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181
(Enter EPIDICUS, from the house of CHAERIBULUS, softly crossing the stage.)
EPIDICUS
(at the door, as he enters.)
Hist! hist! be silent, and have good courage; with a fair omen have I come out of doors, the bird upon the left hand
1
.
(Pointing to his head.) I’ve got a sharp knife, with which to embowel the old man’s purse;
but see! here he is before the house of Apaecides, the two old fellows, just as I want. Now I shall change me into a leech, and suck out the blood of these who are called the pillars of the Senate.
184185
Hist! hist! be silent, and have good courage; with a fair omen have I come out of doors, the bird upon the left hand
1
.
(Pointing to his head.) I’ve got a sharp knife, with which to embowel the old man’s purse;
but see! here he is before the house of Apaecides, the two old fellows, just as I want. Now I shall change me into a leech, and suck out the blood of these who are called the pillars of the Senate.
184185
PERIPHIANES
Let him be married at once.
189190
Let him be married at once.
189190
APAECIDES
I approve of your design.
I approve of your design.
PERIPHIANES
For I’ve heard that he’s entangled with love with a certain music-girl, I don’t know who. At that I’m vexed to death.
For I’ve heard that he’s entangled with love with a certain music-girl, I don’t know who. At that I’m vexed to death.
EPIDICUS
(apart.)
By my troth, all the Deities do aid, amplify, and love me; really, these men themselves are pointing out to me the way by means of which I’m to get the money out of them. Now then, come, equip yourself, Epidicus, and throw your cloak about your neck
(suiting the action to the word.)
and pretend as though you had been in search of the man all the city over. On with it, if you are going to do it!
(He hurries past the OLD MEN as though he didn’t see them, and calls out aloud.) Immortal Gods! I do wish I could meet with Periphanes at home, whom I’m tired with searching for all over the city, throughout the doctors’ shops, throughout the barbers’ shops, in the gymnasium, and in the Forum, at the perfumers’ shops and the butchers’ stalls
2
, and round about the bankers’ shops.
195
I’m become hoarse with enquiring; I’ve almost dropped down with running.
200
By my troth, all the Deities do aid, amplify, and love me; really, these men themselves are pointing out to me the way by means of which I’m to get the money out of them. Now then, come, equip yourself, Epidicus, and throw your cloak about your neck
(suiting the action to the word.)
and pretend as though you had been in search of the man all the city over. On with it, if you are going to do it!
(He hurries past the OLD MEN as though he didn’t see them, and calls out aloud.) Immortal Gods! I do wish I could meet with Periphanes at home, whom I’m tired with searching for all over the city, throughout the doctors’ shops, throughout the barbers’ shops, in the gymnasium, and in the Forum, at the perfumers’ shops and the butchers’ stalls
2
, and round about the bankers’ shops.
195
I’m become hoarse with enquiring; I’ve almost dropped down with running.
200
PERIPHIANES
Epidicus!
Epidicus!
EPIDICUS
(looking round.)
Who is it that’s calling Epidicus back?
Who is it that’s calling Epidicus back?
PERIPHIANES
It’s I, Periphanes.
It’s I, Periphanes.
APAECIDES
And I, Apaecides.
And I, Apaecides.
EPIDICUS
And I, indeed, am Epidicus. But, master, I find that you’ve both met me at the nick of time.
And I, indeed, am Epidicus. But, master, I find that you’ve both met me at the nick of time.
PERIPHIANES
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
EPIDICUS
Wait, wait!
(puffs and blows.) prithee, do let me get breath!
Wait, wait!
(puffs and blows.) prithee, do let me get breath!
PERIPHIANES
By all means, rest yourself.
By all means, rest yourself.
EPIDICUS
I’m quite faint;
I must recover my breath.
205
I’m quite faint;
I must recover my breath.
205
APAECIDES
Do rest yourself at your leisure.
Do rest yourself at your leisure.
EPIDICUS
Lend me your attention. All the men of the army have been remanded home from Thebes
3
.
Lend me your attention. All the men of the army have been remanded home from Thebes
3
.
APAECIDES
Who knows for certain that this has been done?
Who knows for certain that this has been done?
EPIDICUS
I say that it has been done.
I say that it has been done.
PERIPHIANES
Are you sure of that?
Are you sure of that?
EPIDICUS
I am sure of it.
I am sure of it.
PERIPHIANES
Why are you sure of it?
Why are you sure of it?
EPIDICUS
Because I’ve seen the soldiers marching through the streets in shoals. They are bringing back their arms and their baggage-horses.
Because I’ve seen the soldiers marching through the streets in shoals. They are bringing back their arms and their baggage-horses.
PERIPHIANES
Very good indeed!
Very good indeed!
