View:
By Scene
532
(Enter a BANKER, at the end of the stage.)
A BANKER
(to himself.)
I never knew any year worse for money upon interest, than this year has turned out to me. From morning even until night, I spend my time in the Forum;
I cannot lend out a coin of silver to any one.
(Enter TRANIO.)
535
I never knew any year worse for money upon interest, than this year has turned out to me. From morning even until night, I spend my time in the Forum;
I cannot lend out a coin of silver to any one.
(Enter TRANIO.)
535
TRANIO
(apart.)
Now, faith, I am clearly undone in an everlasting way! The Banker’s here who found the money with which his mistress was bought. The matter’s all out, unless I meet him a bit beforehand,
so that the old man may not at present come to know of this. I’ll go meet him. But
(seeing THEUROPIDES) I wonder why he has so soon betaken himself homeward again. I’m afraid that he has heard something about this affair. I’ll meet him, and accost him. But how dreadfully frightened I am! Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man with a guilty conscience,
540
such as possesses myself. But however this matter turns out, I’ll proceed to perplex it still further: so does this affair require.
545
(Enter THEUROPIDES.)
Now, faith, I am clearly undone in an everlasting way! The Banker’s here who found the money with which his mistress was bought. The matter’s all out, unless I meet him a bit beforehand,
so that the old man may not at present come to know of this. I’ll go meet him. But
(seeing THEUROPIDES) I wonder why he has so soon betaken himself homeward again. I’m afraid that he has heard something about this affair. I’ll meet him, and accost him. But how dreadfully frightened I am! Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man with a guilty conscience,
540
such as possesses myself. But however this matter turns out, I’ll proceed to perplex it still further: so does this affair require.
545
TRANIO
(accosting him.)
Whence come you?
Whence come you?
THEUROPIDES
I met that person from whom I bought this house.
I met that person from whom I bought this house.
TRANIO
Did you tell him anything about that which I was telling you?
Did you tell him anything about that which I was telling you?
THEUROPIDES
I’ faith, I certainly told him everything.
I’ faith, I certainly told him everything.
TRANIO
(aside.)
Woe to unfortunate me!
I’m afraid that my schemes are everlastingly undone!
550
Woe to unfortunate me!
I’m afraid that my schemes are everlastingly undone!
550
THEUROPIDES
What is it you are saying to yourself?
What is it you are saying to yourself?
TRANIO
Why nothing. But tell me, prithee, did you really tell him?
Why nothing. But tell me, prithee, did you really tell him?
THEUROPIDES
I told him everything in its order, I tell you.
I told him everything in its order, I tell you.
TRANIO
Does he, then, confess about the guest?
Does he, then, confess about the guest?
THEUROPIDES
Why no; he utterly denies it.
Why no; he utterly denies it.
TRANIO
Does he deny it?
Does he deny it?
THEUROPIDES
Do you ask me again?
I should tell you if he had confessed it. What now are you of opinion ought to be done?
Do you ask me again?
I should tell you if he had confessed it. What now are you of opinion ought to be done?
TRANIO
What is my opinion? By my troth, I beg of you, appoint an arbitrator together with him; but take you care that you appoint one who will believe me; you’ll overcome him as easily as a fox eats a pear
1
.
What is my opinion? By my troth, I beg of you, appoint an arbitrator together with him; but take you care that you appoint one who will believe me; you’ll overcome him as easily as a fox eats a pear
1
.
A BANKER
(to himself.)
But see, here’s Tranio, the servant of Philolaches, people who pay me neither interest nor principal on my money.
560
(Goes towards TRANIO, who steps forward to meet him.)
But see, here’s Tranio, the servant of Philolaches, people who pay me neither interest nor principal on my money.
560
THEUROPIDES
(to TRANIO.)
Whither are you betaking yourself?
Whither are you betaking yourself?
TRANIO
I’m going no whither.
(Aside.) For sure, I am a wretch, a rascal, one born with all the Gods my foes! He’ll now be accosting me in the old man’s presence. Assuredly, I am a wretched man;
in such a fashion both this way and that do they find business for me. But I’ll make haste and accost him.
(Moves towards the BANKER.)
565
I’m going no whither.
