EROS

Even if I have done something wrong, Zeus, please forgive me, for I’m only a child, and still without sense.

ZEUS

You a child, you Eros, who are far older than Iapetus ¹ ! Just because you have no heard or grey hairs, do you really think you should be considered a babe in arms, you old villain?

EROS

What great harm have I, old villain as you call me, done you, that you even think of putting me in chains?

ZEUS

Curse you, do you think it no great harm when you make such a fool of me that you’ve turned me into everything under the sun—satyr, bull, shower of gold, swan, eagle? ² Yet you’ve never made one woman fall for me in my true colours, and, as far as I know, I’ve not got you to thank for any of my conquests, but I’ve to practise black magic to win the ladies, hiding my true self. They’ve plenty of affection for the bull or the swan, but if they see me as I really am, they’re frightened to death.

EROS

That’s only natural. The sight of your face is too much for mortal women like them.

ZEUS

How, then, is Apollo so popular with Branchus and Hyacinthus?

EROS

And yet even he had Daphne run from him, for all his flowing locks and beardless face. But if you want them to fall for you, you mustn’t go shaking that shield of yours or carrying your thunderbolt around with you, but make yourself as attractive as you can and tender to behold. Let your hair grow down in curls, do them up with a ribbon like Bacchus, wear a purple robe and golden slippers, and come dancing in to the music of pipes and timbrels, and you’ll find you have more of them running after you than all his Bacchantes put together.

ZEUS

Be off with you. I’d rather they didn’t fall for me, if I’ve to be like that.

EROS

Then give up all ideas of romance, Zeus. That’s a simple enough way out.

ZEUS

Oh, no! I want my women, but I want success with them without so much trouble. Promise me just that, and I’ll let you go.

Hera

Zeus! What is your opinion of this man Ixion?

Zeus

Why, my dear, I think he is a very good sort of man; and the best of company. Indeed, if he were unworthy of our company, he would not be here.

Hera

He is unworthy! He is a villain! Discard him!

Zeus

Eh? What has he been after? I must know about this.

Hera

Certainly you must; though I scarce know how to tell you. The wretch!

Zeus

Oh, oh; if he is a ‘wretch,’ you must certainly tell me all about it. I know what ‘wretch’ means, on your discreet tongue. What, he has been making love?

Hera

And to me! to me of all people! It has been going on for a long time. At first, when he would keep looking at me, I had no idea—. And then he would sigh and groan; and when I handed my cup to Ganymede after drinking, he would insist on having it, and would stop drinking to kiss it, and lift it up to his eyes; and then he would look at me again. And then of course I knew. For a long time I didn’t like to say anything to you; I thought his mad fit would pass. But when he actually dared to speak to me, I left him weeping and grovelling about, and stopped my ears, so that I might not hear his impertinences, and came to tell you. It is for you to consider what steps you will take.

Zeus

Whew! I have a rival, I find; and with my own lawful wife. Here is a rascal who has tippled nectar to some purpose. Well, we have no one but ourselves to blame for it: we make too much of these mortals, admitting them -to our table like this. When they drink of our nectar, and behold the beauties of Heaven (so different from those of Earth!), ’tis no wonder if they fall in love, and form ambitious schemes! Yes, Love is all-powerful; and not with mortals only: we Gods have sometimes fallen beneath his sway.

Hera

He has made himself master of you; no doubt of that. He does what he likes with you;—leads you by the nose. You follow him whither he chooses, and assume every shape at his command; you are his chattel, his toy. I know how it will be: you are going to let Ixion off, because you have had relations with his wife; she is the mother of Pirithous.

Zeus

Why, what a memory you have for these little outings of mine!—Now, my idea about Ixion is this. It would never do to punish him, or to exclude him from our table; that would not look well. No; as he is so fond of you, so hard hit—even to weeping point, you tell me,—

Hera

Zeus! What are you going to say?

Zeus

Don’t be alarmed. Let us make a cloud-phantom in your likeness, and after dinner, as he lies awake (which of course he will do, being in love), let us take it and lay it by his side. Twill put him out of his pain: he will fancy he has attained his desire.

Hera

Never! The presumptuous villain!

Zeus

Yes, I know. But what harm can it do to you, if Ixion makes a conquest of a cloud?

Hera

But he will think that I am the cloud; he will be working his wicked will upon me for all he can tell.

Zeus

Now you are talking nonsense. The cloud is not Hera, and Hera is not the cloud. Ixion will be deceived; that is all.

Hera

Yes, but these men are all alike—they have no delicacy. I suppose, when he goes home, he will boast to every one of how he has enjoyed the embraces of Hera, the wife of Zeus! Why, he may tell them that I am in love with him! And they will believe it; they will know nothing about the cloud.

Zeus

If he says anything of the kind he shall soon find himself in Hades, spinning round on a wheel for all eternity. That will keep him busy! And serve him right; not for falling in love—I see no great harm in that—but for letting his tongue wag.