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823
(Enter SYNCERASTUS, with some cooking utensils, from the Temple of Venus.)
SYNCERASTUS
(to himself)
It’s quite clear that Gods and men neglect the benefit of him who has a master like a person of such character as I have
for a master.
There’s not another person anywhere in the world more perjured or more wicked than is my master, nor one so filthy or so defiled with dirt. So may the Gods bless me, I’d rather pass my life either in the stone quarries or at the mill, with my sides hampered with heavy irons, than pass this servitude with a Procurer. What a race this is!
825
What corruptors of men they are! Ye Gods, by our hopes in you, every kind of men you may see there, just as though you had come to Acheron —horse
and foot, a freed-man, a thief, or a runaway,
if you choose, one whipped, chained,
or condemned
to slavery. He who has got
money to pay, whatever sort of person he is—all kinds are taken in; throughout all the house, in consequence,
830
are darkened spots
and hiding-places: drinking
and eating are going on, just as though in a cookshop,
and in no less degree. There may you see epistles written in letters inscribed on pottery
1
,
and sealed with pitch: the names are upon them in letters a cubit long; such a
perfect levy on vintners
2
have we got at our house.
835
It’s quite clear that Gods and men neglect the benefit of him who has a master like a person of such character as I have
for a master.
There’s not another person anywhere in the world more perjured or more wicked than is my master, nor one so filthy or so defiled with dirt. So may the Gods bless me, I’d rather pass my life either in the stone quarries or at the mill, with my sides hampered with heavy irons, than pass this servitude with a Procurer. What a race this is!
825
What corruptors of men they are! Ye Gods, by our hopes in you, every kind of men you may see there, just as though you had come to Acheron —horse
and foot, a freed-man, a thief, or a runaway,
if you choose, one whipped, chained,
or condemned
to slavery. He who has got
money to pay, whatever sort of person he is—all kinds are taken in; throughout all the house, in consequence,
830
are darkened spots
and hiding-places: drinking
and eating are going on, just as though in a cookshop,
and in no less degree. There may you see epistles written in letters inscribed on pottery
1
,
and sealed with pitch: the names are upon them in letters a cubit long; such a
perfect levy on vintners
2
have we got at our house.
835
MILPHIO
(apart.)
Upon my faith, it is quite wonderful, if his master doesn’t make him his heir;
for really, the way he soliloquizes, he’s making a speech over him
as though dead and gone. I’d both like to accost the fellow, and yet I listen to him with extreme delight.
840
Upon my faith, it is quite wonderful, if his master doesn’t make him his heir;
for really, the way he soliloquizes, he’s making a speech over him
as though dead and gone. I’d both like to accost the fellow, and yet I listen to him with extreme delight.
840
SYNCERASTUS
(to himself.)
When I see these things going on, I’m vexed that slaves, purchased at the heaviest price, should at our house be robbed of the savings
3
which ought to go to their masters. But at last nothing is left visible:
badly gotten, badly gone.
When I see these things going on, I’m vexed that slaves, purchased at the heaviest price, should at our house be robbed of the savings
3
which ought to go to their masters. But at last nothing is left visible:
badly gotten, badly gone.
MILPHIO
(apart.)
This man goes on talking quite as though he himself were an honest fellow, when, upon my faith, he himself is able to make worthlessness more worthless.
845
This man goes on talking quite as though he himself were an honest fellow, when, upon my faith, he himself is able to make worthlessness more worthless.
845
SYNCERASTUS
(to himself.)
Now I’m taking home these vessels from the Temple of Venus, where with his sacrifice my master has not been able to propitiate Venus on her festive day.
Now I’m taking home these vessels from the Temple of Venus, where with his sacrifice my master has not been able to propitiate Venus on her festive day.
MILPHIO
(apart.)
Charming Venus!
Charming Venus!
SYNCERASTUS
(to himself.)
But our Courtesans, with their first victims, appeased Venus in an instant.
But our Courtesans, with their first victims, appeased Venus in an instant.
MILPHIO
O charming Venus, once again!
O charming Venus, once again!
SYNCERASTUS
(moving.)
Now I’ll go home.
Now I’ll go home.
MILPHIO
(coming forward.)
Hallo! Syncerastus!
Hallo! Syncerastus!
SYNCERASTUS
(looking around.)
Who’s calling Syncerastus?
Who’s calling Syncerastus?
MILPHIO
Your friend.
Your friend.
SYNCERASTUS
You don’t act like a friend, in causing me delay when I’ve got a burden.
You don’t act like a friend, in causing me delay when I’ve got a burden.
