LYDUS
For some time, Pistoclerus, I’ve been following you in silence
1
,
PISTOCLERUS
To this place
(pointing to the house.)
LYDUS
Why to this place? Who lives there?
PISTOCLERUS
Love, Pleasure, Venus, Beauty, Joy, Jesting, Dalliance, Converse, and Sweet-kissing.
115
LYDUS
What intercourse have you with these most destructive Deities?
PISTOCLERUS
Bad are those men who speak evil of the good. You speak not well of even the Gods themselves; you do what is not right.
LTD.
Is Sweet-kissing, then, some God?
120
PISTOCLERUS
LYDUS
This dress of yours pleases me not.
125
PISTOCLERUS
But no one prepared it for you; it was prepared for myself, whom it pleases well.
LYDUS
And do you commence upon your repartees against myself even? You, who, if you had even ten tongues, ought to be silent.
PISTOCLERUS
Not every age, Lydus, is suited for school
7
.
One thing especially is just now on my mind, how the cook may with due care attend to these things as befits the elegance of the entertainment.
130
LYDUS
Now have you undone yourself and me and all my labours, me who so oft have shown you what is right, all to no purpose.
PISTOCLERUS
In the same place have I lost my labour where you’ve lost yours: your instructions profit neither me nor yourself.
LYDUS
O obdurate heart!
PISTOCLERUS
You are troublesome to me. Hold your tongue, Lydus, and follow me.
LYDUS
PISTOCLERUS
It seems not proper, nor can it be fit, that,
when a person is in a house, and is reclining at the feast together with his mistress, and is kissing her, and the other guests are reclining too, the tutor should be there too in their presence.
140
LYDUS
Are these provisions purchased for such a purpose, pray?
PISTOCLERUS
My intentions, indeed, expect so; how it falls out, is in the hands of the Gods.
LYDUS
Will you be having a mistress?
145
PISTOCLERUS
When you see, then you’ll know.
LYDUS
Aye, but you shall not have one, and I won’t allow it. Go back again home.
PISTOCLERUS
Do leave me alone, Lydus, and beware of mischief
9
.
LYDUS
What? Beware of mischief?
O yawning gulf, where art thou now? How gladly would I avail myself of thee!
Already have I lived far longer than I could have wished.
150
’Twere much better now to have once existed than to be living still.
That any pupil should thus threaten his tutor!
PISTOCLERUS
My years are now advanced beyond your tutorship.
LYDUS
I want no pupils for me with heated blood
10
.
An up-grown one may harass me thus devoid of strength.
PISTOCLERUS
As I guess, I shall become a Hercules, and you a Linus
11
.
155
LYDUS
I’ faith, I fear more that through your goings-on I shall become a Phœnix
12
, and have to tell the news to your father that you are dead.
PISTOCLERUS
Enough of these stories.
LYDUS
This youth is lost to shame
13
;
the man’s ruined. And does it then recur to you that you have a father?
PISTOCLERUS
Am I your servant, or you mine?
LYDUS
By my troth, you made an exchange not desirable for that age of yours,
when you gained these impudent ways.
160
Some bad master has been teaching you all this, not I. You are a scholar far more apt at these pursuits
than at those lessons which I taught you when I was losing my labour. Troth, ’twas a bad piece of deceit you were guilty of at your age, when you concealed these vicious tendencies from myself and from your father.
165
PISTOCLERUS
Lydus, you have thus far had liberty of speech; that is enough. So now do you follow this way, and hold your tongue
14
.
(They go into the house of BACCHIS.)
Bacchides. Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley (Translator). London. 1912.
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