EPIDICUS
Then, what prisoners they’ve got with them! boys, girls, in twos and threes; another one has got five; there’s a crowd in the streets; they are looking out each for his son.
210
Then, what prisoners they’ve got with them! boys, girls, in twos and threes; another one has got five; there’s a crowd in the streets; they are looking out each for his son.
210
PERIPHIANES
I’ troth, a business very well managed!
I’ troth, a business very well managed!
EPIDICUS
Then, filly as many of the courtesans as there are in the whole city were going decked out each to meet her lover;
they were going to trap them; that’s the fact, inasmuch as I gave especial attention to it; several of these had with them nets beneath their garments. When I came to the harbour, forthwith I espied her waiting there, and with her were four music-girls.
215
Then, filly as many of the courtesans as there are in the whole city were going decked out each to meet her lover;
they were going to trap them; that’s the fact, inasmuch as I gave especial attention to it; several of these had with them nets beneath their garments. When I came to the harbour, forthwith I espied her waiting there, and with her were four music-girls.
215
PERIPHIANES
With whom, Epidicus?
With whom, Epidicus?
EPIDICUS
With her whom your son has been loving and doting on for years,
with whom he’s making all haste to ruin credit, property, himself, and yourself. She was on the lookout for him at the harbour.
220
With her whom your son has been loving and doting on for years,
with whom he’s making all haste to ruin credit, property, himself, and yourself. She was on the lookout for him at the harbour.
220
PERIPHIANES
Just see the sorceress now!
Just see the sorceress now!
EPIDICUS
But decked out, sparkling with gold, and adorned so splendidly! so nicely! so fashionably!
But decked out, sparkling with gold, and adorned so splendidly! so nicely! so fashionably!
PERIPHIANES
What was she drest in? Was it a royal robe, or was it a plain dress?
What was she drest in? Was it a royal robe, or was it a plain dress?
EPIDICUS
A skylight one
4
, according as these women coin names for garments.
A skylight one
4
, according as these women coin names for garments.
PERIPHIANES
What! was she dressed in a skylight?
225
What! was she dressed in a skylight?
225
EPIDICUS
What’s there wonderful in that? As though many women didn’t go through the streets decked out with farms upon them. But when the tax is demanded, they declare it cannot be paid
5
; while to these hussies, to whom a larger tax is paid, it can be paid. Why, what new names every year these women are finding for their clothing—
the thin tunic, the thick tunic, your fulled linen cloth, chemises, bordered shifts’ the marigold or saffron-coloured dress, the under-petticoat or else the light vermilion dress, the hood, the royal or the foreign robe, the wave pattern
6
or the feather-pattern, the wax or the apple-tint. The greatest nonsense! From dogs, too, do they even take the names.
230
What’s there wonderful in that? As though many women didn’t go through the streets decked out with farms upon them. But when the tax is demanded, they declare it cannot be paid
5
; while to these hussies, to whom a larger tax is paid, it can be paid. Why, what new names every year these women are finding for their clothing—
the thin tunic, the thick tunic, your fulled linen cloth, chemises, bordered shifts’ the marigold or saffron-coloured dress, the under-petticoat or else the light vermilion dress, the hood, the royal or the foreign robe, the wave pattern
6
or the feather-pattern, the wax or the apple-tint. The greatest nonsense! From dogs, too, do they even take the names.
230
PERIPHIANES
How so?
How so?
EPIDICUS
They call one the Laconian
7
. These names compel men to make auctions.
They call one the Laconian
7
. These names compel men to make auctions.
PERIPHIANES
But do you say on as you commenced.
But do you say on as you commenced.
EPIDICUS
Two other women behind me began to speak thus between themselves; I, like my wont, went away a little distance from them; I pretended that I wasn’t attending to their talk: I didn’t quite hear all, and still I wasn’t deceived
in a word they said.
240
Two other women behind me began to speak thus between themselves; I, like my wont, went away a little distance from them; I pretended that I wasn’t attending to their talk: I didn’t quite hear all, and still I wasn’t deceived
in a word they said.
240
PERIPHIANES
I long to hear it.
I long to hear it.
EPIDICUS
Then one of them said to the other with whom she was talking—
Then one of them said to the other with whom she was talking—
PERIPHIANES
What?
What?
EPIDICUS
Be quiet then, that you may hear. After they had caught sight of her whom your son is dying for:
Prithee, how happily and luckily has it befallen that woman for her lover to be wishing to set her free.
Who is he?
said the other. She mentioned Stratippocles.
245
Be quiet then, that you may hear. After they had caught sight of her whom your son is dying for:
Prithee, how happily and luckily has it befallen that woman for her lover to be wishing to set her free.
Who is he?
said the other. She mentioned Stratippocles.
245
PERIPHIANES
Troth now, I’m undone; what is it I hear of you?
