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962
(Enter EYTUCHUS, from the house of LYSIMACHUS.)
EUTYCHUS
(as he comes out, to CHARINUS, within.)
I’ll go to my father, that he may know my mother’s wrath is appeased. I’ll return just now.
I’ll go to my father, that he may know my mother’s wrath is appeased. I’ll return just now.
LYSIMACHUS
(to DEMIPHO.)
The beginning pleases me.
(Going up to EUTYCHUS.) What are you about? How goes it, Eutychus?
The beginning pleases me.
(Going up to EUTYCHUS.) What are you about? How goes it, Eutychus?
EUTYCHUS
Extremely opportunely have you both met me.
Extremely opportunely have you both met me.
LYSIMACHUS
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
EUTYCHUS
Your wife is peaceful and appeased. Give me your right hands this moment.
965
(Shakes hands with them both.)
Your wife is peaceful and appeased. Give me your right hands this moment.
965
LYSIMACHUS
The Gods are favouring me.
The Gods are favouring me.
EUTYCHUS
(to DEMIPHO.)
I bring you word that you have got no mistress.
I bring you word that you have got no mistress.
DEMIPHO
The Gods confound you. Why, prithee, what affair is this?
The Gods confound you. Why, prithee, what affair is this?
EUTYCHUS
I’ll tell you. Give your attention then, both of you.
I’ll tell you. Give your attention then, both of you.
LYSIMACHUS
Well then, we are giving you our attention, both of us.
Well then, we are giving you our attention, both of us.
EUTYCHUS
Those who are born of a good family, if they are of bad tendencies,
by their own faultiness withdraw nobleness from their rank, and disgrace their disposition.
970
Those who are born of a good family, if they are of bad tendencies,
by their own faultiness withdraw nobleness from their rank, and disgrace their disposition.
970
DEMIPHO
He says what’s true.
He says what’s true.
LYSIMACHUS
Then it’s to yourself he says it.
Then it’s to yourself he says it.
EUTYCHUS
For this reason is this the more true; for at this time of life, it wasn’t just for you to take away from your son, a young man, his mistress, purchased with his own money.
For this reason is this the more true; for at this time of life, it wasn’t just for you to take away from your son, a young man, his mistress, purchased with his own money.
DEMIPHO
How say you? Is she the mistress of Charinus?
How say you? Is she the mistress of Charinus?
EUTYCHUS
(aside.)
How the rogue does dissemble.
How the rogue does dissemble.
DEMIPHO
Why, he said that he had bought her as a maidservant for his mother.
975
Why, he said that he had bought her as a maidservant for his mother.
975
EUTYCHUS
Was it for that reason, then, you bought her, you young lover, you old boy?
Was it for that reason, then, you bought her, you young lover, you old boy?
LYSIMACHUS
Very well said, i’ troth! Proceed, proceed. I’ll stand by him here on the other side. Let’s both load him well with such speeches as he’s worthy of.
Very well said, i’ troth! Proceed, proceed. I’ll stand by him here on the other side. Let’s both load him well with such speeches as he’s worthy of.
DEMIPHO
(aside.)
I’m done for.
I’m done for.
EUTYCHUS
Who has done an injustice so great to his blameless son;
whom, in fact, upon my faith, I brought back home just when he was setting out in self-banishment; for he was going into exile.
980
Who has done an injustice so great to his blameless son;
whom, in fact, upon my faith, I brought back home just when he was setting out in self-banishment; for he was going into exile.
980
DEMIPHO
Has he gone then?
Has he gone then?
LYSIMACHUS
What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? At this time of life you ought to abstain from those pursuits.
What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? At this time of life you ought to abstain from those pursuits.
DEMIPHO
I confess it; undoubtedly I’ve acted wrong.
I confess it; undoubtedly I’ve acted wrong.
EUTYCHUS
What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? You ought at this time of life to have done with these guilty practices. Just as the seasons of the year, so different lines of conduct befit different ages;
but if this is proper, that old fellows should be wenching in their old age, where in the world is our common welfare?
985
What, do you speak, you hobgoblin? You ought at this time of life to have done with these guilty practices. Just as the seasons of the year, so different lines of conduct befit different ages;
but if this is proper, that old fellows should be wenching in their old age, where in the world is our common welfare?
985
DEMIPHO
Alas! wretch that I am! I’m undone.
Alas! wretch that I am! I’m undone.
EUTYCHUS
The young men are more in the habit of giving their attention to following those pursuits.
The young men are more in the habit of giving their attention to following those pursuits.
DEMIPHO
Troth, now, prithee, do take her to yourselves, with pigs and with basket
1
.
Troth, now, prithee, do take her to yourselves, with pigs and with basket
1
.
EUTYCHUS
Restore her to your son;
let him have her, now, as he wishes.
Restore her to your son;
let him have her, now, as he wishes.
DEMIPHO
So far as I’m concerned, he may have her.
So far as I’m concerned, he may have her.
EUTYCHUS
High time, i’ faith, since you haven’t the power of doing otherwise.
990
High time, i’ faith, since you haven’t the power of doing otherwise.
990
DEMIPHO
For this injury let him take what satisfaction he likes; only do you make peace, I beg of you, that he mayn’t be angry with me. I’ faith, if I had known it, or if, indeed, he had told me in the slightest way of joke that he was in love with her, I should never have proceeded to take her away from him so in love.
