Hera blinded me, and Zeus consoled me in my misfortune with the gift of prophecy.

MENIPPUS So you still keep to your falsehoods, Tiresias? That’s just like you prophets; you’re habitual liars.

Stable identifiers

Simylus

So here you are at last, Polystratus; you must be something very like a centenarian.

Polystratus

Ninety-eight.

Simylus

And what sort of a life have you had of it, these thirty years? you were about seventy when I died.

Polystratus

Delightful, though you may find it hard to believe.

Simylus

It ¢s surprising that you could have any joy of your life— old, weak, and childless, moreover.

Polystratus

In the first place, I could do just what I liked; there were still plenty of handsome boys and dainty women; perfumes were sweet, wine kept its bouquet, Sicilian feasts were nothing to mine,

Simylus

This is a change, to be sure; you were very economical in my day.

Polystratus

Ah, but, my simple friend, these good things were presents—came in streams. From dawn my doors were thronged with visitors, and in the day it was a procession of the fairest gifts of earth.

Simylus

Why, you must have seized the crown after my death.

Polystratus

Oh no, it was only that I inspired a number of tender passions,

Simylus

Tender passions, indeed! what, you, an old man with hardly a tooth left in your head!

Polystratus

Certainly; the first of our townsmen were in love with me. Such as you see me, old, bald, blear-eyed, rheumy, they delighted to do me honour; happy was the man on whom my glance rested a moment.

Simylus

Well, then, you had some adventure like Phaon’s, when he rowed Aphrodite across from Chios; your God granted your prayer and made you young and fair and lovely again.

Polystratus

No, no; I was as you see me, and I was the object of all desire.

Simylus

Oh, I give it up.

Polystratus

Why, I should have thought you knew the violent passion for old men who have plenty of money and no children.

Simylus

Ah, now I comprehend your beauty, old fellow; it was the Golden Aphrodite bestowed it.

Polystratus

I assure you, Simylus, I had a good deal of satisfaction out of my lovers; they idolized me, almost. Often I would be coy and shut some of them out. Such rivalries! such jealous emulations!

Simylus

And how did you dispose of your fortune in the end?

Polystratus

I gave each an express promise to make him my heir; he believed, and treated me to more attentions than ever; meanwhile I had another genuine will, which was the one I left, with a message to them all to go hang.

Simylus

Who was the heir by this one? one of your relations, I suppose.

Polystratus

Not likely; it was a handsome young Phrygian I had lately bought.

Simylus

Age?

Polystratus

About twenty.

Simylus

Ah, I can guess his office.

Simylus

Well, I don’t mind; let him be Emperor of Greece, if he likes, so long as he keeps the property away from that other crew.

Σιμύλος

ἥκεις ποτέ, ὦ Πολύστρατε, καὶ σὺ παρʼ ἡμᾶς ἔτη οἶμαι οὐ πολὺ ἀποδέοντα τῶν ἑκατὸν βεβιωκώς;

Πολύστρατος

ὀκτὼ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐνενήκοντα, ὦ Σιμύλε.

Σιμύλος

πῶς δαὶ τὰ μετʼ ἐμὲ ταῦτα ἐβίως τριάκοντα; 360 ἐγὼ γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὰ ἑβδομήκοντά σου ὄντος ἀπέθανον.

Πολύστρατος

Ὑπερήδιστα, εἰ καί σοι παράδοξον τοῦτο δόξει.

Σιμύλος

παράδοξον, εἰ γέρων τε καὶ ἀσθενὴς ἄτεκνός τε προσέτι ἥδεσθαι τοῖς ἐν τῷ βίῳ ἐδύνασο.

Σιμύλος

καινὰ ταῦτα· ἐγὼ γάρ σε πάνυ φειδόμενον ἠπιστάμην.

Σιμύλος

Ἐτυράννησας, ὦ Πολύστρατε, μετʼ ἐμέ;

Πολύστρατος

οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ἐραστὰς εἶχον μυρίους.

Σιμύλος

ἐγέλασα· ἐραστὰς σὺ τηλικοῦτος ὤν, ὀδόντας τέτταρας ἔχων; 361

Σιμύλος

μῶν καὶ σύ τινα ὥσπερ ὁ Φάων τὴν Ἀφροδίτην ἐκ Χίου διεπόρθμευσας, εἶτά σοι εὐξαμένῳ ἔδωκε νέον εἶναι καὶ καλὸν ἐξ ὑπαρχῆς καὶ ἀξιέραστον;

Πολύστρατος

οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τοιοῦτος ὢν περιπόθητος ἦν.