(Aside.) For sure, I am a wretch, a rascal, one born with all the Gods my foes! He’ll now be accosting me in the old man’s presence. Assuredly, I am a wretched man;
in such a fashion both this way and that do they find business for me. But I’ll make haste and accost him.
(Moves towards the BANKER.)
565
A BANKER
(apart.)
He’s coming towards me. I’m all right I’ve some hopes of my money;
he’s smiling.
He’s coming towards me. I’m all right I’ve some hopes of my money;
he’s smiling.
TRANIO
(to himself.)
A BANKER
And hail to you. What about the money?
And hail to you. What about the money?
TRANIO
Be off with you, will you, you brute.
Directly you come, you commence the attack
4
against me.
570
Be off with you, will you, you brute.
Directly you come, you commence the attack
4
against me.
570
A BANKER
(apart.)
This fellow’s empty-handed.
This fellow’s empty-handed.
TRANIO
(overhearing him.)
This fellow’s surely a conjurer.
This fellow’s surely a conjurer.
A BANKER
But why don’t you put an end to this trifling?
But why don’t you put an end to this trifling?
TRANIO
Tell me, then, what it is you want.
Tell me, then, what it is you want.
A BANKER
Where is Philolaches?
Where is Philolaches?
TRANIO
You never could have met me more opportunely than you have met me.
You never could have met me more opportunely than you have met me.
A BANKER
How’s that?
575
How’s that?
575
TRANIO
(taking him aside.)
Step this way.
Step this way.
A BANKER
(aloud.)
Why isn’t the money repaid me?
Why isn’t the money repaid me?
TRANIO
I know that you have a good voice; don’t bawl out so loud.
I know that you have a good voice; don’t bawl out so loud.
A BANKER
(aloud.)
I’ faith, I certainly shall bawl out.
I’ faith, I certainly shall bawl out.
TRANIO
O do humour me now.
O do humour me now.
A BANKER
What do you want me to humour you in?
What do you want me to humour you in?
TRANIO
Prithee, be off hence home.
Prithee, be off hence home.
A BANKER
Be off?
Be off?
TRANIO
Return here about mid-day.
Return here about mid-day.
A BANKER
Will the interest be paid then?
580
Will the interest be paid then?
580
TRANIO
It will be paid. Be off.
It will be paid. Be off.
A BANKER
Why should I run to and fro here, or use or waste my pains? What if I remain here until mid-day in preference?
Why should I run to and fro here, or use or waste my pains? What if I remain here until mid-day in preference?
TRANIO
Why no; be off home. On my word, I’m telling the truth. Only do be off.
Why no; be off home. On my word, I’m telling the truth. Only do be off.
A BANKER
(aloud.)
Then do you pay me my interest. Why do you trifle with me this way?
585
Then do you pay me my interest. Why do you trifle with me this way?
585
TRANIO
Bravo! faith. Really now, do be off; do attend to me.
Bravo! faith. Really now, do be off; do attend to me.
A BANKER
(aloud.)
I’ faith, I’ll call him now by name.
I’ faith, I’ll call him now by name.
TRANIO
Bravo! stoutly done! Really you are quite rich now when you bawl out.
Bravo! stoutly done! Really you are quite rich now when you bawl out.
A BANKER
(aloud.)
I’m asking for my own. In this way you’ve been disappointing me for these many days past.
If I’m troublesome, give me back the money; I’ll go away then. That expression
5
puts an end to all replies.
590
I’m asking for my own. In this way you’ve been disappointing me for these many days past.
If I’m troublesome, give me back the money; I’ll go away then. That expression
5
puts an end to all replies.
590
TRANIO
(pretending to offer it him.)
Then, take the principal
6
.
Then, take the principal
6
.
A BANKER
(aloud.)
Why no, the interest; I want that first.
Why no, the interest; I want that first.
TRANIO
What? Have you, you fellow most foul of all fellows, come here to burst yourself? Do what lies in your power.
He’s not going to pay you; he doesn’t owe it.
595
What? Have you, you fellow most foul of all fellows, come here to burst yourself? Do what lies in your power.
He’s not going to pay you; he doesn’t owe it.
595
A BANKER
Not owe it?
Not owe it?
TRANIO
Not a tittle, indeed, can you get from here. Would you prefer for him to go abroad, and leave the city in exile, driven hence for your sake? Why then, in preference let him pay the
7
principal.
