T. Maccius Plautus Amphitruo 2.2

ALCMENA

Is not the proportion of pleasures in life and in passing our existence short in comparison with what is disagreable? So it is allotted to each man in life;

so has it pleased the Gods that Sorrow should attend on Pleasure as her companion; but if aught of good befalls us, more of trouble and of ill forthwith attends us. For this do I now feel by experience at home and in relation to myself, to whom delight has been imparted for a very short time, while I had the opportunity of seeing my husband for but one night; and now has he suddenly gone away hence from me before the dawn.

635

Deserted do I now seem to myself, because he is absent from here, he whom before all I love. More of grief have I felt from the departure of my husband, than of pleasure from his arrival. But this, at least, makes me happy, that he has conquered the foe, and has returned home loaded with glory. Let him be absent, if only with fame acquired

640

he betakes himself home. I shall bear and ever endure his absence with mind resolved and steadfast; if only this reward is granted me, that my husband shall be hailed the conqueror in the warfare, sufficient for myself will I deem it. Valour is the best reward; valour assuredly surpasses all things:

645

liberty, safety, life, property and parents, country too, and children, by it are defended and preserved. Valour comprises everything in itself: all blessings attend him in whose possession is valour.

650

AMPHITRYON

(apart.)

By my troth, I do believe that I shall come much wished for by my wife,

who loves me, and whom, in return, I love: especially, our enterprise crowned with success, the enemy vanquished, whom no one had supposed to be able to be conquered: these, under my conduct and command, at the first meeting, have we vanquished; but I know for sure that I shall come to her much wished for.

655

SOSIA

(aside.)

Well, and don’t you think that I shall come much wished for to my mistress?

(AMPHITRYON advances, at a distance, with SOSIA.)

ALCMENA

(to herself.)

Surely, this is my husband.

660

AMPHITRYON

(to SOSIA.)

Do you follow me this way.

ALCMENA

(to herself.)

But why has he returned, when just now he said that he was in haste? Is he purposely trying me, and is he desirous to make proof of this, how much I regret his departure? By my faith, against no inclination of mine has he betaken himself home.

SOSIA

Amphitryon, it were better for us to return to the ship.

AMPHITRYON

For what reason?

SOSIA

Because there’s no person at home to give us a breakfast on our arrival.

665

AMPHITRYON

How comes that now into your mind?

SOSIA

Why, because we have come too late.

AMPHITRYON

How so?

SOSIA

Because I see Alcmena standing before the house, with her stomach-full ¹ already.

AMPHITRYON

I left her pregnant here when I went away.

SOSIA

Alas, to my sorrow, I’m undone!

AMPHITRYON

What’s the matter with you?

SOSIA

I have come home just in good time to fetch the water ²

in the tenth month after that, according as I understand you to compute the reckoning.

670

AMPHITRYON

Be of good heart.

SOSIA

Do you know of how good heart I am? By my troth, do you never after this day entrust to me aught that is sacred, if I don’t draw up all the life of that well, if I do but make a beginning.

AMPHITRYON

Do you only follow me this way. I’ll appoint another person for that business; don’t you fear.

ALCMENA

(advancing.)

I think that I shall now be doing my duty more, if I go to meet him.

675

(They meet.)

AMPHITRYON

With joy, Amphitryon greets his longed for wife—her, whom of all women in Thebes her husband deems by far the most excellent, and whom so much the Theban citizens truthfully extol as virtuous. Have you fared well all along? Do I arrive much wished for by you?

SOSIA

(aside.)

I never saw one more so;

for she greets her own husband not a bit more than a dog.

680

AMPHITRYON

When I see you pregnant, and so gracefully burdened, I am delighted.

ALCMENA

Prithee, in the name of all that’s good, why, for the sake of mockery, do you thus salute and address me, as though you hadn’t lately seen me—as though now, for the first time, you were betaking yourself homeward here from the enemy?