Troth now, I’m undone; what is it I hear of you?
EPIDICUS
That which really took place. After this, I myself, when I heard them talking, began again to draw closer towards them little by little, as though the crowd of people was pushing me, whether I would or no.
That which really took place. After this, I myself, when I heard them talking, began again to draw closer towards them little by little, as though the crowd of people was pushing me, whether I would or no.
PERIPHIANES
I understand.
I understand.
EPIDICUS
Then the one asked the other,
How do you know?
Why, because a letter has been brought her to-day from Stratippocles; that he has borrowed money on interest from a banker at Thebes; that it is ready, and he himself has brought it for that purpose.
250
Then the one asked the other,
How do you know?
Why, because a letter has been brought her to-day from Stratippocles; that he has borrowed money on interest from a banker at Thebes; that it is ready, and he himself has brought it for that purpose.
250
PERIPHIANES
Tell on—I’m undone!
Tell on—I’m undone!
EPIDICUS
She said that she had heard so from her and from the letter which she had seen.
She said that she had heard so from her and from the letter which she had seen.
PERIPHIANES
What am I to do now? I ask your advice, Apaecides.
255
What am I to do now? I ask your advice, Apaecides.
255
APAECIDES
Let us find some clever, useful expedient; for he, indeed, will either be here just now, or is here already.
Let us find some clever, useful expedient; for he, indeed, will either be here just now, or is here already.
EPIDICUS
If it were right for me to be wiser than you, I could give you some good advice, which you will praise, I fancy, both of you—
If it were right for me to be wiser than you, I could give you some good advice, which you will praise, I fancy, both of you—
PERIPHIANES
Then where is it, Epidicus?
Then where is it, Epidicus?
EPIDICUS
Yes, and useful for this purpose,
260
Yes, and useful for this purpose,
260
APAECIDES
Why do you hesitate to mention it?
Why do you hesitate to mention it?
EPIDICUS
It’s proper for yourselves, who are the wiser, to be the first to speak, and for me to speak afterwards.
It’s proper for yourselves, who are the wiser, to be the first to speak, and for me to speak afterwards.
PERIPHIANES
Aye, aye, of course—come, say on.
Aye, aye, of course—come, say on.
EPIDICUS
But you’ll laugh at me.
But you’ll laugh at me.
APAECIDES
On my word, we will not do so.
On my word, we will not do so.
EPIDICUS
Well then, if it pleases you, use my advice; if it doesn’t please you, find better.
There’s neither sowing nor reaping
8
for me in this matter; only that I do wish the same that you wish.
265
Well then, if it pleases you, use my advice; if it doesn’t please you, find better.
There’s neither sowing nor reaping
8
for me in this matter; only that I do wish the same that you wish.
265
PERIPHIANES
I return you thanks. Make us partakers in your wisdom.
I return you thanks. Make us partakers in your wisdom.
EPIDICUS
Let a wife at once be chosen for your son; and so take vengeance on this music-girl whom he wants to liberate, and who is corrupting him for you; and so let it be managed, that even until her dying day she may remain a slave.
Let a wife at once be chosen for your son; and so take vengeance on this music-girl whom he wants to liberate, and who is corrupting him for you; and so let it be managed, that even until her dying day she may remain a slave.
APAECIDES
It ought to be so managed.
270
It ought to be so managed.
270
PERIPHIANES
I am ready to do anything, so long only as this may be brought about
I am ready to do anything, so long only as this may be brought about
EPIDICUS
Well then, now there’s an opportunity of doing so, before he comes into the city, as to-morrow he will be here; to-day he will not have come.
Well then, now there’s an opportunity of doing so, before he comes into the city, as to-morrow he will be here; to-day he will not have come.
PERIPHIANES
How do you know?
How do you know?
EPIDICUS
I do know, because another person told me, who came from there, that he would be here in the morning.
I do know, because another person told me, who came from there, that he would be here in the morning.
PERIPHIANES
Then say you what we are to do.
Then say you what we are to do.
EPIDICUS
I’m of opinion that you ought to do thus:
you must pretend as though you were desirous to give her liberty to the music-girl for your own whim, and as though you were violently in love with her.
275
I’m of opinion that you ought to do thus:
you must pretend as though you were desirous to give her liberty to the music-girl for your own whim, and as though you were violently in love with her.
275
PERIPHIANES
To what advantage does that tend?
To what advantage does that tend?
EPIDICUS
Do you ask that? Why, that you may purchase her beforehand with money, before your son comes, and may say that you bought her to set her at liberty—
Do you ask that? Why, that you may purchase her beforehand with money, before your son comes, and may say that you bought her to set her at liberty—
PERIPHIANES
I understand.
I understand.
EPIDICUS
When she’s bought, you must remove her somewhere out of the city; unless your own
feelings are any way opposed.