MILPHIO
But in return for this matter I’ll lend you my aid, when you please,
and when you give me your commands. Consider the agreement signed.
But in return for this matter I’ll lend you my aid, when you please,
and when you give me your commands. Consider the agreement signed.
SYNCERASTUS
If so it is to be, I’ll give you my services in this—
If so it is to be, I’ll give you my services in this—
MILPHIO
In what way?
In what way?
SYNCERASTUS
Why that, when I’m to have a beating, you yourself may substitute your hide.
855
Why that, when I’m to have a beating, you yourself may substitute your hide.
855
MILPHIO
Get along with you.
Get along with you.
SYNCERASTUS
I don’t understand what sort of person you are.
4
I don’t understand what sort of person you are.
4
MILPHIO
I’m good for nothing.
I’m good for nothing.
SYNCERASTUS
Be so to yourself,
then.
Be so to yourself,
then.
MILPHIO
I want you.
I want you.
SYNCERASTUS
But my burden is pressing me.
But my burden is pressing me.
MILPHIO
Then, do you set it down, and turn your face to me.
Then, do you set it down, and turn your face to me.
SYNCERASTUS
I’ll do
so, although I have no leisure.
(Puts down his load.)
I’ll do
so, although I have no leisure.
MILPHIO
Save you, Syncerastus.
Save you, Syncerastus.
SYNCERASTUS
O Milphio, may all the Gods and Goddesses favour—
O Milphio, may all the Gods and Goddesses favour—
MILPHIO
What person, pray?
What person, pray?
SYNCERASTUS
Neither you, nor me, Milphio, nor my own master, in fact.
Neither you, nor me, Milphio, nor my own master, in fact.
MILPHIO
Whom are they to favour, then?
Whom are they to favour, then?
SYNCERASTUS
Any one else they please; for not one of us is deserving of it.
Any one else they please; for not one of us is deserving of it.
MILPHIO
You speak wittily.
You speak wittily.
SYNCERASTUS
It befits me
to do so.
It befits me
to do so.
MILPHIO
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
SYNCERASTUS
I’m doing that which, clearly, adulterers don’t generally do.
I’m doing that which, clearly, adulterers don’t generally do.
MILPHIO
What’s that?
What’s that?
SYNCERASTUS
Bringing all off in safety
5
.
Bringing all off in safety
5
.
MILPHIO
May the Gods confound you and your master!
May the Gods confound you and your master!
SYNCERASTUS
May they not confound me. I could make them ruin him, if I chose—
ruin my master, did I not fear for myself, Milphio.
865
May they not confound me. I could make them ruin him, if I chose—
ruin my master, did I not fear for myself, Milphio.
865
MILPHIO
What is it? Tell me.
What is it? Tell me.
SYNCERASTUS
You are a bad one.
You are a bad one.
MILPHIO
I am a bad one.
I am a bad one.
SYNCERASTUS
It goes
but badly with me.
It goes
but badly with me.
MILPHIO
Just tell me,
then; you ought to be in quite other plight. Why is it that it goes badly with you, who have at home in superabundance what to eat,
and what to drink? You don’t give a single three-obol piece away to a mistress, and have her for nothing.
Just tell me,
then; you ought to be in quite other plight. Why is it that it goes badly with you, who have at home in superabundance what to eat,
and what to drink? You don’t give a single three-obol piece away to a mistress, and have her for nothing.
SYNCERASTUS
May Jupiter so love me—
May Jupiter so love me—
MILPHIO
I’ faith, in the degree that you deserve, to wit.
I’ faith, in the degree that you deserve, to wit.
SYNCERASTUS
How I do long for this family to come to ruin.
870
How I do long for this family to come to ruin.
870
MILPHIO
If you long for it, lend your aid.
If you long for it, lend your aid.
SYNCERASTUS
Without feathers it isn’t easy to fly: my wings have got no feathers.
Without feathers it isn’t easy to fly: my wings have got no feathers.
MILPHIO
Troth,
then, don’t pluck out
any hairs; then, in the next two months, your arm-pits will be fit for flying.
Troth,
then, don’t pluck out
any hairs; then, in the next two months, your arm-pits will be fit for flying.
SYNCERASTUS
Away to utter perdition!
Away to utter perdition!
MILPHIO
Away yourself, and your master!
Away yourself, and your master!
SYNCERASTUS
But, really, if a person knew him well, the fellow might soon be ruined.
But, really, if a person knew him well, the fellow might soon be ruined.
MILPHIO
Why so?
875
Why so?
875
SYNCERASTUS
Just as though you could be silent on any matter.