Not a tittle, indeed, can you get from here. Would you prefer for him to go abroad, and leave the city in exile, driven hence for your sake? Why then, in preference let him pay the
7
principal.
A BANKER
But I don’t ask for it.
But I don’t ask for it.
THEUROPIDES
(calling out to TRANIO, from a distance.)
Hark you! you whip-knave, come back to me.
599600
Hark you! you whip-knave, come back to me.
599600
TRANIO
(to THEUROPIDES.)
I’ll be there just now.
(To the BANKER.) Don’t you be troublesome: no one’s going to pay you; do what you please. You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon interest.
(Moves towards THEUROPIDES.)
I’ll be there just now.
(To the BANKER.) Don’t you be troublesome: no one’s going to pay you; do what you please. You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon interest.
A BANKER
(bawling aloud.)
Give me my interest! pay me my interest! you pay my interest! Are you going to give me my interest this instant?
Give me my interest!
605
Give me my interest! pay me my interest! you pay my interest! Are you going to give me my interest this instant?
Give me my interest!
605
TRANIO
Interest here, interest there! The old rogue knows how to talk about nothing but interest. I do not think that ever I saw any beast more vile than you.
Interest here, interest there! The old rogue knows how to talk about nothing but interest. I do not think that ever I saw any beast more vile than you.
A BANKER
Upon my faith, you don’t alarm me now with those expressions.
This is of a hot nature; although it is at a distance off, it scorches badly
8
.
Upon my faith, you don’t alarm me now with those expressions.
This is of a hot nature; although it is at a distance off, it scorches badly
8
.
TRANIO
9
Don’t you be troublesome; no one’s going to pay you; do what you please. You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon interest.
9
Don’t you be troublesome; no one’s going to pay you; do what you please. You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon interest.
THEUROPIDES
(to TRANIO.)
Pray, what interest is this that he is asking for?
610
Pray, what interest is this that he is asking for?
610
TRANIO
(in a low voice, to the BANKER.)
Look now; his father has arrived from abroad, not long since; he’ll pay you both interest and principal; don’t you then attempt any further to make us your enemies. See whether he puts you off.
Look now; his father has arrived from abroad, not long since; he’ll pay you both interest and principal; don’t you then attempt any further to make us your enemies. See whether he puts you off.
A BANKER
Nay but, I’ll take it, if anything’s offered.
Nay but, I’ll take it, if anything’s offered.
THEUROPIDES
(to TRANIO, coming towards him.)
What do you say, then—?
615
What do you say, then—?
615
TRANIO
What is it you mean?
What is it you mean?
THEUROPIDES
Who is this? What is he asking for? Why is he thus rudely speaking of my son Philolaches in this way, and giving you abuse to your face? What’s owing him?
Who is this? What is he asking for? Why is he thus rudely speaking of my son Philolaches in this way, and giving you abuse to your face? What’s owing him?
TRANIO
(to THEUROPIDES.)
I beg of you, do order the money to be thrown in the face of this dirty brute.
I beg of you, do order the money to be thrown in the face of this dirty brute.
THEUROPIDES
I, order it?
620
I, order it?
620
TRANIO
Order the fellow’s face to be pelted with money.
Order the fellow’s face to be pelted with money.
A BANKER
(coming nearer.)
I could very well put up with a pelting with money.
I could very well put up with a pelting with money.
THEUROPIDES
(to TRANIO.)
What money’s this?
What money’s this?
TRANIO
Philolaches owes this person a little.
Philolaches owes this person a little.
THEUROPIDES
How much?
How much?
TRANIO
About forty minae.
About forty minae.
A BANKER
(to THEUROPIDES.)
Really, don’t think much of that;
it’s a trifle, in fact.
Really, don’t think much of that;
it’s a trifle, in fact.
TRANIO
Don’t you hear him? Troth now, prithee, doesn’t he seem just suited to be a Banker—a generation that’s most roguish?
625
Don’t you hear him? Troth now, prithee, doesn’t he seem just suited to be a Banker—a generation that’s most roguish?
625
THEUROPIDES
I don’t care, just now, for that, who he is or whence he is;
this I want to be told me, this I very much wish to know—
I heard from him that there was interest owing on the money as well.