280
When she’s bought, you must remove her somewhere out of the city; unless your own
feelings are any way opposed.
280
PERIPHIANES
O no, skilfully suggested.
O no, skilfully suggested.
EPIDICUS
But what say you, Apaecides?
But what say you, Apaecides?
APAECIDES
Why, what should I? Except that I think you’ve contrived it very cleverly.
Why, what should I? Except that I think you’ve contrived it very cleverly.
EPIDICUS
Then, in consequence, all thoughts of marriage with her will be removed from him, so that he will make no difficulties as to what you wish.
Then, in consequence, all thoughts of marriage with her will be removed from him, so that he will make no difficulties as to what you wish.
APAECIDES
Long life to you, wise as you are, it really does please us.
Long life to you, wise as you are, it really does please us.
EPIDICUS
Do you then skilfully do whatever you are going to do.
Do you then skilfully do whatever you are going to do.
PERIPHIANES
I’ faith, you speak to the purpose.
285
I’ faith, you speak to the purpose.
285
EPIDICUS
I have found, too, how this suspicion may be removed from yourself.
I have found, too, how this suspicion may be removed from yourself.
PERIPHIANES
Let me know it.
Let me know it.
EPIDICUS
You shall know it; just listen.
You shall know it; just listen.
APAECIDES
He’s come with a breast full of counsel.
He’s come with a breast full of counsel.
EPIDICUS
There’s need of a person to carry the money there for the music-girl; but there’s no equal necessity for yourself to do it.
There’s need of a person to carry the money there for the music-girl; but there’s no equal necessity for yourself to do it.
PERIPHIANES
Why so?
Why so?
EPIDICUS
Lest he should think you are doing it for the sake of your son—
Lest he should think you are doing it for the sake of your son—
PERIPHIANES
Cleverly thought of!
Cleverly thought of!
EPIDICUS
By which means you’ll keep him away from her;
lest any difficulty might arise by reason of that suspicion.
290
By which means you’ll keep him away from her;
lest any difficulty might arise by reason of that suspicion.
290
PERIPHIANES
What person shall we find suited to this purpose?
What person shall we find suited to this purpose?
EPIDICUS
(pointing to APAECIDES.)
He will be the best; he will be able to take all due precautions, as he understands the laws and ordinances.
He will be the best; he will be able to take all due precautions, as he understands the laws and ordinances.
PERIPHIANES
Epidicus, receive my thanks. But I’ll attend to this with all care.
Epidicus, receive my thanks. But I’ll attend to this with all care.
EPIDICUS
I’ll find him and bring him here to you, to whom the music-girl belongs;
and I’ll take the money along with him.
295
(Pointing to APAECIDES.)
I’ll find him and bring him here to you, to whom the music-girl belongs;
and I’ll take the money along with him.
295
PERIPHIANES
For how much, at the lowest, can she be bought?
For how much, at the lowest, can she be bought?
EPIDICUS
What, she? Perhaps she might possibly be bought at the lowest for forty minae; but if you give me more, I shall return it. There’s no trickery in this matter. This money, too, of yours won’t be locked up ten days.
What, she? Perhaps she might possibly be bought at the lowest for forty minae; but if you give me more, I shall return it. There’s no trickery in this matter. This money, too, of yours won’t be locked up ten days.
PERIPHIANES
How so?
How so?
EPIDICUS
Why, because another young man is dying with love for this woman,
one abounding in money, a great warrior, a Rhodian, a spoiler of his foes
9
, a boaster; he’ll buy her of you, and give the money with pleasure. You only do it; there’s a large profit for you here.
300
Why, because another young man is dying with love for this woman,
one abounding in money, a great warrior, a Rhodian, a spoiler of his foes
9
, a boaster; he’ll buy her of you, and give the money with pleasure. You only do it; there’s a large profit for you here.
300
PERIPHIANES
I really pray the Gods it may be so.
I really pray the Gods it may be so.
EPIDICUS
You’ll obtain your prayer.
You’ll obtain your prayer.
APAECIDES
Why then, don’t you go in-doors and bring the money out here? I’ll go visit the Forum. Epidicus, do you come thither.
Why then, don’t you go in-doors and bring the money out here? I’ll go visit the Forum. Epidicus, do you come thither.
EPIDICUS
(to APAECIDES.)
Don’t you go away from there before I come to you.
Don’t you go away from there before I come to you.
APAECIDES
I’ll wait till then.
305
I’ll wait till then.
305
PERIPHIANES
(to EPIDICUS.)
Do you follow me in-doors.
Do you follow me in-doors.
EPIDICUS
Go and count it out; I’ll not detain you at all.
(Exit APAECIDES, and PERIPHANES goes into his house.)
Go and count it out; I’ll not detain you at all.
Epidicus. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1913.
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