Just as though you could be silent on any matter.
MILPHIO
I’ll keep the matter more strictly secret for you than that which has been told to a dumb woman.
I’ll keep the matter more strictly secret for you than that which has been told to a dumb woman.
SYNCERASTUS
I could easily bring my mind to believe you there, if I did not know you.
I could easily bring my mind to believe you there, if I did not know you.
MILPHIO
Trust me boldly at my own peril.
Trust me boldly at my own peril.
SYNCERASTUS
I shall trust you to my cost, and still I will trust you.
I shall trust you to my cost, and still I will trust you.
MILPHIO
Don’t you know that your master is a mortal enemy of my master?
Don’t you know that your master is a mortal enemy of my master?
SYNCERASTUS
I know it.
I know it.
MILPHIO
By reason of the love affair?
880
By reason of the love affair?
880
SYNCERASTUS
You are losing all your pains.
You are losing all your pains.
MILPHIO
Why so?
Why so?
SYNCERASTUS
Because you are teaching one that has been taught.
Because you are teaching one that has been taught.
MILPHIO
Why, then, do you doubt that my master will do a mischief to your master with pleasure, so far as he can do, with his deserving it? Then besides, if you lend some assistance, on that account he’ll be able to do it the more easily.
Why, then, do you doubt that my master will do a mischief to your master with pleasure, so far as he can do, with his deserving it? Then besides, if you lend some assistance, on that account he’ll be able to do it the more easily.
SYNCERASTUS
But I’m afraid of this, Milphio—
But I’m afraid of this, Milphio—
MILPHIO
What is it that you’re afraid of?
What is it that you’re afraid of?
SYNCERASTUS
That while I’m preparing the plot against my master, I may be betrayed by yourself.
If my master knows that I’ve been talking to any individual, he’ll forthwith be making me from Syncerastus into Brokenlegs
6
.
885
That while I’m preparing the plot against my master, I may be betrayed by yourself.
If my master knows that I’ve been talking to any individual, he’ll forthwith be making me from Syncerastus into Brokenlegs
6
.
885
MILPHIO
On my word, never shall any mortal be made the wiser by me; only to my master alone will I tell it; and to him, too,
in such a way that he shall not disclose that this matter originated in yourself.
On my word, never shall any mortal be made the wiser by me; only to my master alone will I tell it; and to him, too,
in such a way that he shall not disclose that this matter originated in yourself.
SYNCERASTUS
I shall trust you at my peril, and yet I will trust you.
But do you keep this a secret to yourself.
890
I shall trust you at my peril, and yet I will trust you.
But do you keep this a secret to yourself.
890
MILPHIO
To Faith
herself it is not more safely confided. Speak out boldly (there’s room and opportunity); we are here alone.
To Faith
herself it is not more safely confided. Speak out boldly (there’s room and opportunity); we are here alone.
SYNCERASTUS
If your master chooses to act with caution, he’ll prove the ruin of my master.
If your master chooses to act with caution, he’ll prove the ruin of my master.
MILPHIO
How can that be?
How can that be?
SYNCERASTUS
Easily.
Easily.
MILPHIO
Then let me be acquainted with this
easily, that he may know it
as well.
Then let me be acquainted with this
easily, that he may know it
as well.
SYNCERASTUS
Because Adelphasium, whom your master dotes on is free by birth.
Because Adelphasium, whom your master dotes on is free by birth.
MILPHIO
In what way?
In what way?
SYNCERASTUS
In the same way that her other sister Anterastylis is.
895
In the same way that her other sister Anterastylis is.
895
MILPHIO
But how am I to believe that?
But how am I to believe that?
SYNCERASTUS
Because he bought them at Anactorium, when little children, of a Sicilian pirate.
Because he bought them at Anactorium, when little children, of a Sicilian pirate.
MILPHIO
For how much?
For how much?
SYNCERASTUS
For eighteen minae.
For eighteen minae.
MILPHIO
(with an air of surprise.)
SYNCERASTUS
And their nurse for the third.
He, too, who sold them told him that he was selling persons who had been kidnapped:
he said that they were free-born,
and from Carthage.
900
And their nurse for the third.
He, too, who sold them told him that he was selling persons who had been kidnapped:
he said that they were free-born,
and from Carthage.
900
MILPHIO
Ye Gods, by our hopes in you! you mention a most interesting matter; for my master Agorastocles was born in the same place; he was stolen thence when about six years old; after that, the person who stole him brought him here and sold him to my master; that person adopted him
as heir to his wealth, when he departed this life.
