Plautus Asinaria 2.2

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

Where now shall I find Libanus, or my master’s son, that I may make them more mirthful than is Mirth herself ¹ ? Great booty and a triumph do I bring them on my arrival.

Inasmuch as together with me they drink, together with me they are wont to wench, why, this booty that I’ve got, together with them will I share it.

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LIBANUS

(apart.)

This fellow has been robbing a house, if he has been acting after his usual manner. Woe to the person that has so carelessly kept the door!

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

I could be ready to be a slave for an age, if I could only meet with Libanus.

LIBANUS

(apart.)

I’ faith, with my assistance, indeed, you shall never be free a bit the sooner.

275

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

I’d give two hundred teeming lashes ² on my back as well.

LIBANUS

(apart.)

He’s giving away all his substance, for he carries his treasures on his back ³ .

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

But if time should intervene upon this opportunity, never, upon my faith, will he hereafter obtain it again, even with white horses ⁴ .

He’ll be deserting his master in the siege; he’ll be increasing the courage of the foe. But if with me he is desirous to seize hold upon this opportunity which has presented itself, very great bounties brimful of joyousness, will he, together with myself, be producing for his masters, both for the son and the father. So that, for life, they will be indebted to us both,

280

bound by our services.

285

LIBANUS

(apart.)

He’s talking of persons being bound ⁵ , I don’t know who. I don’t like it; I fear for us in common, lest he may have been cheating in some cheatery.

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

I’m utterly undone, unless I find Libanus at once, wherever in the world he is.

LIBANUS

(apart.)

This fellow’s looking out for an accomplice, to unite with himself in a bad design. I don’t like it: ’tis a portentous sign that instant, when a person trembles that sweats ⁶ .

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

But why, as I hasten, do I loiter here with my feet, and make myself so bounteous with my tongue? Why don’t I bid it be quiet, that in its talkativeness is wearing out the day?

290

LIBANUS

(apart.)

Upon my faith, an unfortunate man, to check his patroness; for if he has done anything roguishly, his tongue perjures itself in his behalf.

LEONIDA

(to himself.)

I’ll make haste, lest I should be providing a safe keeping for my spoil too late.

LIBANUS

(apart.)

What spoil is this? I’ll go meet him, and enquire what it is. (He accosts him.) I wish you health in as loud a voice as my strength admits of.

295

LEONIDA

Exerciser of the whip, health to you.

LIBANUS

Keeper of the gaol, how do you do?

LEONIDA

Ha! colonizer of the chains.

LIBANUS

Ha! delight of the scourges.

LEONIDA

When naked, how many pounds do you say you are in weight?

LIBANUS

Upon my faith, I don’t know.

LEONIDA

I know that you don’t know; but, i’ faith, I who have weighed you do know. Tied up naked, you were a hundred pounds in weight, when you were hanging with your feet downwards.

300

LIBANUS

On what evidence is that?

LEONIDA

I’ll tell you on what evidence, and in what way. When you are tied up with a full hundred pounds to your feet ⁷ , when the manacles are fastened to your hands, and tied to the beam,

you are weighing neither more nor less, than as being a worthless and good-for-nothing fellow.

305

LIBANUS

Woe be to you!

LEONIDA

That, Servitude bequeaths to you by her will.

LIBANUS

I wish this skirmishing of words to be cut short. What matter is this?

LEONIDA

Am I sure in trusting you?

LIBANUS

You may, without hesitation.

LEONIDA

If you wish to assist our master’s son in his amour,

there is so much of a good opportunity on a sudden, but still mingled with evil—all the hangman’s days will be rendered famous by ourselves. Libanus, now have we occasion to find some boldness and inventiveness. An exploit so great have I thought of just now, that we two may be pronounced the most deserving of all for torture to befall us.

310

LIBANUS

’Twas on that account I was wondering why my shoulder-blades were aching just now, which were beginning to prognosticate that there was some danger for them at home. Whatever it is, speak out.

315

LEONIDA

’Tis great booty with great risk.

LIBANUS

If indeed all persons by compact were to collect all the tortures, I have, I fancy, a back at home, so that I need not seek it out of doors.

LEONIDA

If you maintain such firmness of resolve, then we are all right.

320

LIBANUS

Why, if the matter were to be atoned for by my back, I could wish to seize the public money: I’ll persist in my denial, and I’ll endure all; in fine, I’ll forswear myself.

LEONIDA

Ah! that’s true valour, when occasion is, for one to endure misfortune with boldness. He that endures misfortune with boldness, that man afterwards enjoys good fortune.