For now you are addressing me just as though you were seeing me after a long time.

685

AMPHITRYON

Why, really for my part, I have not seen you at all this day until now.

ALCMENA

Why do you deny it?

AMPHITRYON

Because I have learned to speak the truth.

ALCMENA

He does not do right, who unlearns the same that he has learned. Are you making trial what feelings I possess? But why are you returning hither so soon?

Has an ill omen delayed you, or does the weather keep you back, you who have not gone away to your troops, as you were lately speaking of?

690

AMPHITRYON

Lately? How long since was this lately?

ALCMENA

You are trying me; but very lately, just now.

AMPHITRYON

Prithee, how can that possibly be as you say?— but very lately, just now.

ALCMENA

Why, what do you imagine? That I, on the other hand, shall trifle with you who are playing with me,

in saying that you are now come for the first time, you who but just now went away from here?

695

AMPHITRYON

Surely she is talking deliriously.

SOSIA

Stop a little while, until she has slept out this one sleep.

AMPHITRYON

Is she not dreaming with her eyes open?

ALCMENA

Upon my faith, for my part I really am awake, and awake I am relating that which has happened; for, but lately, before daybreak, I saw both him (pointing at SOSIA) and yourself.

AMPHITRYON

In what place?

ALCMENA

Here, in the house where you yourself dwell.

700

AMPHITRYON

It never was the fact.

SOSIA

Will you not hold your peace? What if the vessel brought us here from the harbour in our sleep?

AMPHITRYON

Are you, too, going to back her as well?

SOSIA

(aside to AMPHITRYON.)

What do you wish to be done? Don’t you know, if you wish to oppose a raving Bacchanal, from a mad woman you’ll render her more mad—she’ll strike the oftener ³ ;

if you humour her, after one blow you may overcome her?

705

AMPHITRYON

But, by my troth, this thing is resolved upon, somehow to rate her who this day has been unwilling to greet me on my arrival home.

SOSIA

You’ll only be irritating hornets.

AMPHITRYON

You hold your tongue. Alcmena, I wish to ask you one thing.

ALCMENA

Ask me anything you please.

AMPHITRYON

Is it frenzy that has come upon you, or does pride overcome you?

ALCMENA

How comes it into your mind, my husband, to ask me that?

710

AMPHITRYON

Because formerly you used to greet me on my arrival, and to address me in such manner as those women who are virtuous are wont their husbands. On my arrival home I’ve found that you have got rid of that custom.

ALCMENA

By my faith, indeed, I assuredly did both greet you yesterday, upon your arrival,

at that very instant, and at the same time I enquired if you had continued in health all along, my husband, and I took your hand and gave you a kiss.

715

SOSIA

What, did you welcome him yesterday?

ALCMENA

And you too, as well, Sosia.

SOSIA

Amphitryon, I did hope that she was about to bring you forth a son; but she isn’t gone with child.

AMPHITRYON

What then?

SOSIA

With madness.

ALCMENA

Really I am in my senses, and I pray the Gods that in safety I may bring forth a son; but (to SOSIA) hap-ill shall you be having, if he does his duty: for those ominous words, omen-maker, you shall catch what befits you.

720

SOSIA

Why really an apple ⁴ ought to be given to the lady thus pregnant, that there may be something for her to gnaw if she should begin to faint.

AMPHITRYON

Did you see me here yesterday?

725

ALCMENA

I did, I say, if you wish it to be ten times repeated.

AMPHITRYON

In your sleep, perhaps?

ALCMENA

No—I, awake, saw you awake.

AMPHITRYON

Woe to me!

SOSIA

What’s the matter with you?

AMPHITRYON

My wife is mad.

SOSIA

She’s attacked with black bile; nothing so soon turns people mad.

AMPHITRYON

When, madam, did you first find yourself affected?

ALCMENA

Why really, upon my faith, I’m well, and in my senses.

