T. Maccius Plautus Mercator 5.4

EUTYCHUS

(as he comes out, to CHARINUS, within.)

I’ll go to my father, that he may know my mother’s wrath is appeased. I’ll return just now.

LYSIMACHUS

(to DEMIPHO.)

The beginning pleases me. (Going up to EUTYCHUS.) What are you about? How goes it, Eutychus?

EUTYCHUS

Extremely opportunely have you both met me.

LYSIMACHUS

What’s the matter?

EUTYCHUS

Your wife is peaceful and appeased. Give me your right hands this moment.

965

(Shakes hands with them both.)

LYSIMACHUS

The Gods are favouring me.

EUTYCHUS

(to DEMIPHO.)

I bring you word that you have got no mistress.

DEMIPHO

The Gods confound you. Why, prithee, what affair is this?

EUTYCHUS

I’ll tell you. Give your attention then, both of you.

LYSIMACHUS

Well then, we are giving you our attention, both of us.

EUTYCHUS

Those who are born of a good family, if they are of bad tendencies,

by their own faultiness withdraw nobleness from their rank, and disgrace their disposition.

970

DEMIPHO

He says what’s true.

LYSIMACHUS

Then it’s to yourself he says it.

EUTYCHUS

For this reason is this the more true; for at this time of life, it wasn’t just for you to take away from your son, a young man, his mistress, purchased with his own money.

DEMIPHO

How say you? Is she the mistress of Charinus?

EUTYCHUS

(aside.)

How the rogue does dissemble.

DEMIPHO

Why, he said that he had bought her as a maidservant for his mother.

975

EUTYCHUS

Was it for that reason, then, you bought her, you young lover, you old boy?

LYSIMACHUS

Very well said, i’ troth! Proceed, proceed. I’ll stand by him here on the other side. Let’s both load him well with such speeches as he’s worthy of.

DEMIPHO

(aside.)

I’m done for.

EUTYCHUS

Who has done an injustice so great to his blameless son;

whom, in fact, upon my faith, I brought back home just when he was setting out in self-banishment; for he was going into exile.

980

DEMIPHO

Has he gone then?

LYSIMACHUS

What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? At this time of life you ought to abstain from those pursuits.

DEMIPHO

I confess it; undoubtedly I’ve acted wrong.

EUTYCHUS

What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? You ought at this time of life to have done with these guilty practices. Just as the seasons of the year, so different lines of conduct befit different ages;

but if this is proper, that old fellows should be wenching in their old age, where in the world is our common welfare?

985

DEMIPHO

Alas! wretch that I am! I’m undone.

EUTYCHUS

The young men are more in the habit of giving their attention to following those pursuits.

DEMIPHO

Troth, now, prithee, do take her to yourselves, with pigs and with basket ¹ .

EUTYCHUS

Restore her to your son;

let him have her, now, as he wishes.

DEMIPHO

So far as I’m concerned, he may have her.

EUTYCHUS

High time, i’ faith, since you haven’t the power of doing otherwise.

990

DEMIPHO

For this injury let him take what satisfaction he likes; only do you make peace, I beg of you, that he mayn’t be angry with me. I’ faith, if I had known it, or if, indeed, he had told me in the slightest way of joke that he was in love with her, I should never have proceeded to take her away from him so in love.

Enitychus, you are his companion, preserve and rescue me, I beg of you. Make this old fellow your client. You shall say that I’m mindful of a kindness.

995

LYSIMACHUS

Entreat him that he’ll pardon his offences and his youthful age ² .

DEMIPHO

Heyday now, are you still persisting in inveighing against me with your airs? I trust that a like opportunity will befall me as well for returning you a similar compliment.

LYSIMACHUS

I’ve long made an end of those pursuits.

1000

DEMIPHO

And really so shall I from this time forward.

LYSIMACHUS

Not a bit of it. Through usage your inclinations will be leading you to it again.

DEMIPHO

Prithee, do now be satisfied. Rather, scourge me with thongs even, if you like.

LYSIMACHUS

You say right. But that your wife will do, when she comes to know of this.

DEMIPHO

There’s no need for her to come to know of it.

EUTYCHUS

What’s that? She shan’t come to know of it; don’t be afraid.

Let’s go in-doors; this place isn’t a suitable one for your practices, for there to be persons to overhear who are passing through the street, while we are talking.

1005

DEMIPHO

Why, faith, you say what’s right; that way the story will be shorter. Let’s be off

EUTYCHUS

Your son is in-doors here at our house.

DEMIPHO

It’s very good. We’ll pass that way through the garden ³ home.

LYSIMACHUS

Eutychus, I want this affair to be settled before I set my foot again within doors.

1010

EUTYCHUS

What is it?

LYSIMACHUS

Each person thinks about his own concerns. Answer me this: do you know for certain that your mother isn’t angry with me?

EUTYCHUS

I do know it.

LYSIMACHUS

Take care.

EUTYCHUS

Trust me for it. Are you satisfied?

LYSIMACHUS

I am. But still, troth now, prithee, do take care.

EUTYCHUS

Don’t you believe me?

LYSIMACHUS

Yes, I do believe you; but still I’m dreadfully afraid.

DEMIPHO

Let’s go in-doors.

1015

EUTYCHUS

Aye, but I think we must pronounce. the law for the old men before we depart, on what terms they are to keep check upon themselves and to be continent. Whoever shall be sixty years of age, if we know of any one, whether husband or, i’ faith, whether bachelor, in fact, who goes a wenching, upon these terms shall we deal with him; we shall deem him a fool.

And, i’ faith, so far as we’re concerned, he shall be in want who has squandered away his property. And let no one hereafter forbid his youthful son to be in love and to keep a mistress, so it be done in a decent manner. If he shall forbid him, let him, unknown to himself, suffer more loss than if he had openly permitted him. Let this law, then, from this night forward, be binding upon the old men.

1020

(To the AUDIENCE.) Young men, kindly fare you well; and if this law, enacted for the sake of the old ones, pleases you, it is right that you should give us loud applause.

1025