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578
(Enter MILPHIO and COLLYBISCUS, from the house of AGORASTOCLES, dressed as a person of quality.)
MILPHIO
Have you now got your instructions by heart?
Have you now got your instructions by heart?
COLLYBISCUS
Nicely.
Nicely.
MILPHIO
Take care you understand them, please.
Take care you understand them, please.
COLLYBISCUS
What need is there of talking? I won’t let my own legs understand
1
as well.
What need is there of talking? I won’t let my own legs understand
1
as well.
MILPHIO
Only take you care that your speeches are learnt by heart for this plot.
580
Only take you care that your speeches are learnt by heart for this plot.
580
COLLYBISCUS
Why, upon my faith, I am more perfect than tragic or comic actors
are.
Why, upon my faith, I am more perfect than tragic or comic actors
are.
MILPHIO
You are a capital fellow.
You are a capital fellow.
AGORASTOCLES
(to the ASSISTANTS.)
Let’s go nearer
to them.
(Accosting MILPHIO and COLLYBISCUS.) Here are the witnesses.
Let’s go nearer
to them.
(Accosting MILPHIO and COLLYBISCUS.) Here are the witnesses.
MILPHIO
(to AGORASTOCLES.)
Really you could not have brought as many men better suited for this purpose; for not one of them is tongue-tied
as a witness
2
; they are genuine men of the law-courts;
there they take up their abode; there you may see them more frequently than the Praetor. At this very time there are no better cookers-up of a lawsuit
3
, to stir up litigation, than are these men; for they, if there is no litigation, sow litigation.
585
Really you could not have brought as many men better suited for this purpose; for not one of them is tongue-tied
as a witness
2
; they are genuine men of the law-courts;
there they take up their abode; there you may see them more frequently than the Praetor. At this very time there are no better cookers-up of a lawsuit
3
, to stir up litigation, than are these men; for they, if there is no litigation, sow litigation.
585
ADVOCATI
May the Gods confound you!
May the Gods confound you!
MILPHIO
You I really do commend, inasmuch as, whoever you are, still you act both worthily and kindly in giving your aid to my master
thus in love.
(To AGORASTOCLES.) But do they now know what the business is?
590
You I really do commend, inasmuch as, whoever you are, still you act both worthily and kindly in giving your aid to my master
thus in love.
(To AGORASTOCLES.) But do they now know what the business is?
590
AGORASTOCLES
The whole matter,
all in its order.
The whole matter,
all in its order.
MILPHIO
In that case, do you, then, give me your attention. Do you know this Procurer Lycus?
In that case, do you, then, give me your attention. Do you know this Procurer Lycus?
ADVOCATI
Perfectly.
Perfectly.
COLLYBISCUS
But, upon my faith, I don’t know him, of what appearance he is. I wish that you would point this fellow out to me.
But, upon my faith, I don’t know him, of what appearance he is. I wish that you would point this fellow out to me.
ADVOCATI
We’ll take all care: we’ve been instructed quite enough.
We’ll take all care: we’ve been instructed quite enough.
AGORASTOCLES
(pointing to COLLYBISCUS.)
He has got three hundred pieces counted out.
He has got three hundred pieces counted out.
ADVOCATI
Then it’s right, Agorastocles, that we should see this gold, that we may know what to say by-and-by as our testimony.
595
Then it’s right, Agorastocles, that we should see this gold, that we may know what to say by-and-by as our testimony.
595
AGORASTOCLES
Come
and look at it.
(Opens the bag which COLLYBISCUS
holds in his hand.
Come
and look at it.
COLLYBISCUS
(to the AUDIENCE.)
ADVOCATI
We’ll make believe it is so.
We’ll make believe it is so.
COLLYBISCUS
But do you make believe as though I were a foreigner.
600
But do you make believe as though I were a foreigner.
600
ADVOCATI
Just so; and, in fact, as though you, on your arrival to-day, had asked us to show you a spot for freedom and pleasure; where you might wench, drink,
and live like a Greek.
Just so; and, in fact, as though you, on your arrival to-day, had asked us to show you a spot for freedom and pleasure; where you might wench, drink,
and live like a Greek.
MILPHIO
Dear me! Crafty fellows, upon my faith!
Dear me! Crafty fellows, upon my faith!
AGORASTOCLES
But it was I who instructed them.
But it was I who instructed them.
MILPHIO
And who you, in your turn?
And who you, in your turn?
COLLYBISCUS
Come, be of’ in-doors, Agorastocles,
lest the Procurer should see you together with me, and some accident might befall our plan.
605
Come, be of’ in-doors, Agorastocles,
lest the Procurer should see you together with me, and some accident might befall our plan.
605
MILPHIO
This person is extremely prudent.
(To AGORASTOCLES.) Do as he bids you.
This person is extremely prudent.
(To AGORASTOCLES.) Do as he bids you.
AGORASTOCLES
Let’s be off.
(To the ASSISTANTS.) But you—
has enough been said?
Let’s be off.
(To the ASSISTANTS.) But you—
has enough been said?
COLLYBISCUS
Do you be off.
7
Do you be off.
7
AGORASTOCLES
I’m off.
Immortal Gods, I beg—
I’m off.
Immortal Gods, I beg—
COLLYBISCUS
Nay, but why don’t you be off?
8
Nay, but why don’t you be off?
8
AGORASTOCLES
I’m off.
I’m off.
COLLYBISCUS
You do wisely.
(AGORASTOCLES and MILPHIO go into the house.)
Hush! be quiet.
You do wisely.
(AGORASTOCLES and MILPHIO go into the house.)
Hush! be quiet.
ADVOCATI
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
COLLYBISCUS
This door
(pointing to the door of the house of LYCUS) was guilty of a great indecency just now.
This door
(pointing to the door of the house of LYCUS) was guilty of a great indecency just now.
ADVOCATI
What indecency is that?
610
What indecency is that?
610
COLLYBISCUS
It rumbled aloud.
It rumbled aloud.
ADVOCATI
May the Deities confound you! Get you behind us.
May the Deities confound you! Get you behind us.
COLLYBISCUS
Be it so.
(Goes behind them.)
Be it so.
ADVOCATI
We’ll walk first.
We’ll walk first.
COLLYBISCUS
(aside.)
They do what town-fellows are in the habit of doing: they put
worthy men behind themselves.
They do what town-fellows are in the habit of doing: they put
worthy men behind themselves.
ADVOCATI
(pointing to the PROCURER’S
house .)
That man that’s coming out is the Procurer.
That man that’s coming out is the Procurer.
COLLYBISCUS
He’s a
real good one; for he’s like a bad man
9
. Even now, as he comes forth, I’ll suck out his blood at this distance.
He’s a
real good one; for he’s like a bad man
9
. Even now, as he comes forth, I’ll suck out his blood at this distance.
Poenulus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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