730

AMPHITRYON

Why, then, do you say that you saw me yesterday, whereas we were brought into harbour but last night? There did I dine, and there did I rest the livelong night on board ship, nor have I set my foot even here into the house, since, with the army, I set out hence against the Teleboan foe, and since we conquered them.

ALCMENA

On the contrary, you dined with me, and you slept with me.

735

AMPHITRYON

How so?

ALCMENA

I’m telling the truth.

AMPHITRYON

On my honor, not in this matter, really; about other matters I don’t know.

ALCMENA

At the very break of dawn you went away to your troops.

AMPHITRYON

By what means could I?

SOSIA

She says right, according as she remembers; she’s telling you her dream. But, madam, after you arose, you ought to have sacrificed to Jove, the disposer of prodigies ⁵ ,

either with a salt cake or with frankincense.

740

ALCMENA

A mischief on your head!

SOSIA

That’s your own business, if you take due care.

ALCMENA

Now again this fellow is talking rudely to me, and that without punishment.

AMPHITRYON

(to SOSIA.)

You hold your tongue. (To ALCMENA.) Do you tell me now—did I go away hence from you at daybreak?

ALCMENA

Who then but your own self recounted to me how the battle went there?

AMPHITRYON

And do you know that as well?

745

ALCMENA

Why, I heard it from your own self, how you had taken a very large city, and how you yourself had slain king Pterelas.

AMPHITRYON

What, did I tell you this?

ALCMENA

You yourself, this Sosia standing by as well.

AMPHITRYON

(to SOSIA.)

Have you heard me telling about this to-day?

SOSIA

Where should I have heard you?

AMPHITRYON

Ask her.

SOSIA

In my presence, indeed, it never took place, that I know of.

ALCMENA

It would be a wonder ⁶ if he didn’t contradict you.

750

AMPHITRYON

Sosia, come here and look at me.

SOSIA

(looks at him.)

I am looking at you.

AMPHITRYON

I wish you to tell the truth, and I don’t want you to humour me. Have you heard me this day sav to her these things which she affirms?

SOSIA

Prithee now, by my troth, are you, too, mad as well, when you ask me this, me, who, for my part, my own self now behold her in company with you for the first time?

AMPHITRYON

How now, madam? Do you hear him?

755

ALCMENA

I do, indeed, and telling an untruth.

AMPHITRYON

Do you believe neither him nor my own self, your husband?

ALCMENA

No; for this reason it is, because I most readily believe myself, and I am sure that these things took place just as I relate them.

AMPHITRYON

Do you say that I came yesterday?

ALCMENA

Do you deny that you went away from here to-day?

AMPHITRYON

I really do deny it, and I declare that I have now come home to you for the first time.

ALCMENA

Prithee, will you deny this too, that you to-day made me a present of a golden goblet, with which you said that you had been presented?

760

AMPHITRYON

By heavens, I neither gave it nor told you so: but I had so intended, and do so now, to present you with that goblet. But who told you this?

ALCMENA

Why, I heard it from yourself, and I received the goblet from your own hand.

(She moves as if going.)

AMPHITRYON

Stay, stay, I entreat you. Sosia, I marvel much how she knows that I was presented there with this golden goblet, unless you have lately met her and told her all this.

SOSIA

Upon my faith, I have never told her, nor have I ever beheld her except with yourself.

AMPHITRYON

What is the matter ⁷ with this person?

ALCMENA

Should you like the goblet to be produced?

AMPHITRYON

I should like it; to be produced.

ALCMENA

Be it so. Do you go, Thessala, and bring from indoors the goblet, with which my husband presented me today.

770

(THESSALA goes into the house, and AMPHITRYON and SOSIA walk on one side.)

AMPHITRYON

Sosia, do you step this way. Really, I do wonder extremely at this beyond the other wondrous matters, if she has got this goblet.

SOSIA

And do you believe it, when it’s carried in this casket, sealed with your own seal.

(He shows the casket.)

AMPHITRYON

Is the seal whole?

