PALINURUS
Whither away must I say that you are going out of doors at this time o’ night, Phaedromus, with that dress and with this train
1
?
1
PHAEDROMUS
Whither Venus and Cupid summon me, and Love persuades me; whether ’tis the midnight or whether the earliest twilight,
if the day is fixed
2
for pleading your cause with your antagonist, still must you go where they command you, whether you will or no.
5
PALINURUS
But pray, pray—
PHAEDROMUS
Pray — you are annoying to me.
PALINURUS
PHAEDROMUS
And ought I not to carry that which is gathered by the labour of the little bees—which has its birth in sweets—to my own sweet one, my little honey?
10
PALINURUS
But whither must I say that you are going?
PHAEDROMUS
If you ask me that, I’ll tell, so that you may know.
PALINURUS
If I make the enquiry, what would you answer me?
PHAEDROMUS
This is the Temple
(pointing to it) of Aesculapius.
PALINURUS
That I have known for more than a twelvemonth past.
PHAEDROMUS
Close to it is that door, dear as my very eyes.
(Points to the door of CAPPADOX.) Hail to you! door, dear as my very eyes; have you been quite well of late?
15
PALINURUS
Did a fever leave you
5
but yesterday, or the day before, and did you take your dinner yesterday?
PHAEDROMUS
Are you laughing at me?
PALINURUS
Why then, madman, are you enquiring whether the door is well or not?
PHAEDROMUS
I’ faith, I’ve known it as a door most comely and most discreet: never one word does it whisper; when it is opened, it is silent; and when, by night, she secretly comes out to me, it holds its peace.
20
PALINURUS
And are you not, Phaedromus, doing, or contemplating the doing of, some deed which is unworthy of yourself or of your family?
Are you not laying a snare for some modest fair one, or for one that should be modest?
25
PHAEDROMUS
For no one; and may Jupiter not permit me to do so.
PALINURUS
I wish the same. Ever, if you are wise, so bestow your love, that if the public should know the object which you love, it may be no disgrace to you.
Ever do you take care that you be not disgraced
6
.
30
PHAEDROMUS
What means that expression?
PALINURUS
For you to proceed with caution on your path; the object that you love, love in the presence of witnesses.
PHAEDROMUS
Why, ’tis a Procurer that lives here.
(He points.)
PALINURUS
No one drives you away from there, nor yet forbids you, if you have the money, to buy what’s openly on sale.
No one forbids any person from going along the public road, so long as he doesn’t make a path through the field that’s fenced around; so long as you keep yourself away from the wife, the widow, the maiden, youthful age, and free-born children, love what you please.
35
PHAEDROMUS
This is the house of a Procurer.
PALINURUS
A curse befall it.
PHAEDROMUS
Why so?
40
PALINURUS
Because it serves in an infamous service.
PHAEDROMUS
You speak out.
PALINURUS
Be it so, most especially.
PHAEDROMUS
Once more, will you hold your tongue?
PALINURUS
You bade me speak out
7
, I thought.
PHAEDROMUS
Then, now I forbid you. But, as I had begun to say, he has a young female slave—
PALINURUS
This Procurer, you mean, who’s living here?
PHAEDROMUS
You have hold of it exactly.
PALINURUS
The less shall I be in dread of its falling.
45
PHAEDROMUS
You are impertinent. He wishes to make her a courtesan, while she is desperately in love with me; whereas I don’t wish to have her upon loan.
PALINURUS
Why so?
PHAEDROMUS
Because I’m for having her as my own; I love her equally as well.
PALINURUS
Clandestine courtship is bad; ’tis utter ruin.
PHAEDROMUS
I’ troth, ’tis so as you say.
50
PALINURUS
Has she as yet submitted to the yoke of Venus?
PHAEDROMUS
For me she is as chaste as though she were my own sister, unless, indeed, she is any the more unchaste for some kissing.
PALINURUS
Always, do you understand, flame follows very close on smoke; with smoke, nothing can be burnt, with flame, it can.
PHAEDROMUS
But she is chaste, and never yet has bestowed her favours upon man.
PALINURUS
That I could believe
10
, if any Procurer had any shame.
PHAEDROMUS
Well, but what think you of her? When she has any opportunity,
she steals away to me; when she has given me a kiss, she’s off again. This happens by reason of this, because this Procurer is lying a-bed ill in the Temple
11
of Aesculapius; that fellow is my torturer.
60
PALINURUS
How so?
PHAEDROMUS
At one time he asks me for thirty minae for her, at another for a great talent; and from him I cannot obtain any fair and just dealing.
PALINURUS
You are too exacting, in requiring that of him which no Procurer possesses.
PHAEDROMUS
PALINURUS
If you salute the Deities, towards the right
13
I think; now this is this altar of Venus before their door.
70
PHAEDROMUS
PALINURUS
What? Will you then be giving up yourself as a breakfast to Venus?
PHAEDROMUS
Myself, and you, and all of these.
(Pointing to the SLAVES.)
PALINURUS
Then you would have Venus to be sick outright.
PHAEDROMUS
(to an ATTENDANT.)
Here, boy, give me the bowl.
75
PALINURUS
What are you going to do?
PHAEDROMUS
You’ll know directly. An old hag is in the habit of sleeping here, as the keeper of the door; the name of the Procuress is
Much-bibber and
Neat-bibber.
PALINURUS
Just as you would speak of a flagon, in which Chian wine
16
is wont to be.
PHAEDROMUS
What need is there of words? She is a most vinous soul;
and the very moment that I’ve sprinkled this door with the wine, she knows by the smell that I’m here, and opens it forthwith.
80
PALINURUS
Is it for her the bowl is brought with the wine?
PHAEDROMUS
Unless you object.
PALINURUS
I’ faith, I do object; for I’d rather have it broken about him who has brought it. I fancied it was brought for ourselves.
PHAEDROMUS
Why don’t you hold your tongue?
If any’s left after her, it will be enough for ourselves.
85
PALINURUS
What river is it, pray, that the sea does not receive?
PHAEDROMUS
Follow me this way, Palinurus, to the door; do you be obedient to me.
PALINURUS
I’ll do so.
(They advance to the door of the PROCURER’S house.)
PHAEDROMUS
(sprinkling the door with wine.)
Come, drink, you joyous door, quaff on, readily prove propitious unto me.
PALINURUS
(in an afected tone.)
Door, would you like some olives or a tit-bit, or some capers?
90
PHAEDROMUS
Arouse and send out here to me your portress.
PALINURUS
You’re spilling the wine; what matter is it that possesses you?
(Takes hold of his arm.)
PHAEDROMUS
Let me alone. Don’t you see? This most joyous door is opening; does the hinge make a bit of creaking? ’Tis a charming one.
PALINURUS
Why don’t you then give it a kiss?
PHAEDROMUS
Hold your tongue; let’s keep back the light and our noise.
95
PALINURUS
Be it so.
(They stand apart, leaving the bowl near the door.)
Curculio. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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