Σιμύλος

αἰνίγματα λέγεις.

Πολύστρατος

καὶ μὴν πρόδηλός γε ὁ ἔρως οὑτοσὶ πολὺς ὢν ὁ περὶ τοὺς ἀτέκνους καὶ πλουσίους γέροντας.

Σιμύλος

νῦν μανθάνω σου τὸ κάλλος, ὦ θαυμάσιε, ὅτι παρὰ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἦν.

Σιμύλος

τέλος δʼ οὖν πῶς ἐβουλεύσω περὶ τῶν κτημάτων;

Σιμύλος

τίνα δὲ αἱ τελευταῖαι τὸν κληρονόμον ἔσχον; ἦ πού τινα τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ γένους;

Πολύστρατος

οὐ μὰ Δία, ἀλλὰ νεώνητόν τινα τῶν μειρακίων τῶν ὡραίων Φρύγα.

Σιμύλος

ἀμφὶ πόσα ἔτη, ὦ Πολύστρατε;

Πολύστρατος

σχεδὸν ἀμφὶ τὰ εἴκοσι.

Σιμύλος

ἤδη μανθάνω ἅτινά σοι ἐκεῖνος ἐχαρίζετο.

Σιμύλος

οὔ μοι μέλει· καὶ στρατηγησάτω τῆς Ἑλλάδος, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἐκεῖνοι δὲ μὴ κληρονομείτωσαν μόνον.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Τί τοῦτο, Μένιππε, ἐρωτᾷς;

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Οὐδὲν χαλεπόν, ὦ Τειρεσία· πλὴν ἀπόκριναι, εἴ σοι ῥᾴδιον.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Οὐ στεῖρα μὲν ἤμην, οὐκ ἔτεκον δ’ ὅλως.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Ἱκανὸν τοῦτο· εἰ γὰρ καὶ μήτραν εἶχες, ἐβουλόμην εἰδέναι.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Εἶχον δηλαδή.

ΤΕΙΡΕΣΙΑΣ

Οὐχ ὁρῶ τί σοι βούλεται τὸ ἐρώτημα· δοκεῖς δ’ οὖν μοι ἀπιστεῖν, εἰ τοῦθ' οὕτως ἐγένετο.

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Οὐ χρὴ γὰρ ἀπιστεῖν, ὦ Τειρεσία, τοῖς τοιούτοις, 447 ἀλλὰ καθάπερ τινὰ βλᾶκα μὴ ἐξετάζοντα, εἴτε δυνατά ἐστιν εἴτε καὶ μή, παραδέχεσθαι;

ΜΕΝΙΠΠΟΣ

Ἔτι ἔχῃ, ὦ Τειρεσία, τῶν ψευσμάτων; ἀλλὰ κατὰ τοὺς μάντεις τοῦτο ποιεῖς· ἔθος γὰρ ὑμῖν μηδὲν ὑγιὲς λέγειν.

TIRESIAS

The woman’s life, Menippus, by a long way. It has fewer worries, and women have the mastery over men, and don’t have to fight in wars, or stand on the battlements, or argue in parliament, or be crossexamined in court.

TIRESIAS

Why do you ask that, Menippus?

MENIPPUS

It’s an easy enough question, Tiresias. Just answer, if it’s not too difficult.

TIRESIAS

I wasn’t barren, but I didn’t have any children.

MENIPPUS

That will suffice; I wanted to know if you had a womb.

TIRESIAS

Of course I did.

MENIPPUS

And in time your womb gradually disappeared, the woman’s place sealed up, your breasts subsided, you grew a male organ and produced a beard? Or was your change from woman to man sudden?

TIRESIAS

I don’t understand the object of your question, but it seems to me you don’t believe things happened like that.

MENIPPUS

Why shouldn’t I disbelieve such a story, Tiresias, rather than accept it like a dolt without examining whether its possible or not?

TIRESIAS

Then you don’t believe any of the other stories either, when you hear of women changing into birds or trees or beasts, as, for example, Aedon, or Daphne, or the daughter of Lycaon? ³

MENIPPUS

If I ever come across them, I’ll learn what they have to say. But when you were a woman, good sir, were you a prophet then too, just as later, or did you learn to be man and prophet at the same time?

TIRESIAS

You see, you know nothing about me, or how I settled a quarrel of the gods, ⁴ and Hera blinded me, and Zeus consoled me in my misfortune with the gift of prophecy.

MENIPPUS

So you still keep to your falsehoods, Tiresias? That’s just like you prophets; you’re habitual liars.