SOSIA

Examine it.

AMPHITRYON

(examining it.)

All right, it’s just as I sealed it up.

775

SOSIA

Prithee, why don’t you order her to be purified ⁸ as a frantic person?

AMPHITRYON

By my troth, somehow there’s need for it, for, i’ faith, she’s certainly filled with sprites.

(ALCMENA.)

ALCMENA

What need is there of talking? See, here’s the goblet; here it is.

AMPHITRYON

Give it me.

ALCMENA

Come, now then, look here, if you please, you who deny what is fact, and whom I shall now clearly convict in this case.

Isn’t this the goblet with which you were presented there?

780

AMPHITRYON

Supreme Jupiter! what do I behold? Surely this is that goblet. Sosia, I’m utterly confounded.

SOSIA

Upon my faith, either this woman is a most consummate juggler, or the goblet must be in here (pointing to the casket.)

AMPHITRYON

Come, then, open this casket.

SOSIA

Why should I open it? It is securely sealed. The thing is cleverly contrived;

you have brought forth another Amphitryon, I have brought forth another Sosia; now if the goblet has brought forth a goblet, we have all produced our doubles.

785

AMPHITRYON

I’m determined to open and examine it.

SOSIA

Look, please, how the seal is, that you may not hereafter throw the blame on me.

AMPHITRYON

Now do open it. For she certainly is desirous to drive us mad with her talking.

ALCMENA

Whence then came this which was made a present to me, but from yourself?

790

AMPHITRYON

It’s necessary for me to enquire into this.

SOSIA

(opening the casket.)

Jupiter, O Jupiter!

AMPHITRYON

What is the matter with you?

SOSIA

There’s no goblet here in the casket.

AMPHITRYON

What do I hear.

SOSIA

That which is the truth.

AMPHITRYON

But at your peril now, if it does not make its appearance.

ALCMENA

(showing it.)

Why, it does make its appearance.

AMPHITRYON

Who then gave it you?

ALCMENA

The person that’s asking me the question.

SOSIA

(to AMPHITRYON.)

You are on the catch for me, inasmuch as you yourself have secretly run before me hither from the ship by another road, and have taken the goblet away from here and given it to her, and afterwards you have secretly sealed it up again.

795

AMPHITRYON

Ah me! and are you too helping her frenzy as well? (To ALCMENA) Do you say that we arrived here yesterday?

ALCMENA

I do say so, and on your arrival you instantly

greeted me, and I you, and I gave you a kiss.

800

SOSIA

(aside.)

That beginning now about the kiss doesn’t please me.

AMPHITRYON

Go on telling it.

ALCMENA

Then you bathed.

AMPHITRYON

What, after I bathed?

ALCMENA

You took your place at table.

SOSIA

Bravo, capital! Now make further enquiry.

AMPHITRYON

(to SOSIA.)

Don’t you interrupt. (To ALCMENA.) Go on telling me.

ALCMENA

The dinner was served; you dined with me; I reclined together with you at the repast.

AMPHITRYON

What, on the same couch?

805

ALCMENA

On the same.

SOSIA

Oh dear, I don’t like this banquet.

AMPHITRYON

Now do let her give her proofs. (To ALCMENA.) What, after we had dined?

ALCMENA

You said that you were inclined to go to sleep; the table was removed; thence we went to bed.

AMPHITRYON

Where did you lie?

ALCMENA

In the chamber, in the same bed together with your. self.

AMPHITRYON

You have proved my undoing.

SOSIA

What’s the matter with you?

AMPHITRYON

This very moment has she sent me to my grave.

ALCMENA

How so, pray?

810

AMPHITRYON

Don’t address me.

SOSIA

What’s the matter with you?

AMPHITRYON

To my sorrow I’m undone, since, in my absence from here, dishonor has befallen her chastity.

ALCMENA

In heaven’s name, my lord, why, I beseech you, do I hear this from you?