LIBANUS

Why don’t you tell the matter at once? I’m longing to tempt the scourge.

325

LEONIDA

(breathing hard.)

Ask deliberately each particular then, that I may rest me. Don’t you see that I’m still out of breath with running?

LIBANUS

Well, well, I’ll wait your pleasure, even, in fact, till you die.

LEONIDA

Where’s our master, pray?

LIBANUS

The old one is at the Forum, the young one is here in-doors.

LEONIDA

That’s enough for me then.

LIBANUS

Is it then that you’ve become a rich man?

330

LEONIDA

Leave off your raillery.

LIBANUS

I’ll have done; for my ears are in expectation of what you are bringing me.

LEONIDA

Give your attention, that equally with myself you may learn this.

LIBANUS

I’m silent, then.

LEONIDA

You oblige me. Don’t you remember that our chamberlain sold some Arcadian asses to a dealer of Pella ⁸ ?

LIBANUS

I remember it; after that, what then?

LEONIDA

Well, he has sent some money here then to be paid to Saurea, for the asses; a young man has just now come who has brought this money.

LIBANUS

Where is this person?

LEONIDA

You think he ought to be devoured this instant, if you could see him.

LIBANUS

Aye, to be sure. But, however, you are speaking, I suppose, of those asses,

aged and lame, whose hoofs were quite worn away to their very thighs?

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LEONIDA

Those same ones, that carried the elm twigs hither from the country, for your use.

LIBANUS

I understand you; and the same ones carried you from here, bound, into the country ⁹ .

LEONIDA

You say what’s quite correct. But as I was sitting in the barber’s shop, he began to make enquiries of me, whether I knew a certain Demaenetus, the son of Strato.

At once I said that I knew him, and that I was his servant; and I pointed out our house.

345

LIBANUS

After that, what then?

LEONIDA

He said that he was bringing the money for the asses to the chamberlain Saurea, twenty minae in amount; but that he himself didn’t know the individual, who he was, but that he knew Demaenetus quite well.

Since he spoke thus to this effect—

350

LIBANUS

What then?

LEONIDA

Listen then, and you’ll know. At once I made myself courteous, and a person of consequence. I said that I was the chamberlain. Thus, in these terms did he answer me: Upon my faith, I don’t know Saurea, nor yet of what appearance he is. It isn’t fair for you to blame me; but if you like, bring here Demaenetus, your master, whom I do know; I’ll not prevent you taking the money then.

I said that I would bring him, and that I should be at home immediately. He’s about to go to the baths ¹⁰ , from there he’ll afterwards come here. What plan do you think, now, I ought to adopt? Tell me.

LIBANUS

Why, I’m thinking of this, how to get between the money, and the stranger, and Saurea.

At present this matter is rough-hewn; but if this stranger brings here the money first, then are we both at once shut out from it. But the old man to-day took me apart at a distance from the house, and threatened me and yourself that we should be tasters of the elm twigs, if Argyrippus didn’t this very day get twenty mine of silver.

360

He commanded that we should cheat either the chamberlain or his own wife, and said that he would give the aid he promised. Now, do you go to the Forum to our master, and tell him this, how we are going to manage; that you, from Leonida, are going to be the chamberlain Saurea, until the dealer has brought the money for the asses.

365

LEONIDA

I’ll do as you request me.

LIBANUS

In the meantime, I’ll amuse him here, if by chance he should come first.

370

LEONIDA

But what say you—?

LIBANUS

What do you want?

LEONIDA

If I give you a blow on the cheek with my fist, by-and-by, while I’m personating Saurea ¹¹ , don’t you be offended.

LIBANUS

I’ faith, but you’ll have a care not to be touching me, if you are wise; you’ll surely have changed your name to day with a bad omen ¹² .

LEONIDA

Prithee, do endure it with resolution.

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LIBANUS

Do you endure the cuff that I, too, shall be giving you in return.

LEONIDA

I speak as it’s in the habit of being done.

LIBANUS

I’ faith, and I speak, too, of how I’m likely to act.

LEONIDA

Don’t refuse me.

LIBANUS

Why I promise, I tell you, to give you a like return, just as you deserve.

LEONIDA

I’m off; I know that you’ll put up with it by-and-by. But who’s this? ’Tis he—’tis the very man himself. I’ll return here just now; in the meantime do you detain him here;

I want to inform the old gentleman.

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(Exit.)

LIBANUS

Well, do your duty, then, and fly.