HERA

This Ixion, Zeus, what sort of a fellow do you think he is?

ZEUS

Why, an honest man, my dear, and grand company. He wouldn’t be our guest, if he were unworthy of our table.

HERA

But he isn’t worthy, for his behaviour’s outrageous. So don’t invite him again.

ZEUS

How’s it been outrageous? I think I should be in the know too.

HERA

Of course you should. But I’m ashamed to mention it. Such a thing to dare!

ZEUS

But if he’s tried to do anything shameful, that’s all the more reason for telling me about it. He’s not been making attempts on anyone, has he? I think I can guess the sort of shameful thing you wouldn’t like to mention.

HERA

It’s me he’s been after. Me of all people! And for a long time too! At first I didn’t know what it all meant, when he kept gazing hard at me. He would sigh and whimper, and whenever I gave the cup to Ganymede after drinking, he would ask for a drink from the same cup, and when he got it, would stop in the middle of his drink and kiss the cup, bringing it up to his eyes, and staring at me again. Presently I realised these were signs of love, and for a long time I was ashamed to mention the matter to you, thinking the man would get over his madness. But now that he’s actually dared to broach the subject with me, I’ve left him still weeping and grovelling on the ground, and, stopping up my ears so that I wouldn’t even hear his outrageous pleas, I’ve come to tell you. I leave his punishment in your own hands.

ZEUS

The enterprising old devil! Supplanting me! Aspiring to Hera’s affections! So drunk with the nectar! Well, it’s our own fault; we’ve been far too good to men, inviting them up to drink with us. So you can’t blame them, when they’ve had the same to drink as us, and seen the beauty of heaven’s ladies, the like of which they never saw on earth, if they fall in love and want such beauties for themselves. After all, Love’s a pretty violent thing, and gets the mastery not only of men, but sometimes even of us gods.

HERA

Love’s your master, good and proper. He drags you along, pulling you by the nose, as they say, and you follow wherever he leads you, and don’t mind changing into anything he bids you. Why, you’re nothing but love’s chattel and plaything. I can see already that you sympathise with Ixion, because you yourself once made free with his wife, ¹ and she brought you Peirithous.

ZEUS

What? Do you still remember every time I went down to earth to have some fun? Do you know what I think we should do with Ixion? We shouldn’t punish him or forbid him our table. That would be ill-bred. No, since he’s in love, and reduced to tears and suffers intolerable torment—

HERA

Quick, out with it; for I’m afraid you too will make some outrageous suggestion.

ZEUS

Nothing of the sort. No, let’s make a model of you out of cloud, and every night after dinner, when he can’t get to sleep for love, as is only natural, we can bring it and put it beside him. Thus he could be out of his misery, and imagine he’s got what he longs for.

HERA

Never! Curse him for lusting after what’s above him.

ZEUS

Still you must put up with it, my dear. What harm will the model do you, if Ixion makes love to a cloud?

HERA

But I’ll be mistaken for the cloud and so be put to shame, because we can’t be told apart.

ZEUS

What nonsense! The cloud could never become Hera or you a cloud. Ixion will be deceived, that’s all.

HERA

But humans are all so ill-bred. Perhaps he’ll start boasting down on earth, telling his story to everyone and claiming that he’s been keeping company with Hera, and sharing Zeus’ bed; perhaps he may even say I’m in love with him, and they’ll believe him, not knowing he was with a cloud.

ZEUS

Very well, if he says anything bike that, he’ll be thrown down to Hades and tied to a wheel—he won’t like that a bit—and carried round and round with the wheel for ever, and suffer torment without end, not as a punishment for his love—for that’s no crime—but for boasting.

Hephaestus

What are your orders, Zeus? You sent for me, and here I am; with such an edge to my axe as would cleave a stone at one blow.

Zeus

Ah; that’s right, Hephaestus. Just split my head in half, will you?

Hephaestus

You think I am mad, perhaps?—Seriously, now, what can I do for you?

Zeus

What I say: crack my skull. Any insubordination, now, and you shall taste my resentment; it will not be the first time. Come, a good lusty stroke, and quick about it. I am in the pangs of travail; my brain is in a whirl.

Hephaestus

Mind you, the consequences may be serious: the axe is sharp, and will prove but a rough midwife,

Zeus

Hew away, and fear nothing. I know what I am about.

Hephaestus

H’m. I don’t like it: however, one must obey orders. ... Why, what have we here? A maiden in full armour! This is no joke, Zeus. You might well be waspish, with this great girl growing up beneath your pia mater; in armour, too! You have been carrying a regular barracks on your shoulders all this time. Go active too! See, she is dancing a war-dance, with shield and spear in full swing. She is like one inspired; and (what is more to the point) she is extremely pretty, and has come to marriageable years in these few minutes; those grey eyes, even, look well beneath a helmet. Zeus, I claim her as the fee for my midwifery.

Zeus

Impossible! She is determined to remain a maid for ever. Not that I have any objection, personally.

Hephaestus

That is all I want. You can leave the rest tome. I'll carry her off this moment.

Zeus

Well, if you think it so easy. But I am sure it is a hopeless case.