MENIPPUS

My dear Cerberus—I’m a relation, being a Dog myself—I beg you, in the name of the Styx, to tell me what Socrates was like when he came down to you. Seeing that you’re a god, you can be expected not merely to bark, but also to talk like a human when you wish.

CERBERUS

When he was at a distance, Menippus, his face seemed completely impassive as he approached, and he appeared to have not the slightest fear of death, and he wanted to impress this on those who stood outside the entrance, but when he had peeped into the chasm, and seen the darkness, and I had bitten him and dragged him by the foot, because he was still slowed down by the hemlock, he shrieked like an infant, and cried for his children and went frantic.

MENIPPUS

Then the fellow was just a sham, and didn’t really despise his plight?

CERBERUS

No, but since he could see it was inescapable, he put on a bold front, pretending he would be glad to accept what was quite inevitable, all to win the admiration of the onlookers. I could Generalise about all such men: as far as the entrance, they are bold and brave, but what comes inside is the real test.

MENIPPUS

What did you think of me, when I came down?

CERBERUS

You alone were a credit to your breed—you and Diogenes before you, because you came in without having to be forced or pushed, but of your own accord, laughing and cursing at everyone.

Hermes

Ferryman, what do you say to settling up accounts? It will prevent any unpleasantness later on.

Charon

Very good. It does save trouble to get these things straight.

Hermes

One anchor, to your order, five shillings.

Charon

That is a lot of money.

Hermes

So help me Pluto, it is what I had to pay. One rowlock-strap, fourpence,

Charon

Five and four; put that down.

Hermes

Then there was a needle, for mending the sail; tenpence.

Charon

Down with it.

Hermes

Caulking-wax; nails; and cord for the brace. Two shillings the lot.

Charon

They were worth the money.

Hermes

That’s all; unless I have forgotten anything. When will you pay it?

Charon

I can’t just now, Hermes; we shall have a war or a plague presently, and then the passengers will come shoaling in, and I shall be able to make a little by jobbing the fares.

Hermes

So for the present I have nothing to do but sit down, and pray for the worst, as my only chance of getting paid?

Charon

There is nothing else for it;—very little business doing just now, as you see, owing to the peace.

Hermes

That is just as well, though it does keep me waiting for my money. After all, though, Charon, in old days men were men; you remember the state they used to come down in,—all blood and wounds generally. Nowadays, a man is poisoned by his slave or his wife; or gets dropsy from overfeeding; a pale, spiritless lot, nothing like-the men of old. Most of them seem to meet their end in some plot that has money for its object.

Charon

Ah; money is in great request.

Hermes

Yes; you can’t blame me if I am somewhat urgent for payment.