Enitychus, you are his companion, preserve and rescue me, I beg of you. Make this old fellow your client. You shall say that I’m mindful of a kindness.
995
For this injury let him take what satisfaction he likes; only do you make peace, I beg of you, that he mayn’t be angry with me. I’ faith, if I had known it, or if, indeed, he had told me in the slightest way of joke that he was in love with her, I should never have proceeded to take her away from him so in love.
Enitychus, you are his companion, preserve and rescue me, I beg of you. Make this old fellow your client. You shall say that I’m mindful of a kindness.
995
LYSIMACHUS
Entreat him that he’ll pardon his offences and his youthful age
2
.
Entreat him that he’ll pardon his offences and his youthful age
2
.
DEMIPHO
Heyday now, are you still persisting in inveighing against me with your airs? I trust that a like opportunity will befall me as well for returning you a similar compliment.
Heyday now, are you still persisting in inveighing against me with your airs? I trust that a like opportunity will befall me as well for returning you a similar compliment.
LYSIMACHUS
I’ve long made an end of those pursuits.
1000
I’ve long made an end of those pursuits.
1000
DEMIPHO
And really so shall I from this time forward.
And really so shall I from this time forward.
LYSIMACHUS
Not a bit of it. Through usage your inclinations will be leading you to it again.
Not a bit of it. Through usage your inclinations will be leading you to it again.
DEMIPHO
Prithee, do now be satisfied. Rather, scourge me with thongs even, if you like.
Prithee, do now be satisfied. Rather, scourge me with thongs even, if you like.
LYSIMACHUS
You say right. But that your wife will do, when she comes to know of this.
You say right. But that your wife will do, when she comes to know of this.
DEMIPHO
There’s no need for her to come to know of it.
There’s no need for her to come to know of it.
EUTYCHUS
What’s that? She shan’t come to know of it; don’t be afraid.
Let’s go in-doors; this place isn’t a suitable one for your practices, for there to be persons to overhear who are passing through the street, while we are talking.
1005
What’s that? She shan’t come to know of it; don’t be afraid.
Let’s go in-doors; this place isn’t a suitable one for your practices, for there to be persons to overhear who are passing through the street, while we are talking.
1005
DEMIPHO
Why, faith, you say what’s right; that way the story will be shorter. Let’s be off
Why, faith, you say what’s right; that way the story will be shorter. Let’s be off
EUTYCHUS
Your son is in-doors here at our house.
Your son is in-doors here at our house.
DEMIPHO
It’s very good. We’ll pass that way through the garden
3
home.
It’s very good. We’ll pass that way through the garden
3
home.
LYSIMACHUS
Eutychus, I want this affair to be settled before I set my foot again within doors.
1010
Eutychus, I want this affair to be settled before I set my foot again within doors.
1010
EUTYCHUS
What is it?
What is it?
LYSIMACHUS
Each person thinks about his own concerns. Answer me this: do you know for certain that your mother isn’t angry with me?
Each person thinks about his own concerns. Answer me this: do you know for certain that your mother isn’t angry with me?
EUTYCHUS
I do know it.
I do know it.
LYSIMACHUS
Take care.
Take care.
EUTYCHUS
Trust me for it. Are you satisfied?
Trust me for it. Are you satisfied?
LYSIMACHUS
I am. But still, troth now, prithee, do take care.
I am. But still, troth now, prithee, do take care.
EUTYCHUS
Don’t you believe me?
Don’t you believe me?
LYSIMACHUS
Yes, I do believe you; but still I’m dreadfully afraid.
Yes, I do believe you; but still I’m dreadfully afraid.
DEMIPHO
Let’s go in-doors.
1015
Let’s go in-doors.
1015
EUTYCHUS
Aye, but I think we must pronounce. the law for the old men before we depart, on what terms they are to keep check upon themselves and to be continent. Whoever shall be sixty years of age, if we know of any one, whether husband or, i’ faith, whether bachelor, in fact, who goes a wenching, upon these terms shall we deal with him; we shall deem him a fool.
And, i’ faith, so far as we’re concerned, he shall be in want who has squandered away his property. And let no one hereafter forbid his youthful son to be in love and to keep a mistress, so it be done in a decent manner. If he shall forbid him, let him, unknown to himself, suffer more loss than if he had openly permitted him. Let this law, then, from this night forward, be binding upon the old men.
1020
(To the AUDIENCE.) Young men, kindly fare you well; and if this law, enacted for the sake of the old ones, pleases you, it is right that you should give us loud applause.
1025
Aye, but I think we must pronounce. the law for the old men before we depart, on what terms they are to keep check upon themselves and to be continent. Whoever shall be sixty years of age, if we know of any one, whether husband or, i’ faith, whether bachelor, in fact, who goes a wenching, upon these terms shall we deal with him; we shall deem him a fool.
And, i’ faith, so far as we’re concerned, he shall be in want who has squandered away his property. And let no one hereafter forbid his youthful son to be in love and to keep a mistress, so it be done in a decent manner. If he shall forbid him, let him, unknown to himself, suffer more loss than if he had openly permitted him. Let this law, then, from this night forward, be binding upon the old men.
1020
(To the AUDIENCE.) Young men, kindly fare you well; and if this law, enacted for the sake of the old ones, pleases you, it is right that you should give us loud applause.
1025
Mercator. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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