Ye Gods, by our hopes in you! you mention a most interesting matter; for my master Agorastocles was born in the same place; he was stolen thence when about six years old; after that, the person who stole him brought him here and sold him to my master; that person adopted him
as heir to his wealth, when he departed this life.
SYNCERASTUS
You mention everything that can render it the more easy; let him assert their freedom, his own countrywomen, in an action on their freedom.
905
You mention everything that can render it the more easy; let him assert their freedom, his own countrywomen, in an action on their freedom.
905
MILPHIO
Only do keep silence and hold your tongue.
Only do keep silence and hold your tongue.
SYNCERASTUS
He certainly will bring the Procurer to a backgammon, if he gets them away.
He certainly will bring the Procurer to a backgammon, if he gets them away.
MILPHIO
Nay but, I’ll cause him to be ruined before he moves one foot
8
; ’tis so contrived
already.
Nay but, I’ll cause him to be ruined before he moves one foot
8
; ’tis so contrived
already.
SYNCERASTUS
May the Gods grant it so, that I don’t continue the slave of this Procurer.
May the Gods grant it so, that I don’t continue the slave of this Procurer.
MILPHIO
On the contrary, upon my faith, I’ll cause you to be a free man with myself, if the Gods are willing.
910
On the contrary, upon my faith, I’ll cause you to be a free man with myself, if the Gods are willing.
910
SYNCERASTUS
May the Gods grant it so! Do you detain me for anything else, Milphio?
May the Gods grant it so! Do you detain me for anything else, Milphio?
MILPHIO
Fare you well, and may happiness attend you.
Fare you well, and may happiness attend you.
SYNCERASTUS
I’ faith, that lies in the power of yourself and your master. Farewell, and mind that
these things have been told in secrecy.
I’ faith, that lies in the power of yourself and your master. Farewell, and mind that
these things have been told in secrecy.
MILPHIO
This has not been mentioned
even. Farewell.
This has not been mentioned
even. Farewell.
SYNCERASTUS
But really it’s of no use, unless this is done while it is warm.
But really it’s of no use, unless this is done while it is warm.
MILPHIO
You are right in your advice,
and so it shall be done.
915
You are right in your advice,
and so it shall be done.
915
SYNCERASTUS
There’s excellent material, if you provide an excellent workman.
There’s excellent material, if you provide an excellent workman.
MILPHIO
Can’t you hold your tongue?
Can’t you hold your tongue?
SYNCERASTUS
I’ll hold my tongue and be off.
I’ll hold my tongue and be off.
MILPHIO
A
grand opportunity you’ve made for me.
(SYNCERASTUS goes into the house of LYCUS.) He’s gone from here. The immortal Gods do will my master to be preserved, and this Procurer utterly ruined; a mischief so great is impending upon him. Is it not the fact, before one weapon has been launched, then another presses upon him?
I’ll go in-doors, that I may recount these matters to my master. For if I were to call him out hither before the house, and, what you’ve
(to the AUDIENCE) just heard, if I were now here to repeat the same, it would be folly. I’d rather in-doors be an annoyance to my master singly, than be
so here to all of you. Immortal Gods, what misfortunes, what great calamities do this day await this Procurer. But now there’s no reason why I should delay.
920
This business is resolved upon; no pausing is allowed; for both this must be cleverly managed, which has just now been entrusted to me, and that plan as well which was formed at home must be attended to. If there’s any delay, he who sends me a heavy mischance will be acting rightly. Now I’ll off in-doors; until my master comes from the Forum, I’ll wait at home.
925
(Goes into the house of AGORASTOCLES.)
A
grand opportunity you’ve made for me.
(SYNCERASTUS goes into the house of LYCUS.) He’s gone from here. The immortal Gods do will my master to be preserved, and this Procurer utterly ruined; a mischief so great is impending upon him. Is it not the fact, before one weapon has been launched, then another presses upon him?
I’ll go in-doors, that I may recount these matters to my master. For if I were to call him out hither before the house, and, what you’ve
(to the AUDIENCE) just heard, if I were now here to repeat the same, it would be folly. I’d rather in-doors be an annoyance to my master singly, than be
so here to all of you. Immortal Gods, what misfortunes, what great calamities do this day await this Procurer. But now there’s no reason why I should delay.
920
This business is resolved upon; no pausing is allowed; for both this must be cleverly managed, which has just now been entrusted to me, and that plan as well which was formed at home must be attended to. If there’s any delay, he who sends me a heavy mischance will be acting rightly. Now I’ll off in-doors; until my master comes from the Forum, I’ll wait at home.
925
Poenulus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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