I don’t care, just now, for that, who he is or whence he is;
this I want to be told me, this I very much wish to know—
I heard from him that there was interest owing on the money as well.
TRANIO
Forty-four minae are due to him.
630
Say that you’ll pay it, that he may be off.
Forty-four minae are due to him.
630
Say that you’ll pay it, that he may be off.
THEUROPIDES
I, say that I’ll pay it?
I, say that I’ll pay it?
TRANIO
Do say so.
Do say so.
THEUROPIDES
What, I?
What, I?
TRANIO
You yourself. Do only say so. Do be guided by me. Do promise. Come now, I say; I beg of you.
You yourself. Do only say so. Do be guided by me. Do promise. Come now, I say; I beg of you.
THEUROPIDES
Answer me; what has been done with this money?
Answer me; what has been done with this money?
TRANIO
It’s safe.
It’s safe.
THEUROPIDES
Pay it yourselves then, if it’s safe,
Pay it yourselves then, if it’s safe,
TRANIO
Your son has bought a house.
Your son has bought a house.
THEUROPIDES
A house?
A house?
TRANIO
A house.
A house.
THEUROPIDES
Bravo! Philolaches is taking after his father! The fellow now turns to merchandize.
A house, say you?
640
Bravo! Philolaches is taking after his father! The fellow now turns to merchandize.
A house, say you?
640
TRANIO
A house, I tell you. But do you know of what sort?
A house, I tell you. But do you know of what sort?
THEUROPIDES
How can I know?
How can I know?
TRANIO
Out with you!
Out with you!
THEUROPIDES
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
TRANIO
Don’t ask me that.
Don’t ask me that.
THEUROPIDES
But why so?
But why so?
TRANIO
Bright as a mirror, pure brilliancy itself.
Bright as a mirror, pure brilliancy itself.
THEUROPIDES
Excellently done, upon my faith! Well, how much did he agree to give for it?
Excellently done, upon my faith! Well, how much did he agree to give for it?
TRANIO
As many great talents as you and I put together make;
but these forty minae he paid by way of earnest.
(Pointing to the BANKER.) From him he received what we paid the other man. Do you quite understand
10
? For after this house was in such a state as I mentioned to you, he at once purchased another house for himself.
645
As many great talents as you and I put together make;
but these forty minae he paid by way of earnest.
(Pointing to the BANKER.) From him he received what we paid the other man. Do you quite understand
10
? For after this house was in such a state as I mentioned to you, he at once purchased another house for himself.
645
THEUROPIDES
Excellently done, upon my faith!
Excellently done, upon my faith!
A BANKER
(touching TRANIO.)
Hark you. Mid-day is now close at hand.
Hark you. Mid-day is now close at hand.
TRANIO
Prithee, do dismiss this puking fellow, that he mayn’t worry us to death.
11
Forty-four minae are due to him, both principal and interest.
Prithee, do dismiss this puking fellow, that he mayn’t worry us to death.
11
Forty-four minae are due to him, both principal and interest.
A BANKER
’Tis just that much; I ask for nothing more.
’Tis just that much; I ask for nothing more.
TRANIO
Upon my faith, I really could have wished that you had asked more, if only by a single coin.
Upon my faith, I really could have wished that you had asked more, if only by a single coin.
THEUROPIDES
(to the BANKER.)
Young man, transact the business with me.
Young man, transact the business with me.
A BANKER
I’m to ask it of you, you mean?
I’m to ask it of you, you mean?
THEUROPIDES
Come for it to-morrow.
Come for it to-morrow.
A BANKER
I’ll be off, then; I’m quite satisfied if I get it tomorrow.
(Exit.)
I’ll be off, then; I’m quite satisfied if I get it tomorrow.
TRANIO
(aside.)
A plague may all the Gods and Goddesses send upon him! so utterly has he disarranged my plans. On my word, no class of men is there more disgusting, or less acquainted with fair dealing than the banking race.
655
A plague may all the Gods and Goddesses send upon him! so utterly has he disarranged my plans. On my word, no class of men is there more disgusting, or less acquainted with fair dealing than the banking race.
655
THEUROPIDES
In what neighbourhood did my son buy this house?
In what neighbourhood did my son buy this house?
TRANIO
(aside.)
Just see that, now! I’m undone!
