ANTHEMONIDES
(to himself.)
If I don’t take full revenge for that mina which I gave to the Procurer, then really may the townspeople make a butt of me! This most rascally fellow even brought me to his house to breakfast. He himself went away out of doors,
and left me as his chamberlain
1
in the house. When neither the Procurer nor these women came back, nor anything was given me to eat,
1280
for the best part of the breakfast I took a pledge
2
,
and came out of doors. This way I’ll pay him. I’ll touch up the rascally Procurer in the military way of payment
3
. He did get hold of a person for him to bamboozle out of a mina of silver! But I wish that my mistress would now come in my way while
thus enraged. Then, by my troth, with my fists I’d make her
quite black all over;
1285
I’d cover her so with swarthiness, that she should be much more swarthy than the Egyptians, or
than those who carry the buckets
4
at the games in the Circus.
1290
ADELPHASIUM
(running to AGORASTOCLES.)
Do hold me fast, please, my love; I sadly fear the kites; this is an evil animal—lest perchance he may carry me off, your chick.
ANTERASTYLIS
(embracing her FATHER.)
I cannot clasp you fast enough, my father!
ANTHEMONIDES
(to himself.)
I’m delaying.
(Looking in his hand.) I can now pretty nearly cater a breakfast for myself with this.
(Raising his eyes.) But what’s this? How’s this? What’s this? What’s this I see? How now? What means this strange conjunction? What’s this coupling together? Who’s this fellow with the long skirts, just like a tavern-boy? Do I quite see with my eyes? Isn’t this my mistress, Anterastylis?
1295
Why, surely it is she. For some time past I’ve perceived that I’m set at nought. Isn’t the girl ashamed to be hugging a tawny fellow in the middle of the street? I faith, I shall give him up forthwith to the executioner to be tortured all over. Surely this is a womanish race
5
, with their tunics hanging down to their heels. But I’m determined to accost this African female lover.
1300
(To HANNO.) Hallo! you woman, I say, are you not ashamed? What business have you with her, pray? Tell me.
1305
HANNO
Young man, greetings to you.
ANTHEMONIDES
I don’t want
them; that’s nothing to you. What business have you to touch her with a finger?
HANNO
Because I choose.
ANTHEMONIDES
You choose?
HANNO
I say so.
ANTHEMONIDES
Away to utter perdition, you shoe-latchet!
What, do you dare to be
acting the lover here, you great toe of a man
6
, or to be meddling with an object which masculine men are fond of, you skinnea pilchard, you
deformed image of Serapis
7
, you half-apron, you sheepskin-jacket
8
, you pot of
stinking sea-salt; more crammed, too, to boot, with leeks and garlick than the Roman rowers?
1310
AGORASTOCLES
Young man, do your jaws or
your teeth itch, that you are annoying this person, or are you in search of a heavy mishap?
1315
ANTHEMONIDES
Why didn’t you use a drum
9
while you were saying that? For I take you to be more of an effeminate wretch than a
real man.
AGORASTOCLES
Do you understand what sort of effeminate wretch I am?
(Calling aloud.) Servants, come out of doors,
bring out some cudgels!
1320
ANTHEMONIDES
Hark you, if I have said anything in a joke, don’t you be for taking it seriously.
ANTERASTYLIS
Prithee, what pleasure have you, Anthemonides, in speaking rudely to our kinsman and father? For this is our father; he has just now recognized us,
and him
as the son of his cousin.
1325
ANTHEMONIDES
So may Jupiter kindly bless me, I heartily rejoice that it is so, and I am delighted, if, in fact, any great misfortune befalls this Procurer, and since a fortune awaits you equal to your merits.
ANTERASTYLIS
I’ faith, he says what’s worthy of belief; do believe him, my father.
HANNO
I do believe him.
AGORASTOCLES
And I believe him. But look
(pointing.) I espy the Procurer Lycus,
the worthy fellow; look, there he is—he’s betaking himself homeward.
HANNO
Who is this?
AGORASTOCLES
He’s which you please, both the Procurer and Lycus. He has been keeping your daughters in servitude,
and from myself he has stolen some gold.
1335
HANNO
A pretty fellow for you to be acquainted with!
AGORASTOCLES
Let’s bring him to justice.
HANNO
By no means.
AGORASTOCLES
For what reason?
HANNO
Because ’twere better for an action of damages to be brought against him
10
.
Poenulus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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