16
Diogenes And Heracles
DIOGENES
Isn’t that Heracles? No one else, by Heracles! Bow, club, lionskin, bulk—Heracles from head to toe. Is he dead, then, though a son of Zeus? Tell me, conquering hero, are you a shade? I used to sacrifice to you on earth above, thinking you a god.
Isn’t that Heracles? No one else, by Heracles! Bow, club, lionskin, bulk—Heracles from head to toe. Is he dead, then, though a son of Zeus? Tell me, conquering hero, are you a shade? I used to sacrifice to you on earth above, thinking you a god.
HERACLES
And quite right too. The real Heracles is in heaven with the gods, and “hath beauteous-ankled Hebe for his wife”;
1
I am his wraith.
And quite right too. The real Heracles is in heaven with the gods, and “hath beauteous-ankled Hebe for his wife”;
1
I am his wraith.
DIOGENES
What do you mean? The god’s wraith? Is it possible for anyone to be half god, and half dead?
What do you mean? The god’s wraith? Is it possible for anyone to be half god, and half dead?
HERACLES
Yes, for Heracles is not dead, but only I his likeness.
Yes, for Heracles is not dead, but only I his likeness.
DIOGENES
I understand. He has given you to Pluto in his own place as a substitute, and you are now dead instead of him.
I understand. He has given you to Pluto in his own place as a substitute, and you are now dead instead of him.
HERACLES
Something like that.
Something like that.
DIOGENES
But Aeacus is very exact. How did he fail to spot that you were a fraud? How did he accept a changeling Heracles whom he saw face to face?
But Aeacus is very exact. How did he fail to spot that you were a fraud? How did he accept a changeling Heracles whom he saw face to face?
HERACLES
Because I was exactly like him.
Because I was exactly like him.
DIOGENES
Very true; an exact likeness indeed; you might be the fellow himself. But perhaps it’s the other way round, and you are Heracles, and the wraith has married Hebe in heaven.
Very true; an exact likeness indeed; you might be the fellow himself. But perhaps it’s the other way round, and you are Heracles, and the wraith has married Hebe in heaven.
HERACLES
What impudence! You talk too much. If you don’t stop these gibes at me, I’ll soon show you what sort of god has me for a wraith.
What impudence! You talk too much. If you don’t stop these gibes at me, I’ll soon show you what sort of god has me for a wraith.
DIOGENES
The bow is out and ready. But why should I fear you now? I’ve died once and for all. But please tell me, in the name of your Heracles; when he was alive, were you with him then too, as his wraith? Or were you both one during his lifetime, but split up when you died, Heracles flying off to heaven, while you, his wraith, came here to Hades, as was only right?
The bow is out and ready. But why should I fear you now? I’ve died once and for all. But please tell me, in the name of your Heracles; when he was alive, were you with him then too, as his wraith? Or were you both one during his lifetime, but split up when you died, Heracles flying off to heaven, while you, his wraith, came here to Hades, as was only right?
HERACLES
One who makes it his business to poke fun doesn’t so much as deserve a reply. However, I’ll let you have one more answer. All of Amphitryon that was in Heracles is dead, and I am all that part; but the part that came from Zeus is in heaven living with the gods.
One who makes it his business to poke fun doesn’t so much as deserve a reply. However, I’ll let you have one more answer. All of Amphitryon that was in Heracles is dead, and I am all that part; but the part that came from Zeus is in heaven living with the gods.
DIOGENES
Now I understand perfectly. Alcmena, you mean, bore two Heracleses at the same time, one by Amphitryon, the other from Zeus, and so you were twin sons of the same mother—though nobody knew about it?
Now I understand perfectly. Alcmena, you mean, bore two Heracleses at the same time, one by Amphitryon, the other from Zeus, and so you were twin sons of the same mother—though nobody knew about it?
HERACLES
No, you fool. We were both the same person.
No, you fool. We were both the same person.
DIOGENES
That’s difficult to understand, two Heracleses in a compound, unless you were man and god fused together, like horse and man in a Centaur.
That’s difficult to understand, two Heracleses in a compound, unless you were man and god fused together, like horse and man in a Centaur.
HERACLES
Well, don’t you think everyone is compounded of two parts, soul and body? What then prevents the soul, the part which came from Zeus, from being in heaven, and me, the mortal part, from being with the dead?
Well, don’t you think everyone is compounded of two parts, soul and body? What then prevents the soul, the part which came from Zeus, from being in heaven, and me, the mortal part, from being with the dead?
DIOGENES
But, most excellent son of Amphitryon, you would be right enough, if you were a body, but in fact you are a bodiless wraith. So it looks as if you’re now making Heracles triple.
But, most excellent son of Amphitryon, you would be right enough, if you were a body, but in fact you are a bodiless wraith. So it looks as if you’re now making Heracles triple.
HERACLES
How triple?
How triple?
DIOGENES
Like this. If there’s one of him in heaven, and one here with us (that’s you the wraith), and there’s his body on Oeta, now dust, he’s now become three. You’d better start thinking what third father you’ll invent for your body.
Like this. If there’s one of him in heaven, and one here with us (that’s you the wraith), and there’s his body on Oeta, now dust, he’s now become three. You’d better start thinking what third father you’ll invent for your body.
HERACLES
You’re an impudent quibbler. Who the blazes
are you?
You’re an impudent quibbler. Who the blazes
are you?
DIOGENES
I’m the wraith of Diogenes of Sinope, but Diogenes himself isn’t “among the gods that know not death”,
2
no indeed, but in the company of the finest of the ghosts, laughing at Homer and nonsensical stories like this.
I’m the wraith of Diogenes of Sinope, but Diogenes himself isn’t “among the gods that know not death”,
2
no indeed, but in the company of the finest of the ghosts, laughing at Homer and nonsensical stories like this.
Dialogi mortuorum. Lucian of Samosata. Matthew Donald Macleod (Translator). Medford, MA. Perseus 5.0.
Sponsored by Perseus Project, Tufts University.
Funding provided by The National Endowment for the Humanities.