660
Just see that, now! I’m undone!
660
THEUROPIDES
Are you going to tell me that which I ask you?
Are you going to tell me that which I ask you?
TRANIO
I’ll tell you; but I’m thinking what was the name of the owner.
(Pretends to think.)
I’ll tell you; but I’m thinking what was the name of the owner.
THEUROPIDES
Well, call it to mind, then.
Well, call it to mind, then.
TRANIO
(aside.)
What am I to do now, except put the lie upon this neighbour of ours next door? I’ll say that his son has bought that house.
I’ faith, I’ve heard say that a lie piping-hot is the best lie; this is piping-hot; although it is at a distance off, it scorches badly. Whatever the Gods dictate, that am I determined to say.
665
What am I to do now, except put the lie upon this neighbour of ours next door? I’ll say that his son has bought that house.
I’ faith, I’ve heard say that a lie piping-hot is the best lie; this is piping-hot; although it is at a distance off, it scorches badly. Whatever the Gods dictate, that am I determined to say.
665
THEUROPIDES
Well now? Have you recollected it by this?
Well now? Have you recollected it by this?
TRANIO
(aside.)
May the Gods confound that fellow!—no this other fellow, rather.
(To THEUROPIDES.) Your son has bought the house of this next-door neighbour of yours.
669670
May the Gods confound that fellow!—no this other fellow, rather.
(To THEUROPIDES.) Your son has bought the house of this next-door neighbour of yours.
669670
THEUROPIDES
In real truth?
In real truth?
TRANIO
If, indeed, you are going to pay down the money, then in real truth; if you are not going to pay it, in real truth he has not bought it.
If, indeed, you are going to pay down the money, then in real truth; if you are not going to pay it, in real truth he has not bought it.
THEUROPIDES
He hasn’t bought it in a very good situation.
He hasn’t bought it in a very good situation.
TRANIO
Why yes, in a very good one.
Why yes, in a very good one.
THEUROPIDES
I’ faith, I should like to look over this house; just knock at the door, and call some one to you from within, Tranio.
I’ faith, I should like to look over this house; just knock at the door, and call some one to you from within, Tranio.
TRANIO
(aside.)
Why just look now, again I don’t know what I’m to say. Once more, now, are the surges bearing me upon the self-same rock. What now? I’ faith, I can’t discover what I am now to do; I’m caught in the fact.
Why just look now, again I don’t know what I’m to say. Once more, now, are the surges bearing me upon the self-same rock. What now? I’ faith, I can’t discover what I am now to do; I’m caught in the fact.
THEUROPIDES
Just call some one out of doors;
ask him to show us round.
680
Just call some one out of doors;
ask him to show us round.
680
TRANIO
(going to the door of SIMO’s house.)
Hallo there, you!
(Turning round) But there are ladies here; we must first see whether they are willing or unwilling.
Hallo there, you!
(Turning round) But there are ladies here; we must first see whether they are willing or unwilling.
THEUROPIDES
You say what’s good and proper; just make enquiry, and ask. I’ll wait here outside until you come out.
You say what’s good and proper; just make enquiry, and ask. I’ll wait here outside until you come out.
TRANIO
(aside.)
May all the Gods and Goddesses utterly confound you, old gentleman!
in such a fashion are you thwarting my artful plans in every way. Bravo! very good! Look, Simo himself, the owner of the house, is coming out of doors. I’ll step aside here, until I have convened the senate of council in my mind. Then, when I’ve discovered what I am to do, I’ll join him.
(THEUROPIDES and TRANIO stand at a distance from SIMO’s house, in opposite directions, THEUROPIDES being out of sight.)
685
May all the Gods and Goddesses utterly confound you, old gentleman!
in such a fashion are you thwarting my artful plans in every way. Bravo! very good! Look, Simo himself, the owner of the house, is coming out of doors. I’ll step aside here, until I have convened the senate of council in my mind. Then, when I’ve discovered what I am to do, I’ll join him.
(THEUROPIDES and TRANIO stand at a distance from SIMO’s house, in opposite directions, THEUROPIDES being out of sight.)
685
Mostellaria. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
Sponsored by Perseus Project, Tufts University.
Funding provided by NSF, NEH: Digital Libraries Initiative, Phase 2.