AMPHITRYON

I, your lord? False one, don’t call me by a false name.

SOSIA

(aside.)

’Tis an odd matter ⁹ this, if indeed he has been made into my lady from my lord.

ALCMENA

What have I done, by reason of which these expressions are uttered to me?

815

AMPHITRYON

You yourself proclaim your own doings; do you enquire of me in what you have offended?

ALCMENA

In what have I offended you, if I have been with you to whom I am married?

AMPHITRYON

You, been with me? What is there of greater effrontery than this impudent woman? At least, if you were wanting in modesty of your own, you might have borrowed it.

ALCMENA

That criminality which you lay to my charge befits not my family. If you try to catch me in incontinence, you cannot convict me.

820

AMPHITRYON

Immortal Gods! do you at least know me, Sosia?

SOSIA

Pretty well.

AMPHITRYON

Did I not dine yesterday on board ship in the Persian Port?

ALCMENA

I have witnesses as well, who can confirm that which I say.

SOSIA

I don’t know what to say to this matter, unless, perchance, there is another Amphitryon, who, perhaps, though you yourself are absent, takes care of your business, and who, in your absence, performs your duties here. For about that counterfeit Sosia it is very surprising. Certainly, about this Amphitryon, now, it is another matter still more surprising.

825

AMPHITRYON

Some magician, I know not who, is bewildering this woman.

830

ALCMENA

By the realms of the supreme Sovereign I swear, and by Juno, the matron Goddess, whom for me to fear and venerate it is most especially fitting, that no mortal being ¹⁰ except yourself alone has ever touched my person in contact with his so as to render me unchaste.

AMPHITRYON

I could wish that that was true.

ALCMENA

I speak the truth, but in vain, since you will not believe me.

835

AMPHITRYON

You are a woman; you swear at random.

ALCMENA

She who has not done wrong, her it befits to be bold and to speak confidently and positively in her own behalf.

AMPHITRYON

That’s very boldly said.

ALCMENA

Just as befits a virtuous woman.

AMPHITRYON

Say you so? By your own words you prove it.

ALCMENA

That which is called a dowry, I do not deem the same my dowry;

but chastity, and modesty, and subdued desires, fear of the Gods, and love of my parents, and concord with my kindred; to be obedient to yourself and bounteous to the good, ready to aid the upright.

840

SOSIA

Surely, by my troth, if she tells the truth in this, she’s perfect to the very ideal ¹¹ .

AMPHITRYON

Really I am so bewildered, that I don’t know myself who I am.

SOSIA

Surely you are Amphitryon; take you care, please, that you don’t peradventure lose yourself; people are changing in such a fashion since we came from abroad.

845

AMPHITRYON

Madam, I’m resolved not to omit having this matter enquired into.

ALCMENA

I’ faith, you’ll do so quite to my satisfaction.

AMPHITRYON

How say you? Answer me; what if I bring your own kinsman, Naucrates, hither from the ship,

who, together with me, has been brought on board the same ship; and if he denies that that has happened which you say has happened, what is proper to be done to you? Do you allege any reason. why I should not at your cost dissolve ¹² this our marriage?

850

ALCMENA

If I have done wrong, there is no reason.

AMPHITRYON

Agreed. Do you, Sosia, take these ¹³ people in-doors. I’ll bring Naucrates hither with me from the ship.

(Exit.)

SOSIA

(going close to ALCMENA.)

Now then, there’s no one here except ourselves; tell me the truth seriously, is there any Sosia in-doors who is like myself?

855

ALCMENA

Won’t you hence away from me, fit servant for your master?

SOSIA

If you command me, I’m off ¹⁴ ,

(Goes into the house.)

ALCMENA

(to herself.)

By heavens, it is a very wondrous proceeding, how it has pleased this husband of mine thus to accuse me falsely of a crime so foul.

Whatever it is, I shall now learn it from my kinsman Naucrates.

860